The OFFICIAL RAW Thread for 01/21/13: Punk's Last Week as Champ? Also Now With 11% Less Divas.

[Frank Drebin]

DB looks like he should be advising a king on Game of Thrones.

[Emperor Smeat]

:lol: Bryan looks weird with the slicked hair

[Droford]

hotel for rats lol

[Outsider]

Alternate costumes for WWE '14.

[KyleEmmott]

The parted and slick hair on DB is a good look. Definitely keep it

[Frank Drebin]

IM THE TOP STUDENT!!

[Corndad]

Youre the Valedictorian HAHAHA

[Frank Drebin]

yes! a Dr. Shelby chant!

[James Diesel]

Dr. Shelby chants

[ClockShot]

Dr. Shelby chant.

[Cool King]

Dr. Shelby chant! :D

[Corndad]

Dr Shelby Chant. There is a god

[Droford]

everyone..?

[ClockShot]

I didn't know Vince was going for a guiness world record here.

[Droford]

The Rock and CM Punk need to hug

[Keith]

This shouldn't be awesome, but IT IS!

[ClockShot]

Doc Samson?

WHERE?!

[Frank Drebin]

Please pick the TPWW guys to hug

[Keith]

This is GOLD!

[Corndad]

Greatest Segment ever.

[Droford]

i have no one to hug

[Outsider]

:wtf:

[Frank Drebin]

"ERWERWER HUG ERTRETRWT HUG BXVBCVNBVMN HUG"

[Corndad]

Kane jumping up and down hugging makes my life better

[ClockShot]

Where's my Care Bear?

[Emperor Smeat]

:lol:

Somehow this is going to end up as one of those "Did You Know" segments next week involving WWE beating out ESPN, The Shopping Channel, and CNN for most hugs shown in a tv show

[Frank Drebin]

Thought for sure Cody and Sandow were gonna ruin graduation.

[Savio]

no interruption?

[Cool King]

That was fantastic.

[Outsider]

I'm not sure if I was either too drunk or not drunk enough for that.

[Blitz]

That was tremendous.

[Keith]

I'd mark out if Rock and Punk were standing face to face, jawing at each other, and Dr Shelby came out.

[Cool King]

I hope Poit, Tb1 and Fraze hugged.

[Keith]

♪♫ My debut album ♫♪

[Droford]

didnt this whole anger management thing come about because they were tying in with charlie sheen's show?

[Krimzon7]

You must spread Reputation around before giving it to Keith again.

[Frank Drebin]

looks like we are getting a divas match after all.

[Frank Drebin]

♪♫ My debut album ♫♪

AAAAAHHHHHHHHH

[Droford]

alicia fox wants to be undefined

[Cool King]

Fuck yeah, Kaitlyn!

[Krimzon7]

Alicia Fox!!! Somebody has been bending that over lately...

[ClockShot]

Everytime I see Alicia Fox, looks like she got another face lift.

[Outsider]

Dammit. Went for a piss during the adverts and now have to watch a Divas match. Called that one wrong.

[Frank Drebin]

WE WANT KHARMA, CLAP, CLAP, CLAPCLAPCLAP

[Krimzon7]

top 5 worst intro songs ever: Kaitlin

[Frank Drebin]

Dammit. Went for a piss during the adverts and now have to watch a Divas match. Called that one wrong.

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Frank Drebin]

top 5 worst intro songs ever: Kaitlin

♪♫ My debut album ♫♪

[Corndad]

Who had Tamina for the Diva Match at Rumble pool

[Krimzon7]

That commercial is the last best use of Autotune

[Keith]

Hey, an Asian referee.

Wait, wut?!

[Krimzon7]

wanna see them nipples. One of you Pervs hook me up

[Frank Drebin]

top 5 worst intro songs ever: Kaitlin

listen to layla's and tell me which is worse.

[Droford]

a paul bomb?

[Outsider]

It's amazing that the WWE managed to put two women I don't want to have sex with in the ring.

In which I mean it's amazing that the WWE managed to find two women I don't want to have sex with.

[KyleEmmott]

I like the beginning of Kaitlyn's song but that's it.

[stultiloquy]

Kaitlyn needs new music....ugh.

[Corndad]

Paul Bomb. Hm... Something tells me this ends with Brad Maddox getting Rock Bottomed

[Krimzon7]

TWO TICKETS TO PARADISE

[Keith]

a paul bomb?

As long as it involves Paul Heyman shooting on The Rock, I'm all for it.

[ClockShot]

"I'll show you to your skybox. It's over here"

In the maintence area, on ground level. Unless there's some sort of portal nearby.

[KyleEmmott]

It's amazing that the WWE managed to put two women I don't want to have sex with in the ring.

In which I mean it's amazing that the WWE managed to find two women I don't want to have sex with.

You wouldn't have sex with Kaitlyn? Alicia is understandable but Kaitlyn?!

