Funniest Line Ever

[The Outlaw]

John Cena: "I'll bounce you quicker than an ECW check."

Tazz: "I've had one of those. They suck."

Post more funny one liners from shows. :y:

[Corkscrewed]

"And that's why I kicked your leg out of your... leg!!"

[Mr. JL]

Michael Cole: "Tazz, you know how good Paul Heyman's word is..."

Tazz: "Yeah, about as good as the checks he wrote"


* kinda like the first one, but Outlaws just reminded me of this one.

[wrestling_god]

when taker got limp bizkits music at i think backlash.

jr: his bizkit isnt limp folks i can guarentee that


also the divorce of HHH and Stephanie

STEPH: when it came to the Game it came up short

HHH: maybe it wasnt the game but the feild the game was being played on
Even a 747 looks small going through the Grand canyon


funny shit

[mikenegrin]

best line ever is:

cena:you couldnt find 2 lines to rhyme if your brain had lo-jack! how am i gonna get out battled by a wannabe cojack?

kurt angle: ok i dont even know what you just said

[spd10000]

Cena's line on Smackdown tonight, "don't spit it out, everybody knows you swallow!" :lol: :lol: :lol:

[FourFifty]

Justin Credible: That's not just the coolest! That's not just the greatest! My friends, that's
Steve Corino: THE LAMEST F</U>UCKING CATCH PHRASE!

[John la Rock]

The Rock to the Hurricane...

"Who in the Green Hell are you? oh wait The Rock knows exactly who you are. green shirt, green cape, green mask, oh you're the Hamburgler! Why don't get The Rock a cheeseburger, no ketchup!"

Raw February 2003 in TO

:lol:

[Mike the Metal Ed]

"Standing by now, Gene Okurland, with Ravishing Rick Rude and Bobby "the Brain" Heenan

Gene: Gentlemen as you know, the Ultimate Warrior... **** IT!!!

[Mike the Metal Ed]

Sid: And all the steptics... skeptics... Can we start over?

JR: This is live pal

Sid: Shit.

(Or something to that effect, I only have a potentially censored WWF Funniest Moments clip to go by)

[natureboycv]

Sid: And all the steptics... skeptics... Can we start over?

JR: This is live pal

Sid: Shit.

(Or something to that effect, I only have a potentially censored WWF Funniest Moments clip to go by)
<font color=8307ff><b>LOL

I think I saw that one on TV before. :cool:</font></b>

[Blue Demon]

Ric Flair (to maven): I've had more championships than you've had women! WOOOO!

[Splaya]

The Rock and Chris Jericho's rhyming contest



Rock: Oh Chris Jericho I see you and the Rock this is like a rhyming contest. Well the Rock has one for you. See heres one about Booker T and Shane. Booker T, the long haired sucka and Shane Mcmahon the Silver spoon mother****a.



Classic :lol:

[BasicThuganomics]

Kurt Angle: Whats the big deal about coming back from a torn quad after 8 months? I tore my quad this morning and I feel fine! He's probably been sitting around for 8 months listening to his crappy U2 cd. Beautiful Day? I'll tell you a beautiful day! A beautiful day was when I won these Olympic gold medals with a broken freaking neck!

Big Show: You can't see me! I'm a giant! In my world, you're the white girl and I'm Kobe Bryant!

Big Show: Chicks dig it big, That's one of them there "in-u-en-dos"

Val Venis: hehe, and they call you the Big Show??

John Cena: Oh and Big Show, don't think I've forgotten about you homie!
You a giant? Well I'm a giant whistle so go ahead and blow me!

Rock: Admit it Lillian, you get wet...... with perspiration! just standing this close to the Rock!

Rock: ... and the heavens opened up and God himself said, "Brett?" "but my name's Billy?" It doesn't matter what your names is!!!! (the first time he said it doesn't matter was freakin awesome)

Those aren't exact, but close enough....

[Corkscrewed]

Ah yes, the Billy Gunn "We don't care about you" Rock promo was priceless.

[Stickman]

Jason Sensation when mocking the great Owen Hart, something along the lines of, "I look like an aardvark."

