RAW Captions 5/4/04

[Azriel]

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[Blue Demon]

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see? My teeth aren't really that bad

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HHH demonstrates how much longer Chris benoit has before he gets buried.

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Sylvain Grenier feels the effects as Steven Richards pulls Rob's finger

[tucsonspeed6]

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Kane: Once a pyromaniac psycho monster, now the new face of Orbitz gum...

*Teeth sparkle*

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Jericho: Guys! Seriously, get down here and help me find my contact lens!

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Christian: You sure it isn't still in your eye?

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Lita: *sobbing* He's gone forever! We'll miss you Benoit
Matt: No, wait! I think I can still hear him!

Benoit: *Voice sounds distant and echoey* Hello? Can you hear me?

Matt: We can hear you, Benoit! Where are you?
Benoit: ...I think I'm somewhere beyond the glass ceiling...
Matt: Really? What's it like?
Benoit: ...Have you ever seen that movie: Tron?

Matt: No
Lita: No
Sound Guy: No
Cameraman: No
Lita: Yes....wait, I mean no.

[Evil Vito]

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<font color=goldenrod>KANE: I like me, you like me, and I'm gonna help you...like...you. *big-ass corny smile*</font>

[Azriel]

:lol: Loved the Simpsons ref tucson. I'd rep you, but I've got to spread it around again.

[Corkscrewed]

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Leave it to Orton to perform the most devastating noogies ever.

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Tajiri: "That's right, Batista! Suck my dick! Whaddya say about Asian stereotypes now, HUH? I'm Yoshihiro TaJIRI, BITCH!!!"

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Orton: "Oh crap, Dave, you all right? I TOLD you Steph was a squirter!"

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The Twister tournament was not off to a smooth start.

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When the ref started doing that stupid Chicken Dance, Rob knew he had to power up the Hurricannon and put an end to this absurdity once and for all.

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That's right, a young Professor Quirrell agrees, YOU'RE A HOMO!
Sorry, but the Harry Potter allusion was the obvious thing for me.

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With things looking bleak, Kane makes a tag to his partner... GIANT STEVIE RICHARDS!!!

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Richards: "Im being elevated! I'm being elevatoed! I'm being--oh crap!"

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Jericho: "Matt, did you get a new buttocks?"
Hardy: "I had to. My old one had a crack in it."
(Rep for the reference)

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Lita never believed there was a Dungeon for the Botch-prone either, but now she was starting to regret that too.

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"No! Don't give me a root canal! I swear, I'll never botch another move again!"

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"... Mr Clean, Mr Clean!"

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When the Spirit of Grandma possessed Christian, no one was safe from his cheek-pinching parade of terror!

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Christian: (ala Queer Eye) "This set? It's absolutely horrendous!"
Jericho: (sobbing) "Stop it! I get it already, I have horrible fashion sense!"
Tyson: "...and lets not even begin to talk about the PANTS!"

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Matt froze when he reached down and realized Lita had a penis.

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Gail: "See it?"
Mike Sparks: "Yeah, geez, Victoria, gingivitus everywhere! Whose your dentist, Kane???"

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When the face sucking aliens attacked, no one was safe from their might.

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Sparks: "KIDS!!! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT PLAYING WITH JAMIE NOBLE'S TORSO PORTAL???"
Gail & Victoria: "Sorrrrry dad."

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Sparks: (Aussie accent): "Great job Gail! Now that you have her down, I'll grab a dart and tranquilize her! This one's gonna be a beauty!"

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Benoit wasn't into Shawn's new Rico gimmick.

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HBK: "Chris Rock?"
Benoit: "WRONG CHRIS! How many--" *Michaels locks in Liontamer* "OW!!! What the, now you think YOU'RE CHRIS???"

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Chioda: "Okay, okay, Shawn, check this out. What did... the five fingers say... to the face?"
Michaels: "...not... the... time...!!!"
Chioda: *SMACK* "RICK JAMES, BITCH!!!!"

