Corkscrewed
12-20-2005, 04:39 AM
*** DISCLAIMER: The following work is for satirical purposes only, and is not meant to be taken personally by any of the people featured or spoofed in it. If you are offended by anyting in here and would like to send angry hate mail bombs to me, please shut the fuck up and grow a sense of humor. This is all for the sake of satire. ***
In a random room full of various internet wrestling fans, aka "smarks," holiday spirit seems to abound. The room is decorated with Christmas trimmings, complete with a Christmas Kane Christmas tree and a glass ceiling fitted with multi-color-changing LED implants.
At the front of the room, a dumb-looking nerdy Asian guy steps to the podium to address the crowd.
CORKSCREWED: Ahem... um, could I... could I have your attention please? Excuse me? Please? Excuse me...
The crowd continues to chatter.
CORK: Um, could everyone please be quiet so that I can... [giving up and muttering to himself] Ah screw it... KK, do your stuff.
KANE KNIGHT: [stepping up into the microphone and shouting]
TRIPLE A SUCKS MY PENIS!!!!
A deathly silence befalls the room as KK sits back down and Cork resumes his place.
CORK: Ahem... thank you. Now that you all have been KK'ed and I have your attention, I'd like to welcome everyone to the first annual TPWW Wrestling Forum Christmas Party. I trust everyone brought their invitations with them like I asked--
EXTREME ANGLE: WHAT'S AN INVITATION???
EVERYONE: :lol:
CORK: :lol: Dumbass... That would be that piece of paper you got from the mail that told you to come here.
EXTREME ANGLE: Um, Mister Corkscrewed?
CORK: Yes, Extreme Angle.
EXTREME ANGLE: I ate my invitation. Could I have another?
EVERYONE: :lol:
CORK: No, you fail at partying. Go over to the corner.
EXTREME ANGLE: :'(
Corkscrewed resumes his speech.
CORK: Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that each of your invitations has a number on the back which will be used in tonight's raffle.
[B]LOOPYDATE: [raising a cautious hand] Um Corky, didn't you do something really similar to this last year in another spoof you wrote?
JABBA: @#)(&#@%&@(#)^&#@*%&#)(%!!!!
CORK: Are you implying that I'm being STALE and UNORIGINAL? Because it'd be a shame to see your main event level feud against Money Inc. in the C-Fedding forum turn into a feud with Slim.
SLIM: [from the corner] Did someone say my name? I was too busy flirting with this sixth grader. Giggidy giggidy.
LOOPY: No, sir. [Steps back into the crowd]
CORK: As I was saying, we're going to have a raffle, and Grand Marshall Funky Fly himself will dole out the prizes. In fact, that's him without any pants over by the fruit bar showing us his full moon.
FUNKY: I pity da foo who don't have a cantalope smoothie!!! :mad:
CORK: We also will have movies in the movie room playing all night, provided exclusively by Nick Mondo from Blockbuster.
SADISTIC: W00T!
CORK: And refreshments are all on the house. Special thanks to Dave Wadding for bringing his refrigerator over.
WADDING: :wave:
CORK: We've got plenty of games as well. Loose Cannon will be in charge of the "Abuse Your Power" game. If you can somehow manage to abuse your power and look cooler than LC while doing it, he'll personally swerve you and crack your head open with a Singapore Cane.
SADISTIC: YESS!!! THAT GAME'S FOR ME!!!!!
CORK: There's also the Nervous Ferret game where you try to make as many posts using different aliases as you can while milking a life ferret.
FERRET: :wave:
CORK: And of course, the Cheap Cry for Reps game, where you try to come up with even cheaper ways of getting rep then Savior.
SAVIOR: It's time for the ULTIMATE tournament where those pitiful souls will go one on one with the ULTIMATE one and lose in ULTIMATE fashion because I am the ULTIMATE-- oh crap, wrong persona.
JABBA: :lol:
CORK: And many others. So um, disperse among yourselves, have fun, and enjoy the party!