[Tornado]

Jason Sensation when mocking the great Owen Hart, something along the lines of, "I look like an aardvark."
<font color=#33ffff>Didn't he also say something along the lines of:

"I'm sorry im late, but my nose was here half an hour ago...."</font>

[Disturbed316]

<font color=#33ffff>Didn't he also say something along the lines of:

"I'm sorry im late, but my nose was here half an hour ago...."</font>

ROFL

Aww the classic :'(

[Loose Cannon]

From the Rockers breakup segment

Heenan, "Did you see that. Jannety just jumped through the window....What a coward."

[loopydate]

From the Rockers breakup segment

Heenan, "Did you see that. Jannety just jumped through the window....What a coward."

Heenan rules. That and every time he talked about the multiple Doinks like they were holograms... Priceless.

[Cactus Sid]

HHH at King Of The Ring 98

"I'm Bi a lot of things, but Lingual isn't one of them.... wait did I just say that?"

[Loose Cannon]

Heenan rules. That and every time he talked about the multiple Doinks like they were holograms... Priceless.

LOL LOL that was classic

WM 9 "What a trick, how does he do it?...There must be a battery laying in the ring."

[Splaya]

<font color=#33ffff>Didn't he also say something along the lines of:

"I'm sorry im late, but my nose was here half an hour ago...."</font>

Sensation also went as far as to say "I am a nugget" i think?

[kane_knight_swallows]

Still like the D-X presidental speech.

[The Outlaw]

"And that's why I kicked your leg out of your... leg!!"

:lol:@quote

:'(@guy who said it :(:(

LOL some quality quotes in herre.

[Synergy]

I don't remember exactly what Bossman said, but basically Angle asked him if he would have his back against the Big Show and Bossman started on about how he stole his fathers' corpse. Kurt's response was to look scared, back off and go "rrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhhtt".

Kurt: "Okay Rock, you don't like me, and I don't like you..."

Rock: "Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, wo-ah. Why don't you like the Rock?!"

Kurt: "Because you are always mean to me and keep telling me you want to shove my medals up my ass!"


An unintentionally funny one was something Brock said back in August/September last year...

"Kurt Angle...... YOU AND ME ARE NOT OVER!"

Jeez when the biggest pushed guy on SD comes out an admits it on air you know the companies in trouble! ;)


The best one though was Heymans from Survivor Series in 2001 when Austin has Rock in the sharpshooter:

Heyman: "Tap!! TAP!! TAP!!"

JR: "The Rock aint gonna tap with so much at stake!"

Heyman: "Why doesn't Hebnar just call for the goddam bell?!"

JR: " Because he hasn't given up"

Heyman: "BUT IT NEVER STOPPED HIM BEFORE!!"

:lol:

[BasicThuganomics]

Heyman: "Tap!! TAP!! TAP!!"

JR: "The Rock aint gonna tap with so much at stake!"

Heyman: "Why doesn't Hebnar just call for the goddam bell?!"

JR: " Because he hasn't given up"

Heyman: "BUT IT NEVER STOPPED HIM BEFORE!!"

:lol:


HAHAHA Paul Heyman is a freaking genius on a microphone....

[MVP]

Tony Schiavone: He was planted down on the mat.
Commentator: Yeah planted down hard. Just like a...plant.

I forgot who the other commentator was, but I heard it in a clip.

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>During the Survivor Series 2001 Immunity Battle Royal with all the WWF and Alliance guys that didn't already have matches that night:

Tazz (who was a WWF guy by this point in the Invasion angle) got eliminated and Heyman starts laughing at him. Tazz charges towards Heyman, who then hides behind JR taunting Tazz. JR and Heyman then argue for the rest of the match over various issues with Hyeman calling JR a sexist.</font>

[Jeremy Christian]

One Smackdown after Bradshaw uses the Clothesline from Hell on Shaniqua:

Tazz: "If you don't believe in God now, start."


The Rock to a group of security guards:

Rock: "Do you like *long pause* doughnuts?"

[Nowhere Man]

"...and there's the FLYING LEG KICK!!!"

[Fryza]

The best one though was Heymans from Survivor Series in 2001 when Austin has Rock in the sharpshooter:

Heyman: "Tap!! TAP!! TAP!!"

