MAW BODY COUNT

[NoJabbaNoBogRoll]

LIVE FROM CHICAGO, ILLINOIS


WORLD TITLE #1 CONTENDER'S BATTLE ROYALE:
RAYMOND ROSE
DANNY ELECTRIC
TRISMEGISTUS SMITH
"BADMOUTH" BOBBY BEAMER
TYLER FROST
JEFF "THE GRINDER" CLARK
PHINEAS DINSDALE
DR. CHRIS JOHNSON, M.D.

SINGLES MATCH:

TED O'DONNELL vs. MICHAEL VINCENT PARSONS
(LOSER IS OUT OF THE HOUSE)

GAUNTLET CHAMPIONSHIP:

JAMES STEELE (C) vs. "WILD" COLIN POWERS

BEST-OF-SEVEN SERIES, PART 2:

THUNDER vs. AVENGER

TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS:

RAMPAGE (C) vs. RAZORTHIRST DOOMHAMMER AND (PARTNER UNDETERMINED)

ANARCHY DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP:

TERMINATOR (C) vs. METHUSELAH WILSON

TAG TEAM MATCH:

DOUBLE-VISION vs. SUPERMAX AND ROCKY BRENHAM

SINGLES MATCH:

SWISH vs. SLATER

[Afterlife]

It really is quite the conundrum, conundrum.



I've done my part to keep the House in tact, in tact.



Helping Rodney keep his position, position...



...pleading with Ted and MVP to put their egos aside and work for the greater good, greater good.



*sigh*...And now one of them is getting exiled, exiled.



At Body Count, we all showed solidarity, solidarity. We worked as a unit, as a unit.



...But they didn't, they didn't. Those two really never have, never have.



And I don't really like it, like it. But I know, in my heart, we can't be a truly focused force as long as there's such divisive selfishness and scattered leadership, leadership.



So, I guess, as much as I hate to say it, say it...



...May the best man win, best man win.

[NoJabbaNoBogRoll]

A violent, potentially fatal, fall over the top rope.



That's what I was looking forward to.



That's what I deserve.



But is that what I got?



NO!



I WAS SUPPOSED TO PLUMMET TO THE FLOOR, SHATTERING BONES AND RUPTURING ORGANS!



BUT THAT SAFE SON OF A BITCH HANDLED ME LIKE A PRICELESS MING VASE!



THIS IS NOT THE DANGEROUS WORK ENVIRONMENT I SIGNED UP FOR!



AND, QUITE FRANKLY, I'M SICK OF IT!



I don't know what you expect me to do about it. I'm just a secretary. Besides, you have an Anarchy Championship match on Melee... and that's pretty dangerous.



I do?



WELL, THAT'S A DAMN GOOD START, TOOTS!



BUT I'M WARNING YOU...



IF I DON'T SUFFER AT LEAST ONE LIFE-THREATENING INJURY, I WILL NOT BE A HAPPY CAMPER!



And I may just have to take the ultimate step.



I thought you'd been trying to kill yourself already.



I said the ultimate step.



If I make it out of this match in good shape, you'll see exactly what I mean.



For serious.

[Nowhere Man]

So......about last night.



Last night, you might say I had something of a wake-up call. In less than a minute, I had gone from the very highest point in my career to the absolute lowest.



I mean, I outlasted Trismegistus Smith. I survived what Danny Electric didn't. I took everything MVP threw at me and kept coming.



And I pinned Ted O'Donnell.



By all rights, the World Heavyweight Title was mine. For the first time in my career, I'd finally get the respect and the adulation I deserved. I'd finally take my rightful place at the top of the mountain.....



....and all I had to do was land the killing stroke on Lou.



And then, when it finally mattered the most..............I choked. I let my old feelings for Dee get the better of me, watching her kiss that self-righteous scumbag Ted. I let my old friendship with Lou stay my hand for just a second. I hesitated.....



And the next thing I know, I'm backstage being checked to see if I have a concussion.



Dee, I have to hand it to you. You said you'd find a way to rip my heart out, and that's exactly what you did.



Thing is, just like every awful life-ruining decision you've ever made, you didn't think it through.



Because you've shown me that the absolute last thing you can afford in this business, is to have a heart.



The Frenzy's just a few weeks away. And now thanks to you, Lou, and Ted, the MAW roster is going to have to face a threat they've never seen before. The single best wrestler the industry has ever known, only now without mercy, without compassion, without a heart.



