Mr. Nerfect
11-18-2022, 07:47 AM
Man, what a great booker Tony Khan is. It’s going to be hard to come up with a show that can compete, but I’ll give it a go. For the alternative!
Full Gear: Zero Hour
* Ricky Starks defeats Brian Cage to advance in the Eliminator Tournament.
* Chris Jericho defeats Sammy Guevara in a Rock, Paper, Scissors game. Sammy has to follow his lead tonight.
* Jade Cargill is attacked backstage by a masked individual. She is whacked in the leg with a crowbar. She may not be able to make the TBS Title defense tonight.
* FTR successfully defend the ROH World Tag Team Championship against The Kingdom. Just an impromptu gem for the crowd, because I don’t think they’re getting enough wrestling.
Full Gear
* The Elite defeat Death Triangle to get this show back on track now that CM Punk is gone. Good riddance to guys who only care about themselves. Pyro goes off as Wayward Son plays and The Elite stand tall with their 4th AEW championships each.
* Jade Cargill is seriously injured. She will have to forfeit the TBS Title if she cannot compete. Grrr.
* Jeff Jarrett & Jay Lethal defeat Darby Allin & Sting when Miro returns and…helps those darn heels! Jay Lethal drops the elbow on Sting after a guitar shot for the pin. Jarrett Force Wrestling gets an important feather in their cap. They also put Darby Allin in a body bag, toss him in the trunk of a car and drive off.
* FTR and Shawn Spears offer their help to Wardlow. No. He doesn’t want any help. He’s got to do this man-to-man-to-man tonight. Man-to-men.
* Samoa Joe looks into a camera and says he eats men like Wardlow. It takes him a long time, but he eats them.
* Will Hobbs lifts some weights and is ready to lift some gold tonight.
* Powerhouse Hobbs wins the TNT Title when he pins Samoa Joe after covering him after Wardlow hits a Powerbomb. Sneaky Hobbs.
* The Acclaimed cut a hilarious rap, but they lose the belts to Swerve in Our Glory here. Keith Lee reveals he was an evil bastard all along. Swerve! You also have to bribe Keith Lee not to ask for his release now that his wife is in the other company.
* Nyla Rose comes out and wants to be handed the AEW TBS Championship. A count is started and the referee gets to 6.9 before Jade Cargill comes out. Nice. Jade is in no shape to wrestle. Nyla Rose is freaked out, but Jade hurts her leg on offense and Nyla goes for the kill. She manages to secure the win and becomes the new TBS Champion to the shock of everyone. Jade knees help to get to the back. You can get people to pay attention to you by doing something shocking.
* Chris Jericho successfully defends the ROH World Title against Bryan Danielson, Sammy Guevara and Claudio Castagnoli when he hits Danielson with a Judas Effect. Danielson sells the effects like he’s quite discombobulated. This will trigger a gimmick where he becomes “Disco Ball” Bryan Danielson. This gets him away from his current dead-eyed presentation and back to being a fun guy people can cheer.
* Powerhouse Hobbs is celebrating with his TNT Title backstage. Hook is eating potato chips. He still does that right? Ricky Starks enters the picture and there’s tension. Starts congratulates Hobbs. “Thanks. Good luck in your little tournament thingy.” “Thanks.”
* Jungle Boy defeats Luchasaurus in the Cage Match. Christian is outside the ring and when JB looks to win after knocking Luchasaurus off the top rope and back into the ring, Christian scares him from climbing over with a steel chair and photos of him having sex with Britt Baker. Jungle Boy jumps off the top of the cage onto Luchasaurus and pins him. Christian enters the cage and lays JB out with the chair afterwards. Heat!
* Chris Jericho is celebrating his victory with a little bit of the bubbly! He’s in a jacuzzi with Anna Jay, Jake Hager and Mrs. Hager. Two hooded figures jump Jericho and Hager as the women scream. Security tackles them and as they’re taken away, it’s revealed that the assailants were Jay and Mark Briscoe from ROH. Except in AEW their names are James and Mark, so Jericho can beat up James Mark Cornette. Get it?
* Saraya defeats Britt Baker. It’ll surely be an emotional match. Saraya gets chants of “You still got it!” and she yells “I never lost it!”
* Toni Storm defeats Jamie Hayter to retain the Interim Women’s Title when Britt Baker shows up and throws in the towel for Jamie. Was she helping her friend? Or was she screwing her in the month of November? Toni Storm is proclaimed the new AEW Women’s Champion with her victory. She announces she and Juice Robinson are going to have a Live Sex Celebration on Dynamite in an attempt to boost ratings.
* Jon Moxley defeats MJF to retain the AEW Title. William Regal comes out and pretends he is going to help MJF. He stops…he nails MJF with the brass knuckles! Moxley hits the Paradigm Shift and the Death Rider. He pins MJF and retains the title. Wheeler Yuta and Claudio Castagnoli come out and spray paint MJF’s back with “BBC,” which is deliberate to get attention the BCC won’t. They’ve screwed over MJF! Those bastards! More like Bastard Combat Club. FTR and Shawn Spears run down for the attempted save but get beaten down too. There is no Bryan Danielson because his bell has been rung remember? This allows you to prolong his decision for television ratings. The same with Wardlow.
* The show is about to end, but Jeff Jarrett, Jay Lethal & Miro appear on the screen. They are pulling up to a bridge with Darby Allin in the trunk. They pull him out and he tries to fight them from inside the body bag, but he does not have perfect control of his limbs, so he is no match. Jeff Jarrett says that he’s not going to let The BCC take all his heat. He had something planned for tonight that’s going to make a big…splash. Miro and Jay Lethal grab Darby. “On 3! 1…2…” then they just fucking toss him off the bridge and into shark infested waters below. The last thing we see is Cole Karter dressed up as Surfer Sting crying after Darby mockingly as Jeff Jarrett holds his hat over his heart laughing maniacally to close the PPV.
Full Gear: Zero Hour
* Ricky Starks defeats Brian Cage to advance in the Eliminator Tournament.
* Chris Jericho defeats Sammy Guevara in a Rock, Paper, Scissors game. Sammy has to follow his lead tonight.
* Jade Cargill is attacked backstage by a masked individual. She is whacked in the leg with a crowbar. She may not be able to make the TBS Title defense tonight.
* FTR successfully defend the ROH World Tag Team Championship against The Kingdom. Just an impromptu gem for the crowd, because I don’t think they’re getting enough wrestling.
Full Gear
* The Elite defeat Death Triangle to get this show back on track now that CM Punk is gone. Good riddance to guys who only care about themselves. Pyro goes off as Wayward Son plays and The Elite stand tall with their 4th AEW championships each.
* Jade Cargill is seriously injured. She will have to forfeit the TBS Title if she cannot compete. Grrr.
* Jeff Jarrett & Jay Lethal defeat Darby Allin & Sting when Miro returns and…helps those darn heels! Jay Lethal drops the elbow on Sting after a guitar shot for the pin. Jarrett Force Wrestling gets an important feather in their cap. They also put Darby Allin in a body bag, toss him in the trunk of a car and drive off.
* FTR and Shawn Spears offer their help to Wardlow. No. He doesn’t want any help. He’s got to do this man-to-man-to-man tonight. Man-to-men.
* Samoa Joe looks into a camera and says he eats men like Wardlow. It takes him a long time, but he eats them.
* Will Hobbs lifts some weights and is ready to lift some gold tonight.
* Powerhouse Hobbs wins the TNT Title when he pins Samoa Joe after covering him after Wardlow hits a Powerbomb. Sneaky Hobbs.
* The Acclaimed cut a hilarious rap, but they lose the belts to Swerve in Our Glory here. Keith Lee reveals he was an evil bastard all along. Swerve! You also have to bribe Keith Lee not to ask for his release now that his wife is in the other company.