Corky steps down and goes to get some food. The camera pans around the crowd and comes across a group of people discussing current WWE storylines.
MACGYVER007: Hey, what if The Rock hadn't gone to Hollywood? Do you think he'd still be in the WWE?
ALIENOID: Well obviously he would. In fact, here's what I think would happen. Right now, he'd be feuding with Chris Masters and putting him over. I can see those two in a match that would culminate at Wrestlemania. What would happen is that Chris would insult Rock's wife, and Rock would also be the first to break the Masterlock, which would be cool. But you could have Masters mature and learn from early rookie mistakes and--
MACGYVER007: And what do you think would happen if HHH hadn't married Stephanie? Do you think he'd still be on top the world?
ALIENOID: I wasn't done with--
MACGYVER007: And if you debuted as a wrestler, what would it be like? Also, if you could pick one curse word to use on WWE TV, what would it be? Hey, if you could bang Maria, would you? What about Trish? Oh! I know! What would happen if Trish had a lesbian affair with Maria? Wouldn't that be awesome? Man, I could just imagine--
KINGLACOSTE: Hey everyone! It's great to be back! Did I mention I was back? Oh yeah! I'm back! Back and back, I hope you guys know that. That I'm back? Of course! Yup, that's me! By the way, Dave Youell is FAT. Also, that Loopydate guy is a total nerd. Did you see how nerdy he is I'm back? Did I mention I'm back? I should have, because I'm back! And why aren't you celebrating the fact that I'm back when you could be celebrating the fact that I'm back?
SAVIOR: Then you should stay in the back, because there's a Hurricane coming through!!!!
KINGLACOSTE: :'(
At that moment, Dave Youell walks by, engrossed in converation with King Jericho.
YOUELL: So then I told Tornado, fuck posting TIPSTERS on time. We're just gonna rig it so we win in the end, remember?
KING JERICHO: :lol: :lol: --wait a moment... [I]I'm in the league!!!!
YOUELL: Oh, um, right. You can win too. :D Hey, hold on, there's something I need to take care of.
Dave approaches Kinglacoste.
YOUELL: Hey, you the guy who called me Joey-Slugs-fat?
KINGLACOSTE: Yup! You're as fat as I am back! In fact, I wanted to tell everyone that I'm ba--
Suddenly, Dave hoists Kinglacoste onto his shoulders, Fireman's Carry style, and delivers a sickening TKO right through a table!!!!
YOUELL: Yup, you're back, and now you're ON your back!! :lol:
TORNADO: Actually, he's on his stomack, since you did do a TKO--
YOUELL: I was trying to be clever. Now shut up and go back to rigging Tipsters.
TORNADO: Yes sir.
As Dave, King Jericho, and Tornado walk off, Sadistic appears by the rafters, holding a flaming 2x4 he found outside.
SADISTIC: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Breaking tables!!! That's EXTREEEEEEEEME!!!!!
With that, he jumps off and does five somersault flips before landing 2x4-first on top of Kinglacoste with a vicious splash. Nearby witness applaud politely.
94 SVT COBRA: [passing by] Hey, that was cool. Hey, did anyone see me at the 4th of July party a few months ago? I sorta snuck in, because I was just a lurker at the time, but I had on these blue jeans with a one inch slit at the bottom by my ankles. Just wondering if anyone saw me.
RECTAL PERTRUDER: You're dumber than the results of a pig eating its own diahrrea and vomiting it.
94 SVT COBRA: LOL! You guys are awesome!!!!
RECTAL PERTRUDER: WTF?!
THE TRUTH COMMISSION: It is a known fact that Rectal Pertruder has a penis the size of a Tse-Tse Fly, that is to say that it is deformed and monstrous looking, but nevertheless small.
RECTAL PERTRUDER: :wtf: Shut up, Heyman.
THE TRUTH COMMISSION: Also, Rectal Pertruder is a cheap mail order prostitute.
The camera leaves these two to argue and pans to the other side of the room.
