Destor
09-13-2006, 12:07 PM
SCENE: The three brands of the WWE are all on an airplane on the way to a press conference to promote an upcoming PPV. Everyone’s talking amongst themselves and having a good time. Vince McMahon walks out behind the curtain at the front of the plane.
Vince McMahon: Good day ladies and gentlemen. We are off to promote the WWE for our next big pay per view. Please remember when you are out and about that you represent the best of WWE.
(Vito raises his hand and half gets out of his seat. Vito is wearing one of his black dresses with a plunging V neck to show some man boobs.)
Vito: Even me boss?
Vince McMahon chuckling: Yes, even you Vito
(Vito smiles and sits down where he and Simon Dean give each other high fives. The Boogeyman stands up with a big smile.)
The Boogeyman: Me too boss?
Vince McMahon dead serious: No. Never.
(Boogeyman sits down as all the wrestlers laugh at him. Pieces of paper get thrown at him. Suddenly a spit ball gets him on the side of the face.)
Shawn Michaels off scene: Got him Hunter!
Triple H off scene: Good job Shawn. No one suspects the slightest.
Vince McMahon: Anyways like I said all of you represent the WWE so don’t fuck it up.
(Vince turns to walk away. He stops and then turns back to all the wrestlers.)
Vince: Oh yea, and your exits are there and there. If we start to crash then someone help Viscera get out of his seat.
(Viscera is trying to get out of his seat. He is pouring sweat and is having a hard time trying to get out. Charlie Hass is sitting in a seat across from Viscera.)
Viscera whining: I have to pee.
Charlie Haas: Well then go Vis.
Viscera: I can’t get out of my seat. It’s too small.
Charlie Hass: Vis! You are sitting in two seats! That reminds me, has anyone seen Super Crazy? He was supposed to be keeping an eye on Viscera.
(A hand slowly pokes out behind Viscera.)
Super Crazy muffled under Viscera: Help me! He went to the bathroom hours ago!
Viscera: I did? Oh.
(Viscera stops trying to get out of his seat and sits down full force. Super Crazy’s death rattle is heard, but no one seems to care. Randy Orton is sitting a couple of rows up with Batista.)
Randy Orton: It’s good to catch up with you man. How’s it going?
Batista: Well not so good. I was injured and lost my world title, and then when I came back my big revenge match got switched because of an injury. I got booed at an ECW show and my match against Booker T was considered a huge failure after people thought it was going to be like our press conference brawl.
Randy Orton: Yea? I lost to a 53 year old wrestler that has a match like once a year.
Batista: Aren’t you the legend killer though?
Randy Orton very frustrated: WELL I’M NOT ANYMORE AM I!?
(Everyone on the plane stops talking and looks at Randy Orton.)
Triple H off scene in sing song voice off scene: Awkward!
Shawn Michaels off scene: Ha! Got him Hunter!
Batista looking around: Where is that coming from?
Randy Orton: Anyways, now I got to build back up. Man I’d like to give Hogan a piece of my mind.
Batista: You don’t have to wait long. Here he comes.
(Batista and Randy look up to see…
***WARNING***
Hulk Hogan pulled out of appearing in my parody. He did not approve of the storyline that I had prepared for him. We collaborated and tried to come up with a proper storyline for him, but once we had he injured his knee by farting. It was the saddest thing I had ever seen. And I‘ve seen Max Moon matches. Yea, that’s right, I said Max Moon.
Anyways I’ve decided to bring in another wrestler to play the part of Hulk Hogan. So now, playing the part of Hulk Hogan is Jeff Hardy.
***END OF WARNING***
(Batista and Randy Orton look up to see...
***WARNING***
Jeff Hardy did not appear for my parody. I scheduled him and he no showed. When I approached him he said his heart wasn’t in parodies anymore and that he didn’t want to be actively participating in parodies of any nature. If I see Jeff Hardy in any parodies he will be hearing from me. Oh he’ll be hearing from me.
Ok so now I have to bring in another wrestler to play Jeff Hardy who is portraying Hulk Hogan. So now, playing the part of Jeff Hardy who is playing the part of Hulk Hogan is Shawn Michaels and Triple H. Shawn Michaels will be playing the part of Jeff Hardy as Hulk Hogan and Triple H will be playing Hulk Hogan’s ego.
***END OF WARNING***
(Batista and Randy Orton look up to see Shawn Michaels dressed up as Hulk Hogan with black light face paint on. Triple H is dressed the way he always does but his t-shirt says “Hulk Hogan’s Ego”.)
Shawn Michaels as Hogan: How’s it going brother? Brother brother brother…
Triple H: Hi….I don’t really know what to do or say besides LIE DOWN FOR ME BITCH!
Shawn Michaels as himself whispering: Trips, I think you meant to say brother.