* Nyla Rose comes out and wants to be handed the AEW TBS Championship. A count is started and the referee gets to 6.9 before Jade Cargill comes out. Nice. Jade is in no shape to wrestle. Nyla Rose is freaked out, but Jade hurts her leg on offense and Nyla goes for the kill. She manages to secure the win and becomes the new TBS Champion to the shock of everyone. Jade knees help to get to the back. You can get people to pay attention to you by doing something shocking.
* Chris Jericho successfully defends the ROH World Title against Bryan Danielson, Sammy Guevara and Claudio Castagnoli when he hits Danielson with a Judas Effect. Danielson sells the effects like he’s quite discombobulated. This will trigger a gimmick where he becomes “Disco Ball” Bryan Danielson. This gets him away from his current dead-eyed presentation and back to being a fun guy people can cheer.
* Powerhouse Hobbs is celebrating with his TNT Title backstage. Hook is eating potato chips. He still does that right? Ricky Starks enters the picture and there’s tension. Starts congratulates Hobbs. “Thanks. Good luck in your little tournament thingy.” “Thanks.”
* Jungle Boy defeats Luchasaurus in the Cage Match. Christian is outside the ring and when JB looks to win after knocking Luchasaurus off the top rope and back into the ring, Christian scares him from climbing over with a steel chair and photos of him having sex with Britt Baker. Jungle Boy jumps off the top of the cage onto Luchasaurus and pins him. Christian enters the cage and lays JB out with the chair afterwards. Heat!
* Chris Jericho is celebrating his victory with a little bit of the bubbly! He’s in a jacuzzi with Anna Jay, Jake Hager and Mrs. Hager. Two hooded figures jump Jericho and Hager as the women scream. Security tackles them and as they’re taken away, it’s revealed that the assailants were Jay and Mark Briscoe from ROH. Except in AEW their names are James and Mark, so Jericho can beat up James Mark Cornette. Get it?
* Saraya defeats Britt Baker. It’ll surely be an emotional match. Saraya gets chants of “You still got it!” and she yells “I never lost it!”
* Toni Storm defeats Jamie Hayter to retain the Interim Women’s Title when Britt Baker shows up and throws in the towel for Jamie. Was she helping her friend? Or was she screwing her in the month of November? Toni Storm is proclaimed the new AEW Women’s Champion with her victory. She announces she and Juice Robinson are going to have a Live Sex Celebration on Dynamite in an attempt to boost ratings.
* Jon Moxley defeats MJF to retain the AEW Title. William Regal comes out and pretends he is going to help MJF. He stops…he nails MJF with the brass knuckles! Moxley hits the Paradigm Shift and the Death Rider. He pins MJF and retains the title. Wheeler Yuta and Claudio Castagnoli come out and spray paint MJF’s back with “BBC,” which is deliberate to get attention the BCC won’t. They’ve screwed over MJF! Those bastards! More like Bastard Combat Club. FTR and Shawn Spears run down for the attempted save but get beaten down too. There is no Bryan Danielson because his bell has been rung remember? This allows you to prolong his decision for television ratings. The same with Wardlow.
* The show is about to end, but Jeff Jarrett, Jay Lethal & Miro appear on the screen. They are pulling up to a bridge with Darby Allin in the trunk. They pull him out and he tries to fight them from inside the body bag, but he does not have perfect control of his limbs, so he is no match. Jeff Jarrett says that he’s not going to let The BCC take all his heat. He had something planned for tonight that’s going to make a big…splash. Miro and Jay Lethal grab Darby. “On 3! 1…2…” then they just fucking toss him off the bridge and into shark infested waters below. The last thing we see is Cole Karter dressed up as Surfer Sting crying after Darby mockingly as Jeff Jarrett holds his hat over his heart laughing maniacally to close the PPV.