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Chris knew that if he pressed the right button, he could reverse Shawn's Screw-over-all-Canadians function.

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"Oh Belty! For a moment, I thought I wouldn't be reunited with you again!" *fawn*

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The ending of RAW was stalled when Triple H became distracted by a shiny invisible quarter.

[Savio]

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Benoit what does that say? Property of Triple H?

[Nacho Man]

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Hath anybothee theen my teeth?

[Innovator]

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Jericho: "Matt, did you get a new buttocks?"
Hardy: "I had to. My old one had a crack in it."
(Rep for the reference)

Family Guy, where Peter gets lipo

[Corkscrewed]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Innovator again.

:(

[Innovator]

urge to kill rising...

[loopydate]

Rising...

[JT]

The WWE's next big thing...

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Announcer: Sick of dentist who are only interested in safe, legal dentistry. Then come to the Kane Yankem Dentisty Service. There, Head Dentist Kane Yankem will use a number of ways to work on your mouth, including rusty tools, dangerous surgery, gasoline, and lots of fire. Also at the Kane Yakem Dentistry Service, Dr. Kane Yankem feels no need to use anastetics. He thinks they are for pussys. But don't take our work on how great the Kane Yankem Dentistry Service is...just ask this satisfied priso...patient...

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Lita: The Kane Yankem Dentistry Service is great. Not only did he pull out teeth with painful cavities...he painfully pull out teeth with with no cavities or problems at all.

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Matt: I would also like to thank Dr. Yankem. While I was never a patient of Dr. Kane Yankem, it is because of him that I never have to worry about a botched blow-job from this clumsy bitch. Thanks Dr. Kane Yankem.

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Kane Yankem: So the next time you want to make a dentist apointment, make it with the Kane Yankem Dentistry Service. Remember, I might not be a real dentist...but I did stay in a Holiday Inn last night.

<font size="1">WARNING: All deals made with the Kane Yankem Dentistry Service is final. Any attempts in sueing the Kane Yankem Dentistry Service will result in you being thrown in a hole and burned alive.</font>

[JT]

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Shawn: Hahaha...you will be the 2nd canadian I screw over with his own submission hold.
Chris Benoit: We went over this all ready. There are 2 Chris-es in the WWE from canada. This is the finisher of the other Chris...Chris Jericho.
Shawn: Awwwww, dammit!
Ref: Wait, so do I call for the bell now or wait till Chris is in the Crippler Crossface?

[loopydate]

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In tonight's "What If WWE Booked World War II..."

America has Japan down for the count, when Italy runs in for the save! But, instead of helping Japan, Italy...bursts into really painful opera to torture their former allies!

BAHGAWDDAMNTHOSEWOPSDAMNTHEMTOHELL!

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Here you see the undisputed Interpretive HGA Champions.

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RANDY: That's right, Banner! You have a GIRL'S tattoo on your bellybutton!
BANNER: You're making me angry...

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The Charlie Haas School of Chiropractics had been looking for someone to run their RAW practice. Eureka!

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Midcarders - Robots in Disguise!

"Look! I made mine into a table!"
"That's a lame toy, let's go shoot up!"

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And lo, Janus did say unto them: Thou art a HOMO!

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Kane's "Riding a bus" mime routine was always a big hit.

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KANE: Oh, my God! Now it's raining the future!

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MATT: So...do you like my new oxstar pants?

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LITA: I don't know about this, Vince.
VINCE: Nonsense, Lita. The Bride got herself out of a coffin. And you're a WAY better fighter than her!
LITA: Ow!
VINCE: What?
LITA: I just botched being inside a box...


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And, voila! Lita's boo-boo went bye-bye!

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*Whistling* This is Bob...

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XIAN: I know it was you, Chris. You broke my--
TYSON: Hasn't this been done?

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XIAN: Did he just botch sitting down?
TYSON: The Lita Virus is out!
XIAN: Call Bauer! Quarantine the building!

