Raw captions

[Savio]

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[darkpower]

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It seemed like those security guys had a thing for Cena. They were all over him like a cheap suit.

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Gene Snisky was ready to suck. (Someone has to get that one)

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BOTH SINGING: "It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all."

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If only Eugine was doing this towards JR and the King....

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Eugene was doing his impersination of what he thought about Angle's angle with Booker T and Sharmell.

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Eugene was going to buy Tatanka's doughnut shop from him now...if Tatanka promised never to use the "Buffalo" theme again.

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Little did Matt Hardy know that the skull on his shirt was marking the possession of Triple H, holding him down by making Hardy have to take a shit right when he was supposed to make his grand entrance.

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"Welcome back to Hell, Matt!"

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Matt could be a bit happy. There were no pedophiles running this company. Just an ego-driven retard. (someone PLEASE get this one, too)

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"While I was having a battle over Adam and Duma, I was trying to find out why the fuck Jeff never got laid yet."

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HOT CONNING ACTION!!

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SCHNIDER: "I have a career, what the hell am I doing on this shit!"

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This was taken right before Larry King and the Huckster told Bill O'Reilly just where to stick it.

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Jericho and Carlito had to do this to help Cena. After all, they had just saw the pudding come into the ring, and they all knew what THAT meant.

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ERIC: "You're a homo."
CENA: "Uhh, Eric, that only works if you're the only one in the photo."

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As Chris Jericho was trying to steal Cena's shoes, he suddenly needed to reach for the Peperation H, the WORST time possible.

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JERICHO: "Eric, what is going on with your hand."
ERIC: "Just going to let you know how it will feel once Triple H comes back."

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Cena was embarrased. Going all the way back in time, only to find out that no one STILL gave a crap about rap.

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"THAT was for writing this show, Dave Laguana!"

[Skippord]

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Show:Whose fault was it
Snitsky:Not me:shifty:

[Morgan]

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Big show clears some shit out of the ring.
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Eugene: Guess where my fingers been!
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Eugene: Wow, It's the village people!
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Crowd: De derp de derp de derp!

Well I tried anyway.

[wwe2222]

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WWE and their new segment, 'Bodyslams in History'. In this segment, an early settler challenges the chief of the tribe to last 3 minutes before he steals his people's land.

[wwe2222]

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It was only an unforunate couple of moments later that Vince realized he was making a deal with one of the Hardy Boyz, and not Bret Hart.


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Xpac made his return with a new crappy movie star gimmick.


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1 tequila shot too many, Jericho and Carlito rushed Cena out of the bar before he could vomit.

[Chavo Classic]

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John just couldn't go to his favourite gay bar anymore without being mobbed and blown by a guy in a secuirty shirt.

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Hogan's four hour-intensive colonic irrigation session was a little extreme.

[Vastardikai]

Time to do what I do best... :shifty:

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Insert Homosexual Gangbang Joke here.

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Chris Masters career ended to the delight of fans everywhere because of an unfortunate incident. Gene was supposed to catch all of him, but for some reason, he only wanted his feet.

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Shelton: Yeah, we the best!

Show: Dude, stop grabbing my ass

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The Macho Man botches the V-1 symbol, While Christy lets loose a MONSTER fart!

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The progression from disgust to happiness displayed in ring failed to garner the fan's attention.

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Eugene: I saw the leather guy in the back, but: where's the cop, the Construction worker, the Sailor, and the Cowboy?

or

Eugene: BUFFALO!!!!

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Kurt (to himself): Why does Triple H hate me? I have to put over a retard and a fat guy who did a peepee dance to Buffalo up...

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Matt was disgusted when it finally dawned on him that this is the last time he'd EVER be in a limo when he's something OTHER than the driver...

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A few minutes later, Triple H will be glad he invested in the Mattbot 2999, with the instant kill Vince McMahon feature.

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The newest member of the Four Horsemen botches their symbol.

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Here are two things that just don't go together...

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Val Venis counters the elbow in the corner by taking a great big bite out of the Con-man's head. The fans continue not to care.

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This Raw had everything: Fat out of shape Indians, a Porn star vs. Mr. Slave, and a Giant Stevie Richards getting head from a C-List Celebrity.

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Crummy Larry King Impersonator: Good, now only 5,000 more "brothers" to go...

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Heartbreak Hogan: Brother, You, Brother, Are, Brother, A, Brother, Homo, Brother, Brother, Brother!

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Cena: Dude, I'm gonna be sick...

As Punishment for being more over than Triple H, these poor souls are forced to watch all of the Triple H promos of the past 3 years, in their entirety, back to back, non-stop, 666 times in a row.

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Cena's diving Hogan Impression off the top is always a hit with the fans.

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Bischoff: That T isn't up to OSHA Regulations!

