Game: If Real Life Was Like the WWE...

[Corkscrewed]

All right, essentially, this is a little game where we pretend that real life is like the WWE. It takes the form of a news report. Each post is a segment detailing a news story, but the twist is that the story operates under WWE rules, which means anything can happen, basically.

If you've ever watched the "Weird Newscasters" game on Who's Line Is It Anyway?, that's the type of fun mood I'm going for.

Rules:

- Each post should sound like a news report segment. You can pretend to be anchors or whatever, but show off your creative side by writing spoofy articles.
- One story per reply.
- No double posting to get two consecutive stories. Wait till someone else has posted a story before posting another one of yours.
- Since this is "the news" new stories can reference old ones. Similarly, it'd be nice if major stories are not ignored. That means if, say, someone reports something about Vince McMahon becoming the President of the United States, the next story should not randomly have Booker T as the prez. Obviously, there may be cases where two people post at the same time, but those will be rare, and those will be excused.


Basically, this is sort of like a "what would happen if the real world worked like the WWE" sort of thread. I'm sure a lot of people can come up with some great stuff. We have tons of comical role playing geniuses (the captioneers come to mind, for example).

Hopefully it works, and if not, oh well. It was an attempt at humor.


I'll start (see next post).

[Corkscrewed]

*intro music*

Welcome ladies and gentleman to the channel 69 News at 6. I'm your lead anchor, George Goldenbox.

Our top story, President Bush has officially announced a country split. Earlier today, the president held a press conference to announce that the 50 states of the union would be divided into two brands in an effort to shake up the country and divert attention away from his flailing war efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The two brands will diverge along a roughly east-west axis, thereby separating them into the Northern US and the Southern US conferences. President Bush believes this new arrangement will allow for the rise of new states that were previously held down by the polictically heavy states. Main eventers like New York, California, and Texas could not be reached for comment, but insiders report that they were not looking forward to putting smaller and less important states like Iowa and Kansas over, since they haven't paid their dues to the government yet.

One state did make a public statement. In a break from kayfabe, Hardcore Hawaii noted that some of these states might now become great tourist attractions on their own, without earning the right to do. Further attempts to pry more comments were cut short, however, when he mentioned a meeting with Brocalifornia that he had to get to, where they would begin to plan their new feud.

President Bush also appointed two National Managers. The North would be led by his two twin daughters, who immediately lifted all liquor bans in Utah and began planning parties in Wisconsin. The major shock was the appointment of the Iraqi Information Minister as National Manager of the South. Many in the industry could hardly believe their ears when this news was announced, as no one could have ever forseen these two working in the same company a few years ago when they were actively competing against each other.

The Iraqi Information Minister heads a South conference heavily loaded with stars like Florida, Texas, and California, leading some to feel that the South will be promoted as the "A-Show." These suspicions were not allayed when Washington D.C. was officially proclaimed as part of Southern territory. Northern states, like Washington, New York, Ohio, and Massachusetts, were thrilled to have the chance to work with some of the other technical states, especially those along the northern Atlantic seaboard.

There are questions as to whether or not the international community will buy the brand split. Both brands will continue to share troop support in Iraq and Afghanistan, leading many to speculate that all of this is just a very weak cover for what is still one country, but Bush expressed his optimism that the people would respond well to these new changes and increase viewership even more to see what would happen to the potential new stars.

[c4g2]

In our second story of the news bulletin, there has been a shocking new development in the Bush adminstration.

It has been reported that Secretary of State Colin Powell has resigned from his post, citing personal reasons. The White House declined to comment.

Our sources have reported that Powell resigned becasue of his desire to join one of the Major League Soccer teams. He felt 'sick and tired' of the post, apparently and reportedly became Secretary because of the money.

Powell had a meteoric rise through the ranks of the Bush adminstration, becoming Secretary of State within one year. He was so popular, a FPS game called Here comes the Powell was released and sold 1 million copies in America alone.

This resignation happened after Powell admitted that his report on Iraq's WMD was based on flawed intelligence. Once believed to be reliable, many Americans were shocked when the report turned out to be based on 'flawed intelligence'. A choir from a particular high school even stood outside the White House as the former Secretary exited, singing a song composed by a Madison fan, "Goodbye." These are the lyrics -

Na, Na, Na, Na
Na, Na. Na, Na
Hey Hey Hey
Goodbye

A small crowd, fiercely loyal to the Bush adminstration, chanted "You sold out! You sold out!" as Powell slipped into a limo. They undoubtedly felt Powell betrayed America, when Bush placed so much trust in him by making him Secretary of State and he said he was in it just for money.

It remains to be seen whether Powell would succeed in his MLS stint. However, it is certain America would be against him returning to the White House again.

[Xero]

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have breaking news. It appears that Saddam Husain, former leader of Iraq, has escaped. We now go to exclusive video of the escape.

