Kane Knight
09-23-2005, 03:04 AM
In a recent interview, Rob Van Dam explained that he has been ready to return to the ring for several weeks now, but the WWE are holding back due to threats by the FCC to fine them. Under new policies established since the Superbowl last year, the WWE could suffer harsh fines for using a name that sounds like a "cuss word."
The WWE, already paying heavily for "the Hurricane," cannot afford such penalties.
In a related story, John "Bradshaw" Layfield is expected to main event at the Royal Rumble, battling the bill of rights in a "veto on a pole" match. This is surprising, as it means the WWE actually remembers the run-in Bill performed when JBL attempted to lock Muhammed Hussan in his trunk without charge (or food and water). Such a feud carried out over the months to come before the rumble should be interesting, as the Bill has not wrestled in years, but does profess his right to bear arms.
Scotty 2 Hotty was eaten by the Big Show Wednesday evening. It appears that Scotty got between the Big Show and Viscera at an all-you-can-eat buffet, and unwittingly took the last eggroll. Ultrasounds are being performed on Big Show currently to see if Scotty was swallowed whole. If so, he may be in wrestling condition as soon as a C-Section can be performed.
Jim Ross was replaced this week by Michael Moore. Few noticed, until "JR" started to blame Bush for the underhanded tactics of Carlito "Carribean" Cool.
In his new video, Shawn Michaels reveals a shocking truth: Vince McMahon did not screw Bret Hart. Ghandi screwed Bret Hart.
Ric Flair is well known as a practical joker, but has he gone too far? Ric has escalated his rivalry with Mick Foley, by altering the book at the press. Several thousand copies were released, featuring Foley's confessions of being a Catholic priest until "the scandal," candid shots of Mick and his wife in "compromising" positions, and nude photos of Muhammed Hassan. When approached for comment, Foley said "Wow, that guy's hung like a camel!"
Vince may soon be rehired. The WWE CEO has arranged, through his lawyers, to meet with himself this week. Expect updated on WWE.com as this story progresses. Vince has to measure his fan reaction on Raw this week against hiring a man who has eyes for his wife.
Expect Cena to drop the title soon: WWE Films has cast him to star in "Sucking chest wound," in which the Doctor of Thuganomics will play the role of a hardened field medic who befriends a fifteen year old Asian prostitute in 'Nam. WWE's publicist described it as "M*A*S*H meets the sound of music."
In related news, the WWE has released their publicist. There has been no announcement, as their publicist could not be reached for statement.
The real reason for the abscence of Kane is far more interesting than first thought. The WWE was so intent on the "Boogeyman" Gimmick that they have been training Jacobs to wrestle in horns. Sources indicate that Chavo Guerrero was originally planned as the replacement wrestler until McMahon pitched "Kerwin White."
UPN released a statement this week that they have faith in the WWE and that Smackdown is still their number one show. Unfortunately, this statement was to be aired before Smackdown this Friday, which will be pre-empted by re-runs of Judge Judy.
Jim Ross is suing a member of internet community TPWW.net. His suit alleges that one "Kane Knight" posts garbage about the WWE, interspersed with random inane comments that are little more than gibberish. He claims this to be multiple counts of trademark infringement. Kane Knight's lawyers have said he has a strong case, as he rarely, if ever, compares wrestlers to food and thus has not stolen Ross' trademarks.
However, the judge has approved a restraining order, barring Kane Knight or the internet from coming within 500 feet of Jim Ross, the WWE, or its affiliates. Surprisingly, webtraffic to WWE.com has gone down signficantly since the order was put into effect this morning.
Further news on the tag team formerly known as the Dudley Boys. WWE legal has informed them that they cannot refer to themselves or tables while using vowels. Also, they are barred from doing moves that actually require touching another wrestler, as these are trademarks of the WWE.
Stay tuned for more details.
---
Okay, not my best, but I'm fucking BORED!
The WWE, already paying heavily for "the Hurricane," cannot afford such penalties.
In a related story, John "Bradshaw" Layfield is expected to main event at the Royal Rumble, battling the bill of rights in a "veto on a pole" match. This is surprising, as it means the WWE actually remembers the run-in Bill performed when JBL attempted to lock Muhammed Hussan in his trunk without charge (or food and water). Such a feud carried out over the months to come before the rumble should be interesting, as the Bill has not wrestled in years, but does profess his right to bear arms.
Scotty 2 Hotty was eaten by the Big Show Wednesday evening. It appears that Scotty got between the Big Show and Viscera at an all-you-can-eat buffet, and unwittingly took the last eggroll. Ultrasounds are being performed on Big Show currently to see if Scotty was swallowed whole. If so, he may be in wrestling condition as soon as a C-Section can be performed.
Jim Ross was replaced this week by Michael Moore. Few noticed, until "JR" started to blame Bush for the underhanded tactics of Carlito "Carribean" Cool.
In his new video, Shawn Michaels reveals a shocking truth: Vince McMahon did not screw Bret Hart. Ghandi screwed Bret Hart.
Ric Flair is well known as a practical joker, but has he gone too far? Ric has escalated his rivalry with Mick Foley, by altering the book at the press. Several thousand copies were released, featuring Foley's confessions of being a Catholic priest until "the scandal," candid shots of Mick and his wife in "compromising" positions, and nude photos of Muhammed Hassan. When approached for comment, Foley said "Wow, that guy's hung like a camel!"
Vince may soon be rehired. The WWE CEO has arranged, through his lawyers, to meet with himself this week. Expect updated on WWE.com as this story progresses. Vince has to measure his fan reaction on Raw this week against hiring a man who has eyes for his wife.
Expect Cena to drop the title soon: WWE Films has cast him to star in "Sucking chest wound," in which the Doctor of Thuganomics will play the role of a hardened field medic who befriends a fifteen year old Asian prostitute in 'Nam. WWE's publicist described it as "M*A*S*H meets the sound of music."
In related news, the WWE has released their publicist. There has been no announcement, as their publicist could not be reached for statement.
The real reason for the abscence of Kane is far more interesting than first thought. The WWE was so intent on the "Boogeyman" Gimmick that they have been training Jacobs to wrestle in horns. Sources indicate that Chavo Guerrero was originally planned as the replacement wrestler until McMahon pitched "Kerwin White."
UPN released a statement this week that they have faith in the WWE and that Smackdown is still their number one show. Unfortunately, this statement was to be aired before Smackdown this Friday, which will be pre-empted by re-runs of Judge Judy.
Jim Ross is suing a member of internet community TPWW.net. His suit alleges that one "Kane Knight" posts garbage about the WWE, interspersed with random inane comments that are little more than gibberish. He claims this to be multiple counts of trademark infringement. Kane Knight's lawyers have said he has a strong case, as he rarely, if ever, compares wrestlers to food and thus has not stolen Ross' trademarks.
However, the judge has approved a restraining order, barring Kane Knight or the internet from coming within 500 feet of Jim Ross, the WWE, or its affiliates. Surprisingly, webtraffic to WWE.com has gone down signficantly since the order was put into effect this morning.
Further news on the tag team formerly known as the Dudley Boys. WWE legal has informed them that they cannot refer to themselves or tables while using vowels. Also, they are barred from doing moves that actually require touching another wrestler, as these are trademarks of the WWE.
Stay tuned for more details.
---
Okay, not my best, but I'm fucking BORED!