Cena: What do you mean, Lita told me it was! :rant:

Jericho: Lita? Oh S***, I'll fix it!

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Jericho: Dude, I told you not to tell the ghosts of Curt Hennig and Bobby Duncan, Jr. that Rap was better than Country...

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Bischoff: This L isn't up to OSHA Regulations, either! How are we gonna do the in-ring tribute everyone's favorite Wrestling Plumber if you can't conform to OSHA Regulations, DAMMIT!

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Security Guard: (out of the picture) Afterwards, I want you to say "Oh what a Lovely Teaparty!"

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Eric: Unfortunately, Chris, we have decided to not give you the WWE Title.

Jericho: What do you mean, if I am not going over Cena, then who is?

Eric: The management has decided on Kevin Nash

Jericho: NOOOO! NOT AGAIN!!!!

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Cena's portrayal of Dorthy in the remake of the Wizard of Oz wasn't as big a hit as it should have been.

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The Native American's weren't the only ones offended by Tim McGraw performing his hit song "Indian Outlaw" at the Mohegan Sun Casino...

[Kane Knight]

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"Watch out, Bischoff, I'm about to get FILM NOIR on your ass!"

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It was a dark and stormy night. I had been wandering aimlessly through the streets of the city, unaware of what was to come. This whole deal stunk. Smelled like...And suddenly, I realised that someone had taken a shizzle on my forehead.

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Chris asked me what I was willing to do to be famous...

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...Which made eric smile with delight at my choice.




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Even SNITSKY couldn't take these feet.


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Ebonyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy and Ivoryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...


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Eugene: Oh no! Someone cut off her penis!



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Eugene is honored to meet Kane Knight.

-OR-

It's a sad day for wrestling, when even the INDIANS are asked to use sunless tan.

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Eugene barely got out of the way as a confused, low-flying American Bald Angle swooped down, mistaking his hair for a nesting spot.

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The return of...MATT HARDY!

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Matt: That's not me!

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Let me tell you, brother. That ain't no Version 1, brother.

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(In unision): What? That's not Matt Hardy!

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Vince was pleased to announce that Matt was now endorsing his own brand of steroids...

-OR-
Vince: Let's see, shown up by the fans, check. Eating crow, check. I know, I'll make it look like it was MY IDEA.

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Matt tells the crowd how many shows left before his push is over.


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"This goes out to Shannon, I love you sweety..."

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Venis was confused. Why was he being beaten by one of the Village People?

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"Larry" Tried hard not to laugh at HBK complaining about Hogan's backstage politics

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"Lete me tell you somethign brother. When the Hulkster remembers where he parked his car..."


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Carlito: And den wur gonna let Snitsky have your feet.

Jericho: And let Vince play with your grapefruits.



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The all WWE revue of Swan Lake was only marginally less popular than Katie Vick


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"Now it's my turn, Eric, and this...CHIA PET is going where the sun don't shine."



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Cena missed, leaving Jericho with the most painful injury of his life.


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"What's this? There's actually an MP3 player in here? DAMN YOU, CENA!"
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Jericho was pissed. Someone had replaced all his Fozzy CDs with pancakes.

[Skippord]

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Woah Conway is a member of the Village People

[Xero]

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This is only seconds after Chris Masters tried to prove everyone wrong when he went for a top rope leg drop.
Show: I GOT Y- *PUSH* :shifty:

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Vince: Fat Indian, meet retard. Retard, meet fat Indian.
Tatanka: You aren't even trying with these gimmick changes anymore, are you?

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Random Matt Fan #1: OMG IT'S A SHOOT! VINCE HAS HIRED MATT TO BEAT ADAM'S ASS! WOOOOO!

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Matt Fan #2: OMFG! VINCE HATES EDGE TOO!

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Fan #1: Why is he taunting? This is a shoot...

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Matt: EDGE! YOU'RE A FECES!
Fan #1: IT'S A WORK!? FUCK YOU YOU SELL OUT!

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This is the one time that I wish someone was on the receiving end of a Pedigree...

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Hogan: WELL YOU KNOW SOMETHING MEAN LARRY!? THE HULK DOESN'T TAKE STEROIDS, BROTHER! AND IF THIS DOESN'T PROVE IT, NOTHING WILL, BROTHER!

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Hogan: YYYOOOOOUUUUU!

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Stephanie was starting to get a bit too kinky with Triple H...
Cena: OH GOD! WHY CAN'T CARLITO GO IN FIRST!?

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The invisible crucifixion becomes visible! It was Carlito all this time!
JR: BAHGAWD TRIPLE H AND CARLITO ARE IN CAHOOTS!

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Triple H: WHO TOLD HIM HE COULD TOUCH MY BELT!?

Edit: Made an edit. :shifty:

[TerranRich]

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Everybody: NO!!! NO MORE CONCERTS!! ENOUGH!!!