[Keith]

"I'll show you to your skybox. It's over here"

In the maintence area, on ground level. Unless there's some sort of portal nearby.

Hmm. That probably hints at The Rock attacking Heyman and Punk being too far away to do anything about it.

[Frank Drebin]

Where was all the food Heyman promised? I'm hungry.

[Droford]

thats a really high up sky box

[Outsider]

You wouldn't have sex with Kaitlyn? Alicia is understandable but Kaitlyn?!

She looks like a foot.

[ClockShot]

Shit, he's up in the clouds.

Heyman's a sitting duck.

[Droford]

February's flavor of the month has to be neopolitan then with 5 other flavors

[Frank Drebin]

"She looks like a foot"

Gonna save that one for real life so people will think I'm funny.

[Krimzon7]

The Rock is behind punk.

[Droford]

the rock probably has a skybox ticket to share with CM punk

[Droford]

I dont think having a ticket entitles you to go in the ring

[Cool King]

So if I have a ticket to a WWE event, does that mean I can jump into the ring too? :shifty:

[Krimzon7]

Jesus Rock, I want to get up right now and do some dead lifts. Thanks to you.

[Frank Drebin]

Are wrestlers implanted with a chip that will que up their theme and titan tron when they head to the curtain?

Funny how that works.

[Frank Drebin]

I dont think having a ticket entitles you to go in the ring

Droford = Heyman

[Krimzon7]

Twinkie Tits. Lol that's a good one.

[Theo Dious]

I dont think having a ticket entitles you to go in the ring

Shut up, I'm getting ideas here.

[Frank Drebin]

That purple light makes it seem like 'Taker is up there.

[Savio]

Rock kinda contradicting what he said earlier

[Outsider]

Are wrestlers implanted with a chip that will que up their theme and titan tron when they head to the curtain?

Funny how that works.

It's a bluetooth enabled app.

Weirdly, only on Android.

[Theo Dious]

Twinkie Tits. Lol that's a good one.

Not terribly PG though...

[Droford]

WWE should sell a golden ticket to wrestlemania for $1,000,000 to let you go and cut a 5 minute promo during wrestlemania

[Frank Drebin]

This is my first time interacting with Outsider, and I find him wildly entertaining.

[Cool King]

They're on TV!

[Frank Drebin]

WWE should sell a golden ticket to wrestlemania for $1,000,000 to let you go and cut a 5 minute promo during wrestlemania

I've got a golden ticket.....

[Krimzon7]

WWE should sell a golden ticket to wrestlemania for $1,000,000 to let you go and cut a 5 minute promo during wrestlemania

THAT WOULD BE EPIC.

Please stop with the I have a dream shit.

[Outsider]

This is my first time interacting with Outsider, and I find him wildly entertaining.

If you need a jester, I need a job.

[Corndad]

Thank god for the Shield

[Frank Drebin]

Wonder how much vomiting MLK would be doing if he had seen his most famous words being used here.

[Droford]

Rock will destroy the shield for good

[KyleEmmott]

Once again, I thought TAKER!! Seriously Shield, get some new things

[Frank Drebin]

If you need a jester, I need a job.

So do I my man, so do I.:(

[Keith]

So what's WWE gonna end the show with?

[KyleEmmott]

*Spits out blood*

[Krimzon7]

Stop with the fucking spit rock

[Corndad]

Shit at that Blood coming from Mouth

[Emperor Smeat]

wow the Shield really beat the crap out of the Rock

[ClockShot]

BLOOOOOOOOOOD!

[Theo Dious]

When are they going to pay off the Shield thing and admit they work for Heyman and Punk?

[Frank Drebin]

So what's WWE gonna end the show with?

Hornswaggle

[Droford]

So what's WWE gonna end the show with?

John Cena wi..er..speaks

[Keith]

Busted lip?

Oooooooh, Shield busted up a Hollywood actor's lip!

[Frank Drebin]

When are they going to pay off the Shield thing and admit they work for Heyman and Punk?

Or....anyone? They've never really given us an answer as to why they choose who they attack.

[Outsider]

So do I my man, so do I.:(

You mean posting here won't get me a job?

This has been a colossal waste of time.

[Droford]

When are they going to pay off the Shield thing and admit they work for Heyman and Punk?

They obviously work for Brad Maddox

[Krimzon7]

So what's WWE gonna end the show with?

WE ARE THE NATION OF DOMINATION!!!!!

[Blitz]

Never thought I'd see the day where Jon Moxley and Tyler Black beat down The Rock.

[Keith]

John Cena wi..er..speaks

Oh, yeah, I forgot Cena was gonna talk to the WWE Universe.

[Droford]

Busted lip?

Oooooooh, Shield busted up a Hollywood actor's lip!

I was hoping a knocked out tooth, which would be ironic

[Keith]

"I AM A MAN".

