Wondermouse
06-05-2004, 05:57 AM
These are posted over at his website, http://www.jakethesnakeroberts.tv
However, since they're a bit hard to link to, I'll include the whole thing here.
He's got a lot of good points, and a lot of undecipherable points. Nice read. If only the guy were sober, he'd have been on of the best businessmen in wrestling today. Instead, he's in England avoiding 50,000 child support payments.
Forgive me - as the whole world knows, England's a little bit behind, even on programming! So help me suffer.
Now that I have been off the net for three years - yes, three - here it is, May 29, eve of my birthday. Scary - alive for another one. I have been able, through modern science, witchcraft and sheer will, that will not succumb to anything, to recover from the insane act of watching WWE and WCW, and dissecting them for you that still care. Possibly even for talent that really wants to know. And from what I am seeing, many need help. Yes, I am back and thank the Almighty that WCW is no longer serving anything, although not to say they were the worst - its just one less abortion that I have to attend. Well, different location anyway.
Here we go … please remember this is just my point of view and anyone that takes what I have to say personally, then more than likely they damn well should! Show opens with class. Kurt Angle is phenomenal (more on that to come later). Even though he is not wrestling, he is needed because he is entertaining, interesting to watch or listen to. The first match - a great match up. Rey Mysterio, RVD v Dudley Boys; all very exciting, interesting and competent talents, even though rushed due to television, which seems insane when you waste time, as they do later, promo-ing bikini contests and such. All four of these men deserve more than they get and would definitely be on a "keep list" if I were choosing talent.
The Paul E/Dudleys interview: unbelievable. Just goes to show you when shooting interview takes place, how much sweeter it is. Don't like the racial stuff, never have - its cheap, but desperate people do desperate things.
About the Eddie Guerrero and Bradshaw angle: why do they persist in destroying years of credibility on Bradshaw's part to being what they are serving tonight? Credibility is something earned and easily lost. But what's disgusting is when the "creative" team destroys it because once destroyed, it's damn near impossible to regain. Not one piece of talent doubts Bradshaw's credibility or stiffness, yet by changing character it has to make all those that tune in doubt not only him but anything that he does. Again, both of these guys are keepers. Would anyone really care to know how to make the angle better or more intense? Can you just imagine if the Dudleys had pulled Bradshaw off Guerrero and ran him off? How would everyone feel then? Did anyone get it?
Now I sit and fear, wondering just how bad they will destroy the concept and miss all the psychology of the Lumberjack match? Damn near feel chills wondering about a relapse. But be strong, my man.
Booker T and Scotty 2 Hotty - won't say much about this as it was a poor idea of an enhancement match, but all I will say - I have often wondered, or fantasised, about how successful Booker T could have been under the guidance and minds of, lets just say, Eddie Graham, Buck Robley, or even Fat Ass Willie. Not only would respect have been poured upon him, people would have stepped back from him as he walked down the aisle in sincere, wretched fear. He would have had quiet heat. By the way, Vince, that's money. KEEPER. Vince - he deserves the push that you gave Ahmed Johnson and damn sure doesn't deserve to be a clown. Booker T, for your own sanity, in the years to come don't let him do it again. Walk away, if you must. Sometimes money doesn't heal the pain and shame.
Guerrero handicap match: wow, what they will spend on a teaser. What really showed was another nice car, Eddie walking, and hopefully helping set the table for a later angle, being slowly built with Kurt. That's the money. Even I would like to see that, but wouldn't pay due to the other courses of the meal.
Mixed tag: Spike Dudley and Torrie Wilson v Jamie Noble and Dawn Marie. Simply a poor promo for a bikini contest, and a chance to waste television time that could have been used much better, with talent that deserves it. Oh, for the days of Moolah, Susan Green, Le Lani Kai and Joyce Grable. Don't know why, but I do like Spike. Torrie - I won't pose in Playboy, so please don't do the DDT again.
Won't even acknowledge the locker room BS as it was disgusting and a great time to change channels.
Chavo and Chavo Classic: watch and learn from the old man. Ain't it a shame that ignorance and youth make us want to do it our way (young) and there's only one way: the classic, of course. Loved it. Take care and enjoy, hope the kid picks up something. Hope he realises how much you're helping him. Chavo/Akio match: provided what was needed. Great move by Akio, scared the hell out of me. Chavo, you must have had your eyes closed or you would have been gone! By the way Chavo - do you remember Canada? With the Koko B/BS? Enjoy yourself.
Raw Diva $250,000 a year contract?! Humph. Raw ***.
