|05-29-2013, 12:43 AM||#1|
MAW MELEE (EPISODE IX)
Tonight's show comes to us live from the American Airlines Arena in Miami, Florida.
Inside, the opening pyro kicks off the show.
Tucker: Ladies and gentlemen, the time is nearly here! I'm Tanner Tucker, alongside Roger "The Captain" Class, and we're only two shows away from ForuMania VI! It's MAW Melee, and we've got one hell of a show in store for you tonight!
Class: That's right, folks! Lou P. Daight and Ted O'Donnell are two of the three men involved in ForuMania's World Championship main event, and tonight they're planning to soften each other up in tag team action! Both men chose their opponent's partners for this match, so it's no surprise that they picked partners with no love for the man in their corner. The Debt Collector picked Ryan Rampage, one of Lou's most dangerous enemies. And Lou? He picked A Bear. So that's.....that's gonna be interesting.
Tucker: And even though he's not Ted O'Donnell and therefore beneath my contempt, we can't forget about the third man in the Mania Title match. Seymour's back in the ring for the first time since the Great and All-Powerful Debt Collector smote him with holy vengeance at the Frenzy. And he's going one-on-one with another returning superstar, the man who won the World Title at last year's ForuMania, Danny Electric!
Class: More to come as well, as James Steele defends the Gauntlet Title against SuperMax! Phineas Dinsdale goes one-on-one with Methuselah Wilson! And Rocky Brenham, Slater, Sadistic Dick, and Tyler Frost all go at it for the #1 contender spot for the Anarchy Division Title!
Tucker: But first, here's two delusional idiots whom I hate and wish would just go away forever.
MATCH #1: RAZORTHIRST "DAVID" DOOMHAMMER vs. TERMINATOR
Here comes Codename: Terminator, to a mighty loud storm of boos from the crowd!
Well, he IS willfully associating with Job Conquest, so I"d boo him, too.
Yeah, but you boo everybody.
And the crowd erupts for Razorthirst Doomhammer!
This guy is a blithering idiot who claims to be pure evil, why would anyone cheer for him?!
You're just jealous.
Bottom line, Tease, Doomhammer is out to prove he's still evil...
...and he's about to clash with the man who thinks his overlords are demanding he take his tag title belt for the safety of mankind!
They lock up.
Terminator powers Doomhammer into a corner...
...but Doomhammer turns the tide...
...and launches him with a massive monkey flip.
Man, that was an incredible free-fall face-plant!
Doomhammer picks up Terminator, but the soldier shifts his weight...
...and slips Razorthirst into Walton's Revenge!
Wow, Terminator means business tonight! He's trying to put Doomhammer out so he can swipe that belt!
Doomhammer wriggles out of the sleeper...
...and rams Termy into the turnbuckle.
Terminator staggers out of the corner, mildly dazed...
...and walks straight into a Hellrazor!
Hellrazor! David might have him here!
Job Conquest? What's doing out here?
Ruining a match, like always.
What's up, Dingus?
Preposterous! It you, O Disruptor of Matches, who is the di--
Thanks to the distraction, Doomhammer takes a knee to the gut...
...followed by a wicked neckbreaker.
OH! Advantage suddenly swings to Terminator!
Yeah, thanks to that smug little douche bag.
Hey, what's that--?
It's Langston English!!
Did he just dive from the lighting rig?!
He's landed right on top of Job Conquest! Langston English just risked life and limb to even the odds for his best friend!
But will it be enough?!
Conquest, you absolute fool! For this tresspass, I shall reveal to the world a secret you've held for thirteen long years...
Job Conquest has naked pictures of Dermot Mulroney.
No, he didn't tell them that...!
Job runs off as Doomhammer enjoys his minor victory.
But the riled Terminator takes this moment to strike!
Terminator going for the pin!
Terminator with a blindside victory over Razorthirst Doomhammer!
Doomhammer can't believe it!
Hey! Langston is back on his feet!
And he's got a Deadpan for Terminator!
English may not have saved the match-up, but he certainly sent a message!
I just hope it's a code The Hub can translate!
Stop trying to be clever.
|05-29-2013, 12:44 AM||#2|
MATCH #2: ANARCHY DIVISION #1 CONTENDER'S MATCH:
SADISTIC DICK vs. ROCKY BRENHAM vs. SLATER vs. TYLER FROST
During the commercial break, Slater came to ringside and has been making a rampway from the barricade to the ring with a table.
That guy really is a moron.
He sets it up and climbs into the ring.
Only to be startled by Rocky Brenham who came into the ring through the audience.
And falls backwards.
Through the table, knocking himself out.
You said it.
Tyler Frost begins making his way to the ring.
Well at least this guy likely won't make such an idiotic move.
That remains to be seen.
Climbs in the ring.
And is attacked immediately by Brenham.
Looks like he isn't fairing much better than old Slater.
Nope, Brenham is going to town and the match hasn't even started yet.
Brenham chomps him across the sternum
That seems to be his game plan, getting in a few shots before Dick gets to the ring.
And shoots him off the ropes.
Yeah, well is doing a good job of it.
Frost is looking overwhelmed by the unexpected attack.
Where is Dick anyway?
And falls to his knees.
What's this? Sadistic Dick on the top
That answer your question pal?
And lands square across Frost!
*DING DING DING*
The match has just started and we have two men hurting.
One by their own means!
Dick goes on top.
Looks like Dick is going for the pin on Frost!
It isn't going to end like this is it?
And the pin is broken up by a rear choke by Brenham.
Doesn't look like it. Brenham breaks up the count!
He has it locked in tight but Brenham releases and waits for Dick to rise.
And delivers a thunderous scissorkick to the side of Dicks head.
And who goes over the rope and falls limp against the barricade.
That looked like it hurt a lot.
I'd say, that crack hurt my hears, I can't imagine what it must have done to his head.
Back in the ring, Brenham is on the top rope and homing in on Tyler Frost who is still reeling from that cheap shot by Sadistic Dick.
Brenham on the top, looking to put this one away!
If he nails it, it is as good as over. Frost is still recovering from that shot by Dick earlier.
And he flys with that elbow pointed right at Frosts heart!
Frost looks like he is in a world of pain!
Outside Slater is stirring
Slater is getting up finally, this could be a problem for Brenham who has gone all out since the match began.
He climbs into the ring.
And dives on top of Brenham and Frost.
That broke up the count, oh so close, Rocky.
Brenham hooks Slaters leg!
Wait a sec---
BRENHAM STEALS THE WIN!
Even he can't believe it.
I think he knows he got kinda lucky with Dick waiting to come in last to get a cheap shot on Frost.
And Slater injuring himself before he even got involved.
That too. Well it looks like it didn't go as planned.
Frost is in disbelief.
Frost is shocked. He can't believe what happened, he almost got pinned and he knows it.
Well it did take two drops from the top rope from Brenham and Dick who...hey, is he ok by the way?
Dick is still limp against the barricade and is---WAIT! Is that?
What is he up to?
