A sad day for Pittsburgh.
Jeremy C. Hallowell (Pittsburgh Chronicle)
PITTSBURGH - In a matter of minutes, everything changed. Both The Pittsburgh Steelers and New England Patriots, two teams considered by many to be favorites to win Super Bowl XL, have officially surrendered the season and forfeited all the season's games.
"First Hines, now this." Steelers Linebacker Joey Porter said at a press conference. "I can't believe it."
What Porter is talking about was the announcement that the temperature of the Earth's core met, and exceeded, 32 degrees Fahrenheit earlier today.
"I thought we and Pittsburgh would meet in the AFC Title game, and the winner would win the Super Bowl," Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady stated. "I was actually looking forward to it. It's a shame that won't happen now."
Geologists aren't certain of the cause, but it's believed to have started in Stanford, Connecticut, when former wrestler Bret "Hitman" Hart met with WWE Owner Vincent K. McMahon at Titan Towers.
"At some point, Hart and McMahon actually shook hands" Dr. Craig I. MacLeod of the Pittsburgh Geological Institute. "This led to several adverse effects, such as the core temperature of Earth dropping. In essence, Hell froze over."
The Cleveland Browns will be getting their rings in a ceremony August 10th. Meanwhile, Other people are left to deal with the other effects, such as gas prices dropping under $1.00 a gallon, finding the plot in Dukes of Hazard, Keshawn Johnson talked about someone not named Keshawn Johnson, Kane Knight not Neg Repping a Highlander post, President Bush telling the truth, a heterosexual couple moving to San Francisco, and several other effects.
"There is one positive effect, however," said Pittsburgh resident Ira Pickenpaugh. "The Pirates are surefire bets to come back and win the World Series. And heck, someone may watch the Penguins!"