(Video of Saddam is shown, as he tunnels his way through a tunnel he made. He breaks the surface, and a reporter comes running up to him.)

Reporter: Saddam! Saddam! Why have you escaped?! Where do you plan to go!?

Saddam: I dont need to take any crap from you! (Saddam shoves the reporter and the camera man down, and the camera fades to static.)

We have been told that Saddam has taken the liberty to steal a 4 wheeler, and is headed twords the White... Wait, we have just recieved word of him arriving at the White House, lets go to the live picture!

(Picture of Saddam in a 4 wheeler is showen. He plows through the gate as rockets come flying after him. He just rushes past the rockets and goes straight for Bush. Bush runs to a limo, with one of Saddam's prized vases, and flips off Saddam as he drives away. Saddam gives chase in his 4 wheeler.)

We will be sure to have any updates if they become avalible!

[El Santo]

JR: "... for you folks joing us at home, here we are, live in Washington as Senator John Kerry is prepared to accept the number one contendership for the title of US President. Kerry has just beat... John Edwards in, wat is in my opinion, one of the greatest matches I have ever seen..."

Cut to LUGZ BOOT OF THE NIGHT, where Edwards leaves the arena, glaring menacingly at a triumphant Kerry.

JR: "... Kerry is about to take the mic... but... what's this?!?!?"

A punk version of the Vermont state song, "These Green Mountains", blares on the speakers, as a cocky "Doctor" Howard Dean walks down the aisle. Kerry looks perplexed. He and Dean staredown each other for a while, but the tension breaks as the two men hug.

JR: "What is that Creepy Little Doctor up to now?"
King: "Oh, lighten up JR! This is a show of good faith! Dean just wants to show his support for the number one contender! Do you have to be paranoid about..."

Suddenly, Dean wraps his arm around Kerry's neck and takes him down with a vicious Stunner! He grins evilly as he grabs a steel chair and beats Kerry bloody!

JR: "Oh my God, King! I can't believe what I'm seeing! Howard Dean has gone ... INSANE!"
king: "Now... now let's not jump to conclusions, JR. At least hear what the man has to say."

Dr. Dean takes the mic out of Kerry's limp hand. Crowd boos.

Dean: "Welcome back from 'Nam, motherf***er!" BOOS. "Shut up! Washington ingrates! You people have never, ever respected me! Well, **** you all! You're all losers, like your Washington Redskins, only twice as offensive! Dr. Dean is back in the race, Baby!"

Dean rips open his shirt, to reveal a green one with the words "GREEN PARTY" emblazoned on the front.

Dean: "Not only am I going to beat him in New Hampshire, I'm going to South Carolina and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico, and I'm going to California and Texas and New York. And I'm going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan. And then we're going to Washington, D.C. to take back the White House!"

Dean: "EEEEYYYAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

King: "You see, JR? He's not all bad. He just wants to, uh, change America."
JR: "This is the darkest day in the history of politics."

[Corkscrewed]

ROFLMAO!!! That was brilliant stuff man!

[Funky Fly]

Rep for you all. :lol:

[Heyman]

LOL.

This board has sucked of late, but all of these responses were gold. :D

[13]

In our second story of the news bulletin, there has been a shocking new development in the Bush adminstration.

It has been reported that Secretary of State Colin Powell has resigned from his post, citing personal reasons. The White House declined to comment.

Our sources have reported that Powell resigned becasue of his desire to join one of the Major League Soccer teams. He felt 'sick and tired' of the post, apparently and reportedly became Secretary because of the money.


LMAO

[Corkscrewed]

Now for a local weather update.

We have a massive cold spell moving into HELL for the next five days as a result of events that were triggered two weeks ago. A system has been rapidly brewing, producing the perfect storm and is now aiming its might straight at Satan's domain. Vince McMahon reported is unfazed by this potential onslaught.

Along the Eastern Seaboard, we'll have mostly sunny skies, with RVD highs well into the 90s. Over on the West Coast, expect a pop from the "guy jumping out the sky," which is a nickname for the weather phenomenon known as El Guerrero, which is once again poised to make a strong presence this year. California could see buckets of rain and plenty of missing wallets, though meteorologists are quick to caution that the two may not necessarily be connected.

Also, mysterious dark red rain and hail was reported falling over Oklahoma today. It had a thick texture and an interesting sharp odor to it. Some pieces were even large enough to crack windows and cause some damage. Local residents were reported exclaiming "Oh my gosh my house is LITERALLY broken in half, what a stunner! This rain is like BBQ SAUCE!!!"

Back to you.

[Savio]

Thanks Corky

He is more news on Saddam and the bush chase.

Bush drove 3 miles down the street and then stopped and got out. Saddam got off his four wheeler and ran over to Bush. Bush pulled back his right hand and was about to hit him, but then grabbed Saddams hand with his left and raised it. What a heel turn! Kerry got out of his car still bruised parked near by and said that they broke then law and stunnered both Bush and Saddam. Kerry drank a few beers then hit his wife.