He picks Dick up by his legs and heaves him into the barricade!
Oh jesus, poor Dick. Muldoon is mincing him.
Are you really going to get picky about my synonyms for getting his ass kicked?
And picks him up again!
And slams him again!
What carnage, Slater knocks himself out, Frost gets the worst of the match, Dick is pretty much broken in half.
Muldoon looks quite happy with himself.
And Brenham got barely a scratch on him.
He hops over the barricade and disappears back into the crowd.
WINNER AND NEW #1 CONTENDER: ROCKY BRENHAM
Last edited by Nowhere Man; 05-29-2013 at 12:59 AM.
|05-29-2013, 12:44 AM||#3|
MATCH #3: PHINEAS DINSDALE vs. METHUSELAH WILSON
Cheers from the geriatrics in the crowd.
Tucker: So am I hearing right, Methuselah Wilson is all of a sudden off the suicide wagon?
Class: Is it "off the wagon" or "on the wagon?" I'm being serious, I don't know which means which.
Massive boos from the crowd.
Tucker: Here comes someone with little to lose for the next six months, because that's how long it'll be before he challenges for the World Title again.
Class: Right, and knowing how easily Phineas Dinsdale ican fly off the handle, I wouldn't want to be involved in this match in any way.
Tucker: Bobby Beamer still wants a piece of him. If Methuselah wins this match, Dinsdale has to face Beamer in a steel cage at ForuMania!
The two get ready to square off.
They tie up.
Wilson grabs hold of Dinsdale's leg...
...but he's met with a knee to the face
Dinsdale holds Wilson steady.
And starts delivering some back-hand chops
Tucker: Look of those man-titties jiggle.
Class: Which one are you talking about?
Wilson loses balance and Dinsdale begins stomping away.
Wilson slips out of the ring.
Dinsdale taunts him to get back in the ring while the ref is counting.
Wilson catches his breath and slides back in before the ref counts him out.
Class: Looks like the old man has some fight in him, and not because he's just looking for a death wish.
Dinsdale pushes Wilson down to the mat in response.
Class: Dinsdale is already getting frustrated.
Dinsdale grabs hold of Wilson's head...
...and starts gouging at his forehead.
Until the ref breaks it up.
Dinsdale continues the assault with a quick powerslam.
Dinsdale covers again...
An angry Phineas Dinsdale starts punching at Wilson's head.
Dinsdale brings Wilson to his feet.
Whips him into the ropes...
...and delivers a Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker.
This time, Dinsdale picks Wilson back up instead of pinning him.
Wilson attemps to land a couple chops.
But Dinsdale has none of it and counters with punches of his own.
Dinsdale maneuvers around Wilson and locks him in the Truth Serum.
He brings Wilson to the mat and turns locks him in place.
The referee notices Wilson's face turn white and calls for the bell.
*DING DING DING*
Class: Looks like the ref stopped the match due to Wilson losing too much blood.
Tucker: Wait a minute, looks like Dinsdale isn't done yet.
Class: This is getting out of hand. He had the match won! Why is he still beating him up?
Tucker: He's got Wilson up...
Class: Will somebody stop this already?!
Tucker: Here comes Bobby Beamer!
Beamer starts throwing rights and lefts at Dinsdale.
Dinsdale fights back with some rights of his own.
Dinsdale whips Beamer into the ropes...
...but he's met with a high dropkick.
Dinsdale staggers and Beamer takes advantage...
...with a Signal Jam!
Class: Dinsdale is down for the count.
Tucker: And Bobby Beamer couldn't be more satisfied.
Class: Remember, folks, since Phineas won, that means he's going one-on-one with Beamer in a No-DQ, No Count-out Steel Cage Match at ForuMania!
Tucker: Which is the exact same match that it would've been if he'd lost. Except that it's also no count-out, so......yeah.
WINNER: PHINEAS DINSDALE
Last edited by Nowhere Man; 05-29-2013 at 01:05 AM.
|05-29-2013, 12:45 AM||#4|
MATCH #4: GAUNTLET TITLE
JAMES STEELE (C) vs. SUPERMAX
Tucker: And here he is, folks, the second most unintelligible man in MAW!
Class: Second most?
Tucker: Everyone who likes Doomhammer is tied for first.
Tucker: And here comes the King of Heels himself, James Steele.
Class: Steele is well on his way to filling up that Gauntlet Title score-card, and earning his World Title shot if he--
Tucker: Dr. Chris Johnson, M.D., out of nowhere with a surprise attack!!!
Class: How did somebody that large manage to sneak up on anybody?!
The ref calls for the disqualification as Dr. Chris Johnson, M.D., whips Steele towards the corner....
.....and right into a missile dropkick from "Wild" Colin Powers!
Tucker: The PAIN Patrol pretty clearly isn't finished with Steele after their last two attempts to take the title from him!
Class: And the King does not look amused!
Steele brains Dr. Chris Johnson, M.D., in the back of the head.
Before he can go after Powers, however, SuperMax lays Powers out with the SuperDuper!
Class: Steele and SuperMax look like they're ready to take on the world! Could this be the beginning of a new--
Tucker: No. No it couldn't.
WINNER BY DQ AND STILL GAUNTLET CHAMPION: JAMES STEELE
|05-29-2013, 12:46 AM||#5|
MATCH #5: DANNY ELECTRIC vs. SEYMOUR
The crowd boo.
The crowd go ape.
Class: I guess we're going to a close-up for this match.
Tucker: Why can't we have every Ted match in this level of stunning HD?
They tie up, and Danny knees Seymour in the gut.
Seymour staggers forwards.
Danny shoots him into the ropes.
Seymour ducks under.
He slams his foot into the shin of Danny.
Electric overpowers the smaller man, and muscles him into the corner.
Danny prepares to whip him across the ring.
Seymour skillfully lands on the ropes, as Danny comes in at full speed.
Seymour leaps onto Danny's shoulders.
Danny counters and takes control of the situation.
But Seymour slides back to the mat.
Danny grabs Seymour's head, and starts cranking.
Seymour fights back up to his feet.
He nails Danny.
Then backs off into the ropes.
Danny goes to duck, but Seymour unloads on his chest.
Seymour runs the ropes again.
Danny intercepts his springboard, and shoves him to the outside.
Class: Ouch. That could be a momentum shifter.
Danny climbs up top, looking to fly, but Seymour recovers and groins him.
Danny fights off the superplex attempt.
So Seymour ducks under and backdrops him.
Danny starts to get back up, when someone appears at ringside.
Tucker: WHOA! How did Sonny just appear out of thin air?!
Tucker: Oh right.
Ref: Hey there boss. My wife got the fruit basket. We really appreciate it.
While the ref engages Sonny, the match continues behind his back.
Suddenly, on the other side of the ring.
Class: Here comes Parsons, with the brass knucks. This is gonna end badly for somebody, and I think I know who.
He heads for Danny.
Tucker: Although it looks like the ref was watching that whole thing, he was really sneezing, so he couldn't see a thing.
MVP ducks out and hides in the crowd.