TRIPLE H/SHAWN - ANOTHER RERUN, ANOTHER CLICK CATASTROPHE. I AM BEGGING YOU: PLEASE DON'T, OR IF YOU MUST AT LEAST RIP A SHIRT OR SOMETHING! REALLY SAD. ALMOST MAKES ME WANT FLAIR IN THERE.
And now, here it comes: The Lumberjack Match. Was hoping for a surprise, got none. Another great and money-making concept wasted by those who don't have a clue. Possibly they were forced to react and behave by the almighty creative team; if so, hopefully by gunpoint, because you've killed another one. I will say, much to my enjoyment, it actually started out wrestling … and surprise, surprise, people got with it in five seconds. Did any of the other talent catch this? I doubt it. Dupree seems capable of working, and so does Cena. Obviously they have sat underneath a learning tree for some period of time, anyway. And oh my god, a heel that backs off! These guys could both be valuable assets and again, are keepers. Still whole concept of match was tossed and lost.
In weeks to come, this will be the Raw update. Unfortunately, due to scheduling, I watched Smackdown first. So this week's report will be about a few matches and a general overview. And believe me, my counsellors will be busy. OK, so now I'm arguing with my PA (and that's Personal Assistant) over spelling. In English, counsellors is spelled as above. As in real people, or American, it's spelled properly. Thank you. From now on, know that any spelling mistakes are my PA's, such as arguing, as in above. Unfortunately, I have just been shown that when you try to spell it correctly, the flipping bleeding blinking (by the way, those are other strange words from English, that are supposed to mean something) spell checker has underlined as a mistake. Bill Gates, where are you?
Remember this is a general overview with a mention of just what I can stand. Isn't it a shame, at the end of two hours, and this really reels in my mind, truth is best of show match-wise, or most entertaining: Eugene and Benoit v Coach and (will not even rewind to check blond's name). The only reason I remember him is his lack of selling or being made to sell (sorry Chris) by champ. Christ Almighty. Get your head out of your ass!
Isn't it a shame when a mentally challenged character is the best part of your show? Lets all pray that he's the head part of "creative" team. I'll leave it at that, except Chris - when in the hell did you ever smile when you were the Rabid Wolverine? Don't change, Chris. And don't let them change you. Hope its not too late. Chris has always been a keeper in my mind and heart and soul. Just needs to be kept away from everyone else, a loner. Hmmm, that seems familiar, except get him a manager. Some people need a mouthpiece, because when they open their mouth, it destroys the mystique and mystery. Again, Chris, the utmost respect. Don't let them kill you.
Now lets get to more fun things. As far as Jericho, looks as if you're finally gonna suffer for the money you've made and for the future they promised. You're from Canada - ask Bad News Brown what they'll try when they can't honour their end, much less to say you honouring yours. Again, nothing personal Chris, but my God, you've had the best push since Stirling Golden. But now you've got serious nightmares and hopeless situations in front of you.
Gonna skip to the locker room, Bischoff dressdown, threat and demands. Can I just ask this, Vince - how many seats does Bischoff sell each night? Aren't the guys in the ring supposed to be tough, respected and obviously maniacal tough guys? Oh, but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I don't understand what the storyline was. If it was supposed to be all these big strong superstars cowering and looking as interested as a eunuch, then by God, these guys are the absolute best there is to offer. Because they damn sure did that job really well. Really the only person I want to challenge is you Chris. Tell me how you looked. Was that really you? Not what I remember. Benoit - tell me I'm wrong. Just be you. Remember what got you to the dance. For God's sake, don't go see a dentist next. Wish you the best, you're a keeper.
Have one more match, or actually just another piece of screwed talent, or just wasted. Victoria. My God. Is this WCW revisited or not? I seem to remember characters such as The Wall, Hugh Morris and too many others that appeared to be getting over to the point of actually being integral parts of the machine and were immediately stripped, raped, murdered and then changed into something so far away from what they had established, all credibility was lost. Oh my God; this must be déja moo (for those that don't know, this means it feels in your mind you've heard and smelled this *** before). WCW went down quicker than any wannabe ever has - and that's saying something, when looking at current rosters. Doesn't it hurt when Vince offers $250,000 and a one-year contract for less? Oh well. I've done a lot, but I never did that. Victoria, first time I caught you on TV I actually was truly impressed and waiting to see what else you delivered. Maybe it's my fault; maybe there is a fairy with a magic wand that can change certified heels who walk with a presence into failed Nitro Girl dance routine idiots. Obviously there must be. But damn, how does it feel? Makes me sick. It's a damn shame when there's not a choice of places to wrestle. Truth is, Vince, shutting WCW down truly makes it harder for you. But as long as you win, you don't mind the cost, never have. Just sit back for a moment, Vince, and I ask you: Bradshaw, Victoria, Booker T, Angle, Undertaker, Dudleys, Cena, your daughter, your son and yourself, and the list continues. Don't you see that even alcohol and drugs can't screw things up this bad? Is this Bischoff II? Surely you must be just tired, because there's no excuse.