And that means anyone who tries to get in my head again, anyone who tries to play to a conscience I no longer have, anyone who gets between me and my place in the sun, will look at what I did to Manny Rattum and think he's the lucky one.



Lou, you do whatever you have to do to hold onto that Title until Mania. Because I am going to win the Frenzy. I will face you for the World Heavyweight Title. And this time.....



....I won't hesitate to take your fucking head off.

[Legacy]

I'm joined at this time by the man who started what many are calling the most heinous beating in wrestling history.



Rodney, you really turned Wes Lang into chewed meatloaf. What is your explanation?



Meatloaf?



Chewed meatloaf looks a hell of a lot better than Wes Lang does right now.



I told everybody it was time for me to be taken seriously around here.



So you were sending a message?



That's right. Sonny doubted me, the rest of the House doubted me...... and maybe I even started to doubt myself.



But then I saw a glimpse of my future glory, and I knew that now was the time to make a statement. No longer will I be----



ACHOO!



You really had to take the mic for that?



Until now I've been content to expect everybody to believe in me, and believe in my visions. No longer.



There's a main event star growing inside me, and it's time I started showing it.



So you're saying that from now on you'll be a show-er instead of a grow-er?

[Alan The Rapist]

Max.



I felt the need to congratulate you.



Actually, that's not true.



I need to thank you.



See, I failed with my objectives at Body Count. Emphatically failed.



But you did what I could not: you overcame the odds, you won your battle royale, and you got the most advantageous entry into the Frenzy.



In short, you took Ted's negativity and shoved it right back in his face.



Juneby Trigonometry victorhandraise kingwar at HandWeapon?



Yeah, maybe, but that's not the point.



The point is, I failed at Body Count, but you got the job done like I knew you would.



You all but guaranteed yourself a victory in The Frenzy -- on the same night your awful cousin lost his so-called "claim" to the World Title. He may not admit it, but we both know that's eating him up.



I don't know what it was like, growing up around people like him, Max. But you can stand proud, knowing all the naysayers were wrong. Plus, it just makes me feel better to see people ruin Ted's day. So, like I said...



Thank you.

[loopydate]

Lou!



Can it wait? I have a meeting with Orrin and--



Mr. Quoyle's stuck in traffic. Ms. Swindlehauser just sent a message.



Last time we heard from you, the #1 contender battle royal hadn't been announced yet.



We just wanted to get your thoughts.



My thoughts?



My thought is bring it on.



Since I walked out of the Chamber the new World Heavyweight Champion, I've been reading a lot online about "Lou P. Daight having one last run" with the gold.



As my dad would say, "Oh, huh!"



I may be older than just about everybody in MAW, but this is not the Lou P. Daight Farewell Tour.



This match on Melee is not to determine who'll beat me at the Frenzy.



The Frenzy is not to determine who'll beat me at the fifth anniversary of Mania.



(Yes, it's the sixth one, meaning it's five years after the first, hence fifth anniversary)



These matches are to decide the first two names to be put in the record books.



People will talk about the next several months to their children and their grandchildren.



Lou P. Daight is having one last run as the MAW World Heavyweight Champion.



But that's only because...



...this reign may never end.



...



...that's Orrin's SUV back there, isn't it?



Yeah, just didn't want to interrupt you while you were on a roll.

[KyleEmmott]

Hello, Rocky Brenham speaking. I've got a couple things I would like to address. Firstly, my upcoming match.



Me and Supermax are going against Double Vision. "Fill my eyes with that Double Vision". Sorry, I've always been a Foreigner fan. Even though I don't understand a damn word SuperMax says, we will be victorious.




I would like to take this time to thank Double Talk & Rodney, for giving us our upcoming win on Melee. Thank you, Thank you!




Also, I find it odd that every match I've had since joining the wonderful MAW has involved The House more specifically Double Talk. I don't know if this upcoming match is booked because you have bone to pick with me DT but let me tell you, I didn't ask for any of this.



I was thrown into the match at Body Count without an opinion about Wes Lang or The House. I'm here for strictly business not a turf war. So Double Talk, Dude Chill!




The main thing I came out here to talk about is, Wes Lang. What happened to him isn't really my problem. He got himself into the situation with The House & we all know how that ended.



And because I'm a damn good person, out of concern for Wes Lang's health, I contacted Wes' wife, and she explained Wes' condition.



That is why I am here to inform you, on behalf of the Lang family, that Wes is in critical condition & in a coma as a result of the merciless beatdown he recieved from The House. My best wishes go out to him & his family.

[Afterlife]

Are you kidding me, kidding me?



Thank us for your victory, victory?



...Yeah.



Are you somehow unaware of how your last match went against us, against us?



Look, I'm sympathetic to your situation, situation. This isn't your fight, and you're smart to want nothing to do with it, do with it.



But if you continue to get in our way, get in our way...



...you'll be rejoining Lang much sooner than you'd like, than you'd like.

[KyleEmmott]

Woah, woah, take a deep breath! Look, I'm very aware what happened at Body Count, Rodney left you in the ring & we beat you down. You're lucky he came back to save your ass.





I'd also like to bring to your attention that when me and you went 1-on-1, I won that match. Thank you for that victory Denton.








And to address your little "get in our way" statement. News flash, I never asked to get in this whole situation. You think I had a say so on which matches I was put in? Hell, I got partnered with a guy I can't understand. I have no grudge against you or The House.





So think before you threaten me, okay? Because I'm not so sure I'll go out as easy as Wes did. I mean after all, I already kicked your ass once.

[Afterlife]

O.k., I don't think I'm being clear, being clear.



I am The Enforcer for The House, for The House. I don't have to beat you one-on-one, one-on-one.



I'm a member of the most dominant force of the decade, and this is not a threat, it's a warning, a warning: If you continue to meddle in our business, we will send you to the recovery ward in a body cast, body cast.



Simply put, you will rue the day, rue the day.



Dude.



...



Chill.



GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

[KyleEmmott]

...



You forgot to say "Gaaaaaaaaah" twice.

[Savior]

*Colin has a nice chat with Doom*



Colin: Listen we may have been enemies in the past, but thats just it. It was the past. There is no reason now that we can't see eye to eye now? We both have the same enemy, not only that he is trying to PROVE to you that he is more evil! What would that do to you?



So I have a proposition for you take him out heck Kidd and Jeff don't have matches they would be more then happy to take Job out with you and once you do take one of them as your tag partner. Heck take both of them to the ring with you, ensure your championship.



We both have the same enemy now so there is no reason that we can not be allies, it's all up to you but I hope you make the choice that would be better for both of us.

[Fangel]

He knows exactly what he is doing.



By not talking or telling me or hinting away at who his partnet is, he is just playing with me.



...or is he?



Is he getting me to make myself thing he is when he isn't?



Or is he is aware of this and acting like he isn't so I think he is?



Or maybe he isn't and I am thinking he is when he isn't but I still think he is, but he isn't.



Son.



Shutup.



No. I am sick of this bullshit.



I am going out there.



Son, I am not going to stop you if that is what you want to do.



I just wish you wouldn't.



What? You think I can't take him? You think I can't handle myself? Well then let me prove something to you, pop.



I'm going out there and proving beyond dispute that there isn't a single goddamn person in this business that can stop me.

[Afterlife]

Hey, it's the new Anarchy Champion!



I must say, though, he looks a bit...befuddled.



What do you suspect? The guy's a looney.



Ladies and gentlemen, join us in celebration as I present your new Anarchy Champion, Codename: Terminator!



Rest assured, Terminator will represent MAW as a noble fighting champion!



Trust me, I've worked with him for years...



...nobody knows anarchy quite like him.

Alright...if I may...?



...eeeeeh.



I...don't know what this thing is.



I'm just glad that Langston English's claim to the Hub's Honor Code has been satisfied.



I'm not...entirely sure why I'm scheduled to battle an elderly human at the next Melee show, but...we'll sort that out, I suppose.



I'm just very confused right now, and I'd like to get back to fighting the aliens that threaten out galaxy.



O.K., soldier, I'll take that, now.



The point is, my patient -- I mean, my comrade-in-arms will stop at nothing to maintain the integrity of the Anarchy Division!



And I know Methuselah Wilson has been suffering from an aggressive depression, begging people to help him end his miserable life. But he may want to think twice about stepping into the ring with Terminator...



...because he may just get his wish.








































I feel so silly right now.

[The Vindicator]

Hey, Space Case. If you think, for even a moment, that this is anywhere near done....



...then you are completely out of your mind.



You have something of mine. I will take it back. In the name of revenge. In the name of Texas.



In the name of Dubbisag.

[MVP]

Mike, you've been noticeably quiet since losing in the Elimination Chamber at Body Count, and now you have to defeat Ted O'Donnell or lose your job if you don't win the Frenzy.



I was hosting a documentary on the Stray Cats Program in Atlantic City. Look it up.



These cats don't have a House to live in, and soon Teddy-O will be joining them.



See, losing in the Elimination Chamber was a blessing in disguise, because I get to rid MAW of the scourge that is the so-called "Debt Collector".



Ever since he stole the World Title from me, I've wanted nothing more than to render him unconscious and shut him up for good.



And now Sonny has given me that opportunity. To not only prove to the world that I've always been the better man out of the two of us, but to put an end to his career of piggybacking off my success.



Just look what I did at Body Count. I put Danny Electric and Seymour through the top of the chamber. Then I made Danny pass out in the Induction.



I made mincemeat pie out of the competition, only to have Teddy-O sneak up behind me and score a cheap pinfall like usual.



But what I did them is nothing compared to what I'll do to Ted.



Because history has shown that I'm the most dangerous man in this business...



And Ted, you don't want to wake the dragon, do you?



Mincemeat pie sales increased by 14% after the interview.

[Innovator]

Ted, THOUGHTS?!



What happened to your hair?



Don't cut corners, Ian. You start slacking and you'll be nothing more than Parsons.



I find it funny of all things, he says I wouldn't want to wake the dragon...



Thing is, dragons can take the heat.



Where was the dragon at Heat Stroke when I defeated him for the TNA World Title?



Michael is as much a dragon as you are in charge.





Do you feel like you're in charge?



Of course not, because that would be me.



The power, the respect, the fear, are all on my side against little Michael.



Everything and anything I need to destroy Michael is legal.



Chairs, tables, ladders, kendo sticks...



A golden crown...



All as legal as a headlock.



After the smoke clears from the destruction I cause on Melee, then I can refocus on my MAW World Heavyweight Championship.



And the pretender who holds it.

[NoJabbaNoBogRoll]

Ladies and gentlemen, Phineas Dinsdale.



Hello.



Mister Dinsdale, you have your wish.



You've been given the World Heavyweight Championship match you demanded.



All you have to do is beat seven other men.



That's all I have to do?



I disagree with you, Butrasky.



All I have to do is survive being in the ring with Bobby "Murdering Bastard" Beamer, for the seventeenth time.



He kills people, you know?



Oh, but wait, this time is different. Everything's gonna be alright.



You see, we have Doctor Chris Johnson in this match.



Is that MAW management's idea of a joke?



"Oh yeah, we'll book him against a murderer again, just poking the law of averages that little bit more... but we'll put a qualified doctor in the match, just to cover our asses."



Bull fucking shit.



I think I'll be taking tha-



You bring that mic back, or I'll plant it right up your firm legal ground.



What's next? Will MAW management paint me black, dress me in a gay rights t-shirt, change my name to Abraham Steinberg, and airdrop me into a KKK meeting?



"Oh, but it'll be okay, Phin-Din. Take this bandaid with you."



Great job, guys. Looking out for the welfare of your employees.



But seriously, fuck you.



Mister Dinsdale, I represent the office of Orrin T. Quoyle, and I'm here to offer you a very... generous... settlement.



I'll have Fix put a temporary hold on the lawsuits, while we check out the... assets... on offer.



I have a feeling these negotations will be deep and probing.



And then afterwards, maybe we'll fuck.







Don't ask me. I just work here.

[Nowhere Man]

I see. And you're sure of this?



I suppose it is the price I must pay for faltering in my evil ways.



In my moment of weakness in my struggle against the PAIN Patrol, I sought out an alliance with Langston English......



.....English, the sworn enemy and hated rival of my compatriot Job.



I suppose it makes sense, then, that he attacked me upon his return......



......or does it?



I thank you for this news, mysterious and totally anonymous informant. I shall take this into consideration when determining my partner to face Rampage on Melee. You can trust that I shall keep your identity a secret.....



....for now.......

[MVP]

So at Body Count I received a taste of my own medicine.



No pun intended, of course.



It would be hypocritical of me to denounce Job Conquest for employing the same methodology the PAIN Patrol used in the past.



So instead I will attempt to redeem myself by competing for a shot at the MAW World Heavyweight Championship.



It would be an honor to represent the PAIN Patrol and the American Medical Association as the MAW World Heavyweight Champion.



However, I do have some qualms about some of the opponents I'm required to defeat in the upcoming Battle Royal.