The referee finally starts paying attention, as Seymour makes the cover on Danny.
*DING DING DING*
The crowd boo, as Sonny and Seymour celebrate the crooked victory.
|05-29-2013, 12:49 AM||#6|
MATCH: #6: "PICK YOUR POISON" TAG TEAM MATCH:
LOU P. DAIGHT AND RAMPAGE vs. TED O'DONNELL AND A BEAR
The crowd erupts into boos for the Forum Frenzy winner.
Tucker: Once again, the wise and all-powerful Ted O'Donnell has proven magmanimous enough to grace us with his very presence! Hallowed be thy name!
Tucker: Lou P. Daight thought he could put one over on the Debt Collector, but the joke's on him! O'Donnell is lord and master over man and beast alike!
Class: Seriously, Tucker. I'm starting to get worried about you.
The boos don't get any quieter as the House's resident monster comes out.
Tucker: Rampage has absolutely no love lost for Lou P. Daight. And he's made it abundantly clear that he's gonna--
Class: Flying dropkick from out of the crowd by the Void!
Tucker: Rampage's head just knocked against that steel ring post!
Tucker: Rampage might have a concussion!
Rampage starts to get to his feet, so the Void springboards off the barricade....
.....and connects with the Identity Crisis!
Tucker: The Void has made his extremely vicious intentions known! He's going to stop at nothing to dismantle the House, starting first and foremost with Rampage!
Class: One of Ted's two opponents is already out of commission, and he didn't even have to do anything!
Tucker: That's one of the benefits of being a mastermind. Truly he is wise beyond his years.
Out comes the World Heavyweight Champion, spoiling for a fight.
Tucker: Lou's never been accused of being the smartest guy in the room, but even for him, deliberately getting into the ring with Ted O'Donnell when you're one man down is incredibly stupid.
Class: Well, there's no sign of A Bear yet, so maybe the odds are even!
Tucker: The odds are never even when you face the Debt Collector.
Champion and challenger stare each other down....
When suddenly, the lights cut out!
Class: It's these guys again! STRIKE is determined to make an impact, and they're doing it by going after the World Heavyweight Champion!
Tucker: Lou's got no chance; the numbers are just too much!
The three members of STRIKE continue to lay a beating on LPD......
Class: Here comes Trismegistus Smith, to make the save!
Triz rushes the ring.....
....and comes in, swinging a chair!
STRIKE bails, not in any hurry to mix it up with a chair-wielding Smith.
Class: STRIKE sent a message with their debut by laying out Triz; it looks like Smith is sending one right back!
Tucker: Yeah, and that message is "I'm a dirty cheater who uses weapons instead of fighting like a man!"
Class: Against a 3-on-1 attack!?
Tucker: Three men on one!
Tucker: Uh-oh....Ted may not have A Bear on his side tonight, but here's Dementia, and she's just as dangerous!
Class: Though thankfully not as hairy.
Tucker: Now now, only Ted knows that for sure.
Ted, sweetie, I know you had trouble finding your partner for tonight and told me that you had a game plan to let your opponents take each other out.....
.....but I went ahead and found him, just in case!
Tucker: Wait, what does she--
JESUS CHRIST, IT'S A BEAR! AN ACTUAL, GOD DAMNED BEAR!
Class: I'm honestly not sure what you were expecting.
The bear rears up on its haunches.....
.....and mauls LPD!
The bear then turns it attention to Triz....
....and busts him open with a single swipe of his mighty claw!
Ted is loving it.
....until the Bear turns on him!
Tucker: MY GOD! WHAT A DESPICABLE MOVE BY THE BEAR! WHAT SORT OF CRUEL UNDERHANDED TREACHERY IS THIS?!
Class: It's a goddamn bear, Tucker, what did you think was gonna happen?
Security rushes the ring to try and restrain the bear.
Tucker: IT'S ABSOLUTE PANDEMONIUM HERE!!!
Class: WHAT A GRIZZLY SCENE!
Class: WHY DID ANYONE THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!?!
END OF SHOW
Last edited by Nowhere Man; 05-29-2013 at 02:55 AM.
|05-29-2013, 12:51 AM||#7|
Afterlife: Doomhammer vs. Terminator
Fangel: Dick vs Slater vs Brenham vs Frost
MVP: Phineas vs Methuselah
NoJabbaNoBogRoll: Danny vs Seymour, Signs
Nowhere Man: LPD/Rampage vs Ted/Bear
XL: Steele vs SuperMax (soon)
LIVE FROM CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA
SIX-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH:
THE HOUSE (MVP, SEYMOUR, RAMPAGE) vs. DANNY ELECTRIC, THE VOID, AND LOU P. DAIGHT
JAMES STEELE (c) vs. TYLER FROST
TAG TEAM MATCH:
"WILD" COLIN POWERS AND PHINEAS DINSDALE vs. SUPERMAX AND "BADMOUTH" BOBBY BEAMER
JOB CONQUEST vs. LANGSTON ENGLISH
NON-TITLE ANARCHY DIVISION MATCH
QUARK MULDOON vs. SADISTIC DICK
|05-29-2013, 06:16 AM||#10|
You know, just once I would like to be backstage after a particularly heated match and not have something completely insane happen.
So I'm on my way out of the infirmary, making sure I didn't crack a rib when I landed on Job, and then I get charged by a rampaging bear.
A goddamn bear.
And I did what any person with half a brain would do. I ran away and locked myself in a closet.
Anyway, Job got what he deserved. And I hope it was a big enough surprise to him. I was up there for two hours waiting for the right time to attack.
However, it wasn't enough to help Doomhammer in time. Which I regret. I can only hope that being the last man standing made up for it even just a little bit.
And that brings me to my next match. Against Job. Against my better judgement. But it's necessary.
Assuming I'm not mauled to death by a bear tonight, I plan to smack that oblivious smirk off his face again.
But, Doomhammer, since I didn't quite help out in a meaningful way, what you do next is your call. I'll try to apologize in person if I can get out of this closet without getting eaten.
|05-29-2013, 02:30 PM||#12|
Like Kris P Lettus
Yes! Hail the noble Void!
The only man willing to step up and give Ted O'Donnell the 2-on-1 advantage in last night's main event!
Ted obviously didn't need his help, but Void recognized that The Debt Collector deserved the odds to swing in his favor! So, bully for him!
You think he attacked Rampage so Lou would get stuck in a handicap match?
Damn, Cap, sometimes it's like you just get this ridiculous tunnel vision.
Just so we're all on the same page, I want to make this perfectly clear:
My intention, last night, had nothing to do with hurting Lou P. Daight's chances against Ted O'Donnell, or giving The Debt Collector the advantage via 2-on-1 odds.
I sincerely apologize if I gave that appearance.
No, last night's attack on Ryan Rampage was strictly a message for him and whatever cowards remain quaking inside Sonny's illegal yet tender embrace.
Anytime, Ryan, anywhere, by any means, I could be right behind you, ready to cave in your face with an Identity Crisis.
