Yeah, not "yours", because I'm probably going to tell you to download one thing for each purpose. Fell free to whine about your fanboy fave product, but I will ignore it because I'm right, so may as well stop your inner monologue right now "But Hasney, WebKit browsers load pages 0.000002311 seconds quicker than FireFox" SHUT IT. I don't care.
ANYWAYS, I'm doing this because if I don't, RoXer will probably keep posting on my user profile and I'll eventually be forced to converse with him, and who wants that right? If you're not bored already let's go.
First thing you want to do is download/get free with a new computer/ purchase Windows 7 x64. if you're still on XP, we'll go through torrenting later. Go to
http://www.thepiratebay.org and get it once that's been done, but only do this if you have an Intel Core-Duo, Core-Quad, i3, i7 or an AMD X2 or above. You should be able to tell by the sticker on the front of your PC. If you have a Mac, make sure to download a version of OSX with boot camp and then install Windows instead of having that OSX infection on there.
If your computer is older than that, may as well stop reading now and go get a real PC and then come back to me. The only people stuck on Windows XP are poor people and people who like to look at a Fisher Price inspired taskbars.
Install Windows 7. Contemplate making dinner or a "cup of tea" while you wait.
Sweet, isn't that pretty? Now run Windows Update and download everything. Contemplate making dinner or a "cup of tea" while you wait. If you already did one of those, how about a long wank?
Hooray, Windows is updated. Now, first download you need is Firefox:
http://www.mozilla.org/firefox/
Once that runs, you can pick a pretty theme. I would also recommend going to the "Tools" menu, clicking add-ons and getting Ad Block Pro and Firefox Sync. Sync is amazing, can carry your browser windows between PC's and your phones
If you enjoy Facebook, may as well treat yourself to Facebook Fixer as well as it makes the website so much better.
Next, point your web browser to
http://www.steampowered.com and click "Get Steam". I know what you're thinking, "What about virus and spyware?". If you get a virus following my guide step by step, you don't deserve to own a computer. At least you can play some games now, best reason to own a computer. If you have some money, buy your self Magic: The Gathering Duels of the Planeswalkers and challenge your number 1 poster Hasney to a duel.
Games are sorted, let's protect some shit. I'd go with Avast! for your virus protecting needs
http://www.avast.com and Spybot for SpyWare
http://www.safer-networking.org .
You may as well have a back-up, and Microsoft Security Essentials will play nice with everything
http://www.microsoft.com/security_essentials/
Firewall wise, just enable Windows Firewall. Honestly, it's basic and un-intrusive. You only need more if you feel like you're going to be targeted, so just don't be a dick to people and you won't be.
Next step is to update all your drivers. The best way is to go into your device manager and go to all the manufacturer websites to get new drivers. If you are a basic user though, grab this to find updated drivers for you:
http://www.devicedoctor.com
You may find you can't open some of these drivers because they're compressed.
http://www.winrar.com will let you decompress any files you need ever.
Windows Media Player is shit. Go get VLC and the Vista Codec Pack and everything you ever download should play you filthy pirate.
http://www.videolan.org/vlc/
http://shark007.net/vistacodecpackage.html
Why not take a break of sorting out function and make things pretty? As you're here on a wrestling website, I will recommend this desktop:
http://images4.fanpop.com/image/phot...18-800-600.jpg
May also want to view some hardcore pronography. Go to
http://tube8.com and have a scan. You may see that you need a plugin and have some instructions to get one. See, your horny ways have now led you to install Flash.
Finally, you'll want to download shit. so go to
http://utorrent.com and download that. With this you can go to websites such as
www.isohunt.com and search for things to download. What you need to remember for a faster download is that the higher the "s" number, the faster it ill likely be. For added protection, download
www.peerblock.com but remember to turn it off when browsing the web and some sites don't load, or you can't get on Steam.
That should do it, now get out of my sight. Feel free to ask for other shit.