[Kane Knight]

:lol:@ the Dean one.

[tucsonspeed6]

Jr: Ladies and Gentlemen, we're live at the US Senate, and Vince McMahon is here tonight! And he has a huge announcement to make concerning tonight's main event.

King: I hope he's going to announce something that has to do with puppies!

Jr: Bah Gawd, if he does, I'll move to Canada!

Vince's Music hits and he swaggers out to a ring which has been placed in the middle of the room. As he enters the ring he grabs a microphone.

Vince: I told you all that we were going to shake this country up, and dammit, that's what I plan to do.

The entire room stands to applaud.

Vince: How about we have that title match between our own Presidential Champion, George W. Bush and the number one contender, Sen. John Kerry tonight?

The crowds go nuts at the announcement. The titan Tron reveals a tally that shows 99 "Yes" votes, and one "Undecided." Suddenly Howard Dean's music hits and he walks out onto the entrance ramp.

Dean: Hey Yo! I'm not going to move one inch until you let me have that title match instead of Kerry. Everybody here saw me beat Kerry the other night!

The crowd boos loudly

Jr: That's a damn lie! He beat the man down when he wasn't expecting it. Kerry beat Dean fair and square.

King: I don't know...Dean does have big muscles...

Jr: That doesn't mean anything. He's a cheater and a madman!

Vince looks at Dean delightfully.
Vince: Well, I tell you what. I like a guy with brains, and you've shown you've got some. I can't say I like you for interupting me as I was about to make my big announcement, but I guess you do deserve a match tonight.

The crowd boos as Dean grins greedily.

Vince: But it won't be a title match.

The crowd suddenly goes silent.

Vince: I'm going to take back that title match since none of your little opinions matter anyway... *Vince points to the tally on the titan tron. The crowd boos insanely* Instead, we're going to have a non-title match between George W Bush and Howard Dean....and it's going to be right now!!!

Jr: This is insane! Bah Gawd, can he over-ride a senate majority like that?
King: He can do anything! He's Mr. McMahon!
Jr: Folks, we're going to have to take a commercial break. When we come back, the match between Bush and Dean. It's next!!!

*Commercial break consisting of 15 "Walking Tall" comercials strung back to back followed by an old Final Fantasy X 2 commercial.*

*The last of Bush's music finishes up as Bush gets in the ring. The bell rings to begin the match.*

Jr: We're back, and it's time for the match to begin!

*Bush and Dean wrestle back and forth. Bush takes the lead early in the match by doing several clothes lines followed by a quick "Dubba Bomb". Dean lays on the mat nearly beaten as Bush waves his "W" hand signal to the crowd.*

Jr: He's calling for the Figure W leg lock!
King: This looks bad!
Jr: It does seem a little early in the match for it.

*Suddenly, Dean lifts himself from the mat and hits Bush with a low blow and wraps him up in a schoolboy*

Jr: This may be it!

*Bush kicks out of the schoolboy after a two count. Dean stands up and begins kicking Bush's legs.*

King: He's going to cripple the champion! Vince knew he was smart!
Jr: I'll admit that taking the champ's legs out is a good idea, but if he didn't do that low blow, Bush would have this match won!
King: Shut up, old man! You're just a Oklahoma idiot anyway!
Jr: What?
King: Puppies! Puppies!
Jr: That's what I thought you said.

*Dean pulls Bush over to the ring post and begins slamming his leg into the post. Bush screams in agony. Dean then grabs a chair from the timekeeper and dives back in the ring. The ref grabs the chair and begins arguing with Dean, telling him that this is not a no hold's barred match and that the chair is illegal. Bush slowly gets up to his feet and strains to stand up. Dean looks over his shoulder and sees that Bush is standing. He lets go of the chair and launches himself across the ring to hit Bush with some punches, but Bush counters with a quick spear. The crowd goes nuts. Bush lifts Dean up and places Dean's head between his knees.*

King: What's he going to do?
Jr: The double Anti-terrorism powerbomb!

*Bush lifts Dean up and slams him to the ground*

Jr: He's got him locked in tight. Can he lift him again?

*Bush lifts Dean up for the second time and slams him down again.*

King: That's one for his Pop and one for good measure!

*Bush stands up and addresses the nation with his "W" hand signal.

Jr: He's going to do it! The figure W leg lock!
King: Dean looks out of it. I don't think you can tap out if you're unconscious.
Jr: It doesn't matter. Bush would still win!

*Bush wraps Dean's legs up in a funky W formation. Dean suddenly snaps back into consciousness and lets out a scream of pain.... "EEEEAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"*

Jr: Folks at home, I can't even begin to tell you just how frighteningly loud those screams are in person here tonight. Those madman screams of pain are litterally echoing off of my BBQ Sauce Stunner Rattlesnake...
King: Don't forget the Puppies!
Jr: Bah Gawd, is that all you ever say?