JR: "The Rock aint gonna tap with so much at stake!"

Heyman: "Why doesn't Hebnar just call for the goddam bell?!"

JR: " Because he hasn't given up"

Heyman: "BUT IT NEVER STOPPED HIM BEFORE!!"

:lol:

LOL

[FourFifty]

When The Dudley Boyz first entered the WWF/E/Whatever, playing poker with the APA. Bradshaw said something about Bubba's mom.

Bubba: Did you hear what he just said about our mother?
D-Von: She's not my momma! *laughs*

[The Ravishing One]

When it comes to comedy in wrestling theres only one person i look for, Bobby Heenan!

And man didnt he make me laugh, for example

Bobby Heenan speaking on the Rosatti sisters (fat sisters)
"I see the rodeo's in town again."

Just the way he says things aswell!

[blake639raw]

Cena, rapping on Lesnar:

"Even with a knife, and a dictionary, you couldn't cut a promo right.
I'm the new big thing dude, you ain't even a prototype." :love:

Not the best ever, just one that wasn't mentioned that I like. Cena has a bunch of great one liners.

[ColdwaVer]

When it comes to comedy in wrestling theres only one person i look for, Bobby Heenan!

And man didnt he make me laugh, for example

Bobby Heenan speaking on the Rosatti sisters (fat sisters)
"I see the rodeo's in town again."

Just the way he says things aswell!

Yeah, I remember when they were doing the Savage/Elizabeth wedding, Hillbilly Jim was a guest on Prime Time wrestling with Heenan and Monsoon, and wanted to do a song for the couple, Heenan says "Hey, this is my show! What is this, wrestling Hee-Haw?"

Another classic Heenan moment on PTW: Ted DiBiase was looking for the missing Million Dollar Belt, and he and Sherri were running a metal detector over everybody in the studio, they come to Heenan and his pocket goes off:

DiBiase: Another watch? What are you doing with two watches?
Heenan: Well, I, ummm...
DiBiase (reading the back of the watch): "Vince McMahon?"
Heenan: It was a gift!

[Loose Cannon]

Yeah, I remember when they were doing the Savage/Elizabeth wedding, Hillbilly Jim was a guest on Prime Time wrestling with Heenan and Monsoon, and wanted to do a song for the couple, Heenan says "Hey, this is my show! What is this, wrestling Hee-Haw?"

Another classic Heenan moment on PTW: Ted DiBiase was looking for the missing Million Dollar Belt, and he and Sherri were running a metal detector over everybody in the studio, they come to Heenan and his pocket goes off:

DiBiase: Another watch? What are you doing with two watches?
Heenan: Well, I, ummm...
DiBiase (reading the back of the watch): "Vince McMahon?"
Heenan: It was a gift!

LMAO at stealing Vince's watch

[The Ravishing One]

Yeah, I remember when they were doing the Savage/Elizabeth wedding, Hillbilly Jim was a guest on Prime Time wrestling with Heenan and Monsoon, and wanted to do a song for the couple, Heenan says "Hey, this is my show! What is this, wrestling Hee-Haw?"

Another classic Heenan moment on PTW: Ted DiBiase was looking for the missing Million Dollar Belt, and he and Sherri were running a metal detector over everybody in the studio, they come to Heenan and his pocket goes off:

DiBiase: Another watch? What are you doing with two watches?
Heenan: Well, I, ummm...
DiBiase (reading the back of the watch): "Vince McMahon?"
Heenan: It was a gift!

HAHA!!!! Wrestling needs Heenan back!

[Corkscrewed]

^ Agreed 100x.

[Mr. JL]

I don't remember exactly what Bossman said, but basically Angle asked him if he would have his back against the Big Show and Bossman started on about how he stole his fathers' corpse. Kurt's response was to look scared, back off and go "rrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhhtt".

Kurt: "Okay Rock, you don't like me, and I don't like you..."

Rock: "Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, wo-ah. Why don't you like the Rock?!"

Kurt: "Because you are always mean to me and keep telling me you want to shove my medals up my ass!"


An unintentionally funny one was something Brock said back in August/September last year...