JAMES STEELE: And so, I figure if I just repeat the same exact thing all the time, people will think I'm an awesome heel-type poster!
...POSTER!!!!!
THE NAITCH: :rofl: James, you gotta pick a fight with Slim. It'll be hilarious. In fact, you should like pretend to be a girl, and arrange a meeting, and just before he rapes you, you can reveal that you're both on camera!!!!
LOOPYDATE: Hey guys, lets stop the Slim bashing, eh? It's getting a little old.
JABBA: No it's not. Check out these 87 new YTMND's I made featuring pedophiles, God, Allah, dead Holocaust Jews, and Eddie Guerrero coming back from the grave and sodomizing Afghani orphans!
EVERYONE BUT NAITCH: :wtf:
NAITCH: :rofl: I love it!!!
JABBA: :) By the way, Snape killed Dumbledore.
RDD: [stumbling in, completely wasted, looking furious] OMG i hhaate U waht TEh Hellel????? I watiEDDdddddddd lieik THreeee Years TO REaddd thE beook!!! I HaaattTEE YOU you iDittot!!!!
Road Doggy Dog fumbles for what appears to be a remote control and aims it at Jabba, who's still too busy laughing. Suddenly, a flash of light bursts forth and envelopes the C-Fed Forum Mod. A split second later, he's vanished into thin air.
RDD: Nooowow... wooo wrants to CHEEKC out The Rrrr... Deeee... DEEEEE!!! Hey girl, you looook purrrdy!
LOOPY: Hey! That's my wife you're talking to!!!
ANGELINA2K: Um, Lou, that's just in C-Fedding. It's just the character you play.
LOOPY: That's sweet, honey, but nobody talks to my woman that way, even if he is an admin at this site!!!
ANGELINA: Pat, it's okay. He's just drunk, but I can handle myself.
LOOPY: We can get dirty after the party, but first I need to teach this punk a lesson.
ANGELINA: *sigh* I'm outta here. I've got some kangaroos to rope.
LOOPY: [realizing Angelina is walking away] Wait, Angie dear! I'm almost done with him! Come back!!!! [rushes out of the door after Angelina]
ROADWARRIORSLOD: Alright! This is my chance!!! HEY EVERYONE!!! I'VE POSTED RAW AND SMACKDOWN CAPTIONS!!! POST YOUR OWN HERE!!! LOOK, HERE'S A PICTURE OF THE BOOGEYMAN! LETS MAKE FUN OF HOW HE LOOKS LIKE DARTH MAUL!!!!
Hello??
Anyone??
Out of nowhere, a bloodied up Sadistic runs by and delivers a chairshot straight to RoadWarriors' head, knocking him out!!!!
SADISTIC: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! That was for my hero SICK NICK MONDO!!! EXTREEEEEEMEEEE!!!!
Sadistic runs straight into a brick wall, knocking himself out again.
KAPOUTMAN: [watching this from by the jukebox] :lol: What a joker. If he wants to act like a reckless maniac with no sense of reality, he should put that creativity to positive use, like I do with Jack Icon! [K-Man flexes] Ain't that right, Zelda?
ZELDA: Um hm. :yes: That's my man!
KAPOUTMAN: Yup. And we'll be doing a little bit of "Jacking Up" ourselves, tonight, if you know what I mean. :naughty:
THE NAITCH: Pffft... I've already shagged her tons of times before. KPW!!!!!!!
LOOSE CANNON: Did... that even make sense?
ANYBODY THRILLER: Pfft. I've shagged tons of bitches. Being a rapper rocks. And I'm not talking about fake rapping like Savior. I get all the chicks I want.
SUPERSLIM: So do I. I've got scores of hot high school seniors lining up at my door.
REMY: By "hot high school seniors" do you mean "deaf junior high preteens?" And by "lining up at your door" do you mean "locked up in your closet?" :rofl:
SUPERSLIM: :mad:
ZELDA: Hey, Guy, I'm gonna get some drinks. Be right back.