*Dean looks as though he's about to tap. Suddenly Joe Lieberman jumps out from the crowd and climbs the turnbuckle. As the ref's back is turned, he dives into the ring to hit Bush with a tremendous elbow drop.*

Jr: Bah Gawd! It's Lieberman! It's Lieberman! He's just hit Bush with the "Joe-mentum!"
King: I guess he's joined Dean in the Green Party too!
Jr: Damn you, you sonofabitch!

*Dean quickly gets out of the figure W leg lock and wraps Bush up for the 1-2-3. He jumps out of the ring to hug Lieberman as Bush scowls at them from the ring.*

Jr: Unbelievable! Liebermann, you sonofabitch!

*The WWE logo pops up in the corner of the screen to signal the end of the show as we watch Dean and Liebermann walk triumphantly up the ramp, taunting Bush*

[El Santo]

LOL! I can't believe you worked one of Joe Lieberman's cheesiest speeches in there. :y: Go, Joe-mentum!

[natureboycv]

<font color=8307ff><b>lol</font></b>

[HHHsucks929]

JR: Welcome to the United States Government Draft, everybody, I'm Jim Ross alongside Jerry "The King" Lawler. And King, this is sure to be a monumtneous night for us here!

King: JR I am still in shock that Mr. McMahon has decided to split the US Government into the Republicans and the Democrats!

JR: George Bush is the Republican GM, and he won the coin toss so the Republicans will now take their first pick.

George Bush: For mah first pick, the Republicans select... RONALD REAGAN.

JR: Bah gawd, King, Ronald Reagan has to be 98460845604756945 years old!

King: Yeah, I don't even think they had history last time he was in school.

JR: Here comes John Kerry with the first pick for the democrats...

John Kerry: Interesting pick, Bush, but I think we've got you beat. For our first pick, the democrats select... HILLARY CLINTON.

King: YAHOOOOO!!! Puppies!!!

JR: OH MAH GAWD, business is about to pick up!

George Bush: Don't misunderestimate me, Kerry. I'm fixing to leave this podium and kick your shriveled old ass!

Kerry: Just make your pick, cowboy.

George Bush: For our next pick, the Republicans select... JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD.

(Bradshaw comes running out and gives Kerry a clothesline from hell, erupting in a rumble of senators.)

JR: BAH GAWD, ALL HELL HAS BROKEN LOOSE!!!


TO BE CONTINUED........................................................................

[loopydate]

^ So much for not changing the running story. Back on track...

GOLDENBOX: And now to Lou P. Daight with sports. Lou P?

LOU: Thanks, George. Big news in the world of sports as the National Hockey League is beginning a massive relocation effort. We expect more to come, but as of this moment, the following changes have been made:

*Graphic comes on screen*

Edmonton Oilers are now the Atlanta Oilers
Toronto Maple Leafs are now the Korea Maple Leafs

LOU: This just in. We understand that the NHL has moved the "Jets" and "Nordiques" franchises BACK to Winnipeg and Quebec, respectively, only to move those franchises to Manhattan and Paris. Truly shocking.

[HHHsucks929]

^ So much for not changing the running story. Back on track...

GOLDENBOX: And now to Lou P. Daight with sports. Lou P?

LOU: Thanks, George. Big news in the world of sports as the National Hockey League is beginning a massive relocation effort. We expect more to come, but as of this moment, the following changes have been made:

*Graphic comes on screen*

Edmonton Oilers are now the Atlanta Oilers
Toronto Maple Leafs are now the Korea Maple Leafs

LOU: This just in. We understand that the NHL has moved the "Jets" and "Nordiques" franchises BACK to Winnipeg and Quebec, respectively, only to move those franchises to Manhattan and Paris. Truly shocking.

I'm sorry but what does that have to do with WWE and/or the "running story"?

[loopydate]

I'm sorry but what does that have to do with WWE and/or the "running story"?

With WWE = Chris Benoit (from Edmonton) is now being announced as hailing from Atlanta. Gail Kim (from Toronto) is now being announced as Korean. Rene Dupree (Quebec) is now from Paris and Chris Jericho (Winnepeg) is being announced from Manhattan. So, I took sports teams from...never mind. I think you got it now.

With the "running story" = Nothing, but at least I didn't change things. Earlier in the thread, the U.S. had already been split into two brands: North and South. When you changed it to Republicans and Democrats, it made the thread not work as a solid newscast. That's why I pointed it out. Mine didn't necessarily add to the running story, but it also didn't detract from it.

[HHHsucks929]

I'm not trying to stick with a running story though, I'm coming up with something of my own.

And thanks for clearing up the other part.