I mean, I plan to wait for ForumMania, but...sometimes, I can't help myself.
Sometimes, the emptiness overpowers me, and it needs to be filled.
And I intend to fill it with your ugly, ginger blood!
In Charlotte, the final show before Mania, we will meet in an enormous 6-man tag team match.
It will take all of my willpower...but I will do my best not to destroy you on Melee.
After all, if I did that...
...I'd have nothing to destroy at ForumMania VI.
|05-29-2013, 03:37 PM||#13|
Like Kris P Lettus
You've been moping all day. Langston got in a cheap shot, but you still won the match. Cheer up!
Who cares about matches?
I went into battle, and my commanding officer left my side before the conflict even began! Why would you leave me like that?
But...you've won plenty of matches without me being there.
We are not...here...for a wrestling show. I'm sorry if I"m speaking out of turn, Commander, but we are here to secure this entertainment source so it cannot be infiltrated by Kaleetil scum and used to assist their propaganda! Where is your head, lately?
O.k., Lawrence, this is getting--
You will address me as "Terminator"! These constant slips of protocol -- I'm considering contacting The Hub to have you evaluated for fatigue.
You've got to be kidding me!
I covered your ass when you killed a baby! You're going to stand there and tell me I'm not fit to run your lunatic life?!
What on Earth are you talking about now?
"Terminator", you beat up Dementia and caused a miscarriage. Even you must remember that.
That wasn't...that...wasn't... That was an alien.
Even you, now, are falling victim to the Kaleetil lies? I thought you were made of sterner stuff.
That seals it: I'm contacting The Admiral. You're clearly no longer fit to lead this mission.
|05-29-2013, 05:01 PM||#14|
Ted doesn't look to be too pleased after being attacked by A Bear on Melee...
Well isn't that sweet. Ted takes the time from his power walk to the ring to stop and greet a young fan whose birthday is tod-
Well that wasn't called for.
You will announce me as the winner of the main event, and the next World Heavyweight Champion.
Disobey and I will destroy you for it.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the main event from Melee:"
"And the next Woooooorld Heavyweight Champion:"
A Bear Bear.
A Fucking Bear.
This is the type of shenanigans that made NCW fold time after time again.
Giant lizards, wildlife, whatever Slater is, all build like a downhill snowball to the biggest eyesore this side of Amanda Bynes...
The clock is ticking on the climax of this storied tale of redemption...
And your story of destruction.
Meanwhile, while we are busy being mauled by A Bear, Seymour gets handed a victory.
The biggest difference between Seymour, Louis, and myself is one thing.
I have never sold out who I was.
Louis can look himself in whatever stupid mirror he has and be proud of who he sees...
Some people around here call me a vindictive megalomaniac, but I don't have to apologize for it. I know what I am.
There are no good guys and bad guys, just bad guys and bad guys with honor.
I'm the baddest man of all time, with the most honor...
And right now, internal bleeding...
Meanwhile Seymour looks into the mirror, sees the man staring back at him...
And feels empty inside.
No honor, no respect, no woman, no title.
And after ForuMania, no future!
|05-30-2013, 01:06 AM||#15|
Who the fuck let you in here?
The door was unlocked...
And I suppose that gives you permission to come in.
Uh...I guess not.
Next time you will wait outside the door until I get back if you don't want to have that microphone surgically removed from your ass.
Now what do you want.
Well Ryan, I was hoping to get your reaction to Void blindsiding you and whether or not to stay out of the backstage areas...please...
Oh, is that all?
Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. Hold up there a second, Hermie.
My name is Chris...
Why would you assume that I am upset about that?
Well, that's...that's...well because normally there are several injured people laying backstage after this sort of thing.
And are there now?
I don't know, I have been in here waiting for you.
Hmmm, fair enough.
No, I am not mad. Hell, I am pretty happy he did that to be quite honest.
You're happy? Uh, why?
Well, since I got attacked before I got into the ring. I didn't make it into the ring.
And because I wasn't in the ring, I didn't get mauled by a fucking bear when that crazy fucking psycho bitch let the goddamn thing loose.
What the hell, Ted. Seriously? Why the fuck would you stay around a woman who would get you mauled by a fucking bear. I didn't know Seymour grew a few inches and lost his mind.
Anyway, back to Void. Yeah, if you see him. Pass along my thanks.
Last edited by Fangel; 05-30-2013 at 01:24 AM.
|05-30-2013, 09:56 AM||#16|
Ian T. Viewer: I'm here with the de facto leader of The House, Michael Vincent Parsons...
What do you mean by "de facto leader?"
Well, your name is first in the billing for the 6-man tag team match on Melee.
Let's get one thing straight, I am the definitive leader of The House, and anyone who questions that is a lowlife cretin who should be met with a boot to the face.
Now that I've corrected your flub-up, what are you bothering me about?
Two part question - are you going to give Danny Electric a fair fight on Melee, and how do you feel about working with Seymour?
First of all, any match against me is automatically an unfair fight, because I'm the best damn wrestler in this business.
So no, Danny isn't going to get a fair fight. However, I will make sure he has a little bit left in the tank for ForuMania.
Because I'd rather embarrass Danny on the grandest stage of them all instead of giving it away for free on Melee.
As for working with Dungeon Master Seymour, he should just count his lucky stars that Sonny let him into The House in the first place, let alone be handed a World Title shot at ForuMania.
If Danny didn't screw me at Last Stand, he'd be in some mopup match no one is interested in because they're waiting for me to appear.
But my focus is on Danny. After I end his career at ForuMania, people won't even be paying attention to the title match.
And blah blah blah... The House always wins... blah blah blah... I'm out of here.
|05-31-2013, 12:24 AM||#17|
"Uptown" Growen Brown
Ladies and gentlemen, Phineas Dinsdale.
Great to be here.
Phineas, you successfully defeated Methuselah Wilson, meaning that your cage match against Bobby Beamer will now be no count-out.
Some would argue that very little changed, but the stipulations aside...
Bobby Beamer made a statement by coming out after the match and nailing you with the Signal Jam. Thoughts?
That part sucked.
But it was too little, too late, Bobby.
I already won the match, and my stipulations are in.
Steel cage... no disqualification... no count-out.
You're in a world of trouble, Bobby.
If I may...
The one stipulation that winning the match earned, is rendered meaningless by the very nature of a steel ca-
Don't interrupt me ever again.
I can see Bobby now, whining to the board of directors, trying to weasel his way out of this situation.
He's a coward like that, you know?
I'm different. I take responsibility for my actions, and face life's challenges head-on.
I don't hide behind lies, paperwork, and representatives.
I'm a man of action.
And at Forum Mania, I'm gonna take action, alright... all over Bobby's ass!
|05-31-2013, 03:04 AM||#18|
Y'know, sometimes.....sometimes the universe just gives you a freebie, doesn't it?
I mean, Ted thinks he's got this big secret weapon against me by shacking up with Dee, and what happens?
She gets him mauled by A frakking Bear.
A less humble man might say something along the lines of "I told you so."