Zelda heads over to the punch table and fills a cup with some fruit punch. Slim follows her.
SUPERSLIM: So, Zelda, how old are you?
ZELDA: 21.
SUPERSLIM: 14?? Alright! Just my type!
ZELDA: GUY!!!!!!
SUPERSLIM: I like where this is going. Giggidy giggidy, ooooh riiight!!
While Kapoutman arrives to sort things out, the camera catches the TPWWers actually in the wrestling biz chatting about their experiences.
KAYFABE MAN: So did I mention how much TNA sucks?
YOUELL: Yes...
KAYFABE MAN: I mean, it's ridiculous. We were VIP, but they had us go into the arena, do 47 jumping jacks, then move into the lockerroom, then get these T-shirts that looked like a four year old made them, then we went back to the arena and had to recite the first paragraph of the U.S. constitution before these TNA fans said that they didn't have anymore seats for us because everyone else had already taken all the other seats.
DESTOR: Yes, we know. You wrote about it last week.
KAYFABE MAN: Oh....
DESTOR: Anyway, so I've been working on this neat spot. You get them in a powerbomb position--
SADISTIC: [appearing out of nowhere] Did someone say POWERBOMB??? That's awesome!!!! But you know that's even more awesome??? A triple shooting star press while riding 17 fluorescent light tubes!!!!
Sadistic quickly sets a bunch of tables up and climbs to the top, clutching his light tubes.
SADISTIC: I'll show you retards how REAL WRESTLING SHOULD BE!!!!!
With a ferocious Howard-Dean-like shriek, the CZW fanboy launches himself at Dave, King Jericho, Destor, Kayfabe Man, and PorkSoda. All appears to be lost, but fortunately, all five men simply take three steps backwards, and Sadistic crashes to the floor, shattering his pelvis, dislocating both shoulder bones, cutting open his ribs, cracking his skull, and snapping his left thigh and calf into three separate pieces each.
EVERYONE: HOLY SHIT!!!
Much to everyone's shock, Sadistic manages to muster up a comment.
SADISTIC: That was... awesome...!!! if only... my idol... Nick Mondo... was here... to see it...
In a random room full of various internet wrestling fans, aka "smarks," holiday spirit seems to abound. The room is decorated with Christmas trimmings, complete with a Christmas Kane Christmas tree and a glass ceiling fitted with multi-color-changing LED implants.
At the front of the room, a dumb-looking nerdy Asian guy steps to the podium to address the crowd.
CORKSCREWED: Ahem... um, could I... could I have your attention please? Excuse me? Please? Excuse me...
The crowd continues to chatter.
CORK: Um, could everyone please be quiet so that I can... [giving up and muttering to himself] Ah screw it... KK, do your stuff.
KANE KNIGHT: [stepping up into the microphone and shouting]
TRIPLE A SUCKS MY PENIS!!!!
A deathly silence befalls the room as KK sits back down and Cork resumes his place.
CORK: Ahem... thank you. Now that you all have been KK'ed and I have your attention, I'd like to welcome everyone to the first annual TPWW Wrestling Forum Christmas Party. I trust everyone brought their invitations with them like I asked--
EXTREME ANGLE: WHAT'S AN INVITATION???
EVERYONE: :lol:
CORK: :lol: Dumbass... That would be that piece of paper you got from the mail that told you to come here.
EXTREME ANGLE: Um, Mister Corkscrewed?
CORK: Yes, Extreme Angle.
EXTREME ANGLE: I ate my invitation. Could I have another?
EVERYONE: :lol:
CORK: No, you fail at partying. Go over to the corner.
EXTREME ANGLE: :'(
Corkscrewed resumes his speech.
CORK: Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that each of your invitations has a number on the back which will be used in tonight's raffle.
[B]LOOPYDATE: [raising a cautious hand] Um Corky, didn't you do something really similar to this last year in another spoof you wrote?
JABBA: @#)(&#@%&@(#)^&#@*%&#)(%!!!!
