3000 Posts: Random Gimmick Machine

[NoJabbaNoBogRoll]

Make characters using any of the following:

SUPERSTARS:

Randy Orton
Chavo Guerrero
Triple H
Big Show
Carlito
Hardcore Holly
John Cena
Snitsky

GIMMICKS:

Deaf
Body Odour Problem
Chef
Car Salesman
Farmer
Hypnotist
Washroom Attendant
Gay Priest

Try to go into detail, and I'll post a new batch of superstars and gimmicks when the jokes have been done to death.

[loopydate]

GENE SNITSKY - BODY ODOUR PROBLEM

Before a RAW trip abroad, General Manager Eric Bischoff enters Gene Snitsky's locker room. "Gene, there seems to be a bit of a problem with your passport."

"What's wrong, Boss?"

"Well, the government says that there's a typo on it and that your name isn't really Gene Snitsky."

"Uh-WHAAAAAAA?!?"

Snitsky then goes on a quest to track down his birth certificate (which is a problem, since he was adopted as a small boy after causing his mother to miscarry what would have been his baby sister). He finally does find it and, naturally, the cameras are there. He sets it down in front of him and reads, only to find out that his name isn't actually "Snitsky." It's...

...wait for it...

..."Stinksy."

(Can you believe Vince hasn't come up with this one already?)

Well, Gene Stinksy decides to embrace his newfound heritage by refusing to bathe. It all comes to a head at the 2006 Royal Rumble when Snitsky enters at #27, with a ring full of competitors. He steps into the ring, and everyone else, fleeing his horrific b.o., dives out of the ring. The remaining three entrants remain in the locker room, and Stinksy wins the WWE Title shot!

The next night on RAW, Stinksy comes out (all by himself, naturally) and grabs a microphone. "You see, all this time I've been refusing to take credit for my own actions! Well, you know what?" He then proceeds to rip an enormous fart. "That WAS my fault!" He throws down the microphone while the audience throws up their dinners.

JOHN CENA - DEAF

During a match against Kurt Angle, the chants of "Cena sucks" become downright deafening. Cena finally hits the FU on Angle and decides to rub in his victory by applying the Ankle Lock. He twists and tears until Angle taps out. The referee calls for the bell, but...Cena won't release the hold! He continues to pull at the ankle, and the bell continues to ring, but Cena is relentless! "Oh my GOD! This is a side of John Cena I've never seen! (Except for when he was a heel at the beginning of his career.) Sorry, Vince! Don't fire me!"

The referee finally pulls Cena off of Angle and awards Kurt the match via disqualification. The crowd continues to boo him mercilessly, but Cena is completely befuddled. After the match, Maria tries to catch up to Cena for an interview, but Johnny just keeps on walking, completely ignoring her requests.

The next week we find out that - due to the overwhelming response Cena has been garnering from WWE fans - he has actually gone deaf. He comes down to the ring and lays down tone-deaf beats. No one notices. As a final touch, Cena begins to punctuate his every promo with the following catchphrase:

"You can't see me! And I can't hear you!"

HARDCORE HOLLY - GAY PRIEST

After yet another crushing defeat at the hands of...anybody, Hardcore Holly turns introspective. In a series of vignettes, we see Holly trying to find himself. Finally, he turns to the priesthood, with the promise of eternal peace in the next life.

However, at his first service, he is appalled to see that the altar boys are so damned young! After the service, he takes them back to his office to explain how things should work in the faith.

"Now, I know you boys are here because you're faithful to the Lord God. And I appreciate that. I really do. But I had to come up to this point in my life the hard way. I had to pay some dues. Have you kids ever had to pay dues?"

"Uh...I returned a copy of Finding Nemo late to Blockbuster once."

Holly becomes so enraged that he stiffs the kid with a forearm.

"Now lemme show you how we made youngsters pay dues at my old job."