Mr. Jeff Clark is a notorious sex addict, which raises the likelihood that he's infected with sexually transmitted diseases as severe as HIV. I do not want to be near him if blood is drawn.



Mr. Bobby Beamer is solely responsible for the deaths of 2 fellow wrestlers. I fear that without psychiatric intervention, he may slip into another schizophrenic episode and attempt to take my life in the ring.



And most importantly, there are inherent dangers to putting this many men in a confined location at one time.



Anyone who is claustrophobic will likely suffer a panic attack which could lead to a shut down of the central nervous system.



Also, the likelihood of infection through contact increases exponentially as more men are added to a match.



Therefore, to prevent the spread of disease, I will see to it that every one of my opponents is eliminated from the Battle Royal.



Better hope the lights don't go out, or Dr. Johnson may be waiting right behind you.

[MVP]

...



What? No, that last line wasn't meant to be sexual.

[Fangel]

You are known for your way with words.



I'll give you that.



Doubt.



Fear.



Deception.



Manipulation.



There words you know, you use each of them on your opponents.



Anything to gain an advantage.



And you know what?



I respect that.



With this business. You either win.



Or you die.



So let us get this shit out of the way.













Take your time. I've got all night.

[Legacy]

Rampage, up here.



If it isn't my old pal Rodney. What do you want?



I'm here to give you some advice. I don't know if you remember, but I was the last man to hold the tag team championships by himself.



Because you ran me over before the match!



That's besides the point, Ryan.



I know how it feels to go out there knowing you're outnumbered, having to look over your shoulder.



Trust me, the last thing you want to do is sit in the middle of the ring.



I'm not scared of anybody.



That's fine Ryan, but those belts are important.



You should be careful.



Why are you in Ireland?



What?





Not again......

[Innovator]

So Job Conquest costs me my debut match against Swish.



He does so under darkness.



That isn't the purgatory way, nor is it safe.



This Melee, I'm going to sit back, ice my head, take a nice concussion test, and watch Colin Powers win the Gauntlet Championship.



I mean, cmon, sledgehammers are dangerous.

[NoJabbaNoBogRoll]

*Slurrrrrp*



Damn it, James, this isn't rat poison. You'd think he'd get it right the seventh time of asking.



You'll have to do, Country Time.

[Alan The Rapist]

O.K., so, like, lemme get this straight...



Those prissy-paws put me on the shelf, or whatever, and my partner's reaction is to misplace his balls?



I'm gone for, like, 12 seconds, and my best friend seeks solice in my worst enemy?!



Well, I'm back -- people know it!



And if Razorthirst needs a refresher course in evil, and stuff, I'll give it to him.



For serious.

[Corndad]

One down. Three to go. I hope my fans can accept my apologizes for not being around as much recently. Not being able to visit as many hospitals. Sign as many autographs.




For once Avenger is right about something, our full attention needs to be on this series of matches. You need to focus constantly on these matches alone.



Look what happened even after I won, I left my guard down and Avenger took advantage. That's the kinda sneaky guy he is.



I can't let up. I can't put my focus anywhere else. My friends at home are calling. Media is calling. Same question, Where have you been Thunder?




I've decided I have to let my victories do the talking. Get back to what got me to a higher spot in the first place. I figured to keep where I've rose to, I need to go back to where I started.



What good will the last year be if I lose this series to Avenger?



Think about it. I'm just being brutally honest here... My career can't take that big of a hit. I'm not a spring chicken like I used to be.



It took me so long to get back to the level I want to be, it's crazy but 4 losses to Avenger will bring me right back down to where I was.



True, I want to be involved with World Title matches, congrats by the way Lou, and bringing down the House but I can't let my mind wonder. There will be plenty of time to go after those after I finish this business with Avenger.



He and I both realized we don't get anywhere in MAW without going through each other first.



Melee, we get round 2.



Ring the Bell and all hell will break loose again.




I promise when the smoke clears, This Old War Vet will be up 2-0. He needs to be or things will get a little ugly around here.

[Graveler]

Mr. Muldoon, you attempted to warn Wes Lang about messing with the House. After his brutal attack, some are questioning whether you had something to do with it. What are your thoughts?



All that this illustrates is that Mr. Lang should listened to me when he had the chance.



As I stated before, I am a man of the future, from the year 2520 to be precise. I've defeated various races of creatures & won championships in multiple galaxies.




I've come here to cement my place in history by defeat the legends before my time.