CORK: Are you implying that I'm being STALE and UNORIGINAL? Because it'd be a shame to see your main event level feud against Money Inc. in the C-Fedding forum turn into a feud with Slim.
SLIM: [from the corner] Did someone say my name? I was too busy flirting with this sixth grader. Giggidy giggidy.
LOOPY: No, sir. [Steps back into the crowd]
CORK: As I was saying, we're going to have a raffle, and Grand Marshall Funky Fly himself will dole out the prizes. In fact, that's him without any pants over by the fruit bar showing us his full moon.
FUNKY: I pity da foo who don't have a cantalope smoothie!!! :mad:
CORK: We also will have movies in the movie room playing all night, provided exclusively by Nick Mondo from Blockbuster.
SADISTIC: W00T!
CORK: And refreshments are all on the house. Special thanks to Dave Wadding for bringing his refrigerator over.
WADDING: :wave:
CORK: We've got plenty of games as well. Loose Cannon will be in charge of the "Abuse Your Power" game. If you can somehow manage to abuse your power and look cooler than LC while doing it, he'll personally swerve you and crack your head open with a Singapore Cane.
SADISTIC: YESS!!! THAT GAME'S FOR ME!!!!!
CORK: There's also the Nervous Ferret game where you try to make as many posts using different aliases as you can while milking a life ferret.
FERRET: :wave:
CORK: And of course, the Cheap Cry for Reps game, where you try to come up with even cheaper ways of getting rep then Savior.
SAVIOR: It's time for the ULTIMATE tournament where those pitiful souls will go one on one with the ULTIMATE one and lose in ULTIMATE fashion because I am the ULTIMATE-- oh crap, wrong persona.
JABBA: :lol:
CORK: And many others. So um, disperse among yourselves, have fun, and enjoy the party!
Corky steps down and goes to get some food. The camera pans around the crowd and comes across a group of people discussing current WWE storylines.
MACGYVER007: Hey, what if The Rock hadn't gone to Hollywood? Do you think he'd still be in the WWE?
ALIENOID: Well obviously he would. In fact, here's what I think would happen. Right now, he'd be feuding with Chris Masters and putting him over. I can see those two in a match that would culminate at Wrestlemania. What would happen is that Chris would insult Rock's wife, and Rock would also be the first to break the Masterlock, which would be cool. But you could have Masters mature and learn from early rookie mistakes and--
MACGYVER007: And what do you think would happen if HHH hadn't married Stephanie? Do you think he'd still be on top the world?
ALIENOID: I wasn't done with--
MACGYVER007: And if you debuted as a wrestler, what would it be like? Also, if you could pick one curse word to use on WWE TV, what would it be? Hey, if you could bang Maria, would you? What about Trish? Oh! I know! What would happen if Trish had a lesbian affair with Maria? Wouldn't that be awesome? Man, I could just imagine--
KINGLACOSTE: Hey everyone! It's great to be back! Did I mention I was back? Oh yeah! I'm back! Back and back, I hope you guys know that. That I'm back? Of course! Yup, that's me! By the way, Dave Youell is FAT. Also, that Loopydate guy is a total nerd. Did you see how nerdy he is I'm back? Did I mention I'm back? I should have, because I'm back! And why aren't you celebrating the fact that I'm back when you could be celebrating the fact that I'm back?
SAVIOR: Then you should stay in the back, because there's a Hurricane coming through!!!!
KINGLACOSTE: :'(
At that moment, Dave Youell walks by, engrossed in converation with King Jericho.
YOUELL: So then I told Tornado, fuck posting TIPSTERS on time. We're just gonna rig it so we win in the end, remember?
KING JERICHO: :lol: :lol: --wait a moment... [I]I'm in the league!!!!
YOUELL: Oh, um, right. You can win too. :D Hey, hold on, there's something I need to take care of.
Dave approaches Kinglacoste.
YOUELL: Hey, you the guy who called me Joey-Slugs-fat?
