spd10000
04-21-2004, 09:42 PM
This column originally appeared on Hurricane's official Web site, ShaneHelms.com.
Now, before I get anymore e-mails asking me what happened to the top part of my costume, let me just tell everyone that I simply "outgrew" it. LOL As silly as that sounds, it is true. Besides, it's close to summer now, and this is my "Summer Action Hurricane with Kung Fu Grip" attire. In the winter, the top will probably come back. LOL
I've added South Dakota to the list of states I've wrestled in, bringing the tally to 47! Still no confirmation on New Hampshire or Wyoming, though. And now that I've ventured south of the border to Mexico, my number of countries is up to 11. Monterrey, by the way, was an awesome show! (They love me in Monterrey.) The fans were great and the show was great too. I definitely hope we go back there soon. The next night in Laredo (they love me in Laredo) provided some unusual excitement, however. A couple of tornadoes had dropped down about 7-10 miles away, so a couple of us went outside to check out things out. And wow, the storm was huge! Of course, everyone was making Hurricane jokes, trying to get me to go stop it and stuff like that. Everybody's a comedian these days. So anyway, I'm out in the parking lot looking off into the distance just watching the clouds, thinking to myself about how I would love to actually see a tornado in person. Of course, I wouldn't want anyone to get hurt (especially me) or anything like that, but I would love to see a tornado just tear some s*** up, ya know? That would be cool. Of course, I could just go rent "Twister."
There is a new picture in my Gallery entitled "Out in Japan." It is of me, Chris Jericho, Jackie Gayda, Shino (the fan who sent me the pic) and a big Santa doll. And why is there a Santa doll in the pic, you may ask? Allow me. After the last show of our last tour in Japan, a big group of us went out in downtown Tokyo (they love me in Tokyo), and at some point after leaving some club, I end up with this giant Santa doll. Now memory recall of the events leading up to me actually acquiring this Santa are hazy to say the least. Rumor has it that alcohol could have played a part in that, but for now that is mere speculation. But anyway, there I am walking around with this big Santa doll. I would take him to every club we went to and leave him outside the door, telling him, "Don't move, I'll be right back.
" Of course, people passing by were like, "What the hell?" :) But then at some point, I go to leave whatever club we were at at the time and someone had stolen my Santa doll. LOL I didn’t really think too much about it, I just figured someone threw it away or something. I might have been a little sad, but I got over it pretty quick.
Fast-forward a few hours to about 5:30 a.m., and now I'm walking into my hotel room. There is light coming in through the window, and I see that there is someone in my bed!!!! Now, there have been a few times in my travels that while checking into a room, I have accidentally been given a room that someone else is already occupying. And that will scare the hell out of you! Trust me. So now I'm kinda just staring at this person sleeping in my bed wondering what I should do. Then I notice the light shining on some nice blonde hair. Hmmm? As you might have guessed, blonde hair is not necessarily abundant in Japan, so I start trying to remember any blondes that I had seen in the hotel or at the clubs that night, and basically the only ones I could remember were Stacy Keibler and Jackie Gayda. Now, the hair on this person was very curly, so Keibs is out, it has to be Jackie! So now I'm thinking, "What the hell is Jackie Gayda doing in my bed? How did this happen? Damn, I got some serious game! Hurri-pimp in the haugh!!!!" LOL So then I creep over and start to pull the covers down some more -- you know, might as well take a little peek, ya heard? And what do I see? The damn Santa doll! AND it's wearing my CAPE AND MASK!!! LOL I start screaming with laughter! This was one of the funniest jokes ever played on me, and I was rolling! I had to have woken some people up because I was that loud. So now I start trying to figure out who was behind this, right? The deductive mind of Sherlock Helms starts thinking, "Someone had to have had a key, but who could have gotten a copy of my key? What devious mind could have done this? . . . . KEIBS!" I know that she has this ability to sweet talk the average Joe into doing just about anything she wants, so I knew her silly ass was in on this somehow.
