Vince's "New Direction" speech

[The Naitch]

remember the day after the Montreal screwjob? He had that new direction speech. If you were to make a new direction speech for 2004, what would it sound like?

"Frankly, we at the World Wrestling Ferederation, I mean Entertainment, are sick of insulting your intelligence. Next time we drop Triple H 30 feet from a hanging car, we'll make sure he doesn't show up the next night on RAW"

[Corkscrewed]

"For the record, we're not reburying Ultimo Dragon because he slipped twice at Wrestlemania. I just can't stand Japanese guys."

[Nacho Man]

'Lesnar struggling to find a NFL team huh? Now, if only I could make a Football League of some kind...'

[The Naitch]

lolZ

[Fox]

"We at the WWE are tired of insulting your intelligence. Which is why we're getting rid of ridiculous characters like the "Rabid Wolverine" Chris Benoit. I mean, who ever heard of a wolverine being rabid anyways? It's absurd! We will continue to bring forth quality entertainment such as the inspirational wrestler Eugene Dinsmore, and Kane's pent-up sexual appetite!"

[RGWhat316]

" We at the WWE are now going to focus more on past events. If two guys are feuding, and one of them does something really horrible during their feud, there will be mentioning of that in the months to come, after they are done feuding"

Ok, I'm not sure if this is really the right wording, but basically something that happened in the past will be acknowledged. Unlike it is now.

[PureHatred]

"In these troubled times, the WWE knows that now more than ever our fans turn to us for exciting, one-of-a-kind entertainment to take their minds away from the problems of their day to day existence. We feel its out patriotic duty to provide that entertainment. RED, for the color on that retarded kids jacket and the flush in Charlie Haas' face as Rico dry humps him liek a 4 legged man at a dog show. WHITE: For the color of Ric Flair's hair as he proves night after night that senior citizens are people too, and the color of JBL's skin as he proves that Mexian people aren't. And BLUE: The color of Kane's gonads,not because he's sexually frustrated, but because Lita's acing made his genitalia shrivel.

America: Land of the Free, home of the brave, and the only country where I have the freedom, nay the duty, to buy out my competition so you almost have no choice but to watch this crap.

[Fox]

"In these troubled times, the WWE knows that now more than ever our fans turn to us for exciting, one-of-a-kind entertainment to take their minds away from the problems of their day to day existence. We feel its out patriotic duty to provide that entertainment. RED, for the color on that retarded kids jacket and the flush in Charlie Haas' face as Rico dry humps him liek a 4 legged man at a dog show. WHITE: For the color of Ric Flair's hair as he proves night after night that senior citizens are people too, and the color of JBL's skin as he proves that Mexian people aren't. And BLUE: The color of Kane's gonads,not because he's sexually frustrated, but because Lita's acing made his genitalia shrivel.

America: Land of the Free, home of the brave, and the only country where I have the freedom, nay the duty, to buy out my competition so you almost have no choice but to watch this crap.

Triple H: And don't forget pushing your son in law!

Vince: Right! And pushing Triple H!

Triple H: AMEN!

[big_bluto]

Enter Vince McMahon

Vince:

We at the WWE should aspire to inspire.
This hasn't always happened.
We haven't been consistent, we haven't been loyal to our wrestlers, and on occasion we have let down our fans.
Those days are over.
Gone.
Dead.
Buried.

A new day is dawning over the World Wrestling Entertainment horizon.
With this new dawn comes a new life, a new show, a new challenge.
No longer will we try to fob you off with inferior storylines, like Katy Vick's dead body.
No longer will the wrestlers get away with not watching the show, while other wrestlers talk about them on TV, or worse.
No longer will the Smackdown women be solely eye-candy.
No longer will Triple HHH be able to bury everbody that he feels threatened by.
No longer will we insult the intelligence of the fans.
No longer will wrestlers be pushed on how well they can suck cock..... Did I say that out loud?
Where was I....?
Anyway, the new day is dawning.
A new era in WWE has begun.
- ALL belts are up for grabs.
- Wrestling will be based on talent, with charisma and size being secondary considerations.
- No longer will there be bans on specific moves. Wrestlers will decide the boundaries for each match themselves, and as long as they are happy they are safe, then I am happy to let them be responsible enough to decide.
The Creative team will accept suggestions from fans and wrestlers alike. If you have any ideas, mail them to ithinkiknowbetterthanvince@wwe.com

No more Soap Opera crap!
Watch the show for wrestling!
Entertainment will commence on RAW on Monday at 9pm
Smackdown will now be broadcast live on Thursdays.
If you have bought PPV's in the past, then you will receive them free for 5 years.