KINGLACOSTE: Yup! You're as fat as I am back! In fact, I wanted to tell everyone that I'm ba--
Suddenly, Dave hoists Kinglacoste onto his shoulders, Fireman's Carry style, and delivers a sickening TKO right through a table!!!!
YOUELL: Yup, you're back, and now you're ON your back!! :lol:
TORNADO: Actually, he's on his stomack, since you did do a TKO--
YOUELL: I was trying to be clever. Now shut up and go back to rigging Tipsters.
TORNADO: Yes sir.
As Dave, King Jericho, and Tornado walk off, Sadistic appears by the rafters, holding a flaming 2x4 he found outside.
SADISTIC: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Breaking tables!!! That's EXTREEEEEEEEME!!!!!
With that, he jumps off and does five somersault flips before landing 2x4-first on top of Kinglacoste with a vicious splash. Nearby witness applaud politely.
94 SVT COBRA: [passing by] Hey, that was cool. Hey, did anyone see me at the 4th of July party a few months ago? I sorta snuck in, because I was just a lurker at the time, but I had on these blue jeans with a one inch slit at the bottom by my ankles. Just wondering if anyone saw me.
RECTAL PERTRUDER: You're dumber than the results of a pig eating its own diahrrea and vomiting it.
94 SVT COBRA: LOL! You guys are awesome!!!!
RECTAL PERTRUDER: WTF?!
THE TRUTH COMMISSION: It is a known fact that Rectal Pertruder has a penis the size of a Tse-Tse Fly, that is to say that it is deformed and monstrous looking, but nevertheless small.
RECTAL PERTRUDER: :wtf: Shut up, Heyman.
THE TRUTH COMMISSION: Also, Rectal Pertruder is a cheap mail order prostitute.
The camera leaves these two to argue and pans to the other side of the room.
JAMES STEELE: And so, I figure if I just repeat the same exact thing all the time, people will think I'm an awesome heel-type poster!
...POSTER!!!!!
THE NAITCH: :rofl: James, you gotta pick a fight with Slim. It'll be hilarious. In fact, you should like pretend to be a girl, and arrange a meeting, and just before he rapes you, you can reveal that you're both on camera!!!!
LOOPYDATE: Hey guys, lets stop the Slim bashing, eh? It's getting a little old.
JABBA: No it's not. Check out these 87 new YTMND's I made featuring pedophiles, God, Allah, dead Holocaust Jews, and Eddie Guerrero coming back from the grave and sodomizing Afghani orphans!
EVERYONE BUT NAITCH: :wtf:
NAITCH: :rofl: I love it!!!
JABBA: :) By the way, Snape killed Dumbledore.
RDD: [stumbling in, completely wasted, looking furious] OMG i hhaate U waht TEh Hellel????? I watiEDDdddddddd lieik THreeee Years TO REaddd thE beook!!! I HaaattTEE YOU you iDittot!!!!
Road Doggy Dog fumbles for what appears to be a remote control and aims it at Jabba, who's still too busy laughing. Suddenly, a flash of light bursts forth and envelopes the C-Fed Forum Mod. A split second later, he's vanished into thin air.
RDD: Nooowow... wooo wrants to CHEEKC out The Rrrr... Deeee... DEEEEE!!! Hey girl, you looook purrrdy!
LOOPY: Hey! That's my wife you're talking to!!!
ANGELINA2K: Um, Lou, that's just in C-Fedding. It's just the character you play.
LOOPY: That's sweet, honey, but nobody talks to my woman that way, even if he is an admin at this site!!!
ANGELINA: Pat, it's okay. He's just drunk, but I can handle myself.
LOOPY: We can get dirty after the party, but first I need to teach this punk a lesson.
ANGELINA: *sigh* I'm outta here. I've got some kangaroos to rope.