The next morning, as everyone is putting their luggage on the buses to go to the airport, here I come pulling my luggage with the big Santa tied on top of it. Stacy sees it and runs over, jumps on me just dying laughing. Probably the happiest I've ever seen her.
Jackie Gayda confesses to being in on it as well, and who else do I find out is in on this deed? My longtime friend Matt Hardy! What a turncoat! He was the one who put the mask and cape on Santa. But dat's okay! I'm gonna get 'em back!
Speaking of Jericho, Edge and I went to see Fozzy play in Chicago this past Monday night. BTW, they love me in Chicago. And let me just tell you, Fozzy rocks! I'm not a big metal fan, but Fozzy is awesome. And they put on a really good show. For most of the show, Edge and I just chilled in the back, but toward the end we made our way up front so that Jericho could see us rocking to his show. This led to Chris calling us up on stage. No problem for me, I hop the barricade with superhuman grace. Adam, on the other hand, is all gimped up with that cast on his hand, so it takes him about a full minute to get his big ass over the rail. But once up there, we had a lot of fun. The crowd was really hyped up, which made everything that much better. Fozzy was doing AC/DC's "TNT," and Jericho asked Adam and me to sing the hook. No problem for Adam, he's a metal head, me . . . I came up on rap. I know . . . DMC! Jay-Z! EPMD! The D.O.C.! But not too much AC/DC. Jericho, however, knew this, so as he instructed, all I had to do was sing "TNT," then Adam would sing whatever came next. Then here I come with "TNT!" again, then Adam again, and so on and so on. All in all, it was a blast to just be there, and being on stage was awesome. I'm gonna be at their shows this coming weekend too if I can! Check out the Foz if you get the chance.
IN OTHER NEWS:
• The "Citizens" section of ShaneHelms.com continues to grow, and continues to be my favorite part of the site. A bit of advice, though, for people sending in pics. I need them a tad larger than a postage stamp. :) Just a tad.
• Someone recently broke into my house! Can you believe that? Here I am, a damn superhero, and somebody breaks into my own house? I bet this never happened to Batman! The villains only got a few things before neighbors scared them off, but one of the things they "acquired" was a pair of diamond earrings of mine which were a carat apiece and very expensive. I'd actually let them keep the earrings if I could just catch them myself and whoop their asses! Unless, of course, they whooped my ass, then I would want my earrings back! :)
• I can finally watch "American Idol" again now that Jon Peter Lewis is gone.
This is the first season that I've watched "Idol," and I was really into the show, but listening to Jon Peter and John Stevens blister song after song, week after week was killing me. These guys had me wishing for the old days of Tank Abbott, aka Tank Sinatra, in WCW. Stevens was unique at first but got boring quick, and "JPL" with that B-R-utal dancing is the white guy that all comedians make fun of. I mean seriously, those two gave nerds a bad name! But now at least I can watch again.
• Maxim has released its "Hot 100" for 2004. So let's examine the TOP 10, shall we?
1. Jessica Simpson (Smoking hot, but if this were an IQ test, she'd be invisible.)
2. Beyonce Knowles (Major hot! I think Beyonce is Latin for “boo-tay for days!")
3. Christina Aguilera (Sometimes she's hot, but not No. 3 hot.)
4. Anna Kournikova (She's so hot, they would put her in tennis tournaments even though she sucked.)
5. Jennifer Lopez (Still banging!)
6. Mischa Barton (I don't even know who this is.)
7. Rebecca Romijn-Stamos (When you can wear blue scales and still look good, you know you're hot.)
8. Paris Hilton (Very cute, but she has a tiny head. It looks about the size of a nickel. However, she does make good home videos.)
9. Jessica Alba (Great lips.)
10. Halle Berry (I need Berrys like this on my pancakes.)
Now, with all that being said, remember, I can't be held accountable for anything I say or do. LOL
That's all for now, until next time,
Stay cool.
