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Old 04-01-2006, 05:08 PM   #1
Corkscrewed
 
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BREAKING NEWS: ERIC EASTWOOD PROCLAIMED GREATEST MAN EVER!!!
CNN is reporting that in an overwhelming landslide, Eric Eastwood was elected president of Earth in the world's first ever global elections. Despite a warning time of approximately 7.24 minutes, nearly 3.7 billion people turned out and cast their ballot to vote Mr. Eastwood, who was running on the "Dead People Really Aren't Dead" ballot, to office.
AS LONG AS PEOPLE ARE POSTING
Eric Eastwood is best known for curing AIDS, cancer, the ebola virus, and creating a juice extracted from the fountain of youth that current prevents aging. Last year, he also singlehandedly saved the entire world from supreme comet impact destruction when he looked at the comet and it spontaneously exploded.
BLATANTLY FAKE ARTICLES
In his spare time, Eric enjoys long walks on the beach, poetry, and having sex with the 49 hottest women on earth. He has given many lectures that have revealed the secret of how to be popular, smart, athletic, cool, and richer than your wildest dreams.
I MIGHT AS WELL JOIN IN
Many years ago, Eastwood was credited with training some of the greatest wrestlers ever, included Bret Hart, Chris Benoit, Kurt Angle, and Yokozuna. It was Eastwood who taught all of them how to wrestle as well as they have. Also, he has fathered numerous great superstars such as Triple H and Stone Cold Steve Austin. The Rock himself once said that he wished he could be as well hung as Eric Eastwood.
ON ALL THE FUN
Mr. Eastwood promises a global reign of freedom and righteousness. He has already convinced the world's terrorist organizations to lay down their arms. Upon news of his election, Israel and the Palestinian territory laid down their arms and proclaimed peace and love for each other. In other news, Eastwood's first order of action was to personally piledrive Osama Bin Laden off a cliff and through 65 burning tables with dynamite, barbed wire, and bombs, along with 80 ladders and 5 steel chairs. Osama was killed instantly, but Mr. Eastwood reportedly gained a solid 25 pounds of muscle through the ordeal.
THAT APRIL FOOLS DAY BRINGS.
In the 4 hours since his election, the world has already seen a crime rate drop to zero, and global warming has miraculously vanished, leaving the Earth in a sudden pristine state.
DON'T YOU AGREE?
We wish Global President Eric Eastwood the best of reigns, and we triumphantly proclaim him as the greatest man ever!!!!

~ Source: CNN.com
Last edited by Corkscrewed; 04-01-2006 at 05:16 PM.
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Old 04-01-2006, 05:11 PM   #2
FourFifty
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FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
It's so stupid I laughed.
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Old 04-01-2006, 05:12 PM   #3
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Read the black text and you'll realize it's supposed to be so stupid as to be funny. i.e. it's an April Fools day article, right?
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Old 04-01-2006, 05:14 PM   #4
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I agree
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Old 04-01-2006, 05:14 PM   #5
Corkscrewed
 
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Old 04-01-2006, 05:20 PM   #6
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you know you are my favorite poster right?
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Old 04-01-2006, 05:32 PM   #7
Lock Jaw
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Eric Eastwood isn't so great. I WILL BREAK HIS BACK AND MAKE HIM HUMBLE.
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Old 04-01-2006, 05:34 PM   #8
glycerine
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

well, ok.
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Old 04-01-2006, 05:37 PM   #9
Nervous Ferret
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Hey look I'm Corkscrewed, some people say I hate black people.
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Old 04-01-2006, 05:37 PM   #10
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APRIL FOOLS! Everybody says that.
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Old 04-01-2006, 05:38 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FourFifty
I'm so stupid I laughed.

ME TO!
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Old 04-01-2006, 06:27 PM   #12
NeanderCarl
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Based on this post, we elected the wrong man!

CORKSCREWED 4 PRES
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Old 04-01-2006, 07:12 PM   #13
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Hey Gly, why should I change my name to "CI"?

And who's CI?
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Old 04-01-2006, 07:14 PM   #14
Nervous Ferret
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Criminal Intent
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Old 04-01-2006, 11:54 PM   #15
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o...kay...
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Old 04-02-2006, 12:12 AM   #16
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I got banned for doing the same thing corky.
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Old 04-02-2006, 12:29 AM   #17
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On April Fools day?
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Old 04-02-2006, 11:47 AM   #18
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.......correct.
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Old 04-02-2006, 05:49 PM   #19
Kane Knight
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Let it rest...

...IN PEACE! *DONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!*
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Old 04-02-2006, 07:00 PM   #20
McDoogle
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I do not agree.
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Old 04-03-2006, 04:51 PM   #21
tucsonspeed6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nervous Ferret
Hey look I'm Corkscrewed, some people say I hate black people.
Angle became top face on Smackdown shortly after coming out of the racist closet. If it worked for him, why not Corky?
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Old 04-03-2006, 05:32 PM   #22
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Old 12-18-2012, 04:40 AM   #23
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the fuck did Corkscrewed disappear to anyway?
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Old 12-18-2012, 05:08 AM   #24
Tazz Dan
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Not sure, you should go find him
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Old 08-18-2014, 04:53 AM   #25
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I noticed this thread cuz it's on the list of most recent reps received (which should tell you how long it's been), and someone was like "you're a faggot cocksucker and should die," and I cannot remember what I was satiring with the original post anymore.

Man... it's been a really long time since I was posting here regularly. I feel like [insert whichever analogy for best part time wrestler you feel is appropriate].
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Old 08-18-2014, 07:25 AM   #26
owenbrown
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lol forgot I was the first to bump this
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Old 08-18-2014, 07:43 AM   #27
Shisen Kopf
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Poor form.
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Old 08-19-2014, 05:05 PM   #28
Corkscrewed
 
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After some pondering, I think it was a TPWW forum member who was making terrible posts at the time. Maybe.
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