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LITA: I had this horrible dream! People were making fun of my ability to wrestle! I'm so glad to be awake, Matt.
MATT: ...yeah.

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The Gail/Victoria match was going very well, but no one could quite figure out what Carol Kane's character from "The Princess Bride" was doing at ringside.

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Poor Victoria. Not only was she getting choked out, she got a Spike in her hand.

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Stupid HHH holding down the Women's division. Their crucifices aren't even invisible.

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GAIL: Ref, go get me a sandwich.
REF: Yes, ma'a--um. Hold on a second.
GAIL: Why?
REF: I'm, uh... Having trouble standing up.

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JAMIIIIIIIIIIE!

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REF: Hey! There's a hole in your head!
Poke
CHRIS: OW!
Poke
CHRIS: DAMMIT!
Poke
CHRIS (thinking): I almost miss Earl just arbitrarily ringing the bell.

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REF: Woof! Woof!

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Stupid FCC...

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And the Ugly Duckling looked into his reflection in the belt and realized...that f</>ucking Fairy Godmother didn't do shit!

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HHH: Oh, so you're a fly, huh? You think you're better than me, you stupid garbage eater! Squish! That'll teach you to upstage me on MY show!

---

Goddamn, those sucked.

[Lamuella]

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Despite the referees protestations, Randy continued to try and pluck Tajiri's nosehair with a pair of pliers.

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In return for the plucking of the nosehair, Tajiri helped to remove an eyelash for Batista.

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Randy consoled Jim Hellwig. It sucked to have your big, some would say "ultimate" comeback ruined by the fact that mid-promo you farted and followed through.

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The referee rushed into position to cover up Hurricane's gigantic gold-ended black penis.

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The Hurricane was caught mid-flight

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"There's only 3 things you need to know about Sylvian Grenier. First, I am french! Second, I am a champion! Thisd, I have another man's head growing out of the back of my neck!"

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Kane prepared to smite his opponent with the Invisible Bowling Ball Of Doom!

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Enraged by the man's temerity, Kane pulled Steven Richards back through the glass ceiling.

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"Chris, I'm happy to see you too, but could you please get Mini-Jericho to stop hugging my leg?"

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In order to show the WWE divas what their true role in the company was, Vince gave the women's title to his newest signing, a RealDoll.

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Kane decided to find out why HHH had liked humping that mannequin so much.

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Despite an excellent screen test, Kane was passed over for the Crest WhiteStrips commercial.

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Christian insisted to Jericho that he couldn't help Jericho's toothache if he didn't open his mouth.

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While Jericho took a nap, Christian and Tyson enterteained the crowd with some jumping jacks.

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"Crap. I left the gas on."

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"Victoria, you have a simple choice. If you say you'll go on a date with me, I'll make Gail break the hold. Deal?"

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Victoria indicated to the infatuated ref that if he insisted, yes, she'd pick him up at 5.

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After Victoria no-showed for their date, the ref was so pissed that he threw Gail Kim at her

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"Sorry, V, you had your chance. It could have been so nice, a romantic meal, a walk along the canal, but you had to ruin it. You have no idea how fast this count is going to be![/i]

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Never one to let a brush off get him down, the ref asked Benoit if he was doing anything tonight.

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"look, it's just going to be dinner and a movie. No freaky stuff, I swear!"

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"Shawn, I'm not usually into blondes, but... do you like Italian food?"

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"Tag. You're it."

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Chris checked his teeth on his handy belt mirror, and felt a mixture of frustration and disappointment. That back molar really needed filling.

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No joke I could tell here would be better than the one in all your heads right now.

[Lamuella]

wait, nobody made it?

OK

HHH pantonimes the terrible effects of steroids on his genitals.

[Fryza]

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When did Chyna get those nifty red highlights?