Shane
Now, before I get anymore e-mails asking me what happened to the top part of my costume, let me just tell everyone that I simply "outgrew" it. LOL As silly as that sounds, it is true. Besides, it's close to summer now, and this is my "Summer Action Hurricane with Kung Fu Grip" attire. In the winter, the top will probably come back. LOL
I've added South Dakota to the list of states I've wrestled in, bringing the tally to 47! Still no confirmation on New Hampshire or Wyoming, though. And now that I've ventured south of the border to Mexico, my number of countries is up to 11. Monterrey, by the way, was an awesome show! (They love me in Monterrey.) The fans were great and the show was great too. I definitely hope we go back there soon. The next night in Laredo (they love me in Laredo) provided some unusual excitement, however. A couple of tornadoes had dropped down about 7-10 miles away, so a couple of us went outside to check out things out. And wow, the storm was huge! Of course, everyone was making Hurricane jokes, trying to get me to go stop it and stuff like that. Everybody's a comedian these days. So anyway, I'm out in the parking lot looking off into the distance just watching the clouds, thinking to myself about how I would love to actually see a tornado in person. Of course, I wouldn't want anyone to get hurt (especially me) or anything like that, but I would love to see a tornado just tear some s*** up, ya know? That would be cool. Of course, I could just go rent "Twister."
There is a new picture in my Gallery entitled "Out in Japan." It is of me, Chris Jericho, Jackie Gayda, Shino (the fan who sent me the pic) and a big Santa doll. And why is there a Santa doll in the pic, you may ask? Allow me. After the last show of our last tour in Japan, a big group of us went out in downtown Tokyo (they love me in Tokyo), and at some point after leaving some club, I end up with this giant Santa doll. Now memory recall of the events leading up to me actually acquiring this Santa are hazy to say the least. Rumor has it that alcohol could have played a part in that, but for now that is mere speculation. But anyway, there I am walking around with this big Santa doll. I would take him to every club we went to and leave him outside the door, telling him, "Don't move, I'll be right back.
" Of course, people passing by were like, "What the hell?" :) But then at some point, I go to leave whatever club we were at at the time and someone had stolen my Santa doll. LOL I didn’t really think too much about it, I just figured someone threw it away or something. I might have been a little sad, but I got over it pretty quick.
Fast-forward a few hours to about 5:30 a.m., and now I'm walking into my hotel room. There is light coming in through the window, and I see that there is someone in my bed!!!! Now, there have been a few times in my travels that while checking into a room, I have accidentally been given a room that someone else is already occupying. And that will scare the hell out of you! Trust me. So now I'm kinda just staring at this person sleeping in my bed wondering what I should do. Then I notice the light shining on some nice blonde hair. Hmmm? As you might have guessed, blonde hair is not necessarily abundant in Japan, so I start trying to remember any blondes that I had seen in the hotel or at the clubs that night, and basically the only ones I could remember were Stacy Keibler and Jackie Gayda. Now, the hair on this person was very curly, so Keibs is out, it has to be Jackie! So now I'm thinking, "What the hell is Jackie Gayda doing in my bed? How did this happen? Damn, I got some serious game! Hurri-pimp in the haugh!!!!" LOL So then I creep over and start to pull the covers down some more -- you know, might as well take a little peek, ya heard? And what do I see? The damn Santa doll! AND it's wearing my CAPE AND MASK!!! LOL I start screaming with laughter! This was one of the funniest jokes ever played on me, and I was rolling! I had to have woken some people up because I was that loud. So now I start trying to figure out who was behind this, right? The deductive mind of Sherlock Helms starts thinking, "Someone had to have had a key, but who could have gotten a copy of my key? What devious mind could have done this? . . . . KEIBS!" I know that she has this ability to sweet talk the average Joe into doing just about anything she wants, so I knew her silly ass was in on this somehow.
