RAW Captions [2-6-2006]

[loopydate]

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^ This may be the greatest picture in the history of captioning.

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[V]

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Masters: coochy coochy coo!

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Mick Foley starts to prepare the Spirit Bomb

[Lock Jaw]

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Maria: Me and Lita in the same ring? Uh-oh.

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Hacksaw: Wouldja like to touch my wood?

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Edge: What the hell did that place to do you Eugene?

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Lita: You're a heterosexual!
Edge: *barfs due to the immenseness of the botch*

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Kane: SPEAK TO IT.

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Hair Force One.

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Backstreet's Back... alright!

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Big Brother puts in a rare appearance.

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Possessed by the spirit of... Kwee-wee?!

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He's... asleep?

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Kid in red shirt: *scarred for life*

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Mick Foley comes out of retirement to continue his feud with Undertaker and reveals that he too has demonic powers.

[Cool King]

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Maria was shocked when Edge and Lita blamed the fart on her.

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Lita: What? Have you never seen a woman with a mustache before?

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Bad breath eh? Tell me about it.

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Spirit Squad: YO YO YO shiggity shiggity shwa! Ma homies! I'm a straight up G!

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Mickie: Hi, I'm Mickie James, I play an obsessed fan.

Trish: Hi, I'm Trish Stratus and I'm the Women's Champion.

Guy: And I'm just some guy they hired!

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All hail our new God!

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The WWE Team asked Momma Benjamin do act drop dead gorgeous, but she took is a step to far.

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Medic in blue: Get this woman some food STAT!

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Carlito shows his loyalty to Snap, Crackle and Pop by taking out the competition for them.

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Edge realises that he's jobbing to Cena.

[JH]

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Lita: Hey Maria i've got a question for you since nobody can hear me....What does it mean when your uh souther region starts to turn green
Maria: Uh you've got a mic in your hand everybody just heard you

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Edge: What the hell does that tattoo say......Mae Young Was Here....22 Times Oh my god thats sick

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Lita botches pulling Edge around by the balls

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The WWE presents HQA
Hot Queer Action

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Spirit Squad: Ok here we go....Lita said her hoo ha is green and we all know she's not to keen and we're not trying to be mean it's just funny that her hoo ha is green

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Hunter turns around
Hunter: Holy shit... oh nevermind it's just whoa there for a minute i thought Steph had came out without makeup on

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Show: You're coming with me to my hotel and i'm gonna show you why the call me The Big Show
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Momma had a heart attack just thinking about that

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Maria: Oh god whats that smell
Lita: It's my you know
Maria: Holy shit something died in there get the fuck away from me

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Cena: Dude i'll save you from the stinky green pussy

[FourFifty]

Didn't read them, so don't hate, all you fucking haters.

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I don't get it. Maria is upset that she's the smartest person in that ring? Well, that's just a tribute to the other two in the ring.

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Edge: Okay, I'm not gonna look at her hold the mic... It looks like a penis... not going to look... not going to look...
Maria: You do know that's your outside voice, right?
Edge: ....No it wasn't....
Maria: Oh.

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Maria: So Edge got into the main event because you did what you're doing with the mic on Vince? Wow, maybe I'll stop using the thingie between my legs on Vince and try my mouth.
Lita: :eek:
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Next week on Jerry Springer- Who is Eugene's father?

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Well, Hacksaw is used to the scent. Edge, on the other hand, has never been this close to a man who willingly craps his pants.

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Hacksaw bothes biting the curb.

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Cena: Maria, I promise I won't stare at your wonderful clevage.
Maria: Why thank you John, you're such a nice guy.
Cena: Oh wonderful titan tron... Zoom on on them puppies... hoh yah!

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It's the tug of war everyone has been waiting for... Edge and Lita's sucking power VS The X-Pac Vacuum!

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Kane's trial nap was anything but good, but he has time 'till WrestleMania to figure out what he'll do during the Triple H/Cena match.

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Kane was going for a powerbomb... I don't know how this happened, but let's just assume it was Chris Masters messing it up.

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Joey: And there's a hair pull by Mickey... yeah... that's extreme...
King: Puppies!
Coach: ...zzzzzz.zzz.zzzzzz...

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Ashley: Oh my god, I am so going to be here for along time! The fans saw my talent, and the bookers love me!
Christy Hemme: :foc:

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From the makers of HLA, XLS! Xtreme Lezbo Sex!


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Another fan's reaction to the idea of The Undertaker VS Mark Henry...

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Not really a caption, but I'm looking forward to booing these guys. Green and white are the colors of my old high school.

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And before every match Triple H gets a good luck kiss from Steven Richards.

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With Ric's new found comfort in the Jewish faith, he dives to pick up a penny. It doesn't matter who's in his way

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Vince: Ladies and gentelmen, due to the main event being Cena and Maria VS Lita and Edge, I just lit the arena on fire. Please find the nearest exit and leave before the main event.

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Not even Scooby and the gang could find the lost smile...

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Show: Now I'm going to ask you one more time before Kane's pyros go off... Who took my roast leg of yak?
Shelton: For the last time Paul, you ate it in your sleep!
Show: Why should I bel- *buuuurp* Ah, taste like roast leg of ya....... my bad....

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Show: You're a homo!!!

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Shelton's mom was just informed that she is now part of the writing staff.
No, she didn't faint from the news. She just went to sleep so she could ignore what the fans think like all the other writers.

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RVD: Dude! You can't leave in the middle of our match!
Carltio: But I must, for there are many things out there dat aren't cool. I must use my super powers to spread the cool around the world. Carltio, AWAY!!!!
RVD: ...I am so not going to pass the next drug test...

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RVD proves to the world that he is the true DDR champion.



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The Lita/Maria/Steven Richards sex tape should be spreading around the internet soon.

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You know it's bad when Maria has to hold you up during a match.
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Cena knew he was fucked when the WM22 logo came down to try to cut his head off.

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Well, she's no longer the smartest person in the ring, but she scores a close second.

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Cena: This is for you Sean, this is for you!
Sean Waltman: O rly?
Sean O'Haire: ...................................

[Y2J4LIFE]

<img src=http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/2514/097sj.jpg>
Maria: They want to.... swing?
Cena: Damn.

<img src=http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/2817/086ss.jpg>
Edge: LLLLLEEEEESSSSBIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

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DAMN I spit water REAL GOOD...

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Big Show: I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT MY CHEESEBURGER!

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REF: Carlito gimme that damn chair!
Carlito: But he's.. not..... Cool!

[Skippord]

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Edge: Praise allah for my shot at the WWE title
Hassan: DAMMIT EDGE
Edge: My bad,Thank you Eddie For My shot at the WWE title
Mysterio: EDGE GET OFF MY SHIT
Edge: Damn I must've woken up on the wrong side of Lita this morning

[Cuzziebro]

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Edge: This is how i sucked Lita's penis.
Lita: Yeah this is how he sucked my penis...Oh Wait.

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Mickie: Oh Lita botched it again

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No-one could ever spit like Hunter.

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Kane: and i thought i was the big red machine.

[darkpower]

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Maria was so excited that she could finally have a threesome in which TWO of her holes were plugged instead of just one.

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EDGE: Maria, I hope to GOD you're here to save me from my mistake of having sex with a trash can.

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LITA: FUCK ME, MARIA, NOW!!
MARIA: In just a few minutes, I, uh, have to go, uh, screw Darkpower.
EDGE: [off camera] Wait, did someone just say THREE MINUTES?!!!

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EDGE: EWW!! What did you--!?
HACKSAW: Yep, Sid Vicious has NOTHING on ME!!

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When Edge stomped the stomach of Duggan, the truth litterly came out: He had ate Joey Styles, and the stomps made Joey magically pop out of Hacksaw's stomach.

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DARKPOWER: Here, Maria, let me fix that boo boo right up for you. :naughty:

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CENA: Maria, let's give everyone a Live Sex Celebration they will REALLY get into.
MARIA: Ooo, whenever you're--!
BACKGROUND: ALLLEYEYAHA!!!
CENA: GODDAMNIT, HASSAN, NOT NOW!!

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Lita told everyone that she DID suck, but Edge did more than that. He then showed everyone that he swallowed.

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KANE: Let's play GUESS WHERE MY HAND HAS BEEN!!
MASTERS: GODDAMN, KANE!! What did you do, clean up dog shit off of the WWE office lawn before you came here?

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This threesome was going all wrong. Chris Masters forgot to bend Kane a bit more, go up higher, and the ref had to stop trying to both kiss Kane AND lick Masters' tossed-salad at the same time!

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It was now official: Cousin It's sister was having a tough time selling a move quite right.

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The medication that the Spirit Squad was taking for their epilepsy just wasn't working.

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TRISH: This is my date!
MICKIE: You gotta be kidding me. I saw him with Kane Knight last night doing the hunky dory!
GUY: I got his phone number if you want to give him a try, Trish!

( ^ anyone who was on the RAW Thread this week should get this)

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As Triple H snowballs the entire crowd with his own cum, not being content on making everyong JUST suck his dick, Satan came up on the Titantron in his true form, showing everyone what the future was telling everyone.

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In this deleted scene from Resident Evil, Mila's boyfriend tries to save the wrestling world from the zombiefied Ric Flair.

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"I just want everyone to know the following things: My grapefruits are now avacados, my show sucks, I don't give a shit about Cruiserweights, and, umm...oh, my ass is on fire!"

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Show tells Martin Lawrence that he should've gotten the Mamma part in Big Momma's House 2.

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Mama giving her opinion about Rey Mysterio's push being buried.

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REF: So how many matches is SHELTON going to dedicate to his Mama during THIS angle?
BLUE SHIRT DOCTOR: About 15 Million in a row.
REF: That's ALL!?

(^ I TRIED to make that tasteful. I hope it was, but sorry if it wasn't)

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Worst. Bow And Arrow. Ever.

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Edge came just in time to see Red Lobster open up, with Maria being its first paying customer...whether she wanted some or not.

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CENA: Funny, Earl Hebner, I thought you were fired.

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It's official: Now Foley really IS God.

[Vastardikai]

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Maria wasn't happy about losing Class president to Edge.

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The thought of Edge being WWE Champion again got the Divas hot and bothered. :naughty:

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Maria couldn't resist Edge's puppy dog eyes, she had no choice but to flash him.

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Lita: *puts mic to her ear* Why can't I hear myself talk?

Maria: God, not even I am THAT stupid...

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Edge was shocked when Hacksaw suddenly winked at him.

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Hacksaw: Now, in honor of the guy who did an impersonation of me a couple weeks back... I'M THE BOOGEYMAN! and I'm comin' ta getcha! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Edge: :mad:

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Lita: Look at my crotch, bitch! C'mon, LOOK AT IT!

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Edge is having a hardtime balancing himself on Hacksaw's Forearm.

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Styles: And Maria blocks the cleavage shot that could have ended the match!

King: Puppies!

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*CM Punk stands atop the entrance ramp*

Maria: Come a little bit closer you're my kind of man! So big and so strong...

John: So you're the one hitting this? Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!

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Lita casts a "give your enemy hairballs" spell as only Lita can...

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Why you should never cop a feel on a Big Red Machine...

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JR: *at home* BAH GAWD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STUNNER! STUNNER!

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Guy in Lower Left Hand corner: This is the gayest thing I've EVER seen. Well, at least the gayest thing since Kelly Clarkson winning a Grammy.

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Mickey: Look at my crotch, bitch! C'mon, LOOK AT IT!

Trish: Did Vastardikai already DO this Caption?

Vastardikai: Yeah, but how many hair pull pics are they gonna put on here?

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In the WWE Dance contest, Mickie counters Ashley's "Throw them 'Bows" with an old school "Walk Like an Egyptian."

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Styles: OH MY GOD, Ashley with the Melvin!

King: Puppies!

Coach: Vastardikai, what's happening to you?

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The thought of Ashley, WWE Woman's Champion was devastating to ALL Talented Women Wrestlers!

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Mickie:Why are they showing a WEW match on the Titantron?

Ashley: That just SUCKS, I'm leaving...

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Mickey realizes how she was the only talented wrestler in that ENTIRE promotion back then.

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/2981/266vk.jpg

The "John Cena Replacement" contest attracted some good contestants from around the frat house.

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Random Dude: Hey, Trish! Can I see your boobies!

Trish and Mickie: *telepathically* Where did this guy COME FROM! And WHY is he here?!

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/3628/254ie.jpg

Lemmy is doing a good job filling in for Old Man Winter...

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/9711/235pn.jpg

Hunter's attempt to style his hair like "Kid" from Kid 'n Play had painful results...

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Hunter: There's a bug on your forehead, let me get him for you...

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/4172/246dq.jpg

Hunter's plan was to hang-glide from the Titantron to the ring. Tragically, he forgot his hang-glider. In other news, Jericho quickly re-signed to the WWE...

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/2154/272tx.jpg

Vince: Yes, I am live from the pit of Hell with the following story...

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/3711/285tl.jpg

As the Sniper's all started opening fire, Shawn found out, too late, JUST HOW Vince was gonna screw him.

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/145/369bv.jpg

Big Show failed to stop Shelton Benjamin from Sneezing.

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Show was known to counter chairshots by punching the chair into his opponent's face, but this was the first time he ever countered a plancha by punching his opponent in the nuts.

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/3410/334ap.jpg

Show: There's something on your forehead!

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JR: *at home still* Bah Gawd his mother just fainted!

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Ref: Stop looking at my crotch.

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Kid in the black T-shirt: WHO BOOKED THIS SHIT?

Kid in the Red T-shirt: The Fuck if I know.

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/9910/407fe.jpg

Carlito's Heimlich Manuever is, um, interesting.

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/6780/370yn.jpg

The new "When Cartwheels Go Bad" show was a ratings flop.

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/6642/384xn.jpg

The combination Legdrop on the guard-rail/Ass punch was devastating.

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/2599/393dk.jpg

Rob saves the world from a Wardrobe Malfunction.


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Lita: That's it! No more Whiskey for you!

Maria: But Jack is the only one who loves me!

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/4904/468zy.jpg

Vastardikai: Who knew that Edge had a fetish for women shoving both of their feet up other women's asses?

Jim Neidhart: NO I DIDN'T BABY YAHAHAHAHA!

Vastardikai: Oops, My bad Jim. Oh yeah, Happy Belated Birthday, bro.

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/927/457qr.jpg

John: Time to get a face full of Tuna, Edge!

Edge: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/6460/442rl.jpg

John: Hey Maria, you wanna spin my belt? :naughty:

Maria: You know, Kurt Angle may suck, but you just BLOW!

Fans: :eek: That's the smartest thing she EVER SAID!

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/2830/419iz.jpg

John: Introducing a man who is A million times the Wrestler that I am... C...M... PUNK!

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/9132/435tm.jpg

Mick, to the shock of the wrestling world, joins the Nation of Domination!

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/3654/427rp.jpg

Edge: My push is over isn't it?

Cameraman: :yes:

Edge: SHIT!

[LK]

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/4382/174lm.jpg
GAY

[wwe2222]

http://img491.imageshack.us/img491/6431/197qx.jpg

Edge: Goodness...its like looking into my own future



http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/2817/086ss.jpg

What you cant see, is where the index finger on Lita's other hand is sticking into.


http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/2981/266vk.jpg

The Chris Kanyon Fan Club celebrates his coming out

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/3769/296fc.jpg

Adrien Brody joins the WWE to take on HHH in a special 'loser gets a rhinoplasty" match at WM22.

http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/3628/254ie.jpg

Triple H stars in his own remake of the HHHaunting, where he takes on his evil ancestor, HHHugh Krane.