[Droford]

I think they had to show that again to make up for the Rock hijacking it

[Droford]

for the benefit of those without short term memory...

[Droford]

I wonder if the Shield will be barred from ringside at RR only for Lesnar to show up

[Poit]

I hope Poit, Tb1 and Fraze hugged.

http://imgur.com/q2NbR13.jpg

[Cool King]

I like how they replayed The Rock mouthing the word "Fuck".

[Outsider]

I hate the way half of the show is a replay of what happened in the previous five minutes.

On the plus side, a very accessible TV show for dementia sufferers.

[Cool King]

http://imgur.com/q2NbR13.jpg

:love:

[KyleEmmott]

This should be a good match.

[ClockShot]

Ugh. Don't like this music for Barrett.

[Outsider]

A Northerner vs an Irish Man?!

This is like every Pub north of Derby on a Saturday evening.

[Droford]

shame sheamus isnt facing daniel bryan

[mike adamle]

Wouldn't mind Barrett winning this Beat the Clock Challenge.

[mike adamle]

shame sheamus isnt facing daniel bryan

They're probably saving that for the week they do WrestleMania rematches.

[Droford]

WCW should have had beat the Flock challenges

[KyleEmmott]

What if the Undertaker won the Rumble?

[Outsider]

Ugh. Don't like this music for Barrett.

I quite like it. What's more, I can't help but think if they push him in the direction of the main event it has the potential to become the base of a better theme.

[Droford]

They're probably saving that for the week they do WrestleMania rematches.

no one is getting me tonight..no one got my Orton joke..didnt get this one..iugh

[Droford]

What if the Undertaker won the Rumble?
Rock/Taker at Mania would be something

still want Punk/Taker streak vs streak

[Droford]

Dolph wins and Cena goats him into taking the #1 spot

i just booked the next 50 minutes of raw, thank you and good night

[Innovator]

I marked out hard for Fraze being shown starting a chant for the Rock

[KyleEmmott]

Rock/Taker at Mania would be something

still want Punk/Taker streak vs streak

Either of those matches would be tremendous. As long as Taker wins.

[James Diesel]

no one is getting me tonight..no one got my Orton joke..didnt get this one..iugh

18 seconds.

[Droford]

shoot their big shots right now - lawler

[Droford]

lol that almost backfired

[Krimzon7]

lol he yells Fella You Crazy Bi...

[Krimzon7]

AJ Thanks for keeping your back(ass) to the camera.

[Keith]

♪♫ My debut album ♫♪

[Krimzon7]

Knitted this tight sweater yo

[stultiloquy]

Gotta constantly hype Cena talking in ring tonight, not like he does that every Monday night...

[Cool King]

I marked out hard for Fraze being shown starting a chant for the Rock

As did I.

[Cool King]

Oh, Germany is getting a Hunico vignette during the break.

I miss Hunico. :(

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>I think there's still an outside chance Cena announces he wants to be #1 and then convinces Dolph to use his selection on #2.</font>

[KyleEmmott]

If I see one more commercial about Atlantis...

[Droford]

Gotta constantly hype Cena talking in ring tonight, not like he does that every Monday night...

maybe the shield will make another appareance

[Droford]

lol

swerve

[Keith]

Why is it that Big E and Dolph don't directly speak to each other that often?

Do they gangbang AJ and then feel awkward around each other?

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Yessssss an hour of Dolph in the Rumble</font>

[Krimzon7]

SWERVE HO! 1 OR 2??? We Need to Involve Dolph with a better number.

I'll get better at this.

[Droford]

here comes the banning of the shield

[stultiloquy]

http://imgur.com/q2NbR13.jpg
Daily Awwwww

[Keith]

So, that's how Rock wins the Title at Elimination Chamber.

They strip Punk, he doesn't directly lose to Rock, and they go on to Elimination Chamber, where Rock wins the belt.

[Droford]

That pretty much sets up Lesnar interference if Punk is to retain..

[Droford]

So, that's how Rock wins the Title at Elimination Chamber.

They strip Punk, he doesn't directly lose to Rock, and they go on to Elimination Chamber, where Rock wins the belt.

lol, that'd be hillarious

Shield interferes, Punk gets stripped, Punk wins back at Elimination Chamber

just keep counting around the days he was stripped lol

[Keith]

That pretty much sets up Lesnar interference if Punk is to retain..

Hmm. Punk/Lesnar at 'Mania would be awesome.

[Corndad]

Love the Bow Tie on Ricky Ricardo

[Droford]

Hmm. Punk/Lesnar at 'Mania would be awesome.
you're doing it wrong

[Keith]

Jobber entrance for Tensai. I think we can all safely say the Tensai Experiment failed.

[Corndad]

Love that there was a Generic Brad Maddox sign on the back of the Del Rio sign they took.

[Droford]

This should be a tune up last man standing match

[Keith]

you're doing it wrong

Enlighten me.