Any other comments or suggestions, then please send them to me.
My office door is always open if you want to pop in.
And please, call me Vincent.

So here's the card for tonights show.

Matt Hardy v Jamie Noble for the Intercontinental Title

Rey Mysterio v Chavo Guerrero v Ultimo Dragon v Billy Kidman v Paul London v Spanky v Hurricane v Tajiri in a 8-man battle royal for the Cruiserweight title

Chris Benoit v Eddie Guerrero,
Chris Jericho v Christian,
HBK v HHH,
Edge v Sean O'Haire
Kane v Booker T
UnderTaker v Batista
RVD v Randy Orton
John Cena v The Rock
Winners progress to the next round, in a KOTR style tournament to decide the winner of the re-unified WWE Heavyweight title.

And I'd like to hand you over to our commentators, JR, Tazz and Paul Heyman.

[Xero]

"We here at World Wrestling Entertainment would like to thank all of you, the FANS, for putting up with so much shit over the years... Moppy, Eugene, Goldberg... But now is time for a change! Ladies and Gentelman, I am happy to report that the following people have been fired:

Triple H (Loud cheer from the back)

Now that thats over with, let me introduce the three main men who will be writing and directing the WWE from now on!

Obviously me, but dont worry, no more retards or one legged assholes... Bret Hart (Everyone marks out) and Paul Haymen!

Also, I would like to announce that we have hired the following tallent:

(nWo music hits)
THE N... W... O! And they WONT be watered down!

(Old ECW Theme Hits)
ECW! Including Sandman, Sabu, and Terry Funk amoung others!

Now, we also are going to unban the following moves and situations:

Vertabreaker
Tombstone
Piledriver
Pulling up the Mats
ALL ECW Matches and situations

And, we are un-watering down the curiserweight division! No more of the non-high flying Rey Mysterio Jr. I have also hired the following curisers, amoung others:

Ultimo Dragon
Psycosis
Juivi

As far as the Undertaker goes... Starting THIS WEEK ON SMACKDOWN, the Ministry will reform!

Ladies and Gentelmen, thank you for your time, and expect to see even MORE changes and signings later!"

[Nowhere Man]

(Vince approaches podium for press conference)

Ladies and gentlemen, this week, WWE wants to take a new direction. From now on,---

(Ultimo Dragon suicide bombs the podium, taking out the McMahons and the writing team)

[HankScorpio]

"dear loyal WWE fans, because we value your intelligence and we want to appologise for the shoddy way that the WWE has been going since the attitude era, we have decided to promote the WWE as a "Wrestling coporation" foremost with the "entertainment" angles taking a back seat... so to start the "new era" of competent Wrestling over flashy gimicks, let me introduce to you the Superstar I, personally, have chosen to spearhead this initiative....



Jeff Hardy :shifty:

[The Naitch]

"Vince McMahon here. My grapefruits turn to grapes when I come off the Deca"

[Savio]

"It seems that the fans want Benoit to keep the title for awhile. So will have him put it up in a match; Benoit W/ HBK versus HHH after 5 sweet Chin music and 3 Crossfaces HHH Pedigrees Benoit for the first time waits a minute then pins him for the win"

[The Naitch]

"So Chris Benoit has the World Title. Don't worry WWE fans, the title will be back on Triple H faster than you can say Hunter Hearst Helmsley is GOD. Then Benoit will be relegated to midcard heaven to put over technical legends like A-Train and Big Show, and possibly a return of Nathan Jones. We at World Wrestling Entertainment know that you also want to see Chris Jericho as the next World Champ, but *laugh* that won't be happening anytime soon"

[Corkscrewed]

ROFLMAO at Nowhere Man! You got a rep for that one!