View Full Version : Sports Guy on ESPN rips Summerslam
Innovator
08-22-2005, 03:38 PM
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/050822
Funny as hell read.
CharismaInjection
08-22-2005, 03:46 PM
That guys just an ass hole, he's no wrestling fan. But how can you really enjoy it if you don't have a clue who anyone is cuz u havent watched WWE in six years you dumb shit.
Splaya
08-22-2005, 03:47 PM
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 align=right border=0><TBODY><TR><TD width=5 rowSpan=2><SPACER height="1" width="5" type="block"></TD><TD width=275></TD></TR><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 3px; LINE-HEIGHT: 13px" width=275></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>9:15 -- Just my luck, Undertaker is wrestling tonight -- it's his 14th straight Summer Slam, although it feels like it's his 1,400th. I'd rather watch the Chyna-XPac sex tape on a 200-foot plasma TV than see the Undertaker wrestle again.
:lol: Best line of the night
Corkscrewed
08-22-2005, 03:48 PM
:rofl:
I was just gonna post that!!! :mad:
. With Cena, it could be time for the Hollywood Hogan Memorial "Emergency Swerve" -- when a good guy starts losing the crowd and they quickly make him a bad guy to mix things up. I love when that happens.
(Me, I'm just excited that I can keep writing "F.U." and it's a legitimate part of this column.)
:lol:
SuperSlim
08-22-2005, 03:55 PM
I liked it
Corkscrewed
08-22-2005, 03:55 PM
That guys just an ass hole, he's no wrestling fan. But how can you really enjoy it if you don't have a clue who anyone is cuz u havent watched WWE in six years you dumb shit.
Wow. Looks like God totally fucked you over in the "having a sense of humor" department, eh?
Savio
08-22-2005, 03:56 PM
8:45 -- Some good comedy -- Eddie screws up a powerplex from the top of the ladder, followed by the crowd quickly pulling the old-school ECW chant, "You [bleeped] up! You [bleeped] up!" That's always fun. Why couldn't fans in every sport do that chant whenever players screw up? Wouldn't a Yankees-Sox game be more fun if the Fenway fans chanted that after a Jeter error? All right, I'm babbling.
:lol:
Destor
08-22-2005, 03:58 PM
Funny guy
Disturbed316
08-22-2005, 04:02 PM
http://espn.go.com/media/pg2/2005/0822/photo/summerslam3_275.jpg
:cool:
The Naitch
08-22-2005, 04:05 PM
it would've looked cooler if that read
McMahon 4 President
:shifty:
Loose Cannon
08-22-2005, 04:11 PM
Nice way to fuck up and call the move a Powerplex in the same sentence about people chanting You Fucked Up
Joey Slugs
08-22-2005, 04:16 PM
8:51 -- Decent Ladder Match so far, tainted only by Cole and Tazz, who sound like Joe Rogan and Tony Danza after about nine Red Bulls apiece.
:rofl: :rofl:
Joey Slugs
08-22-2005, 04:20 PM
9:55 -- The Sports Gal watches a few minutes, notices that half the crowd is rooting for Jericho and half for Cena, then says, "I think I've figured out wrestling crowds -- it's like the Rocky Horror Picture Show, right? You get dressed up, you get into it, and you pretend it's real?" Um, yeah. Pretty much.
He's got a REAL good point there.
CharismaInjection
08-22-2005, 04:32 PM
Wow. Looks like God totally fucked you over in the "having a sense of humor" department, eh?
I found it funny, but I still think the guys an idiot.
Chavo Classic
08-22-2005, 04:37 PM
10:14 -- Tazz and Cole are so brutal together, my head is actually starting to hurt. It's like being stuck inside a car while the alarm is going off, only if you were sitting next to a rattling chainsaw. Remember the scene in "Anchorman" when Brick Tamland just starts screaming, "Loud noises! Loud noises!" That's Michael Cole announcing any wrestling match. I don't know what we're yelling about! Loud noises! Loud noises!
Hole in one. :rofl:
PureHatred
08-22-2005, 04:52 PM
That guys just an ass hole, he's no wrestling fan. But how can you really enjoy it if you don't have a clue who anyone is cuz u havent watched WWE in six years you dumb shit.
Bill Simmons is one of the funniest, most relevant columnists writing today for any site, on any topic. He's written for the Man Show, the Jimmy Kimmel Show, and helps Jimmy and Adam Corrola with a lot of their bits on Fox, Monday Night Football, and for those roasts on Comedy Central. If you read his column on a regular basis, you'd see that this guy was a HUGE wrestling fan and just lost interest because he got sick of Triple H ( he actually did a quick column on the Kaite Vick thing that was a stounding) and he started getting assignments like going to the Pats Super Bowl party for Maxim magazine. Oh yeah, and since he's a huge Boston area homer, he's become like THE guy to have on your sports talk radio show the last few years. The Sports guy has a huge following.
