RAW Captions [2-27-2006]

[Corkscrewed]

loopy's swamped this week now that he's got a REAL job. :nono:


J/P



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[Blitz]

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1946470/02.jpg
Judging by his shirt, Edge just learned a hard lesson: Lita squirts.

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Predictably, the newly introduced Kane backpack quickly became WWE's worst selling merchandise item.

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Preparing for a feud with Roger Ebert, Candice introduces the running thumbs up.


might do more later, nothing's really calling out to me atm.

[Cuzziebro]

http://img109.imageshack.us/img109/7789/050wa1.jpg
Ref: You may kiss the Bride
Kane: Come here honey.

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RVD gets speared in mid-air by Richards.

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LOL, Trish only has one leg.

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:eek:
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Mick agrees with me.

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Spirit Squad: Vince is Gay. G.A.Y
Vince: Hell yeah I am.

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Marty: Ewwwwww, he doesnt wipe his ass.

[Lock Jaw]

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Apparently Lita did the laundry.

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Kane: Don't you just hate it when you get jobber stuck betwen your teeth? They are just impossible to get out.

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Venis: This is because I'm the only one here without a big gut isn't it?

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CHOMP.

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Mick: Herbal Viagra works! *thumbs up and winks to camera*

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When Vince and Shane invited Shawn to take part in the family game night, I don't think this is what he had in mind.

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Marty: Nice tan.

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Queerit Squad: Can YOU get it in?

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Steel chair versus Vince's penis.

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Marty: That's not the crack I was talki-
Vince: SHUT UP AND SNIFF IT!!

[FourFifty]

Heads up people- I made a few more gay jokes than I normally go for, I point out a nice case of camel toe, a few comments about a broadway show, and a racist joke. This is a half ass shot a humor, and is not meant to be taken seriously. I don't mean to offend anyone but...
*meanwhile*
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Ref: Is he done yet?
Ric: Nope.
Ref: Fucking PC disclaimer...

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Mick Foley: And if ECW's second One Night Stand isn't booked properly this year, Vince, you know where this bad boy is goin'!

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Game Show Host: Now for all of you playing along with Edge, close your eyes. The answer to "how many people on the roster has Lita slept with" is going to be appearing over her shortly.

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There's something about a monster with a deep past (if you read the fucking book) and a big black guy that just makes The Big Show and the ref want to live out their brokeback fantasy.

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*insert random glass ceiling joke here*

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Kane: Damn it, I told you not to sleep with the title in your bed! You got chocolate all over it!
Show: I can lick it off....

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RVD: AND THAT'S FOR GETTING MORE AIR TIME THAN LANCE CADE!!!!

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Somehow the one man Pity City just isn't working out.

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Proof that RVD could put over ANYTHING in a match
-or-
Fear the pile of crap!

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Mickie: OHMYGODTRISHILOVEYOUSOMUCH!!!!!
Trish: That's nice, but my wallet is in the back, so stop reaching for it.
Mickie: :shifty: wallet.... yeah....

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Rey doesn't have anything on Trish's 69!

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THUMBS UP FOR NO REASON!!!

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Triple H: Don't you hear them? They're saying "Cena Sucks." They don't like you.
Cena: No, they're saying "You Suck!"
Triple H: ...
Cena: ...what? It worked for Kurt.

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Coach: Do you have any idea how gay that title makes you look?
Cena: Yeah, about as gay as that time I saw you and Elton John watch that Brokeback movie.
Coach: How did you know we saw that?
Cena: I was in the same scre... JEDI POWERS! I DID NOT SEE IT!!!!!

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Smirk, Triple H, for your life long quest has come to an end! Find someone as smart and as likeable as Paris Hilton!

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Otron: AND THAT'S FOR BAILING ON THE KERWIN WHITE GIMMICK!!!

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Chavo: I shall win this match for I know my uncle is watching over me!
Shelton: Your uncle is Sean O'Haire?

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The classic "Pull My Finger" joke went to a whole new level when the ref said, "Pull my negro!"

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Carlito: Spamalot is going to replace Avenue Q in Las Vegas? Dat's not cool!
WWE Writers: Damn it Carltio! No one is going to get that!
*And somewhere in the Morongo Basin, southern CA...*
FourFifty: :lol: so true!

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Ref: Did you get that last caption?
Ric: Nope.
Ref: Good, I don't feel dumb anymore.

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WWE's Figure Skating team really couldn't get with the program this year...

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Cena: If you never touched this belt then why does it say "Triple H" on the back!?!?!
Triple H: I trained it to do that.

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Mick Foley's reaction to SmackDown's main event at WM- only half a smile.

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HBK: Where's the creme filling?

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I'm not sure where he is, or what he's doing, but you know Stevie is loving it!

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Giving the crowd a live preformance from Brokeback McMahon really wore HBK out.

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CAMEL TOE ATTACK!!!

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Vince: You want a contract? Fine, you just have to do one thing...
Watch "The Best Of Jeff Hardy Vol 7: The Promos!"
Marty: Shouldn't be too much, but why do I need to be in a full nelson?
Vince: You've been out of the loop, right?
Masters: Yeah! It's the Master Lock, not the full nelson!
Vince: :roll:

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Vince: I want you to know, the time that we've spent... How great it's been, how much it's meant.
Marty: Gosh, I don't know what to say. I'm really glad you feel that way, 'cuz I'm afraid that I like you more than I've ever liked any guy before!
Both: Cuz now, My love! I'm getting what I've always been dreaming of!
Writers: So we have a gay joke and a Broadway refrence in one... So how many people will get this one?

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Ref: Did you get that one?
Ric: Nope.
Ref: ...who writes this shit?!?!?!?

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*moments later*
RVD: SONOFA BITCH!!!

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Vince: This reminds me of that one dream that I had when I tried to push The Rockers one last time, and I didn't have any pants on.

[Corkscrewed]

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Much to the crowd's amazement, Mick was able to virtually finish his own brand of Hardcore Cotton Candy!


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Further proof of Lita's thick headedness came when the Wrestlemania sign impeded itself in her skull, and she didn't notice.

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KANE: CARRY ME TO SCHOOL DADDY!!!
VIS: Grrrrrr...

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KANE: Remember when these belts were worth something?

BIG SHOW: No.

REF: These aren't the droids you're looking for...

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This was a most awkward position to get stuck in Rhyno glue in...

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Mickie James' "fullfill the fantasy of a million men" gimmick was going quite well.

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CANDACE: Never let go!

TORRIE: I'll never let go!

REF: WHAT?

TRISH: I said! Smells! Like! Fish!


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Trish had the gold medal won until she tried to do a Candace drop flip 1080 and missed, thus blowing the win.


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Joke's on Trish. Candace was holding a piece of the glass ceiling.

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HHH: They're booing you because you're not a good enough face, not because I'm a bad heel, ya know.

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COACH: Got your nose--oh shit.


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Two more people and the WWE Human Swastika would be complete!




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Yeah, you'd be grossed out if you saw Lindsay Lohan's mutated side boob too.

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No caption, but Flair actually looks kinda buff in that pic. :eek:

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Somehow, Kane had managed to get on top of the glass halfceiling and was now slapping Val Venis around like nothing else!

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"I SUCK BIGGER COCK THAN ANY ONE OF THOSE JABRONIS!!!!"

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".......................... I don't get it... I didn't see any cabinets in the White House..."

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The new Shawn Michaels Medicinal Leeches were a great way to improve blood circulation!

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HBK: Wait! I want to hear the ocean!

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TRISH: Aw geez, Candace! What did you eat for lunch????

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After a long day of fellatio, the male returns home exhausted, falling asleep to await another day of trouser-friendly kissing.

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Chavo's air swimming skills were unmatched.


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With the weight loss and the skin color surgery and the advanced aging, Rikishi just didn't pack the same punch anymore.

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"This tube amplifies the fellatio..."

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VINCE: Okay, when I said my grapefruits were hard enough to plow a chair, I didn't actually mean it like that...

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An aged and withered Brock Lesnar's second stint as proctologist didn't exactly go the way he wanted.

[Xero]

(I haven't read any yet, so sorry for any stolen jokes.)

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*Aqua's "Barbie Girl" song starts to play*
Mick: :$

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In a strange twist of fate, Lita's plastic surgeon botched her boob job and made one boob 4 sizes too big.

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Big Show: NIGGA STOLE MY TAG PARTNER!

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Kane: I WANT THE TOY BELT! :mad:
Big Show: NO! MOMMY GOT IT FOR ME!
Kane: I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT! MOOOMMMMYYYYYY!!!!!!
Undertaker: SHUT UP! MOM'S HAVING SNUGGLE TIME WITH PAUL!

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The WWE's idea to bring in two real lesbians and have "Hot Bull-Dyke Action" didn't go over as well as they had hoped.

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Triple H: AND WHAT ABOUT ALL THA- WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!?
John: I'm trying to figure out where I put the coin in to play the game. Which slot is it?

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JR: BAHGAWD STUNNER!

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At this very moment it was all coming back to Shawn...

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The first ever official "X Pac Sucking Machine Match" didn't exactly work out.