[loopydate]

NP, but

Rules:

- Each post should sound like a news report segment. You can pretend to be anchors or whatever, but show off your creative side by writing spoofy articles.
- One story per reply.
- No double posting to get two consecutive stories. Wait till someone else has posted a story before posting another one of yours.
- Since this is "the news" new stories can reference old ones. Similarly, it'd be nice if major stories are not ignored. That means if, say, someone reports something about Vince McMahon becoming the President of the United States, the next story should not randomly have Booker T as the prez. Obviously, there may be cases where two people post at the same time, but those will be rare, and those will be excused.

[Savio]

Thanks loopy date how come he gets paid more then me?

Now to the boring unfunny part of the news STOCKS!
HBK ^69
HHH ^3
RVD ^420
CLB v5
M. hardy v1.0
REY ^619
SCSA v3.16
RKO ^97
The biggest plumet of the day due to the RKO is the X-packing industry first falling down Syxx then falling down for the 1-2-3, kid.

[Corkscrewed]

I'd rep you if I could, tuscon! :lol:

[Innovator]

and now in the world of sports:

-"Big Poppa Pump" Barry Bonds hits home run number 660. As he is jogging around the bases, Josh Beckett nails the BKO on him, thus killing yet another legend.

-The upcoming NFL Draft is catching everyone's eye, as now it appears as if Eli Manning won't be the first draft pick. It appears as if Brock Lesnar and Goldberg are vying for the first pick. A two man sack race will be held on consecutive Sundays to determine a winner.

[Corkscrewed]

*marks out for the BKO*

[tucsonspeed6]

News Reporter: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, I'm Peter Jennings, and this is the 2004 election year debates. This years campaigning has gotten off to a rocky start with much violence between the candidates, but we hope to see some sensibility between the candidates this evening. I'm now being told that the debate is nearly about to begin, so let's head live to Washington DC to watch.

*In a large room, a panel of journalists is lined up in front of a stage with three podiums. At each podium stands Presidential Champion, George Bush, Sen. John Kerry, and Green Party Candidate, Howard Dean.*

Panelist #1: Good evening, gentlemen. I understand the tension between each of you up until this point, but you all know the rules of this debate. Each of you will have 60 seconds to make a response to the questions we ask. You will all have a chance to make rebutals, but will be limited to the sixty seconds allotted to you. There will be no interuptions during other candidates speaking time, and finally, there will be no violence between the candidates tonight. Do you all understand the rules of this debate?

*Each of the Candidates nods. Suddenly, a police siren shocks the quiet room. "Holla, if ya hear me!" demands the large audio system. A large, muscular man walks out onto the stage carrying a makeshift podium made out of a couple bales of hay. It's Scott Steiner*

Steiner: Sorry I'm late! I couldn't find a real podium, so I brought these!

Panelist #1: Mr. Steiner, you were not invited to this debate. You will not be in the final title match in November.

Steiner: Hey! I don't recall ever being beaten by any of these guys! I deserve a title shot! *Flexes his muscles.*

Panelist #1: Well....against all better judgement, I guess you can join the debate. Take your position and we'll begin.

*Steiner props his bales on top of one another and nods.*

Panelist #2: I'll ask the first question. Presidential Champion Bush, this question is for you. The war in Iraq has seemingly taken a turn for the worst in the past several months. The region has been in a turmoil of rebellion and terrorism. How does your administration hope to bring about a lasting peace in Iraq, and does your plan fit into the budget? Your time begins now.

Bush: I'm glad you jumped right to the real issues. Our soldiers in Iraq are undermanned and underfunded. With the ever improving economy, reinforcements and new equipment can be sent into--

Steiner: HEY! Just send Freakzilla! I'll holla, and they'll hear me! Go USA!

Bush: ...

Panelist #2: Mr. Steiner, Presidential Champion Bush's time was not up.

*Steiner Flexes*
Steiner: Hey! With a body like mine, your time is up!

Bush: What???

Steiner: Hey! Don't talk to me durring the thebate! I could squash you, little man!

Bush: It's pronounced "debate." I should know. I'm a master of pronunciation.

Panelist #3: Gentlemen, please! Let us just continue? My question is for Sen. Kerry. Mr Kerry, we all know that the environment is a major issue in modern times. What is your plan to eliminate harmful greenhouse gasses from the atmosphere? Your time begins now.

Kerry: This is a nation that is dependant on our future generations. Why should we leave these problems on the shoulders of our children and our grandchildren? By pressuring congress to pass laws forcing industry--

Steiner: Hey! I worked my ass off to get back into the ring!

Kerry: .... :wtf: ...so?

Steiner: Look at my phys...phyzz...Look at my muscles! *Flexes* Freakzilla is back in the house! Go USA and Go Troops!

Kerry: :mad: You're starting to pi---

Panelist #1: Gentlemen! You agreed to not become violent! I'll just continue with my question for Mr Dean. Mr Dean, your recent announcement as the Green Party Candidate has shocked the nation. Do you have any message for the nation as to why you did this and what your motives are?

Dean: I agreed to be civil tonight, so I will. The reason why I made the announcement the way I did is because--

Steiner: HEY! Mr Bean, you got a problem with the freak? Get your teddy bear huggin ass over here!