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Big Show: Here, take him. We don't want him.

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Big Show: [hiccup] You an' me, buddy, we're gonnuh go out on the town!
Shelton: Guys night out! [hiccup] GUYS NIGHT OUTT!!
Big Show: We're gunnuah have a GODO time, maaaaaaann!
Shelton: I'm gonna... I'M GONNA PUUUUKE!!!

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Eugene's never been so happy in his life. And right about now, Jerry Lawler curses Bischoff for placing the announce booth on the LEFT side of the stage...

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Eugene: Man, how do you get this thing off?
Angle: Why would you want to take it off...?

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Fat Over-the-Hill Gimmick Man, meet Stuck-in-a-Never-Ending-Gimmick Man!

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Eugene: Kurt! I'll save you!
Angle: No! Save yourself! The Sucking Machine is too great!
Eugene: X-Pac must be stopped! He-- KURT, NOOOO!!!
[Kurt slips]
Kurt: Help me!!!
Tatanka: Screw that, I'm holding on for dear life.

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Matt: [snarl] MATT HUNGRY! FEED MATT!!!!

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Work-shoot-Anti-Kayfabe Guinea Pig, meet Suddenly-For-No-Reason-Other-Than-Supporting-ECW-Babyface Boss Man!

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Fan: Hey, how many shows until you disappear? Oh, ok, thanks Matt!

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Matt's rendition of "Who Put the Bop In the Bop-Sha-Bop-Sha-Bop" didn't go over very well with the crowd.

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Ref: All right you two, you're both exceeding the Jobber Limit we've recently imposed...

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Rob Schneider: The only man on Earth still excited about the RAW Diva Search.

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HBHogan: Whoa, BROTHER, my laser beam isn't working! [concentrates] Shoot, damn you, BROTHER!

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Jericho: This is what we do with guys who break the TitanTron and get away with it!
Carlito: Yeah! Dat... dat's not cul!
Cena: Uerrrggh!!

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John Cena, Matrix style! You can't see him...there IS NO JOHN CENA.

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Cena: What do you mean my crucifix is wrong! YOU try holding up Chong over here.
Carlito: Cheech and Chong? Now dey...dey were CUL!!

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Jericho: Hey! Who broke my John Cena blow-up doll? Now I have to fix him...

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Bischoff: LOOK! Look at what you did to our cameras! They're all in black and white now!! This is coming out of YOUR paycheck, Cena!

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Chris Jericho - the only man known to be able to shit out talent. Whoops...it's only Cena. I think he must've just sharted instead.

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Bischoff: And that's not all! We'll throw in this authentic replica Spinning WWE Championship Belt for free!
Jericho: What's that, Belty? What did that Bad, Bad Man Cena do to you? That's...disgusting...
Bischoff: Belt sex! NOT for the faint of heart, people!

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Next up on Turner Movie Classics... The Crimson Mask of Doom.

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Jericho: YOU! Dammit, YOU ARE THE HOMO!!! Yes, YOU!!

[loopydate]

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CENA: All I care about is loooooove!

REF/SECURITY: All he cares about is love!

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Okay, so Chris Masters may not be an in-ring technician, but his and Gene's impression of Shelton's entrance was pretty funny...

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REALLY BAD EGGS!

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The perfect couple. Of course, Nick Dinsmore is only pretending to be retarded.

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EUGENE: I'm so proud I won the Kurt Angle Invitational that I got my medal bronzed!

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Eugene, WWE's first recipient of the Crying Indian Award for Anti-Litter Activism.

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Man, is there nothing Kurt Angle can't do? He even does a phenomenal impression of tea!

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FRANK CASTLE: So that's who's been getting into my undershirts.

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VINCE: Welcome back to WWE, son. And, just to show there are no hard feelings, there's a massive stash waiting for you in your locker room.

MATT: That's great, Mister McMahon, but...I'm not the one who's on drugs. I'm the one who could work a match.

VINCE: Well, shit.

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Matt passed his first Trial Of Re-Signing with ease when he gouged out the Enormous Invisible Tri-Klops' eyes.

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In yet another fantastic RAW impression, Matt Hardy's interpretation of Philadelphia Eagles fans' reaction to Terrell Owens' first practice session was spot-on.

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VINCE: Okay, neither of these guys weigh more than 260 pounds. Activate the Middle Turnbuckle Vortex.

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DAVID ARQUETTE: Yeah, but was he ever World Champion?

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WWE had fooled its fans right up until the moment they realized that this promo was actually entertaining.

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HULKBK: If you believe in yourself, drink your school, stay in drugs, and don't do milk, you can get work!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/16.jpg

Unfortunately, John Cena brought the impressive impression streak to an end, and Carlito and Jericho had to forcefully eject "Monkey Boy."

