KayfabeMan
06-21-2005, 10:05 PM
Where do I start? I guess here, since it's a black box and words seem to be appearing as I'm typing them. So here goes.
For whatever reason, your friend KayfabeMan decided to take a trip to TNA's Slammiversary PPV in Orlando. What a great day it was, what with the horrid rain and all. Anyhow....I arrive at Universal once again, and traverse through CityWalk to get to the Hard Rock. I will say this: TNA's got the fanciest wait line in the history of wrestling. Never before have I seen fans lined up outside of a Hard Rock Cafe for a wrestling show. Classy. Too bad I can not say the same for their fans.
Of course, the wonderful staff at the park gate their have NO clue what the hell a VIP list is - and have NO way of contacting anyone from TNA to assist me. Professionalism at it's best. I want to clarify that I'm not blaming anyone at Universal, as they shouldn't be handling TNA's business for them; this was strictly TNA's lack of professionalism / organization. But pressing on....
So I now must stand to the side, and wait for this line of physically fit, clean and presentable - not to mention smart - fans file pass me, proudly displaying their full sets of teeth and Jeff Hardy t-shirts. Once I finally get in the gate, I am shocked to see that the classic Nickelodeon building is pretty much non-existant, and that the famous Slime geyser has been removed. Goddamn.
I move on to Soundstage 21, where they have all the fans in one line, TNA street team members in another - and if you're on a list, you have to wait in a seperate line. I wait in the list line, and the girl [aka a fan wearing a Lance Hoyt autographed visor] who is managing the list lets me in, informs me that I'm on the VIP list, not the regular one, and tells me to go to yet another line - BEHIND EVERYONE ELSE WHO WAS LET IN WITH A LANYARD. I would later find out that she was supposed to directly me to a smaller line of about 20 people, who were let in 15-20 mins. before everyone else was.
So I wait in the line, and a guy with the neverending spirit of the Energizer Bunny and the IQ of Stimpy leads completely off the wall chants. He began getting the line to chant 'TNA', but then worked to 'Jarrett Sucks', then into a 'BWO', and 'R-O-H' - among others. Here is a physically grown man, roughly in his 30's, wearing a white shirt that features the message "I LOVE TURKEY LEGS" scribbled on it in a Sharpie. He also took the time to make a sign bearing the same message, and drew a few turkey legs on it as well. Nifty.
Throughout the ENTIRE fu[king PPV he chanted "TURKEY LEGS", and made about 26 trips to the little concession stand where they sell these turkey legs at. I don't think he was even aware that he was at a PPV, or a wrestling event; and apparently the concession stand must take food stamps, either that or he saved the money he obviously didn't spend on school, soap or a toothbrush - and used it to buy these turkey legs. Anyhow...
I get in, get the same seats I had for a previous PPV, and get uncomfortable to watch what was up there with one of the worst live events I've ever been to [and I've been to 100+ shows]. What the hell can I say about this crap?
Simon Diamond & Trytan vs. Sonny Siaki & Apolo - UGH. Period.
The 6 Man X-Division Match was good, but a little rushed. I enjoyed Shark Boy picking up a victory for once. Here is a guy who during his whole time with the company pinned Jimmy Rave and The Maximos during elimination matches [that he later lost], and picked up wins over David Young and Mike Sanders, and a handful of indy / job guys on X-Plosion. WOW. One step above being a ring crew member. UTILIZE THE GUY, HE MAKES MONEY.
Shocker vs. Alex Shelley. - Shelley is one of the most OVERRATED guys I've seen in a long while now. Shocker is just horrible. Together, they were a big case of diarrhea in the ring. Just a big clusterfu[k this match was.
Killings vs. Billy Gunn - OK match, could have been better in a different style of match. I enjoyed watching Dutch Mantell roam around the crowd sending hand signals to them to end the match / take it home.
The Naturals vs. Team Canada - Team Canada does NOTHING for me. Petey Williams is alright on his own, but this team is just bland. Nothing special at all. The Naturals seemed to phone in a performance, and this match was like walking through the motions. The greatest moment [possibly one of best of the night] was Jimmy Hart returning to wrestling to help them.
Samoa Joe vs. Sonjay Dutt - Another lame ass boring filler match. Waste of money to bring Samoa Joe there, when he did shit in the ring and there are better indy guys to use. Dutt is just crap as it is, and without his 5,000 flips he does nothing. This match gets an F-.
Roode vs. Hoyt. - BLAH. Why in the hell was this on PPV? Why in the hell is Hoyt over with these fans? Why am I asking that when I spent hours sitting and standing next to these idiots?
AMW vs. 3LK - Isn't worth recap time. Konnan throwing a shoe. WTF?
Daniels, Sabin, Shane 3Way - Best moment was the catfight. Regular bout from these guys, nothing really special that stands out as PPV caliber. Then again, neither does any of the booking by TNA.
The main event was the most idiotic booking decision since the match before it, and the 8 before that. Kill off everything on Styles to give the belt to Levy without any serious defenses by Styles. Meanwhile you spent 2 months on building him up. Great move by Jarrett, who can now hold Raven down more by pinning him for the belt. Anything to avoid a reign for AJ, and a clean one on one win for Raven. Quite honestly, if this wasn't what he was doing - he could have just lost the belt to Raven instead, and AJ could've picked it up in the future.