A few weeks later, Holly returns to action by doing a run-in during a Juniors match. He clears the ring and grabs a microphone. The boos are deafening, because we all saw what he did to those poor kids.

"You people have no right to boo me! I'm a man of faith! This robe makes me immune to your criticism. (Did I forget to mention he's wearing a robe? 'Cause he is) Besides, there are more important things to worry about! Why get all worked up over me having sex with your children when there are violent video games out there with no scientifically proven link to adolescent violence? Mischa Barton's nipple appeared for less than a second on the O.C. the other night! All of the eight-year-old little girls who were watching the salacious nighttime soap will now grow up to be sluts and have pre-marital sex! And worst of all...there are DEMOCRATS!"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HOLLY! HOLLY! HOLLY!"

"Bishop" Bob Holly then goes on to form an uber-successful tag team with Shawn Michaels that persecute Khosrow Daivari for the rest of his career.

=====

I'll do more later.

[Optimistic T]

Randy Orton - Car Salesman Randy Orton enjoys a ton of success, snatching the World Title and killing off legend after legend over the course of now until SummerSlam '06. Taker, Hogan, HBK (@ Mania), Road Warrior Animal, Dusty Rhodes, Benoit, Tazz, Funaki (WTF), Bob Holly (LOLZ), Mark Henry (um...) and Fabolous Moolah are no matches. Finally, Orton is recognized as a "Legend In His Spare Time" and begins using the Bloodhound Gang song. HHH vs Orton is signed for SummerSlam '06 in what is billed as a "ONE NIGHT ONLY INTERPROMOTIONAL LEGEND VS LEGEND EVOLUTION EXPLODES CHAMPION VS CHAMPION LOSER LEAVES THE 'E FOR EVER AND EVER AND A DAY MATCH OF A LIFETIME!" This match of a lifetime (hey it's in the bill, so it must be true. Happens. Legend hits the RKO and rolls HHH over when Flair runs out and says "TRUST ME RANDY!" and then hits him with a Sledgehammer (this is his 28th butt kiss HHH heel turn since the timeline) Anyway, HHH hits the Pedigree off the top rope onto the sledgehammer, yells out "CM WHO?" and pins Orton. Footage is shown next week on both shows of Orton regaining conciousness in the back and tearfully riding off in his Acura.

However, due to the cheatery of Flair & HHH it's decided that the loser doesn't really have to leave forever & ever. So Vince tells Bob Holly, Mark Henry & Nunzio that he won't fire them if they can find Orton. Oh, and Stephanie McMahon will be their leader. Thus the "Fearsome Foursome" begin their journey and engage on many a wacky skits on each show until UPN decides to give them a spinoff show. Over the course of three months they travel around the country in an Integra. They run across Cactus Jack in Cleveland, Rock in Hollywood (who pretends to actually remember them), Stevie Ray in Harlem, the ghost of Katie Vick and a nudist colony run by Brock & Sable (Mark Henry laughs at Brock and says "I guess that's why you call it the F5!" Finally, when their engine blows up... they end up at an Acura dealership to get it fixed when they spot Randy Orton selling cars! They convince him to return to WWE, but he can't give the love of his dayjob since the Acura kept him warm and happy in a World that didn't care. Thus the birth of "The Legend Shiller" Randy Orton. (Oh, and in a spinoff angle, Steph ends up pregnant by the end of the three months and noone knows if the father is HHH, Henry, Holly or Nunzio. (It ends up being Henry's, leading to Monty Brown being hired and regimmicked as "The World's Strongest McMahon")

[Xero]

Carlito: Car Salesman

One night on RAW, during a hardcore match between RVD and Carlito, it gets a bit out of hand and spills outside of the arena. They fight across the street to a car dealership where RVD eventually hits a five star off of one car onto another and wins the match. Suddenly, the lights come on in the used car lot and RVD high tales it out of there as the owner comes out.

Throughout the show, we see skits of Carlito trying to avoid being arrested and trying to avoid paying for the damage. The owner eventually concedes under one condition, that Carlito works at his shop until he sells 5 cars.

