RAW Captions 8/8/05

[Cool King]

There's 20 pics this week.

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[Hired Hitman]

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... :rofl: Doesn't need words.

[Ol Dirty Dastard]

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Referee: Fucking christ Shelton, I told you not to drop the soap!

Masters: Say it! FUcking say it! YOU'RE MY BITCH!

[darkpower]

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HOT ANAL ACTION...

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...TIMES TWO!!!

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You know you're Hulk Hogan when you see that even people playing retards on TV are forced to suck your dick.

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(thinking to herself): Finally, I don't have to be in THIS crap anymore.

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AS HOMER SIMPSON: MMMMM---chocolate!

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SHAWN: YOU'RE A LESBIAN!! Yeah, that's right, I would've said that you were a homo, but since you had no dick anyway, I had to take it a step further.

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On the verge of finding out that Hogan was a woman, since he had no dick, Lawler was about to start squeezing Hogan's puppies. Shawn had to do something to save him.

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HOGAN: Yeah, Shawn, but who was it that STOLE my dick? YOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!

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ANGLE: You want to have sex with me? You know, that beasty-howdy sex?



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As Eric Bishoff slapped Dave Laguana-in-disguise for writing a sucky show, Jericho suddenly felt the possession of Triple H, opening his mouth for obvious purposes.

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Bishoff couldn't believe his ears, as he was hearing a big steel, flaming grater start to come out of the entranceway and ready to kill everyone.



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HOGAN: YOOOOOUUUUU....stole my mojo.

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Rob Conway was going to show Gene Snisky the right way to have a foot fetish, and that was the CON-WAY!!

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As Carlito was falling from the hole in the glass ceiling, Cena was ready to show the ladies what he REALLY means when he says "The Champ Is HUUUURRRRREEEEE!!"

[El Santo]

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Masters: "Oh my God, Thing, you killed him! You bastard!"



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Matt had heard of the Axe Effect, and now he wasn't quite sure he liked the results.


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Ref: "But... we broke his spirit!"

Bischoff: "You broke NOTHING!"


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It's true: women can't resist the bold taste of RC Cola.

[TerranRich]

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Lita: I can't do the Angry Face like you can, Edge, I might as well just give up on life! I'm a FAILURE!
Edge: You're ruining my CONCENRATION ANGRYFACEAAAAAGGGHGHHHHHH
Ref: Holy crap!

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Matt Hardy didn't take kindly to being butt-raped by Bobby "The Brain" Heenan and a constipated Zach Gowen

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Thank you for saving me, Over-the-Hill Way-Past-Immortal Brightly Colored Orange Guy!

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Hogan: You want HOW MANY more matches?
Eugene: I can't count that high!!

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Angle: If I were pointing right now, you'd be in BIG TROUBLE, mister!!

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As more and more Diva hopefuls are eliminated, we come closer and closer to the end of this horrid segment.

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Yeah, okay, bye, just go. Now. Please.

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Hogan: No, no, you're not doing it right. Your eyes have to bug out and you have to make your mouth sound like you're saying "you".

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Lawler should've known better than to stand behind HBK while he was doing his stretching exercises.

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Hogan: You're the homo, BROTHER! Yes, you, in the red jewel-studded vest and leather pants!

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Angle: You spelled Hulkamania wrong, idiot.

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No, no, Shelton's fine. He just fell asleep from this boring-as-hell match.

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Bischoff: I'll let you blow me in a minute, Jericho, just let me give Chad Patton his nose back.

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Jericho: I'd only last three minutes with your wife, Bischoff.
Bischoff: Did I just hear you say...THREE MINUTES??

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Closest Ref: No, he's fine, he just whined himself unconscious.

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Hogan: Pull my finger, BROTHER!
HBK: Uh, I ain't pullin' that...

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I've heard of pulling punches, but seriously...

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Rosey: You've almost got the hang of it. Now, for our next flying lesson, I'll get you a spandex outfit and a cool sidekick.

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Viscera: Wow, man, I wish I could blow myself up like a balloon like you're doing.

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Carlito: Okay, TIME OUT!! You said these anti-gravity glass-ceiling boots would work!
Cena: I lied! Now FEAR MY BELLY!!!!

[What Would Kevin Do?]

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Edge and Lita botch mutual masturbation...

[Xero]

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Edge and Lita: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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Matt: :wtf:

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Edge and Lita: OOOOOOOOOO

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Matt: :wtf:

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Edge and Lita: OOO

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People say experiencing Hulkamania live can make people un-retarded...

