Kane Knight
01-16-2006, 05:37 PM
On this week's Ruse Report
According to inside sources, Bob Holly is unhappy with the direction of WWE Films. Apparently he is angry that "newcomer" Kane is starring in a movie before him. Expect to see him in an upcoming WWE film, as he is deemed to valuable to risk going to TNA.
Shawn Michaels is also going Hollywood. No, you won't see him in any movies, but Michaels has begun the "Hulk Hogan" Beauty Treatment. This patented process has shown remarkable improvement, including allowing him to read in the dark using nothing but his own skin's lusterous glow.
The NAACP has filed suit against the WWE for not filling their quota of black champions. Asked for Comment, Vince said that in his years, he has not found any minorities who had actually wished to become champion. Booker T, when asked for a response to this comment said nothing, simply exploding. Vince said that he had remedied this apparent discrepancy by turning Paul Levesque's character into the cerebral negro. It is yet to be determined how Triple H will react to himself, or how he will "discover" that he is black.
In a related story, Triple H is no longer welcome in WWE's headquarters.
Following the success of "Live Sex" on Monday Night Raw, the WWE will be showing unedited footage of the Triple H/Stephanie McMahon "conception" video. As with all wrestles, a camera follows Hunter and his wife around, and happened to catch the act in progress. It has much in common with the "Live Sex" event, including the presence of Ric Flair.
It's official: Melina will no longer turn out to be a guy. However, Batista will reveal that she, in fact, lacks any genitals.
Following a poor reception at WWE house shows, the WWE are scrapping the CM Punk gimmick in favor of a better gimmick. Punk will be a contemplative nudist, who has spent the last 15 years in silent ponderance.
Booker T and Charmelle are undergoing a trial separation. Except them to be treated as more of a couple than ever.
Charlie Haas has been released. The WWE has posted a notice wishing him the best in his future endeavors.
Linda McMahon will be returning to TV in some capacity in the future. When asked if she was going to be face or heel, one of the writers replied "prop."
WWE management has recently hired new writers. While the Ruse Report is signed to confidentiality on their names, one of them is responsible for Star Wars, another wrote for 90210, and the last one...Well, to our knowledge has not written anything, but announces spanish soccer matches on channel 12.
Charlie Haas has been resigned to the WWE, and is expected to play Shelton Benjamin's father. While he is not black, the WWE do not see this as an obstacle. "WWE fans are imaginative," Said one of the writers, explaining that Haas would don a fat suit and blackface. Shelton's dad will be a proud man outraged that his son is working for "the man."
Rob Van Dam is set to return to the WWE for the Royal Rumble, but reports are that he will be returning as the "Hardcore accountant." He will come out and lecture the WWE fans for being too stupid to deduct the proper items from their Federal Income Tax forms.
The Ruse Report: Your #1 source for the WWE (Reality notwithstanding): www.rusereport.com (http://www.rusereport.com)
According to inside sources, Bob Holly is unhappy with the direction of WWE Films. Apparently he is angry that "newcomer" Kane is starring in a movie before him. Expect to see him in an upcoming WWE film, as he is deemed to valuable to risk going to TNA.
Shawn Michaels is also going Hollywood. No, you won't see him in any movies, but Michaels has begun the "Hulk Hogan" Beauty Treatment. This patented process has shown remarkable improvement, including allowing him to read in the dark using nothing but his own skin's lusterous glow.
The NAACP has filed suit against the WWE for not filling their quota of black champions. Asked for Comment, Vince said that in his years, he has not found any minorities who had actually wished to become champion. Booker T, when asked for a response to this comment said nothing, simply exploding. Vince said that he had remedied this apparent discrepancy by turning Paul Levesque's character into the cerebral negro. It is yet to be determined how Triple H will react to himself, or how he will "discover" that he is black.
In a related story, Triple H is no longer welcome in WWE's headquarters.
Following the success of "Live Sex" on Monday Night Raw, the WWE will be showing unedited footage of the Triple H/Stephanie McMahon "conception" video. As with all wrestles, a camera follows Hunter and his wife around, and happened to catch the act in progress. It has much in common with the "Live Sex" event, including the presence of Ric Flair.
It's official: Melina will no longer turn out to be a guy. However, Batista will reveal that she, in fact, lacks any genitals.
Following a poor reception at WWE house shows, the WWE are scrapping the CM Punk gimmick in favor of a better gimmick. Punk will be a contemplative nudist, who has spent the last 15 years in silent ponderance.
Booker T and Charmelle are undergoing a trial separation. Except them to be treated as more of a couple than ever.
Charlie Haas has been released. The WWE has posted a notice wishing him the best in his future endeavors.
Linda McMahon will be returning to TV in some capacity in the future. When asked if she was going to be face or heel, one of the writers replied "prop."
WWE management has recently hired new writers. While the Ruse Report is signed to confidentiality on their names, one of them is responsible for Star Wars, another wrote for 90210, and the last one...Well, to our knowledge has not written anything, but announces spanish soccer matches on channel 12.
Charlie Haas has been resigned to the WWE, and is expected to play Shelton Benjamin's father. While he is not black, the WWE do not see this as an obstacle. "WWE fans are imaginative," Said one of the writers, explaining that Haas would don a fat suit and blackface. Shelton's dad will be a proud man outraged that his son is working for "the man."
Rob Van Dam is set to return to the WWE for the Royal Rumble, but reports are that he will be returning as the "Hardcore accountant." He will come out and lecture the WWE fans for being too stupid to deduct the proper items from their Federal Income Tax forms.
The Ruse Report: Your #1 source for the WWE (Reality notwithstanding): www.rusereport.com (http://www.rusereport.com)