LOOPY: [realizing Angelina is walking away] Wait, Angie dear! I'm almost done with him! Come back!!!! [rushes out of the door after Angelina]
ROADWARRIORSLOD: Alright! This is my chance!!! HEY EVERYONE!!! I'VE POSTED RAW AND SMACKDOWN CAPTIONS!!! POST YOUR OWN HERE!!! LOOK, HERE'S A PICTURE OF THE BOOGEYMAN! LETS MAKE FUN OF HOW HE LOOKS LIKE DARTH MAUL!!!!
Hello??
Anyone??
Out of nowhere, a bloodied up Sadistic runs by and delivers a chairshot straight to RoadWarriors' head, knocking him out!!!!
SADISTIC: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! That was for my hero SICK NICK MONDO!!! EXTREEEEEEMEEEE!!!!
Sadistic runs straight into a brick wall, knocking himself out again.
KAPOUTMAN: [watching this from by the jukebox] :lol: What a joker. If he wants to act like a reckless maniac with no sense of reality, he should put that creativity to positive use, like I do with Jack Icon! [K-Man flexes] Ain't that right, Zelda?
ZELDA: Um hm. :yes: That's my man!
KAPOUTMAN: Yup. And we'll be doing a little bit of "Jacking Up" ourselves, tonight, if you know what I mean. :naughty:
THE NAITCH: Pffft... I've already shagged her tons of times before. KPW!!!!!!!
LOOSE CANNON: Did... that even make sense?
ANYBODY THRILLER: Pfft. I've shagged tons of bitches. Being a rapper rocks. And I'm not talking about fake rapping like Savior. I get all the chicks I want.
SUPERSLIM: So do I. I've got scores of hot high school seniors lining up at my door.
REMY: By "hot high school seniors" do you mean "deaf junior high preteens?" And by "lining up at your door" do you mean "locked up in your closet?" :rofl:
SUPERSLIM: :mad:
ZELDA: Hey, Guy, I'm gonna get some drinks. Be right back.
Zelda heads over to the punch table and fills a cup with some fruit punch. Slim follows her.
SUPERSLIM: So, Zelda, how old are you?
ZELDA: 21.
SUPERSLIM: 14?? Alright! Just my type!
ZELDA: GUY!!!!!!
SUPERSLIM: I like where this is going. Giggidy giggidy, ooooh riiight!!
While Kapoutman arrives to sort things out, the camera catches the TPWWers actually in the wrestling biz chatting about their experiences.
KAYFABE MAN: So did I mention how much TNA sucks?
YOUELL: Yes...
KAYFABE MAN: I mean, it's ridiculous. We were VIP, but they had us go into the arena, do 47 jumping jacks, then move into the lockerroom, then get these T-shirts that looked like a four year old made them, then we went back to the arena and had to recite the first paragraph of the U.S. constitution before these TNA fans said that they didn't have anymore seats for us because everyone else had already taken all the other seats.
DESTOR: Yes, we know. You wrote about it last week.
KAYFABE MAN: Oh....
DESTOR: Anyway, so I've been working on this neat spot. You get them in a powerbomb position--
SADISTIC: [appearing out of nowhere] Did someone say POWERBOMB??? That's awesome!!!! But you know that's even more awesome??? A triple shooting star press while riding 17 fluorescent light tubes!!!!
Sadistic quickly sets a bunch of tables up and climbs to the top, clutching his light tubes.
SADISTIC: I'll show you retards how REAL WRESTLING SHOULD BE!!!!!
With a ferocious Howard-Dean-like shriek, the CZW fanboy launches himself at Dave, King Jericho, Destor, Kayfabe Man, and PorkSoda. All appears to be lost, but fortunately, all five men simply take three steps backwards, and Sadistic crashes to the floor, shattering his pelvis, dislocating both shoulder bones, cutting open his ribs, cracking his skull, and snapping his left thigh and calf into three separate pieces each.
EVERYONE: HOLY SHIT!!!
Much to everyone's shock, Sadistic manages to muster up a comment.
SADISTIC: That was... awesome...!!! if only... my idol... Nick Mondo... was here... to see it...