[big_bluto]

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Matt: Now then Chris, if I can just draw your attention to the oversized screens that none of us look at.
Chris: What am I looking for here?
Matt: The latest in Christian's hair design.
Chris: What! Someone finally tackled Trish's unruly.....emm....forest?
Matt: What? No! He made Lita look attractive!
Chris: Lita? Botcher?
Matt: Yep. Look...
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Matt: See! I told you that Christian was a genius!
Chris: Yep. The boys got talent!
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Kane bursting in on the non-ugly Lita shot.
Kane: I want an appointment!
Lita: WTF?
Kane: I want an appointment!
Lita: Emmm.....
Kane: Get me an appointment with Christian or I'll kill you!
Lita: Emmm...*thinking quickly*..he's already cut your hair!
Kane: What?
Lita: Yea. You look good....emm....sexy....like a big..red...tractor.
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Kane decided Lita had botched too many times to live, so he killed her.
Kane - The Real WWE Superhero!
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Meantime in the ring, Y2J is treated to a rare private consultation with the RAW Stylist and Resident Genius, Christian.
Christian: And a little off the sides here. Nice ensemble piece.
Y2J: Can you really do something with me?
Christian: I can work wonders!
Y2J: But I'm such a lump!
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When Christian started his miraculous scissor work, Tyson's excitment got the better of him, and he accidentally stabbed Jericho in the eye with Christians spare scissors.
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While Matt was upset over the death of Lita, he was there to console the return of Jeff.
Jeff: It could've been me!
Matt: Kane wouldn't have mixed you up!
Jeff: It's my new look, though! Christian did it. He said that Lita and I could've been twins.
Matt: Well I do find you strangely arousing.....did I just say that out loud?

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Feeding time came around again, so Orton brought Batista to the ring to eat some mid-card jobbers. As usual Orton got landed the job of getting the meat tender.
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Batista: Mmmm....Sushi Loin Fillet!
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Batista roled in agony after his near-fatal wasabe disaster.

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Rob handled his Hurricane doll into the ring with great care.
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Rob: See....you can bend the doll into any position that works for you....
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Rob Conways push was overtaken by the requirement to punt Hurricane dolls for WWE Shopzone.

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Kane: Quickly, pass me the jobber!
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Kane: Thanks!

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The Lita disorder was beginning to spread unchecked through the womens division.
Gail: DDT!
Victoria: Go!
Gail: Whoops!
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Gail: Suplex:
Victoria: Oooowwww!
Gail: Shit!
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Gail: Spinebuster!
Victoria: What, Aaahhhh!
Gail: Bollocks!
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Gail: Sharpshooter!
Victoria: WTF?
Gail: Emmm....somethings not right here! LITA!

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HBK: Hey, baby.
Benoit: Stop it! I'm don't like you that way, Shawn.
HBK: But you're my special friend. Of course you do!
Benoit: HAVE YOU GOT A BONER?!!?!
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HBK: I'd like to do you this way.
Benoit *to ref: Make him stop that!
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HBK: Mmmmmmmm....
Benoit: Eeeuuuuuuwwwww!
Ref: Shawn, stop licking his fingers!
Benoit: And stop trying to cop a feel!
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It all became too much for HBK. The huge amounts of energy, the hard physical competition, the constant rejection from Chris, he just had to sleep.
Luckily enough, Benoit was going for the pin, but the last thing he expected from an unconscious Shawn was a whispered, 'yeah baby, rub that nipple'.

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Meantime, Triple HHH makes his mandatory appearance on RAW, and replies with brutal honesty when asked what his chances are of appearing in a flick with The Rock.

[Nowhere Man]

Chances are, by the time I'm done with this, 5 or 6 people will have already gone, so forgive me if the jokes have already been done.

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Not satisfied with being the Legend Killer, Randy Orton unveils another talent by wrestling and doing an awesome Popeye impression at the same time.

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Batista proves he's the new master of mind games, jamming his own face into Tajiri's crotch until the plucky cruiserweight was so uncomfortable with it that he had to tap out.