I was just testing whether my involvement would affect things. I couldn't care less about that flash in the pan.



This is Quark Muldoon signing off.

[NoJabbaNoBogRoll]

Phineas Dinsdale, number one contender. Sounds pretty good.



It' be a shame if somebody were to spoil that, costing me millions of dollars in therapy.



That spot should be mine, without this stupidly unsafe match.



Do your damn jobs, PAIN Patrol.



But you won't be responsible if I suffer a serious injury, or don't win this match.



MAW management will.



I offered them a way out. I gave them the opportunity to make me the number one contender, without having to face murderers and the serious risk of broken bones.



I know Orrin doesn't give two craps if he has to pay me a hundred million dollars, but what about Sonny?



How would the board of directors feel if they found out you were allowing an unsafe and illegal working environment to be swept under the rug?



Not to mention all the mental anguish suits, that you allowed your business partner to "take care of".



I think they'd be pretty pissed.



They might even cut off your balls.



Probably not, but they'd at least reprimand you.



So for your sake, I really hope I win this battle royale.



Keep that in mind.

[MVP]

Tucker: Well well well, if it isn't the Usurper.



Class: Isn't it the other way around? Parsons was in charge of The House before Ted O'Donnell won the World Title.



The only thing Parsons should be in charge of is polishing Belty once Ted wins it back.







Teddy-O, your career is drawing to a close, while mine is about to reach its pinnacle.



Rodney told me in one of his visions that you'll be thrown out of the House at my hands, and you will fail to win The Frenzy to save your job, again at my hands.

I doubt Rodney saw that.



Ending your career will give me more pleasure than getting my own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.



And that's like, 3 or 4 years down the road I'm sure.



In fact, 3 or 4 years down the road, Teddy-O will be pumping the tires in your Geo Metros.



Maybe he'll work his way up the ladder and pump the tires of my BMW one day.



I'm not worried about winning the Frenzy. I've won it before and I'm the most experienced, so naturally I'm the favorite to win it.



The only thing I can think about right now is ridding The House, and this company, of the plague known as Ted O'Donnell.



I'm going to do to him what he did to Nowhere Man last year, except everyone will praise me for it.



I warned you not to wake the dragon, Ted.



Because your career is about to go up in smoke.



7% of the audience has driven a Geo Metro at some point.

[Innovator]

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THIS MAN*







Funny how I make a little reference then you come ramming it down the collective throat of the audience.



Fitting isn't it, you always one step behind me.



Michael Vincent Parsons: The Professional Catch-up Artist.



The biography writes itself.



Just like Melee...you'll be one step behind me.



A little crack is all I need to destroy the foundation of your career.



I'm not going out on Melee.



I'm going out at the age of 80 with a belly full of wine and a women's mouth ar-

Class: MAW Censor Team on top of their game tonight.



One more time, Ted O'Donnell and Michael Parsons face off.



Anything goes.



Well, everything but your career.





My spot on top of the House will be cemented...



Yours will auctioned off for charity.



*buzz buzz*



I AM THE KING OF HEELS DAMMIT



ANYONE MAKING AN IRON THRONE REFERENCE SHOULD BOW DOWN TO THE TRUE KING!



SCREW THAT KING OF THE NORTH GUY, GINGER BASTARD.



LOL. GAUNTLET TITLE FOREVZ. 8==D.





After I retire you, put you out to pasture next to Gerald...



He's next.

[Nowhere Man]

I see skiiiieees of bluuuue......clouds of white.......the bright blessed day, and the dark sacred niiiiiight.....



.....and I think to myself.......what a wonderful--

Deandra. A word with you, if I may.



Oh hi, Mister Colvig! It's good to see you again!



Did you see what I did to the Chamber match at Body Count? Pretty neat, huh?

I did see that, Deandra. And that's precisely what I want to talk to you about.



Your inclusion of weaponry in the Chamber changed the landscape of the match. Daight was never intended to walk out of that match with the Championship. There was a very specific series of events meant to unfold in the course of those men's lives, and your actions drastically changed them.



I know, right? Isn't it cool?

No, Deandra. It is not 'cool' at all. You have hijacked and derailed a path to rehabilitation and redemption, not just for one man, but for the entirety of MAW. Now the path they face is one of chaos and pain.



Well, that's......that's what I do, isn't it? I pull people down just when they're on their way up. I hold people back when they're about to leap forward.



I just can't help but fuck things up everywhere I go, can I?