[Krimzon7]

That Raw Roulette music reminds me of that time when Archer had cancer and he took the trip to vegas with Dickey.

[Droford]

Enlighten me.
Why would punk face lesnar if they're both team heyman and lesnar helps punk retain?

Lesnar/Rock at mania

[Krimzon7]

Is Ricardo making it easier to get behind ADR?

[Keith]

Why would punk face lesnar if they're both team heyman and lesnar helps punk retain?

Lesnar/Rock at mania

Or maybe Maddox helps Punk. You know, he said he'd do "anything".

Lesnar/Rock would bring in some major $ and exposure, tho.

[Droford]

bob backlund?

[Corndad]

Backlund. Fuck Yea.

[Poit]

Is Ricardo making it easier to get behind ADR?

¡Sí!

[Cool King]

Bob Backlund.

Fantastic. :y:

[Krimzon7]

The Fact taht THIS is the first Cena sighting makes me quite pleased with the product that WWE is pushing right now

[James Diesel]

Little theory with this whole Punk/Shield situation. If he is indeed involved with The Shield there's only one correct way to book it without making him look involved. See if The Shield doesn't interfere in the match, it looks like Punk called them off. And if they do interfere, and help Punk it strips him of the title. How does he keep it? Take the sacrificial bullet. Have both men get attacked to end the show. No title change. No conspiracy. And it saves a good match for later.

But it probably doesn't matter. They'll just politely hand the title to Rock for "10 years of hard work" (on movies) and Cena'll win the Rumble.

Cause it's what "The People" (at the top of HQ) want

[Schlomey]

Backlund. Socked he's not already in. Superior choice....

[James Diesel]

I think Punk did that with Nexus and Mason Ryan, but no one remembers that

[Keith]

The Fact taht THIS is the first Cena sighting makes me quite pleased with the product that WWE is pushing right now

When WWE has Cena all quiet and out of the spotlight, it means he will become WWE Champion in the near future and they don't want to burn him out.

[Droford]

Little theory with this whole Punk/Shield situation. If he is indeed involved with The Shield there's only one correct way to book it without making him look involved. See if The Shield doesn't interfere in the match, it looks like Punk called them off. And if they do interfere, and help Punk it strips him of the title. How does he keep it? Take the sacrificial bullet. Have both men get attacked to end the show. No title change. No conspiracy. And it saves a good match for later.

But it probably doesn't matter. They'll just politely hand the title to Rock for "10 years of hard work" (on movies) and Cena'll win the Rumble.

Cause it's what "The People" (at the top of HQ) want

I like my plan better

[KyleEmmott]

How the hell do you end a show with this?

[Keith]

How the hell do you end a show with this?

We've had "Pipebombs", "Paulbombs", maybe now we get a "Cenabomb".

[Frank Drebin]

Backlund. Socked he's not already in. Superior choice....

Look who finally decided to show up. Glad to know where TPWW sits on your priority list.

[James Diesel]

I like my plan better

http://dc595.4shared.com/img/r7RZPNoL/s3/okay-meme.jpg

[Droford]

kids too young to be playing black ops

[Cool King]

Skidmarks187

[KyleEmmott]

Some guy on Live just got thousands of friend requests..

[Frank Drebin]

4 douchebags

[Cool King]

Nikki Minaj? Ew.

[Frank Drebin]

WTF is Cena talking about? Is this going somewhere?

[Corndad]

The hell is this leading to lol

[Crimson]

lol that fatguy with the Heyman shirt got literally butthurt

[Emperor Smeat]

This might be his most random monologue ever

[Cool King]

I got the feeling that Cena was trying to be a "cool dad" when he was talking to that kid.

[Droford]

thanks for the spoilers cena

[Cool King]

He went through all that, just to say that he'll win the Royal Rumble?

lol

[James Diesel]

I think everyone's actually tired of Cena now. No one gave a shit during that promo.

[Keith]

Don't tell me we're gonna end up with a ring full of wrestlers doing a mini-rumble.

[Corndad]

As I said at the start this better end in a crazy all out Brawl

[Krimzon7]

PTPLAYAS! FLAG ON THE PLAY FELLA

[Droford]

Everyones gonna win the Royal Rumble!

[Frank Drebin]

here comes the brawl.

THIS COULD BE JUST WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE ON SUNDAY!!!!!

[Droford]

This better end with a GONG and Taker showing up

[Keith]

Everyone has a microphone!

[Cool King]

Microphones for everyone!

[Frank Drebin]

Glad the WWE has that many mics to go around

[Frank Drebin]

Everyone has a microphone!

Microphones for everyone!

Glad the WWE has that many mics to go around

great minds think alike

[Corndad]

This ends when the mics run out.

[Cool King]

Hmm, I wonder what will happen with all these guys in the ring at the same at the end of Raw with the Royal Rumble this Sunday?

[Corndad]

Mic FAIL!

