Kane Knight
08-09-2006, 10:12 AM
And in this case, "preview" means "I'm not sure if I'll add anything more to it, but it doesn't feel finished.
I'm in a bit of a rush now, because I have a job interview and then a doctor's appointment, but I'v e been up since like 5, and in a caffeine induced rush, I decided to update the Ruse Report Livejournal. I may be done, and the only things missing are the disclaimer and copyright notice if I am, but it doesn't feel finished, since, while it's the usual length, there is one big compound joke in the middle.
Anywhere, here's the preview, or possibly the whole thing, siince I don't want to have to add stuff to Livejournal once I've posted it there. Enjoy.
Internet favorite CM Punk passed away today, due to asthma. Diagnosed with Asthma last week, he declined treatment, condemning drugs in favor of competition. He wrestled a dark match last night, setting off his asthma, and refused treatment. “I believe in innovation, not resuscitation,” He said, shortly before his death.
In a controversial turn, RVD has decided to remind people that he plays it smart. “I believe in inhalation and innovation,” Van Dam said. Of the people we polled, 17 percent said, “Too Soon,” 13% said “Timely,” 10% said “Pickles,” and 60% said “What the Hell is the Ruse Report?”
More on this story once we find some people who know who we are.
Tune in to Smackdown this week, where Mel Gibson makes an appearance on color commentary with JBL and Michael Cole.
It was reported this week that a study shows violence in teens is linked to wrestling. Within hours of the report, the University that funded the study was covered in “DX” Graffiti, set on fire, and the experts reviewed in the article found bloodied and beaten. One passerby said “That’ll teach ‘em to (censored) with guys they say are violent (hand gesture).”
Here’s the reaction:
A Chick Tract has appeared, chronicling the suicide of an internet fan after watching his favorite wrestler lay down to a character who looks incredibly like Hulk Hogan.
Jack Thompson has gone on record saying that WWE is really responsible for all those deaths, not video games. H ethen spent the next 45 minutes asking Linda McMahon if she was a lesbian.
Pat Robertson has claimed that these “DX” markings are a sign of the end times.
Mel Gibson is just thankful Rob Schneider has someone else to crusade against.
Michael Moore has released a documentary proving that people who do not watch wrestling are 80% more likely to be involved in pedophilia. Ann Coulter released a book to the contrary, calling Moore a “poopyhead.”
Shannon Moore was outraged at Coulter’s statement, before realising that he was not the target. “I’m a little disappointed,” Moore said, “Finally, I was getting some attention for something other than being mistaken for a girl.” She then went on to complain to the Ruse Report that we have treated her unfairly.
In Summerslam news, Mick Foley vs. Ric Flair is said to now be a special guest referee match, with Mr. Socko as the guest ref.
Matt Hardy is expected to move to Raw, to join up with Shawn Michaels and Triple H. The resulting faction, STDX, will still be lead by Michaels/Triple H, but Matt Hardy will be the fearless underdog, with the catchphrase “I slept with Lita, what do I have to lose?”
The CDC could not be reached for comment on this question.
Desperate for Heel heat this week, a returning Chris Masters cried out “Snape Kills Dumbledore!” On Raw.
Dumbledore could not be reached for comment.
Edge is expected to drop the title, only to move to ECW. “What could be more hardcore than live sex?” He asked. “I’ll tell you. Live ANAL sex with BARBED WIRE!”
We at the Ruse Report are not sure, but we may have found the real reason Lita is retiring from wrestling.
Big Show was arrested this week after a routine drug stop.
“He wasn’t doing drugs,” said officer Martin, “But the guy totally scarfed down all our donuts.”
Big Show could....
“And the box.”
Big Show....
“And the cruiser’s door.”
Oh, you get the point. That’s it for the Ruse Report, until next time.
The Ruse Report: Because you can’t spell Pro Wrestling without RR, and you sure can’t spell it with WWE.