Dean (getting angry): Steiner, you've been an arrogant ass this whole debate! I promised to be civil, so I'll let you say what you want, but after that, I don't want to hear you again. Go ahead.

Steiner: Go USA and Go Troops! France Sucks!

Dean: There! Are you done? Now as I was saying---

Steiner: HOLLA IF YOU HEAR ME!!!

Dean: :mad: :mad: :mad: Oh, I'll holla! EEEEEAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

*Dean launches himself at Steiner. All of the candidates on stage erupt into a huge brawl. Steiner is hit several times and is thrown into his hay bale podium.*

Steiner: OUCH! *looks at his muscles* Hey! Are you guys ok?!?! I am too, but I need to shoot up! Let's get out of here! *Steiner leaves as the other three fight on the stage.*

News Reporter: A horrible display of a lack of morals by our presidential championship candidates. :nono: As we leave you all tonight, I send you off with the immortal words of a great philosopher: "HEY! Mr Bean, you got a problem with the freak? Get your teddy bear huggin ass over here!" This is Peter Jennings at the 2004 presidential debate. Good night.

[Savio]

The prez will address the nation now.

*President with saddaam to his right*

Bush: Now I know all of you are thinking....."why bush why". Well let me tell you something brother, as long as me and saddaam are on the same page we are Unstoppable. and if kerry thinks he can take us down then he has another thing coming....
Saddaam: Thats right Bush we hold all the power and any one that get in our way will be delt with. Kerry you bett-
*Kerry attacks Saddaam from behind with a chain Bush gets up and rock bottoms Kerry*
*Kerry starts to get up but then bush whishpers "sell"*

[Savio]

This is breaking news! lets go out to loopy in the feilds
*loopy barely heard*
We are having technical difficulties. We will get back to loopy in a second.

We have just found out the the president is terribly injured lets see if we can make contact with loopy again.

Savior: Hello loopy what happend?

Loopy: .....Well savior It seems that saddam was getting pretty fed up with bush. We could hear him saying he was tired of being in the back seat. As you can see behind me paramedics are loading Bush in to an ambulance....

Savior: Do you know why he is injured?

Loopy: ......He sufferd a 20 foot drop from this ledge that I'm standing on, apparantly Saddaam captured Anna Nichole Smith and threatend to throw her off. Bush came and told him to stop fooling around! they started arguing. The next thing you know Saddaam picks up bush by the neck and slam him down on to the cement.....

Savior: Will the president make it?

Loopy: .....It is to soon to tell. But I for one hopes that he does because if he doesn't Sadaam will have 100% power over america......

Savior: You epididimus (testical) is showing.
*not really showing*
Loopy: Huh? what? AHHHHHHHHHH!
*lands 20 feet below with leg bent the wrong way.*

Savior: :eek:

[Corkscrewed]

^ :lol:

When the heck did you suddenly become funny? Did you have some Chapelle Cereal? :D :y:

[Savio]

Has everybody stopped doing this?

[HHHsucks929]

I made a post. I'd do something else but I got complained at for something I really thought was good.

[tucsonspeed6]

It takes me time to think of things to write about. Give me time and I'll post again.

[tucsonspeed6]

Jr: We're here, live at the *insert sports arena here* in *insert city name here* Tonight we've got one scalded dog of a match for you. Let's take you to earlier this evening when this happened:

*A promo starts where Dean is standing backstage at the arena, handing out fliers that say "Vote for Dr. Dean" to anyone who walks past. Donald Rumsfeld walks past.

Dean: Hey, Rummy! Wanna vote for me?

Rumsfeld: Why would I vote for you? If you win, I'll lose my job!

*Dean squints his eyes in evil hatred as he watches Rumsfeld walk away. Quickly he shakes the look off of his face and turns to campaign some more, but as he turns he bumps into a large man, causing him to spill coffee onto himself.*

Large man: Wat ahr yoo dooinG!

*As the camera angle reaches the man's face, we see that it is California Governer Arnold Schwartzenegger. Dean looks frightened.*

Dean: Ah geez, Arnie...I'm so sorry. Here, let me clean you up!

*Dean tries to clean off Arnold's shirt, but Schwartzenegger bats him away.*

Schwartzenegger: Get Awaa frum me! Yoo juzt bot yo-self a match toonite wit ME!