"Kurt Angle...... YOU AND ME ARE NOT OVER!"

Jeez when the biggest pushed guy on SD comes out an admits it on air you know the companies in trouble! ;)


The best one though was Heymans from Survivor Series in 2001 when Austin has Rock in the sharpshooter:

Heyman: "Tap!! TAP!! TAP!!"

JR: "The Rock aint gonna tap with so much at stake!"

Heyman: "Why doesn't Hebnar just call for the goddam bell?!"

JR: " Because he hasn't given up"

Heyman: "BUT IT NEVER STOPPED HIM BEFORE!!"

:lol:


OOOOHHH! lol

[Loose Cannon]

I just thought of this now, but does anyone remember when it was austin appreciation night during the whole "Alliance" era and they showed clips of various superstars on The Alliance saying nice words about Austin. Well remember when they got to Shawn Stasiak, he kept screwing up what he had to say and they showed the various takes it took him to get it right. One of the takes he started laughing, another one he mixed up his sentence, another one he just said "Sh**", another one the director says "I lost count" and then Stasiak replies, "Beautiful". Funny Stuff

[Russell Crowe]

I think this was from the DX Presidential Speech.

Shawn, surrounded by HHH and Chyna: I repeat, I did not, sleep, with that young intern...

I was up... all... night! (While doing crotch chop)

[loopydate]

VINCE: It's Virgil! Virgil could win the Royal Rumble!

[PoisonIvy]

I'm a Hero
Youre a jackass
HERO!
JACKASS!
HERO!
JACKASS!

*cue hugfest*

[Longshot]

Mandkind "It doesn't matter what I think!!!"

[The Outlaw]

LMAO

I wish I had like a best of funny comments.

*eyes sadio*

[The Naitch]

I just thought of this now, but does anyone remember when it was austin appreciation night during the whole "Alliance" era and they showed clips of various superstars on The Alliance saying nice words about Austin. Well remember when they got to Shawn Stasiak, he kept screwing up what he had to say and they showed the various takes it took him to get it right. One of the takes he started laughing, another one he mixed up his sentence, another one he just said "Sh**", another one the director says "I lost count" and then Stasiak replies, "Beautiful". Funny Stuff

Ahhh good times

And when Flair sided with Triple H after Unforgiven

Flair: I'm gonna CHEECH Triple H how to high style....and profile! I'm gonna CHEECH Triple H to jet set...

[The Outlaw]

LMAO

I wish I had like a best of funny comments.

*eyes sadio*

*eyes sadio again*

Bump this ish

Need some more funny shit in herre

[MAdoubleT]

Theodore Long (to Josh Matthews after giving player cards to Rikishi and Scotty): Playas only, cracker.

Big Show (to Kurt Angle): I eat pieces of crap like you for breakfast.
Angle (to Big Show): You eat pieces of crap for breakfast?

[Moongoose Mcqueen]

"...and there's the FLYING LEG KICK!!!"

LOL, are you referring to the "worst event of all time" at wrestlecrap?
" Throw down your toys and get out of the sandbox, play times over...because tonight, somebody's gonna get their AAAAASSSSS whipped tonight...in here."
Note: The second tonight ISNT a typo
"Hes got the brain of dehydrated bb you put it in a pigeon it fly backwards but hes not a bad guy" "We got the coolio, the scorpio, this is the greatest match ever, this is one of the greatest events of all time."
"You wanna play 21, I got 22, you wanna play blackjack, I got 2 of those too"

Anyways, other than that little side joke, you gotta love just about any joke made by Jericho, The Rock, and Kurt Angle, and Cena is building a good reputation.

[Moongoose Mcqueen]

"By the way Rock I passed an old lady on the way out here she said she wants her jacket back..."

[Shaggy]

Man all the Bobby Heenan ones are the best. But some of the funniest stuff had to come when DX was imitating The Nation and the corporate ministry. Funny stuff right there.

[tucsonspeed6]

Man, I was hoping nobody would mention that one, but I showed up one post too late. I forget who was pretending to be D-Lo, but it was hilarious the way he kept bobbling his head from side to side.

[HHHsucks929]

Chris Jericho (to Vince): ...And you do it all, to make up for the fact, that you have a VERY... SMALL... PENIS!