That's what my little Seymour said about me. That's why Ted O'Donnell brought me back.



And if all I'm good for is spreading misery and chaos everywhere I go, why not do it on a scale where it really matters?

And is that why you're associating with O'Donnell, then? To impose your destructive influence on the top tier of MAW's performers?



No. I did it to hurt Seymour. Plain and simple.



See, Ted, he's...........he's more like Seymour than either of them know. And I don't just mean because he talks about Game of Thrones a lot.



I don't want to get into too many of the details, but look at Seymour now. Look at how he talks about himself. How Lou being Champion again just eats at Seymour.



Remind you of anyone?

I believe I see what you're implying. But if that's the case, then why consort with O'Donnell? Why not align yourself with Lou in the first place?



Oh, because Lou would hold back. And Ted won't. He's been through what Seymour is going through now, and even though he won't admit it, toppling the man who cast a shadow over him didn't do him any good.



And since Ted is still frustrated and unfulfilled even after destroying his tormentor, he's going to take it upon himself to be a tormentor to Seymour. Which means he'll be willing and eager to hurt him worse than anyone can imagine.



Plus he's got really cute butt.



So you intend to break Seymour down by engineering a reckoning between him and Daight, with O'Donnell as the catalyst. What about the others? Parsons, Electric, Smith, the House, all of them are tangled in this conflict you're creating. What endgame do you have in mind?



Oh, Mister Colvig. You really don't get me some times, do you?



People like you are logical. So they have to assume a logical explanation for terrible things. People like you assume that people like me use pain and destruction to get what they want.



But the truth is?



Pain and destruction....is what I want.

[Savior]

Interviewer: Colin with all this talk about job it is seems as if you are forgetting about your opponent for MAW?



Colin: What? No, I am not forgetting about Steele. No good wrestler who loves the business forgets about their opponent. But I understand the reason why you might think that.



Believe me I would love to become the gauntlet champion and I believe I will...as long as Job is taken out before hand. If he is not then he will pull the same old crap- I'm sorrypardon my french, the same old shenanigans again.



Which is why doom is going to do the right thing and take out Job with the help of Jeff and Kidd.



Interviewer: What about Steele?

Colin: Afterwards me and Steele will have a nice one-on-one contest with no outside interference.



I promise

[loopydate]

Looking through this eight-man match, and it's like a "who's who" of guys on the cusp.



But all I can think about is the fact that there's a "plan," and my being the World Champion doesn't fit into it.



She's not behind me, is she?



'Cause you'd tell me if she was, right?



No.



But I'd jump in the way if she tried to stab you with something.



Thanks, Thoos.



That's very kind.



Screw "kind."



I'm praying that the alien hunter tries to kill the slug in my brain.



But I'll settle for a little broken-glass stab.



Anyway, the reason I sought you out was this.



The first time I was World Champion, I walked into the first-ever Chamber match, but someone else walked out with it.



At Body Count, Ted O'Donnell walked in, I walked out.



And now the ball's rolling downhill, picking up steam, and I've got a former World Champion, a guy who kidnapped my cousin, the cornerstone of the House, the man who almost won the big one a month ago, a monster with an encyclopedic knowledge of human anatomy, a guy who's gonna be hoping for a little Dee interference, and an alleged murderer all gunning for me.



After I get through whoever wins that, I go to the main event at Mania where I then have to take on the man who wins a match against the entire MAW roster, including at least one guy who will be literally fighting for his career.



You've been that guy giving chase this time of year.



How do I beat that guy?



You stopped listening after "alleged murderer," didn't you?

Hm?

[The Vindicator]

Alright, Swishypants.



Or should I say.....GHOST of Swishypants.



You think you can come in here and be all like....



"Oooooo, my name is Swishypants. I'm a ghost and stuff. I'm going to torment Slater because he killed me."



Well, I've got news for you.



I've been to the place of eternal torment. I know what's it's like down there.



Deep down in the inky pits that is known only as "The Boiler Room."



It was there that I first saw the light of Most Holy Skybox.



.....Well, technically, it was out the door and up a few flights of stairs but....you know.



My point is....



I'm not afraid of you and your unholy supernaturalness. Rather, I find it offending.



And in response, in the name of Holy Skybox......



I will put an end to your vile unnatural ways, even if I have to exorcise a lead pipe across your face until you bleed ghost blood.



.......



And when I'm done doing that, I'm going to dispose of your ghost body.