And Lou, I mean.....what happened to you? Back in the day, you were a force of nature, man. You toppled monsters and turned the world inside out....
And now? Now you can't even handle common wildlife.
And if you can't handle something like that, how can you possibly hope to handle me, with the full power of the House at my back?
I know, I know, I'm starting to sound like Ted, all self-worshipping megalomania and no action. After all, I didn't even beat Danny Electric on--
Oh, wait, that's right--I did beat Danny Electric on Melee!
Sure, Parsons and Sonny had their hand in it, but then, that was kind of the point of me joining the House in the first place, wasn't it?
Without the House, I could win against either one of you.
With the House, though.....I can't lose.
Sometimes the universe just gives you a freebie. And then sometimes it just keeps on giving.
On Melee, I not only get to show the world that I should have always had the spotlight that Lou and Danny have been stealing from me....
....I also get to fine-tune the venom and vitriol I'll need to take the Title at ForuMania, by practicing against the one person I've ever hated more than Ted O'Donnell.
Ted says I've sold out. That I look in the mirror and feel empty inside.
Well, I may not be looking in the mirror at the moment, but I can tell you now.....with the boss's muscle on my side, with Ted and Lou suffering from ursine-related woes, with a whole slew of targets to hurt on Melee, and with the World Heavyweight Championship finally within my sights......
....I'm feeling pretty damn good.
|05-31-2013, 12:02 PM||#19|
Can you believe that display of "sportsmanship" by Rocky Brenham?
He knows that he doesn't have what it takes to get to the next level, so he resorted to a sneak attack.
How dare this pest call me undeserving of being the Anarchy champion?
I AM THE KING OF ANARCHY!!!!
And to you Sadistic Dick, It's nothing personal.
You were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Rocky Brenham, consider that a message.
|05-31-2013, 05:23 PM||#20|
made me do it
A lot can change over the course of a couple years, can't it?
When I made my return, I interjected myself into a World Title match between Danny Electric and the man now calling himself The Void.
For years, I'd sat on the sidelines, not following the game, and I lost track of it.
This story has been told time and time again, by me, by the announcers, by everyone I've faced since.
It's really no shock when I say that I'm not the same man I was that night in South Carolina.
I'm also not the same man I was the night I became the first NCW World Champion.
Seymour can laugh at my misfortune all he wants.
And maybe he's right. Maybe I'm not the "force of nature" that I was back in the days when I toppled monsters, exploded testicles, and nearly unmade all of existence.
Oh, I'm sorry. We're back to repeating ourselves.
Seymour, you're pretty much the poster child for the fact that this sport has changed. It's improved.
What you failed to notice is that I've changed. I've improved.
And, yes, maybe I was surprised by the actual appearance of A Bear in my match on Melee.
But to compare being blindsided by a 440-pound grizzly to being face-to-face with you and The House this week on Melee?
It's beneath you.
And I'm going to ignore the obvious short joke.
Look at what I have on my side this week.
When I returned, I made a mistake, and I have had to live with those consequences for years.
But now here I am, with the man that I essentially handed the World Title to on my right side...
...and the man that I screwed out of it on my left.
These men, who would have had no reason to trust me that night in Folly Beach, are willing to go to war with me this week.
Because in the years since, I've not only become a better wrestler, a better champion...
...I've become a better man.
Maybe nice guys do finish last.
But this week and again at Mania...
May the best man win.
|05-31-2013, 10:31 PM||#21|
Hey, it's Triz Smith! Bludgeoned two shows ago by the sudden emergence of the group called "Strike", and we didn't hear a peep from him until last night's Melee!
I'd say he was either letting his injuries heal or building suspense.
He's still not on Ted's level.
Nothing, yeah, Triz. It's great, or...iunno.
Ladies and gentlemen -- fans of Maximum Action Wrestling...
If you would all be so kind as to humor me for a few minutes, there's a certain trio I need to address.
True, they are cowards unworthy of our attention, but they've set out to make a statement.
Not only that, they've decided to make their statement using me.
That's right, MAW Fans, I give you: STRIKE!
Wait a minute -- that's not Strike! That's a trio of jackasses!
Although, I can certainly see why the production crew would get those groups mixed up, there's quite a resemblance.
Don't worry, though, I'm sure it was just a technical flub.
Alright, let's give the production crew a moment to grab the right picture...
Alright, I now present the three men who needed not only a numbers advantage but also a surprise attack in the dark to take me out:
Those aren't the members of Strike.
Why, those are three little pussies.
This certainly isn't going to plan; I'm not sure how you could mistake Strike for a group of little pussies.
Alright, Production Crew, you've had your fun: let's get those clowns on the big screen!
Come on! Sure, they look stupid, but they don't look stupid on purpose! They're not actual clowns, guys!
Take that silly picture down right now!
I'm not kidding right now, that's a creepy picture, please take it down.
Those are the guys.
Those are the guys who chose to make their statement...on me.
Well, guess what, boys: I'm nobody's soap box.
You want to fight me? You fight me like a man. You do like I'm gonna do right now:
Cletus, Meat Bat, Gobbler O'Cock, I don't give a damn what your names are!
I just want your leader in the ring, on Melee, one-on-one.
And if you think you made a statement two shows ago -- this promo is nothin' --
You boys decide to man-up on Melee, and I'll show you how a statement gets made.
Tough words from Trismegistus Smith! But not as tough as Ted's would be.
Yeah, but who's in charge of Strike -- and will they answer his call?
|06-01-2013, 03:35 AM||#22|
You look a lot different, but thank god I found you on Craigslist.
I'm just glad you haven't been harmed by any angry mobs after Melee.
What are you talking about? I'm just a magician.
Mr. Bear, after Melee...I need you to stay close to me as much as possible.
Again, it is "The Amazing" Mr. Baer. Pronounce it like the aspirin.
Look, I love magical anthropomorphic bears but I bet most of MAW doesn't after you lost your temper on Melee.
Either way, I think we can be an amazing tag team. People laughed at me, but it is I who shall have the last laugh.
Look, I know you paid for like 3 months worth of shows but I'm not going to wrestle.
I BOUGH YOU ELBOW PADS, SIR!
YOU. WILL. WRESTLE.
This is my dream and the dream of all the kiddos in Frosty Nation. You said on Craigslist that you love making children smile. Do you want to make all those little Penguin Scouts cry because your a big scaredy cat after Melee?
Fine. Fine. Ok. I'll learn how to wrestle, but I refuse to wrestle a bear.
I respect those who want to save their species.
God help me.
Hey guys, I'm Burt with Animal Control. They sent me down here to shoot a bear that got loose during the show.
What bear? There was no bear. Not one to shoot anyway.
You sure? It was on TV. The bear had a mask on its snout. It bit through it somehow and attacked everyone in the ring.
Nope. Doesn't ring a bell. Bears are an endangered species y'know.
IT COULD HAVE EATEN A BABY!!!
A proud wrestling bear would do no such thing.
Son, you don't know anything about bears.