In closing, I will not be making a trip for TNA anymore, and I will not be a big supporter of their product anymore. I can't get behind something that is totally unprofessional, second rate, lacking in direction and wasting money that could have been behind a SOLID PROMOTION, WITH A BUSINESS PLAN AND A DIRECTION. I will be elaborating more on TNA in a future, more serious post. Right now I'm extremly tired, and am sorry for rambling. :wave:
For whatever reason, your friend KayfabeMan decided to take a trip to TNA's Slammiversary PPV in Orlando. What a great day it was, what with the horrid rain and all. Anyhow....I arrive at Universal once again, and traverse through CityWalk to get to the Hard Rock. I will say this: TNA's got the fanciest wait line in the history of wrestling. Never before have I seen fans lined up outside of a Hard Rock Cafe for a wrestling show. Classy. Too bad I can not say the same for their fans.
Of course, the wonderful staff at the park gate their have NO clue what the hell a VIP list is - and have NO way of contacting anyone from TNA to assist me. Professionalism at it's best. I want to clarify that I'm not blaming anyone at Universal, as they shouldn't be handling TNA's business for them; this was strictly TNA's lack of professionalism / organization. But pressing on....
So I now must stand to the side, and wait for this line of physically fit, clean and presentable - not to mention smart - fans file pass me, proudly displaying their full sets of teeth and Jeff Hardy t-shirts. Once I finally get in the gate, I am shocked to see that the classic Nickelodeon building is pretty much non-existant, and that the famous Slime geyser has been removed. Goddamn.
I move on to Soundstage 21, where they have all the fans in one line, TNA street team members in another - and if you're on a list, you have to wait in a seperate line. I wait in the list line, and the girl [aka a fan wearing a Lance Hoyt autographed visor] who is managing the list lets me in, informs me that I'm on the VIP list, not the regular one, and tells me to go to yet another line - BEHIND EVERYONE ELSE WHO WAS LET IN WITH A LANYARD. I would later find out that she was supposed to directly me to a smaller line of about 20 people, who were let in 15-20 mins. before everyone else was.
So I wait in the line, and a guy with the neverending spirit of the Energizer Bunny and the IQ of Stimpy leads completely off the wall chants. He began getting the line to chant 'TNA', but then worked to 'Jarrett Sucks', then into a 'BWO', and 'R-O-H' - among others. Here is a physically grown man, roughly in his 30's, wearing a white shirt that features the message "I LOVE TURKEY LEGS" scribbled on it in a Sharpie. He also took the time to make a sign bearing the same message, and drew a few turkey legs on it as well. Nifty.
Throughout the ENTIRE fu[king PPV he chanted "TURKEY LEGS", and made about 26 trips to the little concession stand where they sell these turkey legs at. I don't think he was even aware that he was at a PPV, or a wrestling event; and apparently the concession stand must take food stamps, either that or he saved the money he obviously didn't spend on school, soap or a toothbrush - and used it to buy these turkey legs. Anyhow...
I get in, get the same seats I had for a previous PPV, and get uncomfortable to watch what was up there with one of the worst live events I've ever been to [and I've been to 100+ shows]. What the hell can I say about this crap?
Simon Diamond & Trytan vs. Sonny Siaki & Apolo - UGH. Period.
The 6 Man X-Division Match was good, but a little rushed. I enjoyed Shark Boy picking up a victory for once. Here is a guy who during his whole time with the company pinned Jimmy Rave and The Maximos during elimination matches [that he later lost], and picked up wins over David Young and Mike Sanders, and a handful of indy / job guys on X-Plosion. WOW. One step above being a ring crew member. UTILIZE THE GUY, HE MAKES MONEY.
Shocker vs. Alex Shelley. - Shelley is one of the most OVERRATED guys I've seen in a long while now. Shocker is just horrible. Together, they were a big case of diarrhea in the ring. Just a big clusterfu[k this match was.
Killings vs. Billy Gunn - OK match, could have been better in a different style of match. I enjoyed watching Dutch Mantell roam around the crowd sending hand signals to them to end the match / take it home.
The Naturals vs. Team Canada - Team Canada does NOTHING for me. Petey Williams is alright on his own, but this team is just bland. Nothing special at all. The Naturals seemed to phone in a performance, and this match was like walking through the motions. The greatest moment [possibly one of best of the night] was Jimmy Hart returning to wrestling to help them.
Samoa Joe vs. Sonjay Dutt - Another lame ass boring filler match. Waste of money to bring Samoa Joe there, when he did shit in the ring and there are better indy guys to use. Dutt is just crap as it is, and without his 5,000 flips he does nothing. This match gets an F-.
Roode vs. Hoyt. - BLAH. Why in the hell was this on PPV? Why in the hell is Hoyt over with these fans? Why am I asking that when I spent hours sitting and standing next to these idiots?
AMW vs. 3LK - Isn't worth recap time. Konnan throwing a shoe. WTF?
Daniels, Sabin, Shane 3Way - Best moment was the catfight. Regular bout from these guys, nothing really special that stands out as PPV caliber. Then again, neither does any of the booking by TNA.
The main event was the most idiotic booking decision since the match before it, and the 8 before that. Kill off everything on Styles to give the belt to Levy without any serious defenses by Styles. Meanwhile you spent 2 months on building him up. Great move by Jarrett, who can now hold Raven down more by pinning him for the belt. Anything to avoid a reign for AJ, and a clean one on one win for Raven. Quite honestly, if this wasn't what he was doing - he could have just lost the belt to Raven instead, and AJ could've picked it up in the future.
In closing, I will not be making a trip for TNA anymore, and I will not be a big supporter of their product anymore. I can't get behind something that is totally unprofessional, second rate, lacking in direction and wasting money that could have been behind a SOLID PROMOTION, WITH A BUSINESS PLAN AND A DIRECTION. I will be elaborating more on TNA in a future, more serious post. Right now I'm extremly tired, and am sorry for rambling. :wave: