Kane Knight
08-18-2005, 04:55 PM
Lesnar vs Hart added to card: Because people just haven't figured out that he's not able to wrestle anymore, they have long demanded Bret Hart's return to the ring. Finally, they get it.
Expect the Hitman to go over Lesnar when his "Force Field" defeats the F-5.
Big Show fired: Apparently, the WWE has decided that paying for four airline tickets and a double-wide dressing room isn't worth the 12 fans the Big Show draws on a regular basis. A "Save Show" petition has been started, with all 12 fans signing it. Keep in mind this is twice the number of signatures on the petition to save UPN show "Enterprise."
Love Machine: Expect Big Vis to return to action, as a new storyline is planned to begin Sunday night for Summerslam. Ring announcer and eye candy Lillian Garcia will announce that she is pregnant with Vis' child, and beg the "500 pound Loooove Machine" to do the right thing."
No hand or other fake bodypart will be involved, but Vis will turn out not to be the father when the baby's first words are "wassupwidat?"
"Kanned:" News on why Kane has been off TV has been released. The Government has been investigating him for fraud. Apparently, he has been using a false alias to avoid paying taxes. Dr. Isaac Yankem has not filed a claim in 14 years.
L-"Ode"-D: instead of continuing to turn Heidenreich into a Road Warrior, Heidenreich will begin to transform Animal into a beat poet. Expect to see the shoulderpads replaced by bongos.
Christian No More: Protest groups have finally gotten their way, and the offensive monicker "Christian" will be replaced by the more politically correct, "Winter Festival." His finisher, the "Unprettier" will be replaced by the "image impairer."
South of the Border: Expect the new Mexicool "Taco Bell" commercial to air at Summerslam. Expect the Mexicools to be fired before the next Smackdown.
Tombstone: In an attempt to keep the Undertaker credible, he is expected to win at Summerslam. However, he is in prison for trying to spring his brother Kane. In keeping with the spirit of the Undertaker character, Orton will job to a crippled lightning bolt.
Expect Shannon Moore to play the lightning, complete with 50,000 volt battery strapped to his ass.
And now you're up to date for your PPV pleasure!
Expect the Hitman to go over Lesnar when his "Force Field" defeats the F-5.
Big Show fired: Apparently, the WWE has decided that paying for four airline tickets and a double-wide dressing room isn't worth the 12 fans the Big Show draws on a regular basis. A "Save Show" petition has been started, with all 12 fans signing it. Keep in mind this is twice the number of signatures on the petition to save UPN show "Enterprise."
Love Machine: Expect Big Vis to return to action, as a new storyline is planned to begin Sunday night for Summerslam. Ring announcer and eye candy Lillian Garcia will announce that she is pregnant with Vis' child, and beg the "500 pound Loooove Machine" to do the right thing."
No hand or other fake bodypart will be involved, but Vis will turn out not to be the father when the baby's first words are "wassupwidat?"
"Kanned:" News on why Kane has been off TV has been released. The Government has been investigating him for fraud. Apparently, he has been using a false alias to avoid paying taxes. Dr. Isaac Yankem has not filed a claim in 14 years.
L-"Ode"-D: instead of continuing to turn Heidenreich into a Road Warrior, Heidenreich will begin to transform Animal into a beat poet. Expect to see the shoulderpads replaced by bongos.
Christian No More: Protest groups have finally gotten their way, and the offensive monicker "Christian" will be replaced by the more politically correct, "Winter Festival." His finisher, the "Unprettier" will be replaced by the "image impairer."
South of the Border: Expect the new Mexicool "Taco Bell" commercial to air at Summerslam. Expect the Mexicools to be fired before the next Smackdown.
Tombstone: In an attempt to keep the Undertaker credible, he is expected to win at Summerslam. However, he is in prison for trying to spring his brother Kane. In keeping with the spirit of the Undertaker character, Orton will job to a crippled lightning bolt.
Expect Shannon Moore to play the lightning, complete with 50,000 volt battery strapped to his ass.
And now you're up to date for your PPV pleasure!