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BEARS?! I'M FROM FREAKIN' ALASKA! WE SLEEP WITH BEARS IN OUR TENTS AND USE THEM AS FISHING BUDDIES BECAUSE THEY CATCH SALMON LIKE A PUBLIC RESTROOM CATCHES HOBOS!
Calm down, Mr. Frost.
NO! I will not have some environmental ecoterrorist parading around in my locker room like he is some public servant. If you even think about shooting a bear, I will snap every ligament in your body and crush your bones into powder.
You need to calm down before I call the police. This is a serious safety matter.
Serious Safety? That reminds me of my match next week. Mr. Steele better get his mind focused on me instead of Serious Safety. I'm going after the Gauntlet Championship with the same passion and dedication that I am to people trying to kill a poor and misunderstood bear.
I'm leaving. Please let me know if you see the bear.
You scare me. Can I just give you the money back and forget this whole thing?
Mr. Bear, you are going to be the catalyst for my meteoric rise to the top of MAW. You won't even need any of your magic tricks to turn me into a snow coyote or anything.
What the hell is a snow coyote?
It is the spirit animal of my ancestors that I will channel as I face James Steele on Melee.
I've got to find a way to make sure nobody finds out your true identity. Burt may try and kill you.
I'm Mr. Baer and a magician. I'm not a magic anthropomorphic bear.
Awesome job. Keep saying that to keep your cover. In the mean time, get ready to train at 4:32 am every day. I've got a lot to teach you before we can become the greatest tag team of all time.
Look, no offense, but all you did out there on Melee was glorified punching and kicking. Since you won't have your razor sharp teeth and claws to use going forward - you need to learn suplexes and things.
I know Muay Thai.
This is the big leagues, pal.
I know the heart punch.
Listen. We can't get people to take you seriously and quit trying to shoot you if all you want to do is kill people. This is a sport about competition. This isn't some bloodsport.
I've got to go workout. Go to the hotel and I'll talk to you when we go to eat dinner. I already ordered the salmon. I got yours raw and whole just like you like it.
...why did I put an ad out on Craigslist?
|06-01-2013, 03:59 AM||#23|
Ryan, thanks for your time. Now let me ask, do you think Michael Parsons can lead the House to victory?
How about that. I could have sworn you just asked me if Michael Parsons will lead us to glory.
Michael Parsons, lead us to glory. I'll be fucked before I am lead anywhere by a man that spends two hours in makeup before doing an interview.
Oh no. I won't be lead anywhere. I don't need any guidance on how to go toe to toe with Lou. I don't need to wear him down to beat him like most of these runts around here. Speaking of runts, he alone can take Lou out of the picture. I am more than reasonably sure he can take out Suckface too, if my memory recalls.
You can be fucking well certain that if I get opposite Void, we know what will be happening.
Now that leaves.
Who is going to very pissed off at MVP, to the point of possible retaliation in kind.
In case you didn't understand, it means he will beat his ass.
So Mikey, next week in Charlotte.
I say you are going to have your hands full, mate. Nevermind leading anyone.
Last edited by Fangel; 06-01-2013 at 06:45 PM.
|06-01-2013, 08:53 PM||#25|
So Sonny, next week we see the new lineup of the House in action for the first time, as Seymour joins forces with Rampage and MVP to take on World Champion Lou P. Daight, the Void, and Danny Electric!
However, given some of the statements made by the House's field leader MVP, it doesn't sound like they're too willing to let your old client into the fold. How do you think those three are going to get along going into this match?
First off, Ian, you're making a faulty assumption in a very important area. You think that the members of the House have to 'get along' in order to win.
I don't pick people to join the House because they're easy to 'get along' with.
I pick people to join the House because they're vicious under-handed bastards who will do absolutely anything to get a victory.
I pick people who are so in love with themselves that they're incapable of feeling anything but sheer, unadulterated hate for everyone else around them.
.....and also Rodney.
More than anything though, I pick people that I can bring the absolute worst out of them.
And there is no one that I can pull the worst qualities out of more than Seymour.
After all, we go way back, Seymour and I. I've been there through some of the best moments of that little creep's life, and through some of the worst. I know how he thinks. I know what makes him tick, what drives him and what holds him back.
You think he's a bad guy now?
Just wait til I'm done with him, til I've rewired his brain and shown him just how much of a seething, volatile, rabid son of a bitch he can really be. Just wait til he realizes what greed and hate really are.
Trust me. You haven't seen anything yet.
But the Void? He's going to see what the House is capable of when Rampage is let loose.
Danny Electric? He's going to see what happens when you deny someone like Parsons of what he wants.
I'm also assuming there will be some kind of revenge in store for him taking the door off of your car at Last Stand.
Yes, thank you for reminding me of that.
And Lou? Ohhh, man. Just you wait, Champ.
I used to think of Seymour as an annoying chore, something I had to do so I could move on to something better, like the House, my real pet project.
But as great as my works with the House have been, what I'm going to make out of Seymour, what will take the MAW World Title away from Doofus and dethrone Ted O'Donnell once and for all as the greatest of all time......that, Ian......
....will be my masterpiece.
|06-02-2013, 06:03 PM||#26|
KOTF 2013 Winner
I told you it was a bad idea, I told you it was unsafe.
But no, no body listens, "Hey lets let a bear loose in the ring, thats a great Idea"
Frankly, they are quite lucky that it didn't maul any fans or MAW would probably be shut down.
This company is absolutely insane, I got out there and get revenge on Steele in a safe competitive matter and then 15 minutes later some decides to let a hungry bear in the ring.
What frustrates me the most is that Orrin will probably just get away with this.
But I'll take my frustrations out on Super Max.
|06-03-2013, 01:10 AM||#27|
Last Week on XCWF Wild Wednesday.
A newcomer took out the defending World Champion, Jackson Vonbrutton.
In A Record Twelve Seconds
MAW Executives were flown into Seattle to offer the man a contract.
A contract which he signed with the name...
|06-04-2013, 02:41 AM||#29|
SURPRISE, SURPRISE, M.A.W!
"STRIKE" SHOWED UP ALL YOU MORONS! Not even Mr. Baer can take out these agents of chaos! But enough of my yapping...
CLASH ATOMS, SIGNING OFF...
MIC CHECK, MIC CHECK. Colt 45 here, and here to stay!
What did I say? We told all you fools and we attacked your PRECIOUS World Champ Louis P. Daight. Oh, it was glorious!
And we seem to have awakened the sleeping, wounded dragon!
WE'VE AWAKENED TRIGONOMETRY SMITH.
Triceratops Smith... Oooooh...
I'm shakin' in my boots! PLEASE, YOUR SILLY PHOTOSHOP PICTURES SCARE ME. HEY...
SAMM... Can you cover this? I'm so scared of Drizzlemagmus Smith, I couldn't fathom what he'd do to me.
PLEASE. AGAIN. I AM VERY SCARED. SARCASM...
Pretty, pretty clever, young Triz Smith! That is why you're the top of the heap!
You brought a chair to a gun fight! I guess that's why the boss paid us big bucks to take you down that time. He saw something in you, OH YEAH!
What that is, I'll.... NEEEEVVVERRR know!
But you got guts, kid! You don't even know what we're capable of and yet, you still call us out and call us names and all that jazz! I thought clowns and jackasses were the ones who made jokes, and yet you're telling them, but hey! What do I know???
Oh, I KNOW HOW TO KICK SOME ASS! THAT I KNOW!
Ya know, this guy... he would rather finish the job and put you in the ground himself. But at this point, I rather do it myself.
What makes you great anyways?? What makes you think you can take us down?
FACE IT, KID! Maybe you're not the top game here. WE ARE.
WE, STRIKE, ARE NO COWARDS. Whether alone, or together, we are unstoppable!
You want us out of your hair? There's no amount of money or blades that will do the trick! We're here to stay, mu-cha-chos!
Bring an army, bring your friends and family. Call all your gods.
None of that will stop us, because we will STRIKE you first!
We'll see you later... Tr--
|06-07-2013, 12:54 PM||#30|
I'm Just A Sexy Boy
Hey Rocky, just wanted to get your thoughts on your next match, which will take place at ForumMania, against Quark Muldoon for the Anarchy Championship.
Well, I've got caught the break that I've been looking for since I came into this company and sometimes I might have got a little upset with management, but I can't put the blame on others. All that matters is, I'm number one contender and I'm going to capture that moment that so desperately waits for me at ForumMania.
What moment you might ask? The moment when I finally establish myself in this company defeat Quark and the Rocky Revolution really takes off. You see after ForumMania, the future is only bright for me. I won't allow myself to go down any steps, I will only march up the steps that lead me to the top of MAW and I won't look back until I'm there.
But I must stay focused on the first step of the Rocky Revolution, and that is ForumMania. I made sure as hell last week on Melee, that I was going to win that damn match and I did exactly that. I might have upset some people but over a couple of beers I'm sure they'll understand my intentions. Now I was given Melee off next week, no match. But I don't see that as a bad thing, I see it as an advantage because while I'll be resting and focusing all my attention on ForumMania, my opponent has to deal with that Sadistic Dick.
So while I'll be preparing for the big match, Quark will be dealing with a violent psychopath. Is it just me or does it seem like all the cards are falling into place? Rocky Brenham, Anarchy Champion!! I like that name, it has a nice ring to it. And come ForumMania, I'll make sure that name is a permanent one.
|06-08-2013, 06:17 AM||#31|
Excuse me, Mr. Docker?
Hey, sup, loser?
I was just talking to Rocky Brenham about last week's match for the Anarchy Championship contendership. Rocky says you're a violent psychopath, and it seems he's looking for you to soften up Quark Muldoon for their match at ForumMania.
Well, I am a violent psychopath. I don't consider that an insult; if people didn't notice, I'd be doing it wrong.
Are you trying to start shit between me and Brenham?
No, no! But...don't you find it strange that Rocky gets the title shot, but Quark brutally attacked you after the match?
Dude, I know! The way that bald prick came outta nowhere and just bashed me off the safety wall?
I didn't know what was going on or why, I just had my skull rattling from the impacts!
I think it mighta given me whiplash.
So, will you be seeking revenge?
Revenge? That shit was awesome!
What you get on Melee will be violent and psychotic, I promise you, but it won't be "revenge." What Muldoon did to me last week? I don't see that as a threat.
More like an invitation.
Besides, Melee's just gonna be my warm-up match; I've got much bigger plans for ForumMania. Bigger...
|06-08-2013, 08:05 AM||#32|
Like Kris P Lettus
BROUGHT TO YOU BY:
THEY KEEP GOING!
LLLADies and GENTlemen!
On the next episode of MAW Melee, I team up with the incredible SuperMax...
...to take on the combined forces "Wild" Colin Powers--
--a man allegedly obsessed with workplace safety, but will hypocritically team with an arsonist because he's more focused on his budding feud with the company's co-owner--
--and Phineas "Bitch Tits" Dinsdale!
A man who's entire life is a mangled web of lies, paranoia, and misinformation.
Yes, Colin and Tits have worked together in the PAIN Patrol, but lt's be realistic about how effective that little goon squad has been.
SuperMax and I will mop the floor with these two on Melee, and at ForumMania, in the most satisfying steel cage match of all time...
...Phineas Dinsale will go down for the count.
It's a pretty well known fact: Phin Din has been causing problem after problem after problem for me, lately.
And while I intend to simply win the match on Melee, once we step into that cage at ForumMania Six, revenge will surely be mine...
...and the battery just won't stop.
|06-08-2013, 10:34 AM||#33|
Your boy is going to beat the crap out of the Void next week, you must be proud.
That is actually what I want to see you about, Sonny.
What's going on, Rudolph. I swear, if he can't make that match.
Oh, he'll make the match alright.
Alright thennnn, so the problem is...
Care to elaborate?
When is the last time you saw him get upset and completely lose it?
I...don't remember actually. Tell me what's going on here, Rudolph and make quick. I don't invest money in lost causes.
The last time, was just before Terrance fixed his back. I remember him being in the hospital and throwing the breakfast tray against the wall because the nurse said his choletersol was too high from all the McDonalds he eats and they wouldn't fry his eggs in butter.
Yes. I think whatever Terrance did, changed him.
You explained that it would be a pretty standard procedure.
What did you do, Terrance.
Your son, I am afraid has no soul. Or didn't have a soul, rather. You see the bit of magic I preformed requires a piece of the persons soul to repair the whole. Since he didn't have one to begin with, I had to get one from elsewhere to make the repair and make a fake soul to put back inside him. It should work fine, I checked.
There you have it, just a small side effect. He is still the big bastard he always has been. Just tell him to kick Void in the head and he gets his paycheque next week.
He'll be fine, Rudolph.
Alright then, but if he continues this way I don't what I am going to have to do.
Last edited by Fangel; 06-09-2013 at 06:58 AM.
|06-09-2013, 06:56 AM||#34|
Like Kris P Lettus
Oh, Sonny! How amusing you can be!
I love watching you ramble on so dramatically about how The Paragon -- The MAW World Champion -- will fall in battle against The Dork Knight, Seymour MacBane.
Or, to put it in the phrasing I personally prefer...
I enjoy hearing you brag about the fact that the man I saw fit to invest my personal monies into and then suddenly became the #1 athlete in the entire industry will somehow lose to the man who my personal health specialists once rebuilt from human scrap.
As if my Investment wouldn't, then, have access to precise knowledge of every physical vulnerability to your little Stage Boss.
As if, dare I muse, your warrior had a reasonable chance, in all of Hell's depths, of actually accomplishing your ridiculous dreams which paradoxically manage to overshoot reality and remain remarkably myopic at the same time.
Oh, how your antics delight me, so.
|06-09-2013, 12:30 PM||#35|
Gee, Orrin, you've totally got me there. You know everything there is to know about Seymour's physical strengths and weaknesses....