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Unbeknownst to Orton, Edge sets up for his most devastating finisher yet: the Human Enema.

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The entire thing completely went to hell once the ref called out "Right Hand Red"

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Shane "The Human Cannonball" Helms claims another victim.

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Conway would've gotten more cheap heat when he called the entire audience homos, but nobody took him seriously with that big flag sticking out the side of his head.

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Kane gives Steven Richards a big high-five after a hard fought match...

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...and then cements his position as a major heel by Chokeslamming him and stealing his powers.

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Hardy had seen a lot in his career, but even the Sensei of Mattitude was awed by the sheer majesty of Jericho Crossing the Delaware.

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Lita: "Hello, my name is Lita, and I'm a botcher."
Botchers Annonymous: "Hi, Lita."
Lita: "I didn't realize I had a botching problem until a few months ago, when (botches sentence)"
Jeff Hardy: "It's okay, Lita, you've got to stay strong."
Randy Orton: "Just take it one spot at a time, Lita, one spot at a time."
Kevin Nash: "We're all friends here. We're behind you with this."
Lita: "Thanks, guys. That means a lot."

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The obsession angle wasn't particularly disturbing in its beginning stages, but it really got creepy when Kane started giving Lita zerbits.

(rep to anyone who knows what a zerbit is)

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Jacobs was done with coming up with insane and stupid gimmicks of his own, and now had to copy off of failed gimmicks from other wrestlers. But that's not a bad thing.....that's.....a GOOD thing!

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As if the Kane/Lita/Matt Hardy angle wasn't disgusting enough, Christian and Jericho decided to re-enact the last scene just to keep the audience up to speed.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/14.jpg

Christian and Tomko were getting ready for an intense showdown, when Jericho's infamous narcolepsy kicked up again.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/15.jpg

WWE Films' remake of Gone With the Wind was a smash hit.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/16.jpg

The ref was adamant, but Victoria insisted that this was no time for a staring contest.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/17.jpg

Victoria's body spasmed violently after the ruthless Gail Kim tore her head clean off.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/18.jpg

The ref wasn't entirely sure how these two got tangled up so badly, but he knew that he was gonna need a pair of pliers and a crowbar to get this mess undone.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/19.jpg

This wasn't what I meant when I said I want to see Victoria's head between Gail's legs, but whatever.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/20.jpg

Benoit wasn't exactly thrilled when Michaels decided it was time for him to "pay his dues" on national television.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/21.jpg

Suddenly, the challenger ripped off his mask and revealed himself to be Chris Jericho! Hunter's security team scrambled when they found out that main event security had been compromised, but by now the damage had been done.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/22.jpg

The most bizarre tag team match comes to its conclusion when Benoit makes Shawn tap to the Crossface, and Mike Chioda simultaneously knocks out Steven Richards with a vicious karate chop.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/23.jpg

Benoit finally gets the best of the Heartbreak Kid by using one of the Forbidden Techniques of the old Hart family Dungeon: The Calgary Nipple-Clamp.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/24.jpg

Benoit is as shocked as the rest of the world when his arms turn heel and clock him with the Title belt.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/25.jpg

Hunter gets his revenge on the upstart champion by crushing his head.

[Rock Bottom]

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/01.jpg
In an effort to counter Foley's "Mr. Socko," Randy Orton's right hand grew a mouth and a vicious set of teeth.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/02.jpg
Tajiri shows Orton exactly why he is called the "Japanese Lovesaw."

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/03.jpg
Orton: What's that green stuff all over your mouth? Are you insane? Triple H is gonna kill you when he finds out you've been eating Stephanie out.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/03.jpg
Randy: Dave, what is it? What's wrong, Dave? Why is there Evolution Kool-Aid all over your mouth?
Dave: NO! Don't look at me! Just leave me alone! Stay back!
Randy: Oh my goodness... Your face... It's turning into Triple H's...
Dave: GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE... I can't stop it... I'm sorry Randy, I'm ab-... ab-... b-.... BUUUUUUUUUUAH.
Randy: :eek:

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/04.jpg
The Referee had his hands full trying to make Conway and Hurricane take turns while they played Duck-Duck-Goose.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/05.jpg
Conway trapped Hurricane in his new submission hold, the FBO (French Body Odor).