[Savio]

whoa they have a lot of mics

[Frank Drebin]

half the rumble is here already

[Krimzon7]

WOYAL WUMBLE MATCH???

[KyleEmmott]

Jinder Mahal really needs to be replaced.

[Cool King]

They've ran out of working microphones.

[KyleEmmott]

Curt Hawkins!! Yeahhhhh

[Aikido]

Here comes Ziggler "Good luck guys, cause im #30"

[Cool King]

Oh, I didn't expect this at all! :eek:

[Corndad]

Turns the lights off and have Undertaker come out now. Dear God.

[Krimzon7]

We've got a wave cap, and afro pick a whistle and a penalty flag in the ring at the same time!!!

[Schlomey]

Lol at jtg even trying

[Droford]

They'll use this for their future royal rumble promos where they need to show 30 men in the ring at once

[KyleEmmott]

I'm disappointed Curt Hawkins cut his hair, he looks really generic now. Even more of a reason for a Hawkins and Ryder Reunion.

[Corndad]

Or not.

[Frank Drebin]

Tonights show was meh. Take it or leave it. You guys made it worth watching tho.:love::love::love:

Looking forward to my favorite PPV of the year.

[Droford]

WWE obviously has one of those calendars in their office that notes obscure holidays.

along with being MLK day today, 1/21 is also National Hugging Day (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Hug_Day)

[Frank Drebin]

Except for Schomey because he forgot to bring the legitimacy when everyone else brought punch and pie.

[Frank Drebin]

WWE obviously has one of those calendars in their office that notes obscure holidays.

along with being MLK day today, 1/21 is also National Hugging Day (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Hug_Day)

Boxing day = shoot fights.

[Lock Jaw]

Damn Ziggler, costing me points. :foc:

[Lock Jaw]

Also, D-Bry with the slicked hair reminded me of Old Man Marley from Home Alone (the creepy dude with the shovel)

http://thethingaboutflying.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/old-man-marley.gif

http://www.wwe.com/f/photo/image/2013/01/RAW_1026_Photo_092.jpg

Identical twins.

[Supreme Olajuwon]

Did you all see Tb1 and the Fraze (but not Poit :'() during the Rock's segment

[Droford]

Boxing day = shoot fights.

The guy that trademarked National Hugging Day made 12/26 National Whiners Day

[Keith]

♪♫ Mah debut album ♫♪

http://i46.tinypic.com/s5lcea.png

[MIZantine Empire]

You should dress up like 3MB and bring 3MB signs, and rock out when 3MB appears. Surefire way of getting on camera.

Lol that's funny.. Me and my buddy are gonna do that Sunday at the rumble.. Except our signs are gonna say "5mb"

[James Steele]

I am just surprised that Brad Maddox propositioned Paul Heyman for sex in exchange for a job with his stable.

[Keith]

^^^^
LOL it kinda did come off that way. It all sounded somewhat creepy, like "I'll do whatever it takes", while Heyman stared into his eyes and went "No, you've done enough".

It was almost like "You had me at hello".

[James Steele]

I loved the CM Punk/Rock segments. It was a nice twist on the typical "ROFL I GOTTA TICKET!! HAHAHAHA" schtick. Only thing that sucks is it really feels like The Rock is winning the WWE Championship on Sunday.

[Poit]

I am just surprised that Brad Maddox propositioned Paul Heyman for sex in exchange for a job with his stable.

I thought it was kinda hot.

The Brad Maddox part of that. Not the Paul Heyman part of that.

[Poit]

Did you all see Tb1 and the Fraze (but not Poit :'() during the Rock's segment

I was next to Tb1, but my short stature makes me harder to see. :-\

[James Steele]

GAH. I can't stand WrestleCrap anymore. I just read their RAW Report, and it is nothing but typical smark bitching, whining, and jokes that have been driven into the ground for years.

[James Steele]

http://www.wrestlecrap.com/eventcenter/live-monday-night-raw-coverage-12113/


Live Monday Night Raw Coverage, 1/21/13

11 (http://www.wrestlecrap.com/eventcenter/live-monday-night-raw-coverage-12113/#comments) Submitted by Justin Henry (http://www.wrestlecrap.com/author/justin/) on Mon, 21 January 2013, 19:53
http://www.wrestlecrap.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/rawrant.jpg (http://www.wrestlecrap.com/eventcenter/4574/attachment/rawrant/)
8:00: The annual MLK acknowledgement plays, although I notice Vince no longer dubs over the tribute. Geez, the election left some people bitter.
8:02: Heyman and Vickie are here to make sure the crowd is nice and agitated for when Punk comes out, in their continuing goal to ensure the fans can’t cheer for who they like. If Vince ran a convenience store, he’d make sure the highest selling items remained in storage until they went stale.
8:05: Vickie’s against showing the fans a recap video. For once, Vickie, I’d have to say I agree.
8:08: For those of us who miss the Attitude Era, we have the evil boss using the police to keep the bald main eventer from entering the arena. Here comes that 4.6 rating they’ve been missing since about 2002.
8:09: Pretty sure that one cop is Jay Glazer on stilts.
8:12: Vickie should never scream any of Rock’s catchphrases. Or talk. In any form.
8:14: So it’s a Beat the Clock Challenge featuring Orton, Cesaro, and a host of others. The winner gets to enter the Rumble at the number of their choosing. Which means one of two possible outcomes.
-Someone other than Cena wins, and they choose #30.
-Cena wins, gets #1 to prove his valiance, and goes the distance to win. Valiantly.
8:16: Continuing a recent trend, Antonio Cesaro’s entrance is condensed. He’s not the only one, as they’ve been slashing entrances on all the shows, probably for TV limitations. When you have to whittle down entrances on a 3-hour show, chances are you’re airing lotsa crap. Anyway, he gets Orton in the first Beat the Clock challenge.
8:19: Know what would be great? If the ref mistakenly counted 3 about 10 seconds into this match. What would WWE do for the rest of the show? Watching them try to work in the quickest squashes possible would be great.
8:20: Cole’s lost his mind. He said “the last 25 years of this event”. Doesn’t he know that LAST YEAR was the 25th anniversary? He spent all of January last year telling us that.
8:22: Random thought: The Divas Beat-the-Clock clock probably maxes out at 90 seconds.
8:25: Coming out of commercial. Hey, wouldn’t it be great if the match ended DURING commercial? Anyone remember Raw 20 years ago when Mr. Perfect vs. Rick Martel ended during commercial? Anyone? No? Fine.
8:27: Lawer: “Hashtag Beat the Clock is trending worldwide!” C’mon, Jerry, don’t steal Cole’s bit. He doesn’t steal your little fistdrop, does he?
8:30: Orton pins Cesaro with the RKO at 11:36. I hope Orton wins the challenge, so he can say “I want #30″, and then Cena can bitch at him for being a coward and turning on the WWE Universe or something equally cockamamie, and then they can feud for a year, and leave the people I enjoy watching alone.
http://www.wrestlecrap.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/tweet1.jpg (http://www.wrestlecrap.com/eventcenter/live-monday-night-raw-coverage-12113/attachment/tweet1/)

8:33: After the Foley HOF package, Lawler declares that he can’t think of anyone more deserving of going into the Hall. That isn’t kept out for political reasons, anyway.
8:35: For unemployed rogues, The Shield sure have great production values on their video packages. You’d think Vickie would try to using Jay Glazer and the other rent-a-cops to keep them out of the arena, but you’d be thinking too hard.
8:37: If the Shield are fighting for justice, I’ll believe in their abilities when I hear the words “Hall of Famer Randy Savage.”
8:40: Big Show and Zack Ryder are next, with the outcome very much in doubt if this is your first time watching. If you think about it, if WWE didn’t have a Wellness Policy, Alberto Del Rio would still be a heel.
8:41: Highlight of the year so far: Brad Maddox commandeering the announce table, and Lawler briefly giving Cole a “Who’s he, again?” look.
8:42: In the time it took me to write that anecdote, Show wins with the WMD. That will teach Ryder to work hard, get over and his own, and market himself wisely! In your FACE, Zack!
8:47: The Allstate ads were the people are dubbed over by Dennis Haysbert will always suck until one of them features an old lady saying, “Cerrano no hurt living thing!”
8:48: Ryback vs. Heath Slater in what will be the second squash match in a row. And here I was hoping LAST week’s Raw would give me 1995 flashbacks. But can this really be a squash? These 2 headlined Summerslam 2010, which I’m sure WWE remembers.
8:50: It’s over already? What an upset!
8:52: After listening to Ryback cut his short promos, I’m wishing he would become the new Ultimate Warrior and cut crazed, incoherent, rip-snorting, flying-out-of-the-bowels-of-hell life-affirming promos. Of course, in order to do that, he’d probably commit two Wellness Violations for one piss.
8:55: Vickie to Rock: ”Inside that ring, CM Punk will be inside that ring”. She’s well on her way to conquering Hop on Pop with that type of linguistic logic.
8:57: Older Asian gentleman in the Allstate ad: “F–k you, Jobu!”
8:59: Punk is here, and he’s still getting a great pop, in spite of WWE’s best efforts. Seriously, if WWE wants the crowd to boo the hell out of him, just have him come out to Cena’s music.
9:07: Punk wraps up an 8-minute standup on Rock and the Royal Rumble and the WWE Championship, and I find myself amazed. Not just by the promo (one of his better ones in a long time), but by the way in which WWE allows their heels to be so honest, without needing goofy insults or petty jokes. Guys like Punk, Sandow, Cesaro, and others speak plainly from the heart, earning even grudging respect from true believers, while the alternative are heroes who make dick and fart jokes. It’s like creative doesn’t realize that the fans cheer for honesty, because they watch the shows, and they appreciate honesty.
In other words, Punk being a heel is still perplexing to this day.
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9:12: Did you know WWE beat ESPN in the ratings last Monday? Of they did, football wasn’t on.
9:14: Ziggler and Miz are next in the Beat the Clock challenge, and AJ is extra ass-tastic in her gray jeggings. I appreciate that WWE edited the Miz “figure four” from last week, chopping it up so that it looks like he applied it in one motion. The editing staff is to The Miz what Howard K Stern was to Anna Nicole Smith, minus the “writing themself in the will” part.
9:16: “Let’s go Ziggler!” A) a few smarks, B) a vocal minority, C) half the crowd? Hint: Miz’s face turn hasn’t exactly taken.
9:23: San Jose was so busy following NHL lockout news over the past 4 months, nobody told them that the Miz turned face. Dolph’s face turn, per their cheers, surprises me, though.
9:25: ALLEGED FIGURE FOUR. Ziggler is so disgusted by Miz’s lack of coordination that he spikes Miz with the Zig Zag to win with 40 seconds left. 10:56 is the time to beat, giving Cena ample time to OVERCOME THE ODDS.
9:27: Kane and Daniel Bryan apparently now have Randy Savage’s entrance music.
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9:33: So it’s an actual anger management graduation for Kane and D-Bry. Dr. Shelby, for some reason, eschewed the traditional mortarboard for a La Resistance beret.
9:36: Given the use of Pomp and Circumstance, the beard, and the awesomeness, maybe Bryan IS the new Savage. He just needs a vegan Slim Jim.
9:37: So it’s sight gags, and the same jokes we’ve had for the past 4 months. To heighten the ill feeling I’m having, the crowd chants for Dr. Shelby. Hugging ensues.
9:41: Remember when they said Bryan losing in 18 seconds to Sheamus was only going to lead to bigger, greater things? I hope “they” all have IBS now.
9:46: Eve’s not the first non-wrestling fan Diva to say “I don’t need WWE!” eventually. Also, I just realized Kaitlyn’s the only 100% Caucasian-American diva on a roster of 10 other women….and she’s the champion. DIVERSITY.
9:49: Kaitlyn beats Alicia with a spear while Tamina looks on. Hoping for a Jimmy/Tamina Snuka training vid, where they practice bashing a dummy’s head on a radiator, set to “No Easy Way Out”.
9:53: Heyman interprets Punk’s promo from an hour ago for the fans. Is the replay machine broken? Is he going to do interpretive dance? Oh, I get it. because Punk got cheered earlier, Heyman’s giving the HEEL version of it, that fans can’t HELP but boo. Bell rings, dog comes. I get it.
9:56: The Rock finally gets into the arena, after buying the police officer’s ticket. And here I thought he would NEVER get in, and be forced to leave! This is a totally unexpected development! I just wonder why I don’t get theme music when I scalp a ticket. Err, buy. Buy a ticket.
9:58: Rock, 8:10 PM: “Punk is a fake champion.” Rock now: “Punk has earned the right to be called champion.” F–k, he’s Cena in reverse!
10:01: Rock: “I’ve worked my ass off for 10 years to get this shot!” I know, I was lobbying for him to get a shot after The Tooth Fairy. The only highlight here is Punk’s disgust at Rock invoking MLK into this. And lookie here, the Shield has jumped Rock. How great can Rock be as a person if his own cousin will powerbomb the s–t out of him in the name of justice?
10:11: Sheamus and Wade Barrett is the final Beat the Clock challenge. If Barrett loses, is this the first time both secondary champions have jobbed clean on the same free TV show? Other than last week. And the week before. And the week….
10:14: Social media observation: Anyone who still refers to Ambrose as ‘Moxley’ doesn’t refer to Dolph as ‘Nicky’. Must be a smark thing.
10:18: We return from break with 5 minutes left. Hard to maintain a sense of drama and urgency with a Little Caesar’s ad halfway through.
10:21: Cole declares it to be “Gut Check” time, as I’m hoping Taz and Snow vote no on Sheamus’ face persona. White Noise connects, and Sheamus stares at the clock like any good idiot babyface would. The Dolphtourage distracts, and Barrett gets the Winds of Change for 2.
10:24: Sheamus lands the Brogue, but can’t cover in time, and Dolph gets his choice of number. I think Dolph will choose #30, in honor of the max. number of hours it takes for WWE Creative to forget that’s being pushed.
10:30: Vickie informs Dolph, after he kisses AJ in front of her, that the numbers he can choose from are 1 and 2. C’mon, Vickie, you weren’t half as disgusted when Eddie was banging Chyna!
10:32: Hey, they dusted Vince off! He informs Punk that if the Shield interferes at the Rumble, Punk gets stripped of the title. Apparently, the boss doesn’t like Punk insulting the audience’s intelligence. Guess Vince copyrighted that concept.
10:38: Boos for Miz, cheers for Punk, lukewarm reaction for Del Rio. It’s like the audience was sequestered for 2 months, and are basing their reactions accordingly. Or WWE just sucks at doing turns today, who knows. Well, actually, I do know.
10:41: Crowd’s rallying behind Del Rio, since his opponent is Tensai. The “Si si si” kick is a big thing. In 3 months, he’ll be going “no no no”, while attending anger management sessions. Or not.
10:43: Del Rio wins with a moonsault that doesn’t connect. Had he hit it, Tensai would be F–KING DEAD, BRO.
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10:45: BOB BACKLUND’S GOING TO THE HALL OF FAME! I’m going just to enjoy 45 minutes of him talking in crazed fashion. Sheik needs to induct him. I’m not kidding.
10:50: John Cena’s here to talk about the Rumble, or something that will get a lower rating than the suits at Titan can comprehend. He gets all jokey with the fans, and actually comes off a bit wittier than usual. Of course, that’s like saying, “Lindsay Lohan is slightly more coherent today than she usually is” while she’s unable to chew gum without straining her neck.
10:56: Cena’s channeled his “1991 Roddy Piper” for this promo. He’s only at about a 4.5 on the John Cena Scale of Douchiness. I’m fine with this level.
10:57: Cena wraps up promising to win, and Sheamus cuts him off. I’m having horrid 2009 flashbacks, but no worries, as it leads to many proclamations from many competitors, as to their aspirations of victory. Prime Time Players, Randy Orton, The Miz, Kane, Daniel Bryan, Antonio Cesaro, The Three Man Band, Cody Rhodes, Damien Sandow, Epico, Primo, Brodus Clay, JTG, Great Khali, The Usos, Michael McGillicutty, Justin Gabriel, Ryback, and a few others I didn’t catch.
Bottom Line: They hyped the hell out of the 2 big matches (Punk/Rock, Rumble), and there was a minimum of garbage, so it’s a win. Show still needs to be 2 hours, though.