And, I know its hard to believe, since he's a casual fan - male age 25-35 - he is exactly the demographic the WWE is looking for. Hardocre fans do not make and break the business. You might think he's an "idiot" for being up t date on whats going on, but the vast majority of the viewing don't follow the WWE religiously, and the fact that the WWE can't keep a guy like Simmons - a sports fan, a regular guy, a guy who will do 400 word reviews on movies just for the T&A, and a former wrestling nut - entertained is exactly why they're in the hole they're in now.
DaveWadding
08-22-2005, 04:55 PM
Sports Guy is a fucking GENIUS.
PureHatred
08-22-2005, 05:04 PM
Sports Guy is a fucking GENIUS.
I wanted to put that too, but only a regular reader would understand that. :y:
CharismaInjection
08-22-2005, 05:09 PM
Ok Pure Hatred. I didn't know.
Kane Knight
08-22-2005, 05:14 PM
OMG WTF HEZ A MORON.
:shifty:
Shadow
08-22-2005, 05:18 PM
Gotta go with what PH said. This guy put the casual fans prespective in clear, consise, clarity.
So of course most of us Hardkore fans will think this guy is nutz and doesn't know what the hell he's talking about and he should be killt.
I hate us sometimes.
Nervous Ferret
08-22-2005, 05:19 PM
yeah Bill Simmons can be pretty hilarious in his article.
And I would like to give a big fuck you out to PureHatred, as my rant was already churning on Charismaticsomething. But he pretty much covered everythng I wanted to say. Fuck you PH. :(
Jonster
08-22-2005, 05:38 PM
ow we're ready for a "Custody of Dominic" match. Who's Dominic, you ask? He's an 8-year-old with bleached hair who just found out that he's the son of former WWE champ Eddie Guerrero, even though Rey Mysterio Jr. (another wrestler) has been raising him. Now Rey and Eddie are settling things the way most Americans do in this situation -- by battling in a wrestling ring with a 10-foot ladder, with Dominic watching from ringside.
:)
PureHatred
08-22-2005, 05:52 PM
And I would like to give a big fuck you out to PureHatred, as my rant was already churning on Charismaticsomething. But he pretty much covered everythng I wanted to say. Fuck you PH. :(
Well, once you're mod I'm sure you'd just delete the post and then take credit for the rant in the first place. :)
Sickboy
08-22-2005, 06:02 PM
Yeah, the 10 feet ladder thing was funny. I also found this funny.
"One of my favorite Hulk routines -- when he's "passing out" and the ref lifts his arm twice, then Hogan waves a finger up on the final time. Always fun to do with your baby if you're ever trying to determine if he is asleep."
PullMyFinger
08-22-2005, 06:25 PM
LOL This guy is awesome.
I fail to see how he's wrong.
That guys just an ass hole, he's no wrestling fan. But how can you really enjoy it if you don't have a clue who anyone is cuz u havent watched WWE in six years you dumb shit.
Check your facts. Bill Simmons used to be a HUGE fan. He literally only stopped watching after Mania 18 (odd show watched here and there). He stopped watching due to just about every negative reason you here about today (HHH, lack of new stars, insulting your own audience, etc) And his columns are massively popular because he is the fucking man!
Innovator
08-22-2005, 07:11 PM
Bill Simmons frequently talks about heel turns in his articles, saying how Kobe needed to turn heel to save his career.
Basically, even while I'm a Yankee fan, Bill Simmons is the man
Innovator
08-22-2005, 07:20 PM
just to prove this guy knows his shit
9:58 -- Jericho is carrying Cena -- this is like one of those old Utah playoff games where John Stockton would put Karl Malone on his back down the stretch. Really good match. I'm enjoying myself. So is the crowd.
PureHatred
08-22-2005, 07:22 PM
Yeah, one of my favorite bits of his was where he said that ARods signing should've been done WWF style: he shows up for the press conference in a BoSox jersey, with Theo Epstein and John Henry behind him. Midway through, 'New York, New York' cuts in over the loud speakers and george Stenbrenner starts walking up the aisle. As Henry jaws with George, ARod ambushes him with a steel chair, then lays out Epstein, and as the crowd goes nuts, takes off his jersey to reveal a Yankees one. Steinbrenner finally hits the rng, with ball cap in hand.
JR: "DAMN YOU AROD!!! DAMN YOU!!!!!!"
He wrote it better, but you get the drift. No way in hell a non-fan writes that.
PureHatred
08-22-2005, 07:32 PM
just to prove this guy knows his shit
More proof:
10:46 By the way, Michaels is absolutely carrying this match. No surprise, but it had to be mentioned.
10:52 10:52 -- Classic Jim Ross here: After getting super-kicked, Hogan kicks out on a two-count as JR screams, "For the love of God! How in the hell did that happen???"
Kane Knight
08-22-2005, 08:53 PM
Yeah, one of my favorite bits of his was where he said that ARods signing should've been done WWF style: he shows up for the press conference in a BoSox jersey, with Theo Epstein and John Henry behind him. Midway through, 'New York, New York' cuts in over the loud speakers and george Stenbrenner starts walking up the aisle. As Henry jaws with George, ARod ambushes him with a steel chair, then lays out Epstein, and as the crowd goes nuts, takes off his jersey to reveal a Yankees one. Steinbrenner finally hits the rng, with ball cap in hand.