[RGWhat316]

Cena talking about '03 Survivor Series
"And Big Show, gained like 500 pounds like last week. I guess them 3 giant partners are squished between his ass cheeks. Team Lesnar is 5 oversize pieces of S**t!"

[Eternalone79]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man, I was hoping nobody would mention that one, but I showed up one post too late. I forget who was pretending to be D-Lo, but it was hilarious the way he kept bobbling his head from side to side.


Wasnt it road dogg?

[rob11]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man, I was hoping nobody would mention that one, but I showed up one post too late. I forget who was pretending to be D-Lo, but it was hilarious the way he kept bobbling his head from side to side.


Wasnt it road dogg?

yes it was. i also liked jason sensation as owen. "if anyone smells what the rock is cooking, its me, look how big my damn nose is. what the hell am i, an ardvark, woooooo!"

[Boondock Saint]

I just watched KOTR 2002 the other night. There was a backstage segment with Rock, Booker, and Goldust that I forgot about. But laughed just as hard this time as I did when I first saw it.

I'll try to post it later.

[Moongoose Mcqueen]

" we've got hamburgler and grimmace here"

The Rock: Who the hell are you roody poos?
BuhBuh: By now you should know, that we are the Duh,Duh,Duh.....
The Rock: Itititititititititit it doesn't matter *slaps him in the face*

[Mikey]

from 2001

Christian: Let me ask you somthing Booker T
Booker T: What?
Christian: Any relation to Mr. T? *Edge and Christian laugh*

I always thought that was hilarious

John Cena on Zach Gown: This guy is a circus freak half his body is plastic. Why dosent he do all a favor and hop his ass into traffic

John Cena on Brock Lesnar: You walk around like you have potatoes in your crack. Thats a nice tattoo of your mother on your back

[13]

"Bischoff's wrestling credentials are about as real as his hair, teeth, and talent!"--Jim Cornette

"Personally, we think it sucks."--Sunny, referring to WCW Monday Nitro

[13]

"Quit laughing at me!"- Doink the Clown

LMAO...one of my favs of all time. Laugh everytime I think about it.

[MAdoubleT]

from 2001

Christian: Let me ask you somthing Booker T
Booker T: What?
Christian: Any relation to Mr. T? *Edge and Christian laugh*


That segment ended with Edge saying, " And I pity the fool that goes through a table!"

[RGWhat316]

I just watched KOTR 2002 the other night. There was a backstage segment with Rock, Booker, and Goldust that I forgot about. But laughed just as hard this time as I did when I first saw it.

I'll try to post it later.

I remember that. Goldust was impersonating the Rock and touching himself and doing the usual strange things and Rock was kinda freaking out. :lol:

[Savio]

http://raw.wwe.com/superstars/rosey/index.html
Be a SHIT just like rosey.

[The Mackem]

I remember that. Goldust was impersonating the Rock and touching himself and doing the usual strange things and Rock was kinda freaking out. :lol:

got it on my PC :cool:

[Ol Dirty Dastard]

best line ever is:

cena:you couldnt find 2 lines to rhyme if your brain had lo-jack! how am i gonna get out battled by a wannabe cojack?

kurt angle: ok i dont even know what you just said

hahahahahahahaha

[Fox]

WCW during it's last year:

The Natural Born Thrillers were cutting a promo and giving Mean Gene some shit, and he said something like "Oh, go blow it out your asses!" And they're all "WHAT?!?!" and he's like "Yeah, you heard me! Now get the hell out there so (MIA?) can kick your asses! Jackasses!"

I was laughing my ass off because it was so unexpected.

[Mikey]

Booker T-Goldust Lumberjack segment back in 2002 was funny as hell

[Watson]

Justin Credible: That's not just the coolest! That's not just the greatest! My friends, that's
Steve Corino: THE LAMEST F</U>UCKING CATCH PHRASE!


Dude when did that happen? I gotta check that out.

[thuganomicalcrippler]

How aobut Jericho's amazing promo against Trish:

"You're three-time babe of the year? Wasn't Babe a talking pig?"

CLASSIC.

