|03-26-2006, 06:42 PM||#1|
Next edition of JBL's Court...Melina!
|03-26-2006, 06:45 PM||#3|
JBL: Is it true that you have shown your penis MULTIPLE times to *points to Vince* THAT MAN!?
Triple H: I'll allow it...
Vince: SHE'S A MAN!?
Writer: Why do you think we wanted to make her a tranny?
Vince: STEPHANIE, YOU DICK!
Melina: *looks down*
|03-26-2006, 07:23 PM||#5|
(The Smackdown roster are sitting in the front row of an empty arena. Melina sits at the announcer's table, alone, while JBL, Vince McMahon and Stephanie stand in the ring.)
JBL: Melina, you have been called to the official WWE Wrestler's Court on three counts of being arrogant towards Sharmell, Jillian Hall and Tatanka. How do you plead?
MELINA: I'm innocent!
BOOGEYMAN: She's lyin'! Make her suffer! Make her Buuuuurrrn!
JBL: Boogie? Trying to have a serious trial here? M'Kay?
(Boogeyman just licks his lips and eats a worm.)
JBL: Well, as you plead innocent, I suppose we'll have to call up our first witness: Booker T.
(Booker hops the barrier and stands next to the announcer's table.)
JBL: Book, you saw, first hand, Melina's rudeness and arrogant attitude toward your wife, Sharmell. Will you tell us how this event "went down, yo"?
BOOKER T: You see it was like this, alright, we was just comin' back to the arena after kickin' us some chicken kickers at the BK, you know how we do. And we get there, and my wifey Sharmell is eatin' her fires, you dig, and that bitch right there comes up and says "You shouldn't eat that stuff, it will go straight to your hips, you black ass coon."
MELINA: I didn't say that!
JBL: Order! Shut your face!
BOOKER T: Anyways, Jay-Bee, man, that bitch oughta get the Matt Hardy treatment and get her ass sent down to Velocity, her and them two punk bitches, you dig?
MATT HARDY: I wouldn't BE on Velocity if I had been booked against Edge properly! I could be in the main event at WrestleMania if things had gone different!
(EVERYONE laughs at Matt Hardy.)
RANDY ORTON: Hahahahaha, OH-KAY Matt, whatever! Hahahahahaha!
(Hardy gets up and storms out of the arena.)
JBL: Hahaha... aww shit... where were we? Oh yeah, Melina, how do you respond to these comments?
MELINA: First of all, I never-
JBL: That's enough of that. Book, you may step down.
(Booker T does the "5 Time Head Bob" right in Melina's face before heading back over the barricade. He high fives Rey Mysterio before sitting down.)
JBL: Okay, the next witness I'd like to call to the stand is Mark Henry, who saw Melina's act of rudeness performed against Jillian Hall, three weeks ago at the Smackdown taping. Mark, please come to the stand.
(Mark gets up and tries to climb over the barricade. Super Crazy and Psicosis grab him by each leg and heft him over the top, where he lands with a thud on the other side. EVERYONE laughs.)
MARK HENRY: You guys are fags!
(Psicosis and Super Crazy laugh even harder. Mark waddles over to his position next to the announcer's table.)
JBL: Mark, will you tell us what you witnessed take place between these two women?
MARK HENRY: It was like this, JBL, Jillian just got to the arena and Melina said they did a really nice job on her facial prostetics. Jillian said they hadn't put on her mole yet, and Melina said "I wasn't talking about the mole, I was talking about covering up your fat cheek bones."
JBL: Stop speaking out of turn! Now, Mark, how did Jillian respond to this?
MARK HENRY: I dunno. I was laughing too hard and when I looked up they was both gone.
JBL: Okay, thank you Mark, that will be all.
(Mark tries to climb back over the barricade, but with Super Crazy and Psicosis sitting there smirking at him, he flips them off and walks backstage.)
JBL: Okay, finally, out last witness is Tazz. Tazz, come on up here, please.
(Everyone sits, looking around for him, but he's nowhere.)
JBL: Tazz? Shit... Melina, will you knock on the table, please?
(Melina raps three times on the announce table. Tazz comes out from under it, rubbing his eyes sleepily.)
TAZZ: What? Is the show starting?
JBL: We're having wrestler's court.
TAZZ: Oh, snap, man. Well, what do you need me for?
JBL: I need you to give testimony on what you saw take place between Melina and Tatanka two weeks ago at the Smackdown taping?
TAZZ: Oh, alright, I can do that, I remember it like it was yesterday. See, that Melina there, she came up to me and Tatanka and we was reminiscing about the old days, back in the late 90's, and she asks him for an autograph. Tatanka, being the nice guy that he is, wrote her an autograph. She kind of stared at it and said "Oh, I thought you were the Ultimate Warrior."
(The SUPERSTARS start screaming obscenities at Melina.)
MELINA: What?! He looks like the Warrior!
TATANKA: You bitch! You dare to compare the great native american warrior Tatanka with that pile of crap Warrior?
MELINA: You both wear the little tassle thingies on your boots! I can't tell the difference!
CHRIS BENOIT: Blasphemy!
BOOGEYMAN: Eat her flesh! Burn her to the ground!
DAIVARI: Kill the infidel! Alllllleeleeyah!
JBL: Order! Order you bastards! Okay, we've heard the testimonies. Now, under normal circumstances I would say that Melina is found guilty by this court of wrestlers, and should be ordered to carry Tatanka's bags for three months. Unfortunately, I don't think Tatanka is going to be with us that long.
TATANKA: Huh? But...
(He looks to Vince McMahon for reassurance, but Vince simply shakes his head.)
JBL: Also, unfortunately, the three men who testified here today were blackies, so their words mean about as much as my diarrheal bowel movements. Melina is hereby found innocent by default. Everyone is free to go.
(JBL hits a gavel and everyone gets up to leave.)
TAZZ: But... I ain't black.
|03-27-2006, 10:21 AM||#17|
Wrestling Is Dead