NEWSFLASH: Vince, nobody watches every show each week. You're desperately grasping for ratings, never giving any idea a chance to catch on. When people tune in every other week, there have been so many drastic changes that they turn off. Come on, Vince. People tune in and expect credibility, even though you tell them just entertainment. What they get, and they're dying of thirst for a reasonable quenching product, is indeed a Raw soured urine delivery into their charred and burnt throats, forcing all to spit and repel with disgust when they trusted the WWE to deliver hope. Sorry, but that's frigging harsh. Maybe I am bitter; maybe I am confused, distorted or just dreaming. If so, thank God I still can, cos I never dreamt I'd see this.
They say paranoia is part of the insanity that I've been blessed with. If so, why do I care about something I have no control over? I should feel like Benoit, Guerrero, and others that have been supposedly given the opportunity to right the ship, plug the dam, save the world. Remember this, boys: you can ride the favourite horse but unless you are given the reins and a fair chance, you will never win. Example: take a T-bone steak, char broil it perfectly. Before serving, cover with one spoonful of BS. Believe me, it still tastes like ***. Vince, give the new regime a fair chance without the click being the sauce on their steak. Just because someone surrenders, doesn't mean they quit. Usually they are much more dangerous when appearing to retreat, when in reality you undermine what you are promoting. What sucks is, they get to say "I told you so". Again Vince, don't let the inmates run the asylum. Remember I told you that in '96 - you changed, with a horrible fear watching Nash, Hall and 123 Kid going - you panicked, but once panic was over, you had to settle down and do something with new, fresh and hungry wrestlers. It worked. So, Vince, give up or get going?
An afterthought: this was pretty brutal, sharp and angry reporting on my part. Guess what? Who are you? What have you done? Where have you been? What do you know? Do you know how to drive an idiot crazy? Ask me.
Till next time …
However, since they're a bit hard to link to, I'll include the whole thing here.
He's got a lot of good points, and a lot of undecipherable points. Nice read. If only the guy were sober, he'd have been on of the best businessmen in wrestling today. Instead, he's in England avoiding 50,000 child support payments.
Forgive me - as the whole world knows, England's a little bit behind, even on programming! So help me suffer.
Now that I have been off the net for three years - yes, three - here it is, May 29, eve of my birthday. Scary - alive for another one. I have been able, through modern science, witchcraft and sheer will, that will not succumb to anything, to recover from the insane act of watching WWE and WCW, and dissecting them for you that still care. Possibly even for talent that really wants to know. And from what I am seeing, many need help. Yes, I am back and thank the Almighty that WCW is no longer serving anything, although not to say they were the worst - its just one less abortion that I have to attend. Well, different location anyway.
Here we go … please remember this is just my point of view and anyone that takes what I have to say personally, then more than likely they damn well should! Show opens with class. Kurt Angle is phenomenal (more on that to come later). Even though he is not wrestling, he is needed because he is entertaining, interesting to watch or listen to. The first match - a great match up. Rey Mysterio, RVD v Dudley Boys; all very exciting, interesting and competent talents, even though rushed due to television, which seems insane when you waste time, as they do later, promo-ing bikini contests and such. All four of these men deserve more than they get and would definitely be on a "keep list" if I were choosing talent.
The Paul E/Dudleys interview: unbelievable. Just goes to show you when shooting interview takes place, how much sweeter it is. Don't like the racial stuff, never have - its cheap, but desperate people do desperate things.
About the Eddie Guerrero and Bradshaw angle: why do they persist in destroying years of credibility on Bradshaw's part to being what they are serving tonight? Credibility is something earned and easily lost. But what's disgusting is when the "creative" team destroys it because once destroyed, it's damn near impossible to regain. Not one piece of talent doubts Bradshaw's credibility or stiffness, yet by changing character it has to make all those that tune in doubt not only him but anything that he does. Again, both of these guys are keepers. Would anyone really care to know how to make the angle better or more intense? Can you just imagine if the Dudleys had pulled Bradshaw off Guerrero and ran him off? How would everyone feel then? Did anyone get it?
