01-09-2010, 09:45 PM | #41 |
Loque Ja
Posts: 87,903
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Lenny: "It's a secret..."
Karl: "Shut uuuuuup!" |
01-09-2010, 09:46 PM | #42 |
Unnecessarily awesome
Posts: 8,323
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Homer: Bart, you're coming home.
Bart: I want to stay here with Mr. Burns. Burns: I suggest you leave immediately. Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you? Well, go ahead -- do your worst! [Burns slams the door and locks it] [disbelieving] He locked the door! I'll show him -- [rings the doorbell and runs away] Or the outtake: Mr. Burns: My worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons. |
01-09-2010, 10:10 PM | #43 |
He's Here
Posts: 60,735
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Never understood why they didn't put that Richard Simmons gag in. It was hilarious.
Maybe timing issues. |
01-10-2010, 12:02 AM | #44 |
Loque Ja
Posts: 87,903
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"KKK?! That's NOT good!"
"Let's just say it moved me... TO A BIGGER HOUSE!! Ohhh... I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet." |
01-10-2010, 02:57 AM | #45 | |
They/Them
Posts: 15,326
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Quote:
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01-10-2010, 03:16 AM | #46 |
Angel Headed Hipster
Posts: 37,942
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They call 'em fingers, but I never seem 'em fing. Oh, there they go.
-Otto |
01-10-2010, 05:15 AM | #47 |
I'm Mr. White Christmas
Posts: 44,526
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Marge: C'mon, Homer, Japan will be fun. You like Rashoman.
Homer: That's not how I remember it. Besides, if we wanted to see Japanese people we could have gone to the zoo. Marge: Homer. Homer: What? The guy who washes the elephants is Japanese. His name is Takashi. He's in my book club. Chief Wiggum: We'll track down Simpson with your vehicles anti-theft system. Car System: Car gone Car gone! Chief Wiggum: Yeah, we know that. Where has it gone to? Car System: Car gone! Car gone! Car gone! Homer: I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute. Homer's ghost: Marge you gotta help me, I have to do one good deed to get into heaven. Marge: Well I got a whole list of chores: clean the garage, paint the house... Homer's ghost: Whoa whoa whoa. I'm just trying to get in, I'm not running for Jesus. |
01-10-2010, 05:16 AM | #49 |
I'm Mr. White Christmas
Posts: 44,526
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Kent Brockman: We win again. But the real winners here are Marge's Hors D'Oeuvres.
Homer: How do you come up with such witty remarks? [focuses in on ear plug/mic] Guy in the van: I guess you could say its my racket. Kent Brockman: I guess you could say I'm Iraqi. Homer: Get off my property. |
01-10-2010, 05:18 AM | #50 |
I'm Mr. White Christmas
Posts: 44,526
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Doctor: Mr. Burns, I'm afraid you are the sickest man in the United States. You have everything.
Mr. Burns: You mean I have pneumonia? Doctor: Yes. Mr. Burns: Juvenile diabetes? Doctor: Yes. Mr. Burns: Hysterical pregnancy? Doctor: Uh, a little bit, yes. You also have several diseases that have just been discovered - in you. Mr. Burns: I see. You sure you haven't just made thousands of mistakes? Doctor: Uh, no, no, I'm afraid not. Mr. Burns: This sounds like bad news. Doctor: Well, you'd think so, but all of your diseases are in perfect balance. Uh, if you have a moment, I can explain. Mr. Burns: Well... [looks at his watch] Mr. Burns: [the Doctor puts a tiny model house door on his desk] Doctor: Here's the door to your body, see? [bring up some small fuzz balls with goofy faces and limbs from under the desk] Doctor: And these are oversized novelty germs. [points to a different one up as he names each disease] Doctor: That's influenza, that's bronchitis, [holds up one] Doctor: and this cute little cuddle-bug is pancreatic cancer. Here's what happens when they all try to get through the door at once. [tries to cram a bunch through the model door. The "germs" get stuck] Doctor: [Stooge-like] Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo. Move it, chowderhead. [normal voice] Doctor: We call it, "Three Stooges Syndrome". Mr. Burns: So what you're saying is, I'm indestructible. Doctor: Oh, no, no, in fact, even slight breeze could... Mr. Burns: Indestructible. |
01-10-2010, 05:20 AM | #51 |
Unnecessarily awesome
Posts: 8,323
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Abe: What, seeeex? What's so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about sex? I had seeex.