Over the next few weeks, we see vignettes of Carlito trying to sell cars to people. He tries to sell the "coolness" of all the cars. He finally sells all five and returns to RAW.

He's set for a rematch with RVD as his music hits. But it's not his music. It's Mick Foley's theme dubbed over with Carlito sound bites from when he was selling the cars. "Dis... Dis is a cool car." and "I spit in your face if you don't buy dis car, cause das not cool." Lillian announces Carltio as "Lito".

Carlito gets on the mic and asks what's up. Bischoff's music hits and he comes out and explains that he had to make another deal with the dealership, that Carlito advertise the cars that they sell in his tron and on his attire and that he must change his name to "Cool Car Lito".

He eventually teams with Rosey, who is now known simply as "Buick".

[Mr. Nerfect]

JOHN CENA: HYPNOTIST

John Cena comes out one night when Matt Cappotelli (who debuted under the SHIT gimmick next to Rosey) comes out and lays into Cena saying he used his super psychic powers to discover John Cena's spinning belt has hypnotised the world into liking him. Cena just laughs, but over the next few weeks we find the babyface injured in the back, getting beat-down by faces and heels who don't remember it.

Eventually Rosey confronts Cena about it, but Cena hypnotises Rosey into taking away Cappotelli's rank as a SHIT. Rosey obliges, and then forfeits his superhero powers himself. Rosey becomes somewhat of a bodyguard to Cena over the next few weeks, using his "3 Minute Warning" music, somehow always beating his opponents within three minutes, as they walk out (under hypnosis) leading to countout loses.

Cappotelli desperately tries to find the man who taught Cena how to hypnotise, and eventually he finds him, and asks him tot rain him how to resist Cena's powers. The hypnotist does, but Cappotelli ends up with severe headaches. It turns out that Cena hypnotised the man into thinking he was Cena's hypnotist, and told him to put images from Cappotelli's abused childhood into his head.

Over the next few weeks, the now human Cappotelli desperately tries to get us behind him by showing us the "Cena Sucks!" chants, and the fact that a lot of people really don't like Cena, and that he brainwashed everyone else into liking him. He tries to win over Eric Bischoff by getting specialists in to discuss that what Cappotelli is suggesting could be possible. All the while, Cappotelli suffers images from his childhood.

Matt gets an idea, though, he finds hi sold girlfriend, Maria Kanellis, and asks her if Cena has tried to hypnotise her. Maria says in her own way that he has, which as one of the specialists says, would be impossible to do due to her mental capacity.

Cappotelli, who is only beginning to gain sympathy from the fans, eventually blocks out the images, and overcomes them in a heroic moment, for the sake of the fans. Cappotelli reverts back to a superhero gimmick, claiming he is now immune to Cena's powers. Cena tells Rosey to stop Cappotelli, but Matt constantly defeats Rosey, and eventually breaks Cena's spell. Cappotelli realises that together they can stop Cena. We finally get the payoff to this feud, John Cena vs. Matt Cappotelli & Rosey. Matt Cappotelli & Rosey win, but it turns out that it wasn't really "John Cena" but Matt Striker hypnotised into thinking he was John Cena, and us being hypnotised into accepting he was John Cena.

Matt Cappotelli & Rosey go on to become a successful babyface tag team, and John Cena continues on as an evil hypnotist, even bringing in a heel manager, turning Kane into his personal slave, getting Vince McMahon to write him paychecks and abusing the Divas. Eventually he can turn face by having a Diva replace his heel manager with a hot chick that doesn't wear much, that can serve as his new medium of hypnotism.

He can even win the Royal Rumble by hypnotising his opponents into leaping out of the ring.

[Corkscrewed]

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[Corkscrewed]

I mean, seriously... that was priceless, Pat. :rofl:

[Marcyo]

I mean, seriously... that was priceless, Pat. :rofl:

Seconded. :lol: