View Full Version : lol Duthie is the man

01-12-2004, 02:24 AM
Duthie being the columnist who writes for TSN.

Pigskin Perfection

TSN.ca Staff


Holy Crap, it snowed!

I realize this as I emerge from the basement for the first time all weekend, looking like Saddam when they pulled him out of the hole. Only happier. Way happier.

For I have bore witness to the best weekend of football in memory. Maybe in history. Four great games. Back to back to back to back. Not a dud in the lot.

Keep in mind, I have three kids under four, so I get excited when Dora The Explorer isn't a rerun. But this was special.

Never have I become more emotionally involved with eight teams I could care less about (Niner fan... don't go there right now).


Okay, let's see. A team that lost 14 games two years ago year beats a team that had won 14 straight at home after blowing an 11 point lead in the dying minutes when the kicker recovered his own short kick and the most arrogant/aggressive coach in football bizarrely played for the tie leading to a double-overtime with a game-winning kick that was called back and two other near misses before the quarterback nobody had heard of hit the receiver who once beat up a teammate during a film session who blew by the overrated safety with the hot actress-wife for the winning TD.

Besides that, it was uneventful.


It was so cold, I could see my breath (though that could have been the garlic spare ribs).

Two great coaches... Two great quarterbacks... Two great defenses... Back and forth all night. Seriously, when some virus eradicates us all and we leave the time capsule for the aliens who raid the planet after we're all dead, please put a tape of this game in it so they know what football is supposed to be like (Also throw in a episode of Average Joe just to confuse them).


For the record, their names are Hunter Smith and Jason Baker.

I only mention this because they never saw the field. They could have watched the game at Hooters.

They are the punters.

The Colts offense was closer to perfect than Kate Bosworth.

And they still barely won.

Considering the circumstances (cold weather, hostile crowd), this was the best offensive performance I've ever seen by a football team. And the worst defensive performance. When they showed those kids who won the Punt, Pass, and Kick competition, you could hear Chiefs fans across North America screaming "Put 'em on the D-line NOW!"

(Footnote: Dante Hall excites me more than the Britney-Madonna kiss).


4th and goal, and your running back trips over his own lineman?

4th and inches to victory, and your coach gets nervous and kicks it away?

4th and 26, and you let them get it make it?

It's enough to make the cheese on your head go moldy.

McNabb's scramble on the tying touchdown likely put Rush Limbaugh back in rehab. That play, like the entire quartet of games, was truly unbelievable.

But the greatest performance was my own.

Weekends in our house are usually reserved for the Pre-School Olympics (Living Room Whiffle Ball, Greco-Roman Little Sister Beating, The 3 Meter Drool-Fling).
So catching even a quarter of a football game is an epic battle.

Watching every down of all four games this weekend was a personal tour de force. My opus.

The weather helped.

Me: "Honey, it's too dangerous to drive to Pam and Dave's party."

Her: "They live two blocks away, you moron. We can walk!"

Me (after brief pause): "There could be coyotes."

The Shrek DVD helped (There are few things cuter than a two and a half year-old running around the house singing: "I like big butts and I can't deny…")

But I owe it mostly to the generosity of my wonderful, caring, selfless wife. Her personal sacrifice was heroic.
She truly does…Complete me.

(Must suck-up bigtime... Conference Finals next Sunday.)


01-12-2004, 05:04 AM
Classic article!!

I must catch more of Duthie's work on TSN...:lol:

01-12-2004, 09:39 PM
Yeah that guy kills me.


01-12-2004, 09:42 PM
I have more respect for his writting than I do for his on air stuff.