JR: "DAMN YOU AROD!!! DAMN YOU!!!!!!"
He wrote it better, but you get the drift. No way in hell a non-fan writes that.
Jesus, that's awesome.
darkpower
08-22-2005, 11:55 PM
Although I think too many people shit on Cole anymore and it gets old, I think this guy has a bit of satatrical humor in him to do good.
Joey Slugs
08-23-2005, 12:13 AM
Bill Simmons also has one of the best columns going right now in ESPN Magazine.
Sports Guy is awesome. My favorite sports columnist by far. It's not even close.
Destor
08-23-2005, 12:50 AM
Sports Guy is awesome. My favorite sports columnist by far. It's not even close.
By far implies that fact that its not close.
Corkscrewed
08-23-2005, 01:29 AM
I found it funny, but I still think the guys an idiot.
Fair enough, I guess.
He did make it clear in the beginning that he really wasn't a wrestling fan anymore. That whole "retired being a fan five years ago" part. :-\
EDIT:
But basically, it looks like my point was pretty much covered by everyone else. The main thing is that Bill Simmons rules, and he's gotta be one of if not the best sports writers out there.
Mr. Nerfect
08-23-2005, 02:14 AM
That guy is so right it is not funny. No one cares about the uber-talented Eddie Guerrero or Rey Mysterio. They can put on a great Ladder Match, but as soon as we are reminded they are competing for custody of a 8-year old, it completely shatters the bounds of reality.
He gave Edge and Hardy their credit, too.
LMAO off at this:
"One of my favorite Hulk routines -- when he's "passing out" and the ref lifts his arm twice, then Hogan waves a finger up on the final time. Always fun to do with your baby if you're ever trying to determine if he is asleep. By the way, Michaels is absolutely carrying this match. No surprise, but it had to be mentioned."
I like the way he completely took a shit on John Cena, too. More evidence apart from most marks (who probably aren't socially "cool", anyway) that the guy comes off as a retarded wanna-be.
Mr. Nerfect
08-23-2005, 02:16 AM
Oh, it was interesting to hear him connect Batista to Triple H without fully knowing their past together, either.
Joey Slugs
08-23-2005, 03:57 AM
Ever since Ralph Willey passed away, Bill Simmons has owned ESPN's page 2 and ESPN the Magazine. No one will ever replace Ralph, but it's shit like this article that pull "The Sports Guy" up there.
Innovator
08-23-2005, 08:57 AM
8:10 -- Our first match is for the U.S. Championship: Orlando Jordan against Chris Benoit, who has an "I used to headline some of these things, now I'm wrestling some guy named Orlando Jordan?" look on his face. This match will last about as long as Jose Cruz Jr.'s career did with the Red Sox.
8:11 -- Yep, Benoit used the German suplex and the Crossface to win the title in about five seconds. Good to see the WWE is still practicing the old SD Jones Policy with black wrestlers -- in other words, come out, dance around, lose in under 20 seconds.
Sadistic
08-23-2005, 12:29 PM
Roid Rage :rofl:
Kane Knight
08-23-2005, 12:40 PM
Although I think too many people shit on Cole anymore and it gets old, I think this guy has a bit of satatrical humor in him to do good.
Nowadays or something, not anymore.
Last year. Cole was excellent as an announcer. Tazz was in a league of his own too. Now it seems like both are being fed too many lines. Passion was both of their strongest points and maybe it's hard to get passionate about a lukewarm product.
Kane Knight
08-23-2005, 01:02 PM
Last year. Cole was excellent as an announcer. Tazz was in a league of his own too. Now it seems like both are being fed too many lines. Passion was both of their strongest points and maybe it's hard to get passionate about a lukewarm product.
I was wondering that.
I can't tell if Tazz is bland because he's getting his line from someone else, or if they're just BORED by the content.
Then again, he's probably thinking, "Thank God I'm here, and not Dominic's father."
Destor
08-23-2005, 01:15 PM
If only it were Tazz and my favorite announcer of all time........Paul Haymen
Boondock Saint
08-24-2005, 05:36 AM
Bill Simmons is the man.
BigDaddyCool
08-25-2005, 06:07 PM
yes, it was very entertaining
El Santo
08-26-2005, 02:07 AM
Simmons is awesome. You can tell he used to be a wrestling fan by little WWE non sequiturs he inserts in every one of his articles. There was one not too long ago where he comments that Al Michaels (?) has been to quite a few major sports events and he lists a few more events that would have made him the sports equivalent of Forrest Gump --- one of those events being the Montreal Screwjob. :D
Batsu
08-26-2005, 10:19 AM
8:45 -- Some good comedy -- Eddie screws up a powerplex from the top of the ladder, followed by the crowd quickly pulling the old-school ECW chant, "You [bleeped] up! You [bleeped] up!" That's always fun. Why couldn't fans in every sport do that chant whenever players screw up? Wouldn't a Yankees-Sox game be more fun if the Fenway fans chanted that after a Jeter error? All right, I'm babbling.
That's BRILLIANT.
I, for one, would PAY to hear those kind of wrestling chants at a Yanks game.
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