[The Outlaw]

Booker T-Goldust Lumberjack segment back in 2002 was funny as hell

lol yeah I got that on soulseek :cool:

[Batsu]

Cena, rapping on Lesnar:

"Even with a knife, and a dictionary, you couldn't cut a promo right.
I'm the new big thing dude, you ain't even a prototype." :love:

Not the best ever, just one that wasn't mentioned that I like. Cena has a bunch of great one liners.

That one was great because Cena once was called "The Prototype" in an independent federation.

one of my favorite lines was of course, from the Rock:

"You can't beat the Rock, you're half-gay anyway!" talking about HHH.

That kinda stuff wouldn't fly now, but heel Rock and his "half-queer" comments about HHH.... LOL, they were so outrageous.

[Rock Bottom]

First time Rock used, "It doesn't matter" was gold.

Rock: How dare you little jabroni, come interrupt The Rock on The Rock's show? Tell me, what is your name?

Jericho: I already told you it-

Rock: It DOESN'T MATTER what your NAME IS.

[Rock Bottom]

And Kane cutting the Hulk Hogan promo with Rock and Hogan was pretty hilarious too, but that wasn't a one liner.

[aaronkyle86]

When Regal returned to Raw... "I've had more ups and downs than a whore's drawers"

[Batsu]

Another one that made me crack up:

Jericho during the McMahon-Helmsley Era, about Stephanie:

"Flower? I believe little Stephanie lost her 'flower' a long time ago... after all, how do you think she became a filthy, dirty, disgusting, skanky, brutal, bottom-feeding trashbag ho in the first place?!"

something of which I wish there was a video clip somewhere:

Rock imitating HHH:

"Tonight-uhhhh....I am the Game-uhhhh....and I'm going to be talking about absolutely nothing-uhhhh... well, the Rock says....uuhhhhh-urrrrrgh, you absolutely SUCK!"

"It's not gonna be another DX night. Because frankly, the thought of another DX night makes The Rock want to stick his finger down his throat and spew The People's Vomit all over your candy asses!"

that whole promo was golden...

and then Vince had this one directed at The Rock where he was talking about "feces" but pronounced the word "fee-sheez". It was the same RAW where HHH and DX totally demolished Rock in a cage.

Even Chris Benoit has two golden lines:

"I'm sick and tired of Heyman's crap...and tonight, I'm gonna make you two bitches TAP. Word...Life." from the days of the Cena-Benoit union.

"If you 'Jerichoholics' put a couple of letter Fs after the end of your hero's name, you have my exact opinion of Chris Jericho." (this was on a Sunday Night Heat, following a hilarious promo from Jericho where he called Benoit "The Canadian Crappler", a name he never used ever again past that point)

Taka Michinoku (dubbed voice) to Shawn Stasiak:

"Didn't you used to be called 'MEAT'?!"

[Moongoose Mcqueen]

Jericho: Look here, we have an olympic hero with no neck, and a ridiculous giant with no testicles.

Jericho: This ruling is an absolute travesty, this is the worst decision shes made since deciding to leave home with that rats nest of a hairdo.

[Moongoose Mcqueen]

Kurt Angle: What do you think of this?, "King Kurt".
Taka and Funaki: King Kurt?!?!?
Kurt Angle: Yes a King, similar to what you may call a "sire", or "emperor", or "head ninja".

Kurt Angle: Mr. Benoit, sir, please don't touch my belts.

[Ferocious]

Edge and Christian helping out with the announcing during a Hardy Boyz match 'You'll have to excuse us we just have to go do something called a run in' OMG I miss E&C so much

[Mikey]

Edge and Christian ruled so much :love:

[Moongoose Mcqueen]

Edge and Christian ruled so much :love:
Ya, they did, but they rule now as singles wrestlers. I'm interested to see what Edge's match with Kane is like, and how they use him after it.

[Stickman]

I think when Jericho arrived Rock said something like, "When you were down south fighting some guy named....Juvintude..."

[Moongoose Mcqueen]

I think when Jericho arrived Rock said something like, "When you were down south fighting some guy named....Juvintude..."

Or as Jericho would call him, "hoot n toot" and "quazy juice"