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Old 09-28-2009, 02:34 AM   #1
Fignuts
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Coach McGuirk quotes
See this? That's right that's the woman from the Chiquita Banana. I get drunk one night, and now my body looks like a grocery store. Dont get a tattoo. Play soccer.


CALL A YELLOW CARD REF; YELLOW CARD REF, YELLOW CARD. Brendon, what's a yellow card? ... Oh it's literal... well that's just stupid..


Remember what I told you about Area 51. Brendon: Yeah, it's where they store the frozen bodies of the aliens that landed on earth. McGuirk: What about Area 52? Brendon: It's where they store the frozen bodies of the illegal aliens. McGuirk: Very good. It's also a porn movie.


A couple of days I did. Alright, and I ran with a gang. The gang was called the Feelgoods. It wasn't the toughtest gang in the world... it was more like running with the cast of a broadway musical. Very annoying. Alot of freaky interpretive dance stuff - beads, makeup - in other words *drugs*, Brendon.


It would make SENSE For your market to take these swords. It's a great deal, these swords are worth way more money than this food.


Hi. I'm John McGuirk, and I am a professional soccer coach at the elementary school level. The kind of woman I'm interested in is the type that is still watching this tape. I also have a very nice car, although technically I don't have legal access to it at this time.

This sausage is probably eighteen years old... This sausage could vote. It could go to war and die for its country.

Why am I coaching soccer? And why am I not coaching public speaking?!? Because that's all you people do is public speak!!!

There's a Tornado. Split up. Yeah. If you get sucked into the funnel and everyone's separated it's just like a fun ride. But if you're all in a group, in a cluster, you start banging into each other, then your heads collide and you die.

Oh, that's genius Melissa. What a great idea. Let me write that down. So you're saying what I have to do to fall asleep, is go to sleep. Right? Is that what you're saying, Melissa? Good. 'Cause it's brilliant! You should write a book! You should give seminars, all right, you'll make millions of dollars! Attention all insomniacs, all you have to do to fall asleep, is LIE IN YOUR BED.


So I got drunk, and I went into the parlor and said "Give me a picture of that cow on the cheese 'cuz I love that cheese. Give me that cow on that cheese.

Mistrial, Brendon. Also, Your Honor, uh, Brendon was suffering from dementia, which, uh, was passed down to him from... me. I don't even know where I am right now, Your Honor.

Brendon: Coach, do you think I'm stupid? McGuirk: Of course you're stupid, Brendon, all kids are stupid.

Actually, soccer is not the only thing I teach. Soccer is fall and winter. I also have a spring sport, which is also soccer, but they're seperated, so I guess I only teach soccer.

Brendon: I'm NOT retarded. McGuirk: Yes you are, Brendon, now shut up. Uh, Your Honor, during the day of the accident, Brendon was suffering from a severe bout of, uh, mentally challenged... stuff.

Uh, this is a poem I call "New York Times". New York Times. / New York Times. / You think you're better than us? / Us? / U-S? / USA? / No Way. Thank you.

Well, fighting is bad to begin with, right? So if you're going to fight, you're already wrong. I mean, you're already at the party, so why not fight dirty?

Women are an interesting bunch. I'll make an analogy here, they're like GRAPES... Well, Thats all I've got, really. You see, I said BUNCH, so I thought of GRAPES. If I had said women are an interesting GROUP..I would've thought of... damn it i thought of grapes again

You wanna know something? *Anyone* can become a soccer coach. Like, they don't regulate. Like you don't have to get a degree, right? So you're qualified.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mondo Gecko View Post

He's like aw shit!
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Old 09-28-2009, 02:49 AM   #2
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That guy owns. Great lines from him.
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Old 09-28-2009, 02:53 AM   #3
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I have never watched Home Movies. I feel like I'm missing out
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Old 09-28-2009, 02:56 AM   #4
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It is awesome. Some people do not "get it". It's worth watching just for coach mcguirk tho.
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Old 09-28-2009, 03:10 AM   #5
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Home Movies kinda sucks except for Coach McGuirk
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Old 09-28-2009, 08:06 AM   #6
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Shut the fuck up, Skippord, you little shit.

I own all four seasons of Home Movies on DVD because I am a geek, but I seriously could watch them over and over again...and I do.
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Old 09-28-2009, 09:35 AM   #7
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I find Home Movies to be quite awesome
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Old 09-28-2009, 10:56 AM   #8
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Brendon: Coach there are stars.

McGuirk: Whatever Brendon.
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Old 09-28-2009, 01:11 PM   #9
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Home Movies is probably one of my top 3 favorite shows ever.
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Old 09-28-2009, 01:18 PM   #10
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1:52-5:00 is the best thing I have ever seen:
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