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The fact that Hogan was also retarded crushed Eugene's hopes, but that didn't stop him from celebrating that he isn't the only retarded wrestler.

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Chris Masters doesn't mind raping black people. He's an equal opportunity rapist.

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Shawn Michaels and Hulk Hogan GET DOWN!

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(Moments earlier...)
Rosey: I'll never let you go!
Victoria: I LOVE YOU!
Rosey: EWWW! COOTIES! *PUSH*

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The first ever match on board the space shuttle Discovery wasn't exactly a success...
Cena: I CAN'T TURN AROUND!
Carlito: WEEEE! Dis... Dis is cool!

[Vastardikai]

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Banshee and Siren's Double Team Attack Was Devastating.

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Matt: Don't look at me like that?

Cop: But, But, You're so Dreamy!

Matt: That's it, you're getting a threatening email!

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Eugene has to go to great lengths to make an arm wrestling match with Hogan look legit.

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Eugene: ECHOOOOOOO!

Hulk: Whoa, that's cool...

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Kurt Angle: Five seconds after seeing Viscera's sex video, Two Seconds before projectile Vomiting begins.

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Vastardikai: Smile if you are a worthless broad only getting by on your looks?

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She botched making the act of pouring paint all over self look sexy, and now she botched giving the camera the finger.

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Shawn's invisible handgun of doom doesn't startle Hogan.

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Somewhere, the ear drums of fans everywhere are happy.

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JR: Bah Gawd, Hogan's got the invisible Handgun of Doom, those pythons aren't made of Tuna Casserole

Coach: Shawn, can you kick him for me, too?

And for once, the fans LIKE what Coach had to say...

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Kurt: Man, Matt Bourne fell off the wagon, bad. I used to love you as Big Josh!

Eugene: I'm not Matt Bourne...

Kurt: And as Doink the Clown, you were awesome!

Eugene: I mean it, I am NOT Matt Bourne... Wait a Minute, How did you know I was Doink?

Kurt: Who DIDN'T play Doink the Clown? I think even I put on the clown makeup during the Olympic Qualifiers.

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Thing Desperately tries to make the tag.

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Jericho: That was the SECOND worst bitchslap I saw tonight!

Bischoff: Really what was the first?

Jericho: Jobbing Shelton Benjamin to Chris Masters.

Bischoff: Don't worry, you're next!

Jericho: :eek:

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Bischoff: Echo... WHOA!

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Edge was overwhelmed by Matt's secret weapon: His army of Prisoners and Zombies

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Hogan: YOU... are holding down John Cena!

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A few seconds later, Hogan learned that Sweet Chin Music had NOTHING on Shawn's fatal Sindel Hair Grab.

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Victoria: You mean I have to sleep with HIM to get air time? Forget it, I'll just go back to Heat where I belong.

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Dragging Giant Turds across the ring isn't My Way or Your Way, but it is the CON WAY!

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The Fans were pleased to see Carlito's Moonsault DDT put an end to Cena's terrible rendition of the Face-hugger Birth from the Alien Trilogy.

[Crashnburn]

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Little did Edge know that Matt brought a few of his friends from the internet.

Matt: (sniffling) "They just hurt me soooo bad. How could they do that to me??? I loved her and he was suppose to be my best friend...."

Matt Hardy Internet Fan # 1: "I know, Matt, I know. But we got him. Nobody's ever going to have worry about the feces, Adam Copeland, again."

[My Final Heaven]

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John Cena cowers in fear as Steven Richards german suplexes Carlito.

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"What a feeling, bein's believin'... I can't have it all, now I'm dancin' for my life..."

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Full House's Uncle Joey makes his triumphant return to primetime.

Masters: WHOOOAAA! Blow me down! Ahhh-kahkahkahkahkah!

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Not really a caption, but that guy in the front row with the little kid looks a little too interested in what he's looking at. :shifty:

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You'd be have that expression, too, if you had just spit up a flaming Spike TV logo.

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Vince: Dammit, Carlito, when I said the WWE health plan covered surgery, I didn't mean this!

Carlito: Ay, Vinnie! This.. is COOL! Tell the boys I'm not comin' out of my room for a while...

[Drakul]

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Vince: Dammit, Carlito, when I said the WWE health plan covered surgery, I didn't mean this!

Carlito: Ay, Vinnie! This.. is COOL! Tell the boys I'm not comin' out of my room for a while...
lol:lol:

[Savio]

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Singing "we will always be togehter"
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"oh kill me now"

[Blue Demon]

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Shawn: Boy do I have someting for you....some VOODOO CHILI