RAW Captions (December 12, 2005) [Archive]

View Full Version : RAW Captions (December 12, 2005)

loopydate

12-15-2005, 12:34 AM

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Lock Jaw

12-15-2005, 01:53 AM

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I CAN SEE YOU!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/16.jpg
Kane: Sunovabitch stole my gimmick.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/49.jpg
Candace: If you close your eyes I'll show you why I'm qualified to be GM.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/03.jpg
You can open them!

Dusty: Oh! Swerve! I was Dusty Rhodes all along! Dusty Finish!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/07.jpg
Shelton didn't get any Chef Boyardee (sp?)

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/43.jpg
After having to eat military food while on the tour, Big Show came back and ummmm... secured food via other means.

Cuzziebro

12-15-2005, 02:50 AM

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Angle: Give me you face Flair, i want it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The WWE decided to bring out a guide on how to get a comfortable nights sleep.
http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/963/082vp.jpg
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http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/7818/590ae.jpg

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Kane: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, This is the best roller coaster ride i've ever been on.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

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Mr McMahon: And the award for best wedgy of the year....JOHN CENA!
http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/2042/749ac.jpg
Cena: Now i can say im the FIVE TIME, i said FIVE TIME best wedgy champ.

hb2k

12-15-2005, 07:10 AM

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/27.jpg

Hello, I'm Chris Benoit's favourite wrestler, Matt Striker. And today, we'll be looking at "FAMILY VALVES"

Xero

12-15-2005, 09:17 AM

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Vince McMahon's new gimmick, the exploding fart wrestling promoter, was a huge hit.

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Angle: CHRIS BENOIT NEEDS YOUR TEETH!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/17.jpg
Buttseks?

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The first ever "Get Down and Boogie" match was pretty boring. After this shot, though, the Boogeyman came out and tore down the house.

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Hunter: HAHA! I have a bigger back scratcher than you!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/03.jpg
Dusty: And then I told 'em... I told 'em he can't have mah tight-ah!

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Striker: Welcome to the history of CZW!

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JR: BAHGAWD SPINE ON THE CANDY CANE!

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Cena: TOUCH OF DEATH! NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOUUUGGHHHHHHNEEEOWWW!

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Cena: YOOOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fans: FUUUCCCCKKKK YOOOOOOUUUU!!!

loopydate

12-15-2005, 12:41 PM

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VINCE: Would you say I've buried... a hundred Canadians? [Whoosh]

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Sure, the Figure Four hurt, but Kurt still managed to work in his phenomenal impression of the cover of "The Wall."

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As Ric Flair's tantrum entered its third hour, Kurt Angle was dispatched to drag him back to the locker room.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/16.jpg

KURT: PURGE, DAMN YOU! PUUUUUUUUUURGE!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/57.jpg

Angle may have had the advantage with the medals wrapped around his hand, but Flair had a secret weapon backing him up...Funky's Avatar!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/11.jpg

Welcome to A-Train's recurring nightmare.

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HBK: Gesundheit...

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Big Show and Shawn Michaels' re-enactment of the "Kong vs. T-Rex" scene from "King Kong" was a little lackluster.

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STYLES: Oh my GOD! Sweet...head...music.

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SHOW: STOP! MAKING! FACES!

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HBK: Oh, man, this is embarassing. Seems I stepped in asshole.

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HHH: Heigh-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

STEPH: Hi, sweetie.

HHH: :nono:

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STYLES: The referee is about to signal... YES! Shawn Michaels is, in fact, stayin' alive!

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We been spendin' most our lives livin' in a fatass paradise.

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DUSTY: Jus' came ta tell ya Ah finally got tha joke 'bout "Virgil."

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VINCE: Okay... But what are the other four points for?

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CHEESY THEME MUSIC: It's Candiiiiice, the Narcoleptic Stripper!

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CANDICE: Zzzzwha? Oh, that's me!

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No one was ever safe from the wrath of Carlito Limbo Instructor Cool.

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Not entirely sure why a segment of RAW was pre-empted for special footage of the writers' meeting during the production of "Airplane," but it worked.

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CENA: Uncle Sam wants YOU to stop being a homo!

===

More to come later.

Corkscrewed

12-15-2005, 04:04 PM

:love:

Blue Demon

12-15-2005, 04:09 PM

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Shawn: what the hell...
Chioda: it's Big Show's orbit....

Corkscrewed

12-15-2005, 04:25 PM

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Despite the torture, Kurt insisted on finishing his horrible rendition of 'Ave Maria.'

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KURT: Gah! Pfft! Buh! Dammit... this Ric Flair EZ Wheelbarrow isn't easy at all!!!!

