Paranoid Rattlesnake
01-08-2004, 09:09 AM
January: Stone Cold Steve Austin shakes off his hangover to return to RAW, but instead of repeating the tired old angle of fighting with the boss (Bischoff or McMahon - take your pick), he actually becomes the Stone Cold of old, instead of just threatening it. He continues to be the ‘go to’ guy during RAW programming. The Dudley Boyz are jobbed clean to the newly formed tag team of Dancin’ Stevie Richards and Tommy Dreamer (Team Extreme), who look to get more air time than they ever thought they would.
The SmackDown entertainment factor is tripled by the introduction, or should I say ‘re-introduction’, of everybody’s favourite co-habiter, Koko B. Ware. He is immediately jobbed to Kurt Angle who then spit roasts chavo (no, not that kind of spit roast, you dirty perverts) and feasts on him in the ring. Angle’s heel turn is complete. Paul Heyman tells the people he is going to follow his dream by turning SmackDown into the new ECW. He immediately orders a Stairway to Hell match between Chris Benoit and Brock Lesnar.
John Cena wins the Royal Rumble.
March: Wrestlemania XX is here and the card reads as follows - winners are indicated with a (w) -
WWE Cruiserweight Title
Rey Mysterio v Ultimo Dragon (w)
TLC Match for the World Tag Titles
Matt Hardy & Christian (w) v Team Extreme v Storm & Venis
Legends Match (w/Special Guest referee, Vince McMahon):
Hulk Hogan (w) v Ric Flair
(Vinny Mac cheats on behalf of Flair, before Bret Hart returns, slaps a Sharpshooter on McMahon, and then counts Hogan as the winner)
Bret Hart farewell speech
WWE Tag Titles
The Bashams v Paul London and Spanky (w)
Intercontinental Title
Rob Van Dam v Chris Jericho (w)
WWE US Title
Charlie Haas (w) v Eddie Guerrero
Last Man Standing Match
Kane v Undertaker (w)
Fatal Fourway for the WWE Championship
Kurt Angle v John Cena v Chris Benoit (w) v Brock Lesnar
Hell in a Cell for the World Heavyweight Title
Shawn Michaels (w) v Goldberg
Yes, I know there’s a few pipe dreams in there, but look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t pay good money to watch that event. Exactly. And I had to resist the incredible temptation to give Koko the WWE Title.
June: Stone Cold announces his retirement (shit, I forgot about him at WrestleMania… oh what the hell, he can drink some beer and stun Michaels at the end). The Undertaker (using his old Phenom gimmick) begins to dismantle RAW from the inside by reforming the Ministry along with Christian, the returning Edge, and Batista, angering Eric Bischoff.
Paul Heyman speaks of the need for the new generation of superstars to move up through the ranks and become today’s main eventers. With the help of Charlie Haas and Brock Lesnar he tries to enlist the help of Spanky and Paul London, who refuse the offer. Koko B. Ware actually picks up a win against unknown Sri Lankan wrestler, Muttiah Sarvinder, but then is immediately jobbed to Zach Gowen.
November: Triple Arse Crack attempts an Ultimate Warrior style return, but is immediately jobbed out to Trish Stratus (just for my own amusement). Shawn Michaels continues to show his worth during a riveting feud with new Ministry leader, Edge. Stone Cold announces his return, now wearing 28 knee braces, and stuns whoever happens to be near him at the time… and a policeman.
Paul Heyman finally changes the name from SmackDown to ECW. He hires Jerry Lynn, AJ Styles, Kenta Kobashi, Samoa Joe, Raven, and Bryan Danielson. He sacks anybody who has a moveset including the Big Boot, a Choke Slam, or a harder than usual Clothesline. Doug Williams defeats Brock Lesnar to become the first ever British WWE Champion.
The SmackDown entertainment factor is tripled by the introduction, or should I say ‘re-introduction’, of everybody’s favourite co-habiter, Koko B. Ware. He is immediately jobbed to Kurt Angle who then spit roasts chavo (no, not that kind of spit roast, you dirty perverts) and feasts on him in the ring. Angle’s heel turn is complete. Paul Heyman tells the people he is going to follow his dream by turning SmackDown into the new ECW. He immediately orders a Stairway to Hell match between Chris Benoit and Brock Lesnar.
John Cena wins the Royal Rumble.
March: Wrestlemania XX is here and the card reads as follows - winners are indicated with a (w) -
WWE Cruiserweight Title
Rey Mysterio v Ultimo Dragon (w)
TLC Match for the World Tag Titles
Matt Hardy & Christian (w) v Team Extreme v Storm & Venis
Legends Match (w/Special Guest referee, Vince McMahon):
Hulk Hogan (w) v Ric Flair
(Vinny Mac cheats on behalf of Flair, before Bret Hart returns, slaps a Sharpshooter on McMahon, and then counts Hogan as the winner)
Bret Hart farewell speech
WWE Tag Titles
The Bashams v Paul London and Spanky (w)
Intercontinental Title
Rob Van Dam v Chris Jericho (w)
WWE US Title
Charlie Haas (w) v Eddie Guerrero
Last Man Standing Match
Kane v Undertaker (w)
Fatal Fourway for the WWE Championship
Kurt Angle v John Cena v Chris Benoit (w) v Brock Lesnar
Hell in a Cell for the World Heavyweight Title
Shawn Michaels (w) v Goldberg
Yes, I know there’s a few pipe dreams in there, but look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t pay good money to watch that event. Exactly. And I had to resist the incredible temptation to give Koko the WWE Title.
June: Stone Cold announces his retirement (shit, I forgot about him at WrestleMania… oh what the hell, he can drink some beer and stun Michaels at the end). The Undertaker (using his old Phenom gimmick) begins to dismantle RAW from the inside by reforming the Ministry along with Christian, the returning Edge, and Batista, angering Eric Bischoff.
Paul Heyman speaks of the need for the new generation of superstars to move up through the ranks and become today’s main eventers. With the help of Charlie Haas and Brock Lesnar he tries to enlist the help of Spanky and Paul London, who refuse the offer. Koko B. Ware actually picks up a win against unknown Sri Lankan wrestler, Muttiah Sarvinder, but then is immediately jobbed to Zach Gowen.
November: Triple Arse Crack attempts an Ultimate Warrior style return, but is immediately jobbed out to Trish Stratus (just for my own amusement). Shawn Michaels continues to show his worth during a riveting feud with new Ministry leader, Edge. Stone Cold announces his return, now wearing 28 knee braces, and stuns whoever happens to be near him at the time… and a policeman.
Paul Heyman finally changes the name from SmackDown to ECW. He hires Jerry Lynn, AJ Styles, Kenta Kobashi, Samoa Joe, Raven, and Bryan Danielson. He sacks anybody who has a moveset including the Big Boot, a Choke Slam, or a harder than usual Clothesline. Doug Williams defeats Brock Lesnar to become the first ever British WWE Champion.