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01-10-2010, 05:22 AM | #52 |
I'm Mr. White Christmas
Posts: 44,526
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[Bart and Milhouse are watching a secret tape of police informants]
Ned Flanders: I really hate to be a snitch. Chief Wiggum: Don't worry, your yellow-bellied ratting will be held in the strictest confidence. Ned Flanders: Well, in that case, my neighbor Homer released a radioactive ape into my house. It's, uh, taken over the top floor. Bart: It wasn't dad's fault. The ape tricked him. |
01-10-2010, 06:35 AM | #53 |
VG + Q&A FORUM REPRESENT
Posts: 2,957
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"i dunno marge, "trying" is the first step towards failure"- homer
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01-10-2010, 08:47 AM | #54 |
Von Killer
Posts: 4,471
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0:13
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01-10-2010, 09:37 AM | #55 |
Baird
Posts: 27,345
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Homer rants are the best. From Secrets of a Successful Marriage:
Marge: Mmm, I'm happy about that. But I think you can be a good teacher and still respect our privacy. Homer: Look, Marge, you don't know what it's like. _I'm_ the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! _You're_ out of order. The whole freaking _system_ is out of order. You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown. Marge: Homer, don't _ever_ tell them personal stuff about me again! Homer: [meek] Yes ma'am. |
01-10-2010, 09:37 AM | #56 |
Tedious Inevitability
Posts: 7,521
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Mr Simpson, this is the most blatant case of false advertising since my suit against The Never-Ending Story.
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01-10-2010, 10:08 AM | #57 |
King K Cool
Posts: 28,472
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Homer: Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from Happyland, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Laaaane!
*Homer slams the bedroom door behind him and quickly opens it again* Homer: Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic! Marge: Well, duh! ---- Lyle Lanley: I'm here to answer any questions you have about the monorail. Kid 1: Can it outrun The Flash? Lyle Lanley: You bet! Kid 2: Can Superman outrun The Flash? Lyle Lanley: Uh, sure, why not? ---- Homer: Do you want to change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you HoJu! *Awkward silence* Bart: I'll get back to you. ---- *A ghost of Moe appears behind the bar* Moe: So, what'll it be, Homer? Homer: Moe, gimme a beer! Moe: No. Not unless you kill your family. Homer: Why should I kill my family? Moe: Uh, they'd be much happier as ghosts. Homer: You don't look so happy. Moe: Oh, I'm happy! I'm very happy! La-la-la-la-la-la-la! See? Now waste your family and I'll give you a beer! ---- And also.... |
01-10-2010, 10:34 AM | #58 |
Baird
Posts: 27,345
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Grampa: Son, you're as stupid as a mule and twice as ugly. So if a stranger offers you a ride, I'd say take it.
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01-10-2010, 12:04 PM | #59 |
quesque fuck?
Posts: 23,502
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Homer: Oh my God! Underage kids drinking without a permit!
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01-10-2010, 12:39 PM | #60 |
President of Freedonia
Posts: 58,178
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Mr. Burns: "One dollar for eternal happiness? Hmm...I think I'd be happier WITH the dollar."
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01-10-2010, 01:22 PM | #61 |
Get a poke on
Posts: 35,234
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Does anybody have change for a button?