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Here we see Kurt Angle putting into use what he learned from the Isaac Yankem School of Dentistry...

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Here we see Kurt Angle putting into use what he learned from the Brock Lesnar School of Proctology...

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KURT: What the? Invisible crucifixes STILL exist????

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It wasn't the best break dancing routine ever, but boy was it entertaining!

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Their ballet didn't turn out much better.

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Shawn Michaels further proves he is the man by executing the first ever ropeless slide-along-the-apron 619!!!

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Mike Chioda tried his best to rehash the Flying Elvises, but a drunken HBK was a bit too unstable to do his part.

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BIG SHOW: WHO ate my mooseburger????

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RHODES: Ah! Both your shoulder AND your nose are homos!!!! :lol:

VINCE: :wtf: :'(

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Candice's seduction scheme would have worked, but she forgot to use the Ax spray.

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Eventually, they just combined Candice and Melina into one super-ho.

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Here we see Carlito botching groping.

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It was a novel idea, but Carlito was never going to get the force to blast Shelton out of Earth's gravitational pull and into orbit.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/07.jpg
Whatchu talking about??

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Yeah. Masters was quite happy to see Viscera.

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Chris Masters always made sure to practice for his private meetings with Vince whenever he could.

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STYLES: C'mon, King. Be serious. Beautiful women don't just fall from the sky--well I'll be darned.

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What made Victoria's Boston Crab particularly heelish was how she farted on her victims at the same time.

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After Victoria walked in on Vince, Hunter, and Stephanie, she was forever put in charge of transporting malfunctioning DivaBots.

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As Mickie celebrated her win, the referee decided to put his newfound groping-with-his-head techniques to the test.

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MICKIE: I won Miss OverenthusiasticcrazystalkercopycatofToribecausetheycan'tbothertocomeupwithoriginalstorylines 2005???? YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

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As if the wedgie wasn't bad enough, HHH had to take a nice bite out of Kane's thigh.

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It took a few weeks of practice, but HHH and Kane finally perfected their High Five a Hand with a Boot friendship shake.

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Tragedy struck when Kane and Big Show broke through the glass ceiling and brought HHH crashing back down to eight years ago.

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BIG SHOW: Reason #183 why you must feed Big Show before his match: He gets so hungry he even starts contemplating eating backstage cancers.

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It would have been a perfect Abu Ghriab Prison re-enactment, except Cena botched placing the black hood on the correct head.

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Man, the Grim Reaper's new younger, hipper extreme makeover certainly has worked wonders!

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Cena's efforts to teach Daivari how to fly like an airplane were rather unsuccessful.

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And thus, Angle's American Soldier Stationed as an Iraqi Prison Guard gimmick was born.

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Cena's efforts to show how #5 Reggie Bush would overwhelm the Texas Longhorns at the Rose Bowl went unnoticed when most fans simply assumed he was flashing bad gang signs and laughed.

Corkscrewed

12-15-2005, 04:28 PM

My favs so far:

XERO LIMIT 126:

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/21.jpg
Hunter: HAHA! I have a bigger back scratcher than you!

LOOPYDATE:

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HBK: Gesundheit...

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/69.jpg

STYLES: The referee is about to signal... YES! Shawn Michaels is, in fact, stayin' alive!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/49.jpg

VINCE: Okay... But what are the other four points for?

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/08.jpg

No one was ever safe from the wrath of Carlito Limbo Instructor Cool.

Sascha:

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Shawn: what the hell...
Chioda: it's Big Show's orbit....

Cool King

12-15-2005, 04:34 PM

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Dusty: Hey Vince, Ready to make ma GM?

Vince (Thinking): Oh my god! Ric sure has put on alot of weight.

Lock Jaw

12-15-2005, 05:17 PM

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Big Show was just informed that someone ate part of his lunch.

Azriel

12-15-2005, 05:51 PM

This is great stuff guys. Nice to see captions getting somewhat of a resurrection :love:

12-15-2005, 06:26 PM

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Striker: (singing) It seems today, that all you see, is violence in movies and sex on tv...

Xero

12-15-2005, 06:31 PM

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Striker: This is the "V-Chip". We implant it into the brains of people so they don't curse. This is Hunter...

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Hunter: Hahaha... Eh, why does my head hurt?

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Striker: Don't worry about that... Now, I want you to say "Pillow"...

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Hunter: Pillow.
Striker: Cactus.
Hunter: Cactus.
Striker: Now say... "Big Floppy Flair Dick"...
Hunter: Big floppy Flair dic- *ZIIT!*

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/42.jpg
Hunter: HEY! THAT HURT YOU BUTT FU*ZIT* AHH FU*ZIIT*

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Striker: Success! He's willing to job now!

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Striker: To someone everyone doesn't give a shit about at that!
Hunter: Oh, you as-*ZIIT* DAMMIT*ZIIIIIT*!

Disturbed316

12-15-2005, 06:41 PM

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Candice:*Thinks* If I continue to do this, he may sign over all his money to me BWAHAHAHAHA

LATER THAT NIGHT

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Dusty: Vince, I need to tell you something about that Candice girl.

Vince: What is it?

Dusty: She take my money when I'm in need
Yea she's a trifflin friend indeed
Oh she's a gold digga way over town
That dig's on me

Vince: Excuse me?

Dusty: Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger (When I'm in Need)
But she ain't messin' wit no broke niggaz
(She takes my money)
Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger (When I'm in need)
But she ain't messin' wit no broke niggaz
Get down girl gone head get down (I gotta leave)
Get down girl gone head get down (I gotta leave)
Get down girl gone head get down (I gotta leave)
Get down girl gone head

Xero

12-15-2005, 06:50 PM

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Dusty: HAF I GOT AN IDE-AH FOR YOU!

(Later that night...)

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/71.jpg
Styles: THE RECENTLY BEHEADED JOHN CENA HAS RISEN AND ATTACKED DAIVARI! OH MY GOD!...?

Disturbed316

12-15-2005, 06:54 PM

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What, Arrested Development is getting cancelled? GRRRRRRR

Blue Demon

12-15-2005, 07:52 PM

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Dusty: whenhunterhavebabywithstephanie THAT'S HARD TIMES thenheholdseveryonedownandalwayswantsthetitle THAT'S HARD TIMES
Vince: can i just get a glass of water?

King Jericho

12-15-2005, 08:27 PM

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*Vince looking at the black dot, which is his bad conscience*

Bad Conscience (Black dot on the left): 'Giiiiiiiivvvvvvveeeeeeee Hunnnnnntttttteeeerrrrrrrr ttttthhhheeeee bbbeeeeellllllttttttt'

Vince: Hmmmm Hunter eh, let me ask the other guy, where is the other guy?

*Cuts away to Vince's good conscience*

Good Conscience: Ohhhh come on you rat bastard, I'm late for work.

Rep for the reference.

Cooler Tom Schuler

12-15-2005, 08:30 PM

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Dusty shares with Vince the latest ratings.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/17.jpg
Flair's age really starts to show, as he struggles to climb out of the ring.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/59.jpg
Big Show, after years of practice, finally unveils his new telekinetic attacks.

James Steele

12-15-2005, 08:47 PM

Kane Knight

12-15-2005, 08:52 PM

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/05.jpg

Vince's mime skills wneed work.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/12.jpg

"Oh God, I'm jobbing to a man who could have shagged Harriet Tubman"

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/14.jpg

"Oh God, I'm jobbing to a man who looks like a turtle!"

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/16.jpg

When Angle asked if Flair wanted to get "fingered," This isn't what Flair had in mind

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/57.jpg

Those handstamps never come off easy...

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/17.jpg

Flair, in a fit of rage, yells at his hand for turning on him.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/11.jpg

"Oh God...I DO look like a turtle!"

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/59.jpg

Ref: Bless you.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/25.jpg

Big Show thought he knew what to expect going into the delivry room, but soon realised Shawn should have opted out of natural childbirth.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/60.jpg

Raw: Pablo Picasso version.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/61.jpg

"Urk...I take it back...You're not a homo!"

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/62.jpg

HHH: Fashion Police! Your outfit is too gay to be seen in public.

Shawn: You should talk, Mr. "Yosemite Sam lookalike!"

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/21.jpg

LAdies and Gentlemen, Kerwin's older brother.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/69.jpg

"Monday Night Fever."

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/58.jpg

Gatorade: Is it in you?

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/03.jpg

"Mister Rhodes...I have no idea what you just said..."

(Okay, not a joke)

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/53.jpg

Somewhere in the world, Shadow is masturbating furiously.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/09.jpg

Baby Shelton was declared a dud the minute they had him "make boom boom."

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/08.jpg

"don't be such a baby. It's not even in yet!"

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/07.jpg

The question had perplexed him for years. Where the fuck WAS Waldo?

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/68.jpg

"You're...On...My Foot..."

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/66.jpg

Masters Celebrates with his new manager, Monica Llewinksi.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/27.jpg

"Even though Lita is more abhorrent than anyone in the State of Massachusetts..."

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/34.jpg

"thank you, Invisible woman!"

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/33.jpg

After pantsing her opponet, Victoria was suddenly very popular.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/64.jpg

Ref: Are you alright?
Victoria: I have a penis.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/32.jpg

"I saw...her...penis..."

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/37.jpg

"Mmmm...Liver..."

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/42.jpg

In an unprecedented act of desparation,. Hunter tags the ropes in.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/39.jpg

Kane dropped the illegal man, but the ropes were closing in...

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/40.jpg

As punishment for beating Kane clean, he and his partner were forced to lift him back up above the glass ceiling.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/48.jpg

Kane was pissed. Someone forgot to give him nails.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/71.jpg

"They told me only JBL played this game..."

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/35.jpg

Angle: Onward, my headless horseman!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/72.jpg

"and you're not coming out of your bag until you give me back my teeth!"

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/74.jpg

John learns to count to seven

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/73.jpg
I'm guessing by now someone's said it...But...

You're a Homo!

-OR-

Sodomania runs wild.

Cool King

12-15-2005, 08:53 PM

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/03.jpg

Vince: O RLY?

Dusty: YA RLY!

12-15-2005, 11:44 PM

LOL CK

loopydate

12-16-2005, 12:17 AM

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/03.jpg

Here we see Vince McMahon, aghast at Dusty Rhodes' attempts at pointing to his knees.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/09.jpg

Sure, the new life-size WWE figures are fully poseable, but them fuckers is HEAVY!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/07.jpg

SHELTON: My forthrightness is my undoing.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/68.jpg

Vis' screams of "DON'T BUY IT! IT'S JUST A FULL NELSON!" fell on deaf ears when Vince had previously-recorded audio of Vis selling a real submission finisher piped in.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/66.jpg

STYLES: Oh my GOD! Someone has planted a tree in the middle of the ring!

LAWLER: That's Chris Masters.

STYLES: Oh. The immobility confused me.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/34.jpg

Victoria's aerial Worm: The reason Scotty 2 Hotty cries himself to sleep every night.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/63.jpg

MICKIE: OKAY! OKAY! I'll admit it! The Madonna look went out twenty years ago!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/33.jpg

Of course! Why didn't anyone else think to counter the frogsplash with a spear?

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/64.jpg

REF: Psst. Do you think Mickie's boa kinda looks like a furry penis, too?

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/32.jpg

MICKIE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! COLD HANDS!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/37.jpg

Triple H: Cerebral Assassin, The Game, Greenwich Blueblood, Zerbert Enthusiast

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/42.jpg

HHH: I just had the worst dream. It all started off so normal. I was in the main event of RAW, fighting for a shot at the title. Managed to talk Dad into letting me have the depushed bald dude as my opponent. But then he beat me! Thank God it was just a dream.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/39.jpg

HHH: OR WAS IT?!?

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/40.jpg

Fun as it was, Show and Kane knew they'd have to make it last, because the retribution for their rousing game of "Glass Ceiling Head Bonk" would be swift.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/48.jpg

No one went into Glen Jacobs' toolshed without his permission. No one.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/43.jpg

SHOW: Mmmmm... Forgotten spinach... :drool:

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/71.jpg

DAIVARI: Something about this seems awfully familiar!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/35.jpg

ANGLE: YEAH! "Behead" him! Do us all a favor! And get yourself fired so I can get my title back.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/70.jpg

Cena's boasts of "The Masterlock is so easy, I can do it blindfolded" were quickly exposed as false.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/72.jpg

ANGLE: Okay, you remember the safe word, right?

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/74.jpg

Sitting at home, she shuddered, knowing exactly what he meant. "I called you five times and you never answered." Horrified, she braced herself for the drunken "visit" she'd be getting that very night.

Disturbed316

12-16-2005, 09:35 AM

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/71.jpg

Diavari thought he was being attacked by a be-headed ghost. He felt quite a fool when he was told Stevie Richards had partially returned that night.

owenbrown

12-16-2005, 10:20 AM

94 SVT Cobra

12-16-2005, 10:44 AM

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/07.jpg
Vince: Whats up my N**ga!!!!
Shelton:..............

owenbrown

12-16-2005, 11:19 AM

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/37.jpg

Lita botches HHH giving Kane an aerial blowjob. :shifty:

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/42.jpg

HHH: BELTY?! IS THAT YOU?! COME BACK TO ME BELTY!!! :'(

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/48.jpg

Entire RAW locker room singing: SOMEONE PISSED OFF HIS WIFE! SOMEONE PISSED OFF HIS WIFE :p

fuck :nono:

Kane Knight

12-16-2005, 05:35 PM

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1451656/21.jpg

Triple H laughs as he introduces his new stable...That's right...

http://blogs.warwick.ac.uk/images/ccarter/2005/07/26/blazing_saddles.jpg

The WWE has been KKK'd!