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Vince: IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT RAISE YOUR HAND! :mad:

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Marty: ..... OOOOOOOOOOOHHHH ABYSSSS ABYSS ABYSS ABYss abyss...
Vince: :wtf:

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Shawn: ANSWER ME! DID... YOU... SIT... ON... MY... CHAIR... WITHOUT... PANTS!?
Vince: Now Shawn, let's handle this like gro-
Shawn: ANSWER ME!
Vince: YES! I DID, OKAY! :'(

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Vince: This is possibly the gayest pose we've ever done lover.
Marty: I'm not Hunter...
Vince: WHAT!?
*Camera takes the picture*

[Vastardikai]

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Mick: Can't I come out as Dude Love just one more time? JUST ONCE! :'(

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Edge: *watching the Titan-Tron* C'mon Lita, just a little to the left... a little to the left...

Lita: I'm wearing Double Sided Tape.

Edge: *thinks for a second* In that case, C'mon Lita, just a little to the right... a little to the right...

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1946470/03.jpg

Vis got angry when Kane started idly humming the Men on a Mission Theme Song.

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Show: How does Vince tell them apart? They're both bald...

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1946470/05.jpg

Show: I'm the bigger of the two guys, why do I get the puny little bitch belt?

Kane: Hey, asshole, I got your belt right here!

Show: Heh, puny little bitch want to give me the Daddy Belt back!

Kane: :mad:

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1946470/07.jpg

The Sid Leg breaking incident of 2000 paled in comparison to the RVD Double Ankle break/Bottom rope crotch yourself/Shoulder Separation incident of 2006.

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Murdoch psychic powers flung RVD out of the ring...

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1946470/09.jpg

Then it causes RVD to freeze in Midair.

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Oh to be Trish Stratus right now... :naughty:

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Mickey Jay: Referee/Part Time CIA Torturer didn't get over with the fans.

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Cameraman: I ain't never seen an ass like dat!

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Trish narrowly dodged Candice's attempt to make Trish suck her thumb.

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Hunter: Do you see a stupid wigger when you look in the mirror?

Cena: No.

Hunter: I do!

Cena: I thought you saw a wannabe Lemmy when you look in the mirror.

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Coach's fart noises weren't appropriate

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Cena: World Life! The Champ is Hur! If you Want Some, Come Get some!

Hunter: Y'know, he really does look like Popeye, doesn't he?

Fans: POPEYE SUCKS!

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Chavo escapes the RKO by giving Randy a nipple crippler.

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Shelton channels the power of the Hulk when he Hammer throws Chavo.

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Ref: Shoot this man in the ass!

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Carlito: You mean that Bush knew about Katrina being bad in advance? :eek:

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He knew he was supposed to be looking straight ahead, but he couldn't help but look at the highlights of the Mickey James/Trish Stratus shower match.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1946470/25.jpg

Val: :eek: Is that from the Matrix?

Kane: No, it's from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon! Get your cult phenom flicks RIGHT!

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Cena: The Mirrors are all busted and someone is crying it must have been the Pills I took!

*"Misery Cantata" plays*

Hunter: Dude, you're fucked!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1946470/27.jpg

*Three seconds earlier*

Cameraman: Alright, look at the camera and smile!

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Listen to the new Hank Williams III album! It's Mick Foley approved!

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Vince: You know this isn't any different than what you do everynight anyway! We're just doing it in front of everybody.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1946470/30.jpg

Shawn never saw the chairshot coming: He was blinded by Shane's gaudy Tie.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1946470/31.jpg

Vastardikai: Why wasn't I invited? :'(

(side note: If I had Lita'd these Captions like I did the Smackdown ones, this caption would have been for the picture two up. Giving this whole thing a completely DIFFERENT connotation...)

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When evil takes over the world, have no fear: The V will set everything right.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1946470/33.jpg

The Playboy bunny checks out Trish!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1946470/34.jpg

Shelton: Now that you're up there, what's the prognosis.

Chavo: I hate to say it, but you're going bald.

Shelton: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Marty was stoned. How else would he be willing to be attacked by the Mad Humper.

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Kids: This is disgusting.

Father: What did I take my children to see!?!

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Vince: That's the best Beer Funnel I have ever seen!

Mondo: And You're next, boss!

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Shawn: Why are you always getting caught with your pants down?

Vince: It... It's not what you think!

Shawn: So Stevie isn't sucking you off?

Vince: Well... It is what you think, then.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1946470/40.jpg

Vince: Marty, are you sure this is how you are properly screened for drugs?

Marty: Yeah, man, it's cool. I learned it from Lita.

Vince: *gulp*

Marty: By the way, have you hung out with that RVD guy? He's awesome!

Vince: *to himself* I knew I shouldn't have rehired him...

[94 SVT Cobra]

http://img219.imageshack.us/img219/7333/104ax.jpg
Im not sure whos position id want to be in right now, on my knees grabbing trish's ass or standing up and having mickie james on her knees grabbing me in genral