Triple H: No, I don’t think so.
Randy Orton: Anyway “Hulk”, where you get off killing my legend killer gimmick?
Batista: Yea!
Randy Orton: …..Thanks for the backup Batista.
Batista: No problem.
(Randy sighs.)
Shawn Michaels as Hogan: What you don’t understand brother, is that I’ve done that with many great wrestlers brother. I’ve done that to many main event wrestler as well brother.
Triple H: Yea! I beat Shawn Michaels at last year’s summer slam!
Shawn Michaels as himself: Dude, not cool.
Triple H: Sorry. It’s hard having my ego and Hogan’s ego in the same place. I’m scared Shawn. Hold me.
Shawn Michaels as himself: We probably should have seen this coming. Let’s go Trips.
(Triple H leans on Shawn as the two walk away. Randy Orton and Batista just look at each other confused. Further up the plane still are CM Punk, Ken Kennedy and Kurt Angle. Kurt is sweating profusely and looks to be in extreme pain. Kennedy and CM both look over and see this.)
CM Punk: Are you okay Kurt?
Kurt Angle in pain: Ohh I’m fine. There is nothing wrong here.
(Kurt coughs and blood comes out of his mouth.)
Ken Kennedy: Kurt, you just coughed up some blood.
Kurt Angle in pain with blood in mouth: No I didn’t.
CM Punk: I don’t know Kurt, it is kind of everywhere.
Kurt Angle in pain with blood in mouth: Nope. It’s mostly puke anyway. Happens every once and a while. I took some pills though so I should be fine for the press conference.
CM Punk: That’s tomorrow Kurt. I know that we all live in constant pain from wrestling, but isn’t this a little much?
Kurt Angle in pain with blood and puke in mouth: Nope, it’s all good.
Ken Kennedy: How long has this been going on for Kurt?
Kurt Angle in pain with blood and puke in mouth: I don’t know. Maybe three…
CM Punk: Three days, well maybe you might be sick or something.
Kurt Angle in pain with blood and puke in mouth: Months.
(Kennedy shakes his head.)
CM Punk: Maybe you should see a doctor Kurt.
Kurt Angle in pain with blood and puke in mouth: No, I’m fine. Besides if I’m going to see a doctor for anything, it’s going to be for when I have my temporary blindness and blackouts.
Ken Kennedy: How long has THAT been going on Kurt?
Kurt Angle in pain with etc.: Well….
(Kurt Angle falls out of his seat. CM Punk and Ken Kennedy lean in and look at Kurt Angle. Kennedy pulls out a pen and pokes Angle’s body with it.)
CM Punk: What should we do?
Ken Kennedy: Same thing guys always do when their friends pass out.
(Val Venis pokes his head up from one seat behind.)
Val Venis: Have gay sex with them?
Ken Kennedy: For the last time Val, NO!
(Val slowly lowers his head back down behind the seat.)
Ken Kennedy: That’s disgusting… No CM, we as men have a duty to write “penis” on his forehead.
CM Punk: Awesome!
Ken Kennedy: You bet. That and I said “duty”….he he “doody”.
CM Punk: I don’t get it.
Ken Kennedy: That’s what is wrong with your generation. You don’t appreciate a good fart jokes.
CM Punk: I’m 3 years younger then you.
Ken Kennedy while staring at CM Punk very seriously: Don’t get smart.
(Kennedy leans over and writes “penis” on Kurt’s forehead.)
Ken Kennedy: He’s been pranked! Courtesy of MISTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
(CM Punk looks around, startled by Ken Kennedy’s screaming.)
Ken Kennedy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
(CM Punk stares at Kennedy.)
Ken Kennedy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
(CM Punk continues to stare.)
Ken Kennedy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
(CM Punk checks his watch.)
Ken Kennedy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
CM Punk: Umm Ken?
Ken Kennedy: AAAAAA one moment, I’m not done….AAAAAAAA
(CM Punk folds his hands on his stomach and sits back in his chair.)
Ken Kennedy: AAAAAAAA KENNEDY!
CM Punk: Wow, glad that’s done.
Ken Kennedy: No, it’s not done, but it will be when you least suspect it.
CM Punk: Suspect what?
Ken Kennedy puts his finger on CM Punk’s lips and whispers: When you least suspect it.
(The plane lands and all the wrestlers get off the plane. While de-boarding CM Punk looks back to Kennedy. Kennedy shakes his head.)
Ken Kennedy: Not yet.
(Kennedy and Punk share a cab. They pull up to the hotel room and as they are giving their bags to the bellhop, Punk looks at Kennedy again. Ken shakes his head.)
Ken Kennedy: Nope. Not yet.
(Ken gets in bed and turns off the light. CM Punk is looking over to Kennedy with his eyes wide open, still waiting for whatever Kennedy told him was coming. He looks at