*Schwartzenegger turns to walk away and slaps Torrie Wilson on the ass as he goes. Dean looks like he may become ill. The promo ends.*

King: I'd be worried if I was that guy!
Jr: I think he is! Schwartzenegger is a pretty big man!
King: I was talking about Arnie! Dr Dean could whip him in no time!
Jr: Yeah right! That match is NEXT

*Go to commercial. Various ads are shown, and that Quiznos commercial with the singing roadkill is brought back much to my pleasure.*

Jr: We're back and the match is just about to begin!
*Dean is standing in the ring looking rather worried. Suddenly the theme from the Terminator movies hits and the croud jumps to their feet. A motorcycle roars down the ramp, ridden by a leather jacket wearing, sunglasses sporting Schwartzenegger. He jumps off of the bike and fiddles with his wristwatch.*

King: Why doesn't he just jump in the ring and take what's coming to him!
Jr: Schwartzenegger is a veteran, King. He knows where Dean is, Liebermann is close by. I'd be careful if I were him!

*Suddenly, Joe Liebermann jumps out from the croud and dives at Schwartzenegger, but flys right through him! Dean stares in astonishment as the ghostly Schwartzenegger messes with his wristwatch again. Across the ring, we can see another Arnold jump into the ring behind Dean. Dean turns around with a look of shock on his face*

Arnold: HA HA HA HA HA HA! You think this is the real me?!?! ....Well it is!*Leaps at Dean and hits him with several punches, getting a quick advantage. Dean tries to fight back, but Arnold is too strong.*

JR: Bah Gawd, he's gone and used a hologram!
King: It figures he'd cheat! Dean was never in any movies like Total Recall! He's not used to these things!
JR: Well either way, he's beating Dean like a Government Mule!
King: I thought that was Kerry...
JR: A mule, not a donkey!

*Lieberman gets up and jumps onto the ring apron. The ref momentarily gets distracted as Dr. Dean quickly pulls some brass knucks from his trousers and hits Schwartzenegger hard. Schwartzenegger stumbles to the ropes and falls out of the ring.*

JR: You want to talk about cheating, how's about that?!?!
King: I didn't see anything!
JR: Yeah right! Dean was runnin' like a scalded dog until Liebermann got involved!

*Lieberman jumps off of the ring apron and attacks Schwartzenegger, while the ref turns to get distracted by Dean. Lieberman quickly uses all sorts of noisy weapons to beat Schwartzenegger down, then quickly rolls the beaten and bloodied mass of a man back into the ring. The crowd boos loudly throughout the entire thing, but the ref never notices.*

JR: This is a damn outrage!
King: You said it! I've gone for five minutes without seeing any puppies!

*Dean stands over the motionless Schwartzenegger with a greedy smile on his face. Suddenly, the lights dim and are replaced with a eerie blue glow. A single note being played from a saxiphone electrifies the huge dome. Dean looks up at the titantron in horror.*

JR: What's going on!?!?!

*The Titantron delivers the message: "In 21 days, WJC will rise again!" Dean points at the titantron as the ring fills with smoke.*

Dean: I BURIED YOU ALIVE!

JR: Who's WJC?
King: William Jefferson Clinton?
JR: Impossible! He's dead! Dean burried him alive years ago!

*Dean jumps down from the ring and races up the ramp to the backstage area. Several cameramen follow him. Backstage, he runs down a nearly empty hallway to his lockerroom. Suddenly he stops dead in his tracks. The camera backs up to see a coffin laying in the center of the hallway. With trembling hands, Dean reaches down and opens the coffin. Inside are a cuban cigar and a stained dress. Dean slams the coffin shut and looks around. Ross Perot is standing nearby, chatting with the makeup lady.*

Dean: You think this is some kind of joke, Perot?!?!
Perot: now, Ah have no ahdea what yer talkin about, sun.

*Dean quickly slams Perot's head into the wall and runs off. The makeup lady screams for someone to get help as Perot lies motionless on the cement floor in a pool of his own blood. The WWE logo appears at the bottom corner of the screen to signal the end of the show as we fade to black.*

[Jonster]

<font color="#99CCFF">:lol: you're getting rep for that tuscon...</font>

[Jonster]

<font color="#99CCFF">Actually lots of people are getting rep...</font>

[tucsonspeed6]

I've got another one coming up, but I want to give somebody else a chance to continue the story.

[tucsonspeed6]

*Scribble scribble in notepad...*
"dear diary, it has been nearly six years since my last post here. I offered someone the chance to continue the story, but nobody ever did. Are they still coming? I can never be absolutely sure. This thread is so desolate...perhaps if I break the rules just once somebody will see that I did and will come and rescue me."


*Pyros go off signalling the start of Raw.*

JR: We're here in the Explodo-dome of Springfield! Tonight's Raw is going to be great, but first we're going to kick things off with a message from the Raw Yankee North's own General Manager...

Heyman: ERIC BISCHOFF!!!

*Bischoff's music hits. He walks up to the ring.*

JR: Heyman, what the hell are you doing here? Where's King?
Heyman: Well, to answer your questions in order, I'm here to commentate, and King is currently having some issues with the DEA...seems he borrowed his nephew's car and tried to visit some family across the border.

JR: You'd better not try to pull anything. I'll be watching you.
Heyman: You do that, "Good ole JR," I'll just commentate the matches for you.