The next morning, as everyone is putting their luggage on the buses to go to the airport, here I come pulling my luggage with the big Santa tied on top of it. Stacy sees it and runs over, jumps on me just dying laughing. Probably the happiest I've ever seen her.
Jackie Gayda confesses to being in on it as well, and who else do I find out is in on this deed? My longtime friend Matt Hardy! What a turncoat! He was the one who put the mask and cape on Santa. But dat's okay! I'm gonna get 'em back!
Speaking of Jericho, Edge and I went to see Fozzy play in Chicago this past Monday night. BTW, they love me in Chicago. And let me just tell you, Fozzy rocks! I'm not a big metal fan, but Fozzy is awesome. And they put on a really good show. For most of the show, Edge and I just chilled in the back, but toward the end we made our way up front so that Jericho could see us rocking to his show. This led to Chris calling us up on stage. No problem for me, I hop the barricade with superhuman grace. Adam, on the other hand, is all gimped up with that cast on his hand, so it takes him about a full minute to get his big ass over the rail. But once up there, we had a lot of fun. The crowd was really hyped up, which made everything that much better. Fozzy was doing AC/DC's "TNT," and Jericho asked Adam and me to sing the hook. No problem for Adam, he's a metal head, me . . . I came up on rap. I know . . . DMC! Jay-Z! EPMD! The D.O.C.! But not too much AC/DC. Jericho, however, knew this, so as he instructed, all I had to do was sing "TNT," then Adam would sing whatever came next. Then here I come with "TNT!" again, then Adam again, and so on and so on. All in all, it was a blast to just be there, and being on stage was awesome. I'm gonna be at their shows this coming weekend too if I can! Check out the Foz if you get the chance.
IN OTHER NEWS:
• The "Citizens" section of ShaneHelms.com continues to grow, and continues to be my favorite part of the site. A bit of advice, though, for people sending in pics. I need them a tad larger than a postage stamp. :) Just a tad.
• Someone recently broke into my house! Can you believe that? Here I am, a damn superhero, and somebody breaks into my own house? I bet this never happened to Batman! The villains only got a few things before neighbors scared them off, but one of the things they "acquired" was a pair of diamond earrings of mine which were a carat apiece and very expensive. I'd actually let them keep the earrings if I could just catch them myself and whoop their asses! Unless, of course, they whooped my ass, then I would want my earrings back! :)
• I can finally watch "American Idol" again now that Jon Peter Lewis is gone.
This is the first season that I've watched "Idol," and I was really into the show, but listening to Jon Peter and John Stevens blister song after song, week after week was killing me. These guys had me wishing for the old days of Tank Abbott, aka Tank Sinatra, in WCW. Stevens was unique at first but got boring quick, and "JPL" with that B-R-utal dancing is the white guy that all comedians make fun of. I mean seriously, those two gave nerds a bad name! But now at least I can watch again.
• Maxim has released its "Hot 100" for 2004. So let's examine the TOP 10, shall we?
1. Jessica Simpson (Smoking hot, but if this were an IQ test, she'd be invisible.)
2. Beyonce Knowles (Major hot! I think Beyonce is Latin for “boo-tay for days!")
3. Christina Aguilera (Sometimes she's hot, but not No. 3 hot.)
4. Anna Kournikova (She's so hot, they would put her in tennis tournaments even though she sucked.)
5. Jennifer Lopez (Still banging!)
6. Mischa Barton (I don't even know who this is.)
7. Rebecca Romijn-Stamos (When you can wear blue scales and still look good, you know you're hot.)
8. Paris Hilton (Very cute, but she has a tiny head. It looks about the size of a nickel. However, she does make good home videos.)
9. Jessica Alba (Great lips.)
10. Halle Berry (I need Berrys like this on my pancakes.)
Now, with all that being said, remember, I can't be held accountable for anything I say or do. LOL
That's all for now, until next time,
Stay cool.
Shane