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/06.jpg
The WWE had really sunk to a new low to prove that they didn't discriminate Gowen, when they had the retarded Eugene square off against "Fetus Growing Out of the Side of My Head Man."

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/07.jpg
Ross: So Vince, think they'll notice that's not Austin calling for beer?
Vince: Pfft. Like I really give a shit at this point.

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Kane couldn't wrestle a match without that darn Wile E. Coyote trying to drop an ACME superstar on his head.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/09.jpg
Matt: Yeah Jericho, I'm afraid the rumors are true... Lita really does botch blowjobs.
Jericho: You poor guy... (Slaps a Y2J sticker on his schlong for being such a good patient)

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/10.jpg
Even though Lita swore she was a born-again Christian, George W. Bush would not pardon her for all of her botched moves.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/11.jpg
Bush: Any last requests? (Chortling to himself)
Lita: Sure... How about one last kiss...
Bush: Ohhhh... Okay, sure... (Puckers up) AHHHHHHHHHHH! OWW! MY LIPS! DAMN YOU WOMAN! FRY HER!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/12.jpg
Meet Kane. A seven-foot monster of a wrestler, but he was lacking confidence in "other" areas. Choosing to do something about it, Kane began using our product. Now he's got a seven-foot monster of his own, finally getting a little respect from the locker room community.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/13.jpg
Christian: Hey wait, you're not Trish... "Your gun is digging into my hip..." Oh my God... She's a he... He's a sheshe... AHHHHHHHHHH! (Begins spitting profusely and chewing wads of gum)

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/14.jpg
In our next episode of Double Dragon, Billy Lee takes a huge heel turn when he joins Aboabo in attacking his brother, Jimmy Lee!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/15.jpg
Matt: How did your first day of school go Lita?
Lita: (Begins sobbing) I botched the ABC's and all the kids laughed at me!
Matt: Cruel, cruel bastards...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/16.jpg
Rather then checking for a submission, the perverted referee took it upon himself to check for breast cancer.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/17.jpg
Ref: Holy shit! I've heard of having one arm, one leg, one eye... But the WWE has really gone too far this time! One boob!? You'll NEVER get over!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/18.jpg
As Gail began wrapping her legs around Victoria's head, you could tell by the ref's right hand that he was in "good position."

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/19.jpg
Ref: Victoria, let go of the hair! Let go of the hair or I'll DQ you!
Victoria: FINE! I didn't like hairballs in my mouth anyway.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/20.jpg
Shawn was a little less than enthusiastic about this match now that he wasn't going to win the title. You could tell by the look on his face: :|

Thanks alot Jericho.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/21.jpg
Michaels was so pissed off about Jericho slipping when talking about the main event, that he decided to do something Jericho would never do, lock on the REAL Walls of Jericho.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/22.jpg
The referee couldn't stand Shawn's crying like a little girl, so he reached over and gave him a bitch-slap of his own.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/23.jpg
Otherwise unstoppable, Benoit knew Michaels was a sucker for a good old nipple-tweeking, and exploited it to retain the World Heavyweight Championship.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/24.jpg
Benoit: What the...

"Dear Champ, great job so far on your title run. I'm really proud of the way you're handling this. I have no problems putting you over clean again, and Shawn and I are glad to help. Hell, I even removed my initials from the back of the belt."