[James Steele]

Do these mother fuckers actually think their funny or is most of the IWC actually like St. Jimmy?

[Mister King]

♪♫ Mah debut album ♫♪

http://i46.tinypic.com/s5lcea.png



so sick of that commercial

[Mister King]

I guess WrestleCrap really goes all out on their recaps

[James Steele]

RD Reynolds still makes HHH/Stephanie jokes. Come on.

[Poit]

I just wonder why I don’t get theme music when I scalp a ticket. Err, buy. Buy a ticket.
...
Boos for Miz, cheers for Punk, lukewarm reaction for Del Rio.

In California, it's only scalping if the ticket is sold for a profit.

What boos for Miz? In the section we were in, Miz got nothing but positive reactions. And everyone at ringside was going crazy for Del Rio & Ricardo.

Stupid Wrestlecrap.

[Juan]

Do these mother fuckers actually think their funny or is most of the IWC actually like St. Jimmy?

Yes and yes

[Juan]

Was really cool seeing Del Rio get that reaction. Hopefully it's not just a "northern California" thing

[Mister King]

RD Reynolds still makes HHH/Stephanie jokes. Come on.

they do realize it's 2013 right?

[James Steele]

Wrestlecrap does still provide some unstoppable laughter. Reading an induction on Roddy Piper's "Fitness/Self-Defense" Video from like 1992 and it has this GIF from the self-defense section on what kids should do when trying to get away from a stranger:

http://wrestlecrap.com/induction%20files/fightingfit/fightingfit0c.gif

[Poit]

Was really cool seeing Del Rio get that reaction. Hopefully it's not just a "northern California" thing

They picked a good series of cities to establish his face turn. Let's see how he does in Sacramento for Smackdown.

[James Steele]

http://wrestlecrap.com/induction%20files/fightingfit/settosweat.gif
http://wrestlecrap.com/induction%20files/fightingfit/monkeyflip.gif
http://wrestlecrap.com/induction%20files/fightingfit/fightingfit36.gif

[Mister King]

that is so unbelievably bad.

[The Fraze]

I marked out hard for Fraze being shown starting a chant for the Rock

As did I.

Did you all see Tb1 and the Fraze (but not Poit :'() during the Rock's segment

Boom, felt like a little kid.

[The Fraze]

Just saw the two biggest jabroni's in the game on @wwe (https://twitter.com/wwe). @kevinmcagle (https://twitter.com/kevinmcagle) and @thefraze408 (https://twitter.com/thefraze408) #TheFrazeIsTheNextPeoplesChamp (https://twitter.com/search/%23TheFrazeIsTheNextPeoplesChamp)
— Billy In Nor Cal (@BillyInNorCal) January 22, 2013 (https://twitter.com/BillyInNorCal/status/293585505516392449)
<script async="" src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

[The Fraze]

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