Now I sit and fear, wondering just how bad they will destroy the concept and miss all the psychology of the Lumberjack match? Damn near feel chills wondering about a relapse. But be strong, my man.
Booker T and Scotty 2 Hotty - won't say much about this as it was a poor idea of an enhancement match, but all I will say - I have often wondered, or fantasised, about how successful Booker T could have been under the guidance and minds of, lets just say, Eddie Graham, Buck Robley, or even Fat Ass Willie. Not only would respect have been poured upon him, people would have stepped back from him as he walked down the aisle in sincere, wretched fear. He would have had quiet heat. By the way, Vince, that's money. KEEPER. Vince - he deserves the push that you gave Ahmed Johnson and damn sure doesn't deserve to be a clown. Booker T, for your own sanity, in the years to come don't let him do it again. Walk away, if you must. Sometimes money doesn't heal the pain and shame.
Guerrero handicap match: wow, what they will spend on a teaser. What really showed was another nice car, Eddie walking, and hopefully helping set the table for a later angle, being slowly built with Kurt. That's the money. Even I would like to see that, but wouldn't pay due to the other courses of the meal.
Mixed tag: Spike Dudley and Torrie Wilson v Jamie Noble and Dawn Marie. Simply a poor promo for a bikini contest, and a chance to waste television time that could have been used much better, with talent that deserves it. Oh, for the days of Moolah, Susan Green, Le Lani Kai and Joyce Grable. Don't know why, but I do like Spike. Torrie - I won't pose in Playboy, so please don't do the DDT again.
Won't even acknowledge the locker room BS as it was disgusting and a great time to change channels.
Chavo and Chavo Classic: watch and learn from the old man. Ain't it a shame that ignorance and youth make us want to do it our way (young) and there's only one way: the classic, of course. Loved it. Take care and enjoy, hope the kid picks up something. Hope he realises how much you're helping him. Chavo/Akio match: provided what was needed. Great move by Akio, scared the hell out of me. Chavo, you must have had your eyes closed or you would have been gone! By the way Chavo - do you remember Canada? With the Koko B/BS? Enjoy yourself.
Raw Diva $250,000 a year contract?! Humph. Raw ***.
TRIPLE H/SHAWN - ANOTHER RERUN, ANOTHER CLICK CATASTROPHE. I AM BEGGING YOU: PLEASE DON'T, OR IF YOU MUST AT LEAST RIP A SHIRT OR SOMETHING! REALLY SAD. ALMOST MAKES ME WANT FLAIR IN THERE.
And now, here it comes: The Lumberjack Match. Was hoping for a surprise, got none. Another great and money-making concept wasted by those who don't have a clue. Possibly they were forced to react and behave by the almighty creative team; if so, hopefully by gunpoint, because you've killed another one. I will say, much to my enjoyment, it actually started out wrestling … and surprise, surprise, people got with it in five seconds. Did any of the other talent catch this? I doubt it. Dupree seems capable of working, and so does Cena. Obviously they have sat underneath a learning tree for some period of time, anyway. And oh my god, a heel that backs off! These guys could both be valuable assets and again, are keepers. Still whole concept of match was tossed and lost.
In weeks to come, this will be the Raw update. Unfortunately, due to scheduling, I watched Smackdown first. So this week's report will be about a few matches and a general overview. And believe me, my counsellors will be busy. OK, so now I'm arguing with my PA (and that's Personal Assistant) over spelling. In English, counsellors is spelled as above. As in real people, or American, it's spelled properly. Thank you. From now on, know that any spelling mistakes are my PA's, such as arguing, as in above. Unfortunately, I have just been shown that when you try to spell it correctly, the flipping bleeding blinking (by the way, those are other strange words from English, that are supposed to mean something) spell checker has underlined as a mistake. Bill Gates, where are you?
Remember this is a general overview with a mention of just what I can stand. Isn't it a shame, at the end of two hours, and this really reels in my mind, truth is best of show match-wise, or most entertaining: Eugene and Benoit v Coach and (will not even rewind to check blond's name). The only reason I remember him is his lack of selling or being made to sell (sorry Chris) by champ. Christ Almighty. Get your head out of your ass!
Isn't it a shame when a mentally challenged character is the best part of your show? Lets all pray that he's the head part of "creative" team. I'll leave it at that, except Chris - when in the hell did you ever smile when you were the Rabid Wolverine? Don't change, Chris. And don't let them change you. Hope its not too late. Chris has always been a keeper in my mind and heart and soul. Just needs to be kept away from everyone else, a loner. Hmmm, that seems familiar, except get him a manager. Some people need a mouthpiece, because when they open their mouth, it destroys the mystique and mystery. Again, Chris, the utmost respect. Don't let them kill you.