(Benoit turns the belt over)
HHH HHH HHH HHH HHH HHH All your base HHH HHH HHH Your base HHH Your baseHHH HHH (Cum Stain) HHH Base HHH HHH HHH Base HHH HHH HHH HHH All your base HHH HHH are belong to us HHH
"Sike. I'll see you at SummerSlam. Love, HHH"

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/25.jpg
Triple H: We were THAT close to a clean finish...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/25.jpg
Triple H: We were THAT close to Shawn jobbing cleanly twice in a row...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/25.jpg
Triple H: You can only measure a man like me by the size of his heart...

[loopydate]

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/11.jpg

The obsession angle wasn't particularly disturbing in its beginning stages, but it really got creepy when Kane started giving Lita zerbits.

(rep to anyone who knows what a zerbit is)
Pbbbbbbbbt

[Shaggy]

I wish the scene where Regal looks at the Triple H cup was one of the pics. That was one of the funniest scenes.

[CBright7831]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Innovator again.

:(
Hey, hey, hey!

[Nowhere Man]

Pbbbbbbbbt

Damn, I have to spread some reps around before I can rep you again. Curses!

[El Santo]

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/01.jpg

Always the happy-go-lucky prankster, Randy always had a smile on his face when he played "Guess who?"

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/03.jpg

Randy was pissed when he found out it was BATISTA who had the last slice of key lime pie.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/06.jpg

Rob Conway demonstrates to the viewers at home the incredible power of mitosis.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/07.jpg

"WHATever, girlfriend."

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/09.jpg

Matt: "If a tree falls in the middle of the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?"
Chris: "Deep."

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/10.jpg

On a very special "That 70's Show", Donna has a dream where sees herself sitting at the card table --- fifteen years in the future --- as a trashy hooker...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/11.jpg

... and she was more shocked to find out that Red Foreman was randy and on the juice.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/12.jpg

Rinka-dinka-doo! Ha-cha-cha!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/13.jpg

Though he was only on Raw for one night only, Sheriff Steve Austin makes an astounding impact by declaring gay marriages legal.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/14.jpg

Chris breaks down as Christian and Tomko tell him how much they HATED his YJ Stinger commercials.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/15.jpg

Lost and afraid, Lita broke into tears while Matt desperately tried to find a way out of the cargohold of the Starship Enterprise.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/16.jpg

In an angle few fans foresaw, the Spice Girls take out a contract hit on Sporty!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/17.jpg

The full moon was out tonight, and Gail was on the prowl for some human flesh.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/18.jpg

Victoria knew she promised Gail a piggyback ride, but damn, that woman couldn't keep still!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/19.jpg

Gail: "What I really really want is to zigazag, ah!"

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/20.jpg

Midmatch, Michaels does his world famous Fozzy the Bear impression.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/22.jpg

The ref screamed when he realized that his hand had transformed into a solid block of wood!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/23.jpg

Almost beaten down by his rampaging Michaelsbot, Benoit finally ends it when he finds the off button.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/24.jpg

"Now if you folks don't mind, I have been waiting for this ... all ... DAY." *chomp* "Mmmm. Chocolatey."

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/25.jpg

Trips indicates that there's just a little bit lacking in this year's Hitler Youth rally.

[Gone Mad]

Didn't read the earlier posts,so sorry if similar.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/02.jpg
Tajiri: Whoa! Batista? Blue eyes.. I never known...

Batista: Pant on Fire, UGH!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/06.jpg
Conway: Remember, say your prayers, take your vitamins, do your homework..

Grenier: OOHhh Yeahh, Dig IT!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/09.jpg
Hardy: So.. I just heard your promo about HBK v. Benoit..

Y2J : ... I'm going to Heat,aren't I?

Hardy: More like Bottom Line.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/10.jpg
A preview of the new Lita bust, with detaied botch promo face.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/19.jpg
Victoria, after much insults, tried to see if her head gets stuck up her ass. It fit, even though it ended up in Gail Kim's ass.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/21.jpg
JR: And HBK has Benoit in the .. Boston Crab..and.. sTUNNERBAHgAWd!