I've found the perfect incinerator, and have already bestowed upon it the ancient and noble blessings of Skybox.



And then no one will ever have to listen to your incessant ghost wailing ever again.



See you there, Swishypants McGhostloser.

[Avenger]

One down, three to go?






Really Thunder? Really? You are truly deluded, aren't you?



You see, you may be one up in the series. But we all saw what happened at Body Count. I left with the upper hand...



You sit there like there's nothing wrong with you... like you aren't hurting in your very bones.




I know you're hurting Thunder. I'm the one who did it to you. And why did I do it?



Because once again... I slipped up. I let you get lucky. Despite the fact that I was far superior in every way... I let you get lucky.



Well that's not going to happen again!



You think you have some kind of upper hand? You think you have some kind of advantage?



You don't know what's coming next... You couldn't begin to imagine the pain I will unleash on you over the next several weeks.



Body Count was just a taster and... well - losing kind of works for me.



You see -- you think you have this thing pegged. You think that the little beat-down you got is irrelevant in the grand scheme if you keep picking up wins like you did at Body Count.



I know how you think... and you're wrong.



I am going to take you apart... piece by piece -- mind... body... and soul.



Body Count was just the start... Body Count was a mistake -- but not a wasted endeavour.



But from now on... Anarchy will reign. Because Body Count taught me two things... One -- mistakes must be avoided at all costs...


And two -- you are nowhere near ready for this...



You are nowhere near ready for the marathon of pain I have in store for you...

[Savior]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!



I don't think he is scheduled to have an interview now, why is he coming out here?





Sir, I know the show is about to start soon but kindly disinfect and hand me that microphone.



Thank you, Now I'm sure you weren't expecting me out here heck, I wasn't expecting to speak at all until Steele came out and did a promo against me.



But that's just it. He hasn't said anything, I'll feeling disrespected..... And these fans should feel disrespected as well. Because he doesn't care about this company any more and he definitely doesn't care about this sport.



No he doesn't want to deliver and make these fans happy, he just wants to stay in his retirement home and collect his pay checks.



What baffles me is these people still like him more than me, and I am only trying to make this company a safer place and give everyone some nice clean action.



But I have accepted that they don't understand...Just like Steele will have to accept that his career is all but over. If these fans don't understand that now, they will come MAW.

[MVP]

Then I told the patient that his boil had so much puss, it should have its own area code.



I mean you should have seen the thing. It was like Mt. St. Helens once I took a needle to it.



Can we get back to talking about wrestling? Your medical stories always gross me out.



Sorry, I go on tangents when talking about puss.



I'm excited that two of us have the opportunity to bring gold back to the PAIN Patrol.



I have full confidence that my colleague, Colin Powers, will defeat Mr. Steele for the Gauntlet Title.



Then all he has to do is win 10 matches before facing me for the World Heavyweight Title. It's a win-win for the PAIN Patrol.



Perhaps I'm being overconfident, but I think I have a good chance at winning the Battle Royale on Melee.



A lot of my opponents do not understand the physics involved in maneuvering a body out of the ring over the top rope.



I on the other hand, have an extensive knowledge of physics and will use that to my advantage to easily eliminate my opponents and prevent them from gaining any leverage back into the ring.



Not to mention, I have physics on my side to prevent me from being eliminated.



So it's presumably a sure-thing that I'll become #1 contender for the World Title.



You also have your weight on your side. What's it take like... 5 guys just to get you over the top rope?



That was below the belt.

[Fangel]

Well Ryan, you have been unusually quite as of late.



Some are saying it is because you are afraid of Razo---



Whhhooooaaaaaaaaa hold up.



Someone thinks I am afraid of that delusional shrimp?



Really.



Well how



Now let me say, he is one who can easily mess with peoples heads.



But do you really think he can mess with mine?



HA! Fat chance.



No my good man, I was on vacation. Took a little break see, to celebrate my winning.



Right after my name day, where I was officially recorded into the MAW record books for being the second person to win the Tag Titles BY HIMSELF. I decided to get away from it all and mostly away from Doomhammer before he tried anything.



Beer.



Campfires.



I wanted a nice medium rare steak, but that longhaired hippy that was cooking brought it overdone and with a pretty bitter rub on it.



But I said what the hell.



I ate it anyway.



You ate a bitter tasting steak from a long haired guy you didn't really know leading up to a match with Razorthirst Doomhammer.



Get a doctor!