Now lets get to more fun things. As far as Jericho, looks as if you're finally gonna suffer for the money you've made and for the future they promised. You're from Canada - ask Bad News Brown what they'll try when they can't honour their end, much less to say you honouring yours. Again, nothing personal Chris, but my God, you've had the best push since Stirling Golden. But now you've got serious nightmares and hopeless situations in front of you.
Gonna skip to the locker room, Bischoff dressdown, threat and demands. Can I just ask this, Vince - how many seats does Bischoff sell each night? Aren't the guys in the ring supposed to be tough, respected and obviously maniacal tough guys? Oh, but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I don't understand what the storyline was. If it was supposed to be all these big strong superstars cowering and looking as interested as a eunuch, then by God, these guys are the absolute best there is to offer. Because they damn sure did that job really well. Really the only person I want to challenge is you Chris. Tell me how you looked. Was that really you? Not what I remember. Benoit - tell me I'm wrong. Just be you. Remember what got you to the dance. For God's sake, don't go see a dentist next. Wish you the best, you're a keeper.
Have one more match, or actually just another piece of screwed talent, or just wasted. Victoria. My God. Is this WCW revisited or not? I seem to remember characters such as The Wall, Hugh Morris and too many others that appeared to be getting over to the point of actually being integral parts of the machine and were immediately stripped, raped, murdered and then changed into something so far away from what they had established, all credibility was lost. Oh my God; this must be déja moo (for those that don't know, this means it feels in your mind you've heard and smelled this *** before). WCW went down quicker than any wannabe ever has - and that's saying something, when looking at current rosters. Doesn't it hurt when Vince offers $250,000 and a one-year contract for less? Oh well. I've done a lot, but I never did that. Victoria, first time I caught you on TV I actually was truly impressed and waiting to see what else you delivered. Maybe it's my fault; maybe there is a fairy with a magic wand that can change certified heels who walk with a presence into failed Nitro Girl dance routine idiots. Obviously there must be. But damn, how does it feel? Makes me sick. It's a damn shame when there's not a choice of places to wrestle. Truth is, Vince, shutting WCW down truly makes it harder for you. But as long as you win, you don't mind the cost, never have. Just sit back for a moment, Vince, and I ask you: Bradshaw, Victoria, Booker T, Angle, Undertaker, Dudleys, Cena, your daughter, your son and yourself, and the list continues. Don't you see that even alcohol and drugs can't screw things up this bad? Is this Bischoff II? Surely you must be just tired, because there's no excuse.
NEWSFLASH: Vince, nobody watches every show each week. You're desperately grasping for ratings, never giving any idea a chance to catch on. When people tune in every other week, there have been so many drastic changes that they turn off. Come on, Vince. People tune in and expect credibility, even though you tell them just entertainment. What they get, and they're dying of thirst for a reasonable quenching product, is indeed a Raw soured urine delivery into their charred and burnt throats, forcing all to spit and repel with disgust when they trusted the WWE to deliver hope. Sorry, but that's frigging harsh. Maybe I am bitter; maybe I am confused, distorted or just dreaming. If so, thank God I still can, cos I never dreamt I'd see this.
They say paranoia is part of the insanity that I've been blessed with. If so, why do I care about something I have no control over? I should feel like Benoit, Guerrero, and others that have been supposedly given the opportunity to right the ship, plug the dam, save the world. Remember this, boys: you can ride the favourite horse but unless you are given the reins and a fair chance, you will never win. Example: take a T-bone steak, char broil it perfectly. Before serving, cover with one spoonful of BS. Believe me, it still tastes like ***. Vince, give the new regime a fair chance without the click being the sauce on their steak. Just because someone surrenders, doesn't mean they quit. Usually they are much more dangerous when appearing to retreat, when in reality you undermine what you are promoting. What sucks is, they get to say "I told you so". Again Vince, don't let the inmates run the asylum. Remember I told you that in '96 - you changed, with a horrible fear watching Nash, Hall and 123 Kid going - you panicked, but once panic was over, you had to settle down and do something with new, fresh and hungry wrestlers. It worked. So, Vince, give up or get going?
An afterthought: this was pretty brutal, sharp and angry reporting on my part. Guess what? Who are you? What have you done? Where have you been? What do you know? Do you know how to drive an idiot crazy? Ask me.
Till next time …