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01-10-2010, 01:45 PM | #62 |
You know that’s right
Posts: 52,689
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Yes
From Fear of Flying Homer: Come on, Marge, I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls. I'm sick of eating hoagies. I want a grinder, a sub, a foot-long hero...I want to live, Marge! Won't you let me live? Won't you please?! |
01-10-2010, 02:36 PM | #63 |
Angel Headed Hipster
Posts: 37,942
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Homer: How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy that gives those sermons in church? Captain What's-his-name. We live in a society of laws, why do you think I took you to see all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughing. Did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Vroom. Beep. Honk. Honk. Ha-ha. Where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze.
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01-10-2010, 02:40 PM | #64 |
You know that’s right
Posts: 52,689
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I have misplaced my pants. |
01-10-2010, 02:57 PM | #65 |
Jamiroquai Bodega
Posts: 18,627
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NOT A FAVORITE but just popped in my head:
Burns: Damnit Smithers it's not rocket science, it's brain surgery! |
01-10-2010, 03:14 PM | #66 |
King K Cool
Posts: 28,472
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Bart: So I said to Mabel, I said....
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01-10-2010, 03:18 PM | #67 |
Jamiroquai Bodega
Posts: 18,627
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Reading over this thread makes me really hate family guy a lot
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01-10-2010, 03:39 PM | #68 |
Inno Knows.
Posts: 43,710
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Homer: "You'll have to speak up I'm wearing a towel"
Homer: "Hospital Please" Last edited by Innovator; 01-10-2010 at 03:47 PM. |
01-10-2010, 03:48 PM | #69 |
adjective noun
Posts: 30,416
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01-10-2010, 04:00 PM | #70 |
King K Cool
Posts: 28,472
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Australian Man: You call that a knife? THIS is a knife!
*The Australian Man brandishes a spoon* Bart: That's not a knife, that's a spoon. Australian Man: Alright, alright, you win. I see you've played Knifey-Spoony before. |
01-10-2010, 04:21 PM | #71 |
He's Here
Posts: 60,735
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"Is this the end of Zombie Shakespeare?"
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01-10-2010, 05:13 PM | #72 |
adjective noun
Posts: 30,416
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So Ned, do you like dune buggies?
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01-10-2010, 05:26 PM | #73 | |
They/Them
Posts: 15,326
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Quote:
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01-10-2010, 05:43 PM | #74 |
Unnecessarily awesome
Posts: 8,323
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Smithers: Mr. Simpson, are you listening? [Homer eats an orange] Simpson?!
Homer: Huh? Yeah, I was listening. Very funny. Moe: Oh, you were not! You were just eating a damn orange. Homer: Well, yes, yes, to the untrained eye, I'm eating an orange, but to the eye that has brains, I'm making a point about marriage! For you see, marriage is a lot like an orange. First, you have the skin...then the sweet, sweet innards... [devours it] |
01-10-2010, 05:46 PM | #75 |
Unnecessarily awesome
Posts: 8,323
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Zombie Flanders: Hey Simpson! I'm feeling a mite peckish.
[sinisterly] Mind if I chew your EAR? Homer wastes him. Bart: Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders! Homer: He was a Zombie!? |
01-10-2010, 05:59 PM | #76 |
I believe in Joe Hendry
Posts: 22,323
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01-10-2010, 06:02 PM | #77 |
adjective noun
Posts: 30,416
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She's not going to leave you right before Valentine's Day. That'd be like going to an air show and leaving before the plane crash.
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01-10-2010, 06:39 PM | #78 |
King K Cool
Posts: 28,472
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Millhouse: Everything's coming up Millhouse!
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01-10-2010, 06:47 PM | #79 |
You know that’s right
Posts: 52,689
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Homer: I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
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01-10-2010, 06:50 PM | #80 |
Unnecessarily awesome
Posts: 8,323
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Dr. J. Loren Pryor: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, there's nothing to be alarmed about. Public school can be intimidating to a young child, particularly one with as many flamboyantly homosexual tendencies as your son.
Marge Simpson: Bart's gay? Dr. J. Loren Pryor: Bart? [looks at the file] Dr. J. Loren Pryor: Ah, whoo, wrong file. [puts the file, labeled "Milhouse Van Houten," back] |