---
I also just noticed Wordperfect formatting down't copy into the WYSIWYG editor. Just assume the names are in bold.
I'm in a bit of a rush now, because I have a job interview and then a doctor's appointment, but I'v e been up since like 5, and in a caffeine induced rush, I decided to update the Ruse Report Livejournal. I may be done, and the only things missing are the disclaimer and copyright notice if I am, but it doesn't feel finished, since, while it's the usual length, there is one big compound joke in the middle.
Anywhere, here's the preview, or possibly the whole thing, siince I don't want to have to add stuff to Livejournal once I've posted it there. Enjoy.
Internet favorite CM Punk passed away today, due to asthma. Diagnosed with Asthma last week, he declined treatment, condemning drugs in favor of competition. He wrestled a dark match last night, setting off his asthma, and refused treatment. “I believe in innovation, not resuscitation,” He said, shortly before his death.
In a controversial turn, RVD has decided to remind people that he plays it smart. “I believe in inhalation and innovation,” Van Dam said. Of the people we polled, 17 percent said, “Too Soon,” 13% said “Timely,” 10% said “Pickles,” and 60% said “What the Hell is the Ruse Report?”
More on this story once we find some people who know who we are.
Tune in to Smackdown this week, where Mel Gibson makes an appearance on color commentary with JBL and Michael Cole.
It was reported this week that a study shows violence in teens is linked to wrestling. Within hours of the report, the University that funded the study was covered in “DX” Graffiti, set on fire, and the experts reviewed in the article found bloodied and beaten. One passerby said “That’ll teach ‘em to (censored) with guys they say are violent (hand gesture).”
Here’s the reaction:
A Chick Tract has appeared, chronicling the suicide of an internet fan after watching his favorite wrestler lay down to a character who looks incredibly like Hulk Hogan.
Jack Thompson has gone on record saying that WWE is really responsible for all those deaths, not video games. H ethen spent the next 45 minutes asking Linda McMahon if she was a lesbian.
Pat Robertson has claimed that these “DX” markings are a sign of the end times.
Mel Gibson is just thankful Rob Schneider has someone else to crusade against.
Michael Moore has released a documentary proving that people who do not watch wrestling are 80% more likely to be involved in pedophilia. Ann Coulter released a book to the contrary, calling Moore a “poopyhead.”
Shannon Moore was outraged at Coulter’s statement, before realising that he was not the target. “I’m a little disappointed,” Moore said, “Finally, I was getting some attention for something other than being mistaken for a girl.” She then went on to complain to the Ruse Report that we have treated her unfairly.
In Summerslam news, Mick Foley vs. Ric Flair is said to now be a special guest referee match, with Mr. Socko as the guest ref.
Matt Hardy is expected to move to Raw, to join up with Shawn Michaels and Triple H. The resulting faction, STDX, will still be lead by Michaels/Triple H, but Matt Hardy will be the fearless underdog, with the catchphrase “I slept with Lita, what do I have to lose?”
The CDC could not be reached for comment on this question.
Desperate for Heel heat this week, a returning Chris Masters cried out “Snape Kills Dumbledore!” On Raw.
Dumbledore could not be reached for comment.
Edge is expected to drop the title, only to move to ECW. “What could be more hardcore than live sex?” He asked. “I’ll tell you. Live ANAL sex with BARBED WIRE!”
We at the Ruse Report are not sure, but we may have found the real reason Lita is retiring from wrestling.
Big Show was arrested this week after a routine drug stop.
“He wasn’t doing drugs,” said officer Martin, “But the guy totally scarfed down all our donuts.”
Big Show could....
“And the box.”
Big Show....
“And the cruiser’s door.”
Oh, you get the point. That’s it for the Ruse Report, until next time.
The Ruse Report: Because you can’t spell Pro Wrestling without RR, and you sure can’t spell it with WWE.
---
I also just noticed Wordperfect formatting down't copy into the WYSIWYG editor. Just assume the names are in bold.