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/17.jpg

CENA: What the--?

HHH: Hey, does it seem lower to anyone else?

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/18.jpg

Fortunately, Eric "Ultimate Warrior" Bischoff and Chris "Tatanka" Jericho saved the segment.






More later. Gonna watch SmackDown.

[Savio]

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/16.jpg
*Day 2 of Jericho and Carlitos quest to find out how big is litas vagina*

[SuperSlim]

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/01.jpg

For the last time, they aren't boobs.
http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/16.jpg
Cena forced to watch his concert.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/22.jpg
Jericho: Be still my beating heart. I mean title. You'll soon go on a credible wrestler.

Eric: You know we only letting you hold that belt for picture purposes.

Jericho: What do you mean?

[Joey Slugs]

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/01.jpg
As over as Cena is, the crowd just wasn't ready for a live gangbang.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/06.jpg
Fans were confused to see Big John Studd and Chief Wahoo McDaniel back in the ring.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/07.jpg
Just another victim of "When Horrible Gimicks Attack"

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/09.jpg
Vince: "Hey Matt, how's the lovelife these days?"

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/12.jpg
Val: "Make him stop Ref." *sniff sniff* "Please make him stop."

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/15.jpg
"I have never used steriods. Not once. Never. Ever. Period."

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/21.jpg
HHH (voice): "Chris, I am your champion."
Chris: "NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/22.jpg
Chris: "It's mine. It's finally mine!"
Eric: "Stop fucking around Chris. Give it back to Hunter before we both get it in the ass."

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/23.jpg
Cena enjoyed Plesentville, but wondered to himself if there was more out there in life.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/24.jpg
"You can't do that on television!"

[Savio]

There were some good ones in there, 490.

[TerranRich]

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/15.jpg

HULKBK: If you believe in yourself, drink your school, stay in drugs, and don't do milk, you can get work!

LMFAO! :lol:

[Blue Demon]

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/13.jpg
Rob: Hunter...Vince guess whaaa.... :eek:

[The Highlander]

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/06.jpg
Yokozuna! I thought you were dead!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/13.jpg
Ok, maybe Chis Masters isn't that boring...

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/09.jpg
Vince: I'm just glad to have you back on the roster, Jeff.
Matt: I'm not Jeff, I'm Matt.
Vince: You want a job?
"Jeff": Yes, sir.

[Gone Mad]

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/01.jpg
Ref: HEY! How many times do we have to tell you: You're too old to be riding in the teacup ride, damn it!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/02.jpg
Snitsky: I carried him last time. It's your turn.

Show: THE HELL IT IS!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/04.jpg
Eugene: SHE'S EASY, YO!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/06.jpg
Tatanka now knew. Eugene was wise in the ways of thumb wrestling.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/08.jpg
Hardy: MUST... TYPE UP... BLOGS!!!!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/09.jpg
Vince: I actually called you here so that I can say... I'm sorry, Matt. You're fired again.

Matt: Oh, ok. By the way, heard of a Stink Palm?

Vince: .......... ah shit.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/12.jpg
You know you have a bad gimmick when a pornstar won't look at you and wants no part of you.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/13.jpg
CELEBRITY RANDOM PAC-MAN!! WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA!!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/15.jpg
"HA! YOU BLINKED! I WIN, BROTHER! "

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/16.jpg
Jericho: You're not over enough, Cena! TO THE KRYPTONIAN PRISON, YOU GO!

Cena: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/19.jpg
Jericho: The 1950s are just too much for you, ain't it, Vaudeville?

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/20.jpg
Bischoff: WADDYA MEAN WE RAN OUT OF COLOR FILM ?!?!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/21.jpg
Jericho: Damn it, Cena! That is not how you do it! It's your arms, not your legs! Ah, we'll never get on "Whose Line is it Anyways" !

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/22.jpg
Jericho: Hey, Bischoff? Can I put a spinner on this belt?

Bischoff: Um, Chris, it already has one.

Jericho: Good, then we're one step closer to getting a spinner.

Bischoff: :nono:

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/24.jpg
This picture means only one thing.... Chris Masters is in the ring !!! :eek:

end. :nono:

[parkmania]

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/01.jpg
The security guy with the ponytail had delusions of grandeur. That's why he was frantically trying to put his face below Cena's "The champ is here" arrow.
http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/02.jpg
Big Show shows off his athletic ability by winning the point with a spike against Snitsky is a friendly game of Volley-Masters.
http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/03.jpg
Shelton and Show (singing): "What do you do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning?"
http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/04.jpg
Christy: No, Eugene, you didn't look at the illustrated manual right."
http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/13.jpg
Personal note: Shoot me now! Rob Schnieder SUCKS!
http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/58343421211/22.jpg
Y2J: "It's ok, Belty. We'll get you back to Hunter soon enough."