....or at least, everythng there was to know about Seymour's strengths and weaknesses before he was injured by O'Donnell, and I had him re-rebuilt with the aid of a wizard.
And I couldn't have possibly thought of making some improvements while we were putting him back together with miracles of modern science and plain old actual miracles too, could I? I would never have thought of reinforcing his joints and skeletal structure, or beefing up his muscles and tendons to give him better reaction times....
.....or embedding subliminal behavioral keys that give me total, direct control over him, ensuring he'll be far and away the most ruthless, vicious sonofabitch in the ring.
Yes, I'm afraid that when Seymour utterly annihilates Lou and Ted, and Terrance makes the three-count and declares him World Champion--
Oh, I didn't mention that I'm making Terrance the special guest referee? Because I'm totally making Terrance the special guest referee.
Even so, I'm afraid that I'll still have to hang my head knowing that you sure pulled a fast one on me.
|06-09-2013, 08:35 PM||#36|
Hello. My name is James Steele, and I am here to discuss a very important issue that is affecting MAW.
MAW is a complete clusterfuck.
We have bear attacks.
Feuding owners who use wrestlers' lives as pawns in their pissing contest game of big dick chess.
We have a fallen hero consumed by hate challenging an egomanical jackass and his former best friend who is a conflicted World Champion.
And people say I don't watch the show.
But wait, there are even more issues to discuss.
Alien hunters, pure evil comedic geniuses, violent safety zealots, and my most pressing issue going into Melee..
...a retarded Alaskan warrior hippie.
This young man is talented, but has seemingly completely lost his mind.
He will be challenging me on Melee for the Gauntlet Championship.
The championship that I am just a handful of victories away from being able to cash in for a World Championship match.
Tyler, whether you have your magic manbear at ringside or an entire pack of rabid penguin scouts surrounding the ring...
...you will lose.
Much like this snazzy purple tie, there is some unexplainable attraction I have to you.
Maybe it is your superb in-ring ability...
...maybe it is your borderline insane obsession with winning...
...or maybe it is because Buddy Powell spoke to you backstage one time and was impressed.
No matter the case, I will begin my crusade to bring stability to MAW and end this clusterfuck once and for all.
I am going to beat some sense into you on Melee, silence Serious Safety sooner rather than later, and...
...then I'm going to be the first man to complete the task of defending the Gauntlet Championship and earning a World Championship match.
Just like the ice caps are melting, polar bears are dying, and Danny Electric is a massive douche...
...I will once again be World Heavyweight Champion.
I will save my soul and this company from the likes of Sonny or Ted O'Donnell.
Tyler, I know our match will be a good one on Melee but don't let the loss completely send you into a tailspin of Yeti Snatching litterers.
The future is bright for you, but I'm the big ass cloud in the sky that will keep you in the dark for awhile.
I promise to use a sledgehammer made from recyclable materials to hit you in the skull with this week.
Last edited by James Steele; 06-09-2013 at 08:58 PM.
|06-09-2013, 08:58 PM||#37|
Frank, you believe this?
Orrin backing Lou, Sonny backing Seymour...
The greatest wrestler to ever walk this Earth playing third wheel in the ForuMania main event?
Both Orrin and Sonny have tried to run Ted O'Donnell out of this business, only to have me stand here triumphantly...
Ted O'Donnell "The Debt Collector", the Champion MAW needs...
The hero MAW deserves.
|06-10-2013, 05:14 PM||#39|
Like Kris P Lettus
Man, the MAW fans are always so happy to see their flashier co-owner!
He doesn't own the fans, Cap.
That's obviously not what I meant, Sourpuss.
Sonny, Sonny, Sonny.
Always hoping to outwit your intellectual superiors, yet only focusing on how to make your next quick buck.
That's the thing about you, old boy: You sit there and vomit sarcasm all over the satellite feed, but everyone in the entire world knows what you're about.
The fastest, easiest way to line your pockets.
Which means no, I don't think you put an ounce of that forethought into your alleged revitalization of Seymour.
Rather, like usual, I expect you've seen potential in someone more motivated than yourself, and are clutching at their coattails likes a lobster in panic mode. Your veils are, as usual, atrociously thin.
Similarly, I see the panic driving your decision to name a special referee.
Well, now that this special referee element has been introduced, I cannot undo it --
-- but I can make you work for it.
Thus, on Melee, your Otherworldly WaLuigi will contend for the special referee position against an occasional sidekick of my very own...
Mortimer Van Der Bilt?
Yes! Holy Christ, yes!
Are you alright?
It's Van Der Bilt! This guy is awesome!
Dude! He's a spy, a world traveler, a connisuer of fine beverages, and all his friends are multi-millionaires!
No supernatural interference, just man-to-man fisticuffs between a very small man...
...And Mortimer Van Der Bilt.
Saints be praised! And a thousand thanks to you, my friend!
Imagine this, folks! There I was, relaxing on a beach in Bora-Bora, having just found the lost platinum treasure of "Bloody" Sam Kidd and sharing the wealth with the local beauties, when who should call me but my old Adventure Companion, Orrin Treat Williams Quoyle!
"Meet me in The States," he says, "and be prepared for battle of the utmost importance!"
So, I come here, I do, I do, with a twinkle in my eye and my heart pumping with the blood of warriors from days of old, and what new treasure do I find?
I only get to wrestle a wizard to decide the balance of justice, is all!
You have got to be kidding me, kidding me.
You just can't get over yourself, can you, can you?
Why can't you just admit that Sonny is the better GM and that you don't even give a damn about this company, company? You have the attention span of a butterfly, butterfly!
Of course I don't give a damn about the company as long as it's making me money.
I only show up because Sonny gets drunk with power and starts jeopardizing my cashflow, everyone knows that!
By the way, given our personal history, I'm looking at you as the most likely culprit regarding the theft at my construction site.
My god, my god -- you're doing it again, again!
Careful, lad, tone it down a bit. Nobody wants a donnybrook breakin' out just yet.
Shut it, Van Der Bilt, Van Der Bilt. I hate you just as much as I hate him, I hate him.
As a matter of fact, now that I think about it, I can't think of a single reason why I haven't kicked the crap out of you for what you did to me so long ago, so long ago.
Maybe it was because, after you spied on me for several months and tried to ruin my life, you simply ran away, like a tiny little coward, little coward.
Now, lad, I know you'll not be calling me a coward.
Well, hey, don't worry, Mortimer, Mortimer. You're gonna be at the next Melee, Melee; I'm gonna be at the next Melee, Melee...
I have a really good feeling our paths will finally cross, finally cross.
I say, are you actually threatening my life-long friend and adventure companion directly in front of me?
Yes I am, Orrin, Orrin.
And hey, and hey! The best part is, since you hired a Director of Interdepartmental Communications, that means you can't personally take any action against me, against me!
In other words, Orrin, I'm going to wreck your shit...
...and you can't stop me, stop me.
I don't think this was exactly how Orrin wanted this to go!
Who cares, Mortimer Van Der Bilt is back in MAW!!