King: What do you mean? It's obviously a Liontamer, originally used by Chris Jericho back in ECW,WCW and subsequently banned from the WW-- PUPPIES!! LEGS!!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/23.jpg
HBK: No,babe, not right now. I got a headache.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/25.jpg
HHH: GOT MY NOSE!

[Corkscrewed]

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/25.jpg
HHH: GOT MY NOSE!

:lol:

[Nowhere Man]

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/12.jpg

Rinka-dinka-doo! Ha-cha-cha!

I have no idea why, but this one made me laugh harder than I have all week.

[Corkscrewed]

I should know where that's from, but I can't seem to get the reference, lol.

[El Santo]

It's old. It's from Jimmy Durante, an entertainer from the 1940's who was best known for his big shnoz and his sign off: "Goodnight, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are!"

(btw, I only found that out recently myself by surfing the 'net. The quote itself was probably referenced from something completely different. :) )

[Vastardikai]

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/12.jpg

"My name is Kane, and I support this message!"

[Nowhere Man]

It's old. It's from Jimmy Durante, an entertainer from the 1940's who was best known for his big shnoz and his sign off: "Goodnight, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are!"

(btw, I only found that out recently myself by surfing the 'net. The quote itself was probably referenced from something completely different. :) )

I figgered that (although I didn't know the guy's name). Looney Toons used to do all sorts of caricatures from movie stars at the time, and they had a cartoon version of that guy in a lot of their cartoons.

[loopydate]

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/06.jpg

Rob Conway demonstrates to the viewers at home the incredible power of mitosis.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/10.jpg

On a very special "That 70's Show", Donna has a dream where sees herself sitting at the card table --- fifteen years in the future --- as a trashy hooker...
I know it's early, but...CotM nominees?

[Nowhere Man]

I know it's early, but...CotM nominees?

I concurr....Santo > m3h

[loopydate]

Oh, but don't sell yourself short, Mr. Man.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/03.jpg

Unbeknownst to Orton, Edge sets up for his most devastating finisher yet: the Human Enema.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/09.jpg

Hardy had seen a lot in his career, but even the Sensei of Mattitude was awed by the sheer majesty of Jericho Crossing the Delaware.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/11.jpg

The obsession angle wasn't particularly disturbing in its beginning stages, but it really got creepy when Kane started giving Lita zerbits.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/14.jpg

Christian and Tomko were getting ready for an intense showdown, when Jericho's infamous narcolepsy kicked up again.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/22.jpg

The most bizarre tag team match comes to its conclusion when Benoit makes Shawn tap to the Crossface, and Mike Chioda simultaneously knocks out Steven Richards with a vicious karate chop.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/24.jpg

Benoit is as shocked as the rest of the world when his arms turn heel and clock him with the Title belt.
All classics.

[Corkscrewed]

what about me???? :D :p

[Rock Bottom]

LoL at all you self-conscious compliment-fishing captioneers. :p

[loopydate]

Grumblegrumble...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/06.jpg
That's right, a young Professor Quirrell agrees, YOU'RE A HOMO!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/07.jpg
With things looking bleak, Kane makes a tag to his partner... GIANT STEVIE RICHARDS!!!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/09.jpg
Jericho: "Matt, did you get a new buttocks?"
Hardy: "I had to. My old one had a crack in it."

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/10.jpg
Lita never believed there was a Dungeon for the Botch-prone either, but now she was starting to regret that too.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/13.jpg
When the Spirit of Grandma possessed Christian, no one was safe from his cheek-pinching parade of terror!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/18.jpg
Sparks: "KIDS!!! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT PLAYING WITH JAMIE NOBLE'S TORSO PORTAL???"
Gail & Victoria: "Sorrrrry dad."

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/23.jpg
Chris knew that if he pressed the right button, he could reverse Shawn's Screw-over-all-Canadians function.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/050304/images/25.jpg
The ending of RAW was stalled when Triple H became distracted by a shiny invisible quarter.