*Bischoff gets into the ring.*
Bischoff: I have some exciting news for you all!

*The crowd boos loudly.*

Bischoff: You stupid Springfieldoids. You'll never get it! Your sports team sucks. But to continue, there has been a trade between the Yankee North's Raw, and the South's Smackdown.

JR: I wonder who it could be?
Heyman: *scrunching up his face* "Bah Gawd, they've traded a scalded dog for some barbeque sauce!"
*JR scowls at Heyman*

Bischoff: After trading Ross Perot and Ted Kennedy, we have recieved a worker who easily excedes the talents of both of these men....but you stupid Springfieldanoids will have to wait, just like you'll have to wait for your sports team to win the championship! *Crowd boos insanely* Instead, I think I'll start the show with a match pitting John Kerry in a no holds barred handicap match against Dick Chenney and Condolezza Rice!

*Crowd goes nuts at the mentioning of the match. Bischoff steps out of the ring as the wrestlers make their entrances. The camera turns to JR as he commentates. Heyman wears a tiny cowboy hat and sits slightly behind JR, mocking his every word.*

JR: Folks, I cannot stress enough how shocking this match is.
*Heyman continues to mock JR*
JR: It's a damn outrage!

*As the Kerry enters the ring last, the ref calls for the bell to start the match. Condolezza Rice climbs up on the ropes and shouts to the crowd that she was not aware of the terrorist threat prior to 9/11, as Kerry and Chenney fight. The crowd seems to be more interested in booing Rice than watching the match. Cheney quickly works Kerry into the corner and begins working on his arm. Kerry fights back and pulls a quick DDT to halt the action.*

JR: He's a scalded dog! He can't face Kerry! He's too afraid of him!
Heyman: You know what, JR? It's great to have the Sooners playing in Smackdown territory! I bet they don't even let you watch the games!
JR: that's a total lie! I watch them and eat BBQ sause all day!

*Rice jumps in and quickly kicks Kerry back down as he tries to get up. Chenney pushes her back and does a quick leg drop on Kerry. Cheney whispers something to Rice. As he does, a look of joy sweeps across her face. She quickly exits the ring and grabs a chair from ringside. As Cheney continues to work on Kerry, Rice slides the chair into the ring. As the ref runs over to the chair to throw it back out, Rice tears open her shirt, distracting the ref.*

Heyman: Boy, I sure hope they've got basic cable where King is! "Puppies!"
JR: Shut up!

*Cheney runs over and dropkicks the ref out of the ring. He then grabs the chair and positions it over Kerry's chest, ready to slam it down.*

JR: I don't believe that coward! He's going to do the one man cardiac arrest! That move is illegal and he knows it!

*Suddenly, a really boring music hits as a middleaged man slowly strolls out to the ring. Heyman suddenly becomes very aggitated.*

JR: Who the hell is this? It must be the guy they traded from Smackdown! ...Heyman, are you ok? You look like you're about to explode!
Heyman: It's....nothing....I'm.....fine!

*Cheney stands in the middle of the ring dumbfounded. Kerry slowly gets back up. Rice attempts to attack the middle aged man at the side of the ring, but he quickly lands a vicious spear on her.*

JR: Who is this guy?!?!
*Heyman begins turning red as if he were holding back a storm brewing inside. Steam begins spewing out of his ears.*
JR: Do you know who he is?
*Heyman's eyes almost begin to roll back into his head. Suddenly he springs from his seat and shouts at the top of his lungs..."

Heyman: GOOOOOORRRRRRREEEEE!!!!! GOOOOOOORRRRRRREEEEEE!!!!!! GOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S AL GORE YOU OKLAHOMA REDNECK IDIOT!!!! GOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRREEEEE!!!!

*Kerry quickly gets to his feet and grabs Cheney for a suplex. It's his special move: the Agent Orange. Kerry drops onto Cheney for the pin. Gore throws the ref back into the ring. THe ref counts 1,2,3. Raw ends as Kerry and Gore stand in the ring victorious.*

[Corkscrewed]

:lol:

It's sort of turned into the inversion of what I wanted, but oh well. This is more like if the WWE was Real Life. :D

I don't have time this week, or else I'd post some more. :y: though

[Goldbird]

Good job... especially the colin powell part.

[tucsonspeed6]

It's a fun game, and it should be allowed to slowly evolve into where ever we may take it because if it were a static idea everyone would run out of material to use and forget about it.

[c4g2]

A bump to remind everyone of this thread. Also, I may just start posting here again ;)

[Savio]

Savior: We have some late breaking news here a let me tell this is a block buster.

Back. S: as you can see behind me is Canada, a very snow land. Lets go to a local and see whats happening.

Local: hallo errrm my name is

Back S: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!

Local: errr well any ways

Back S: SHUT UP!

Local: errr You bettter shut up eh
------
Savior: Sorry about that, The news is Canada opened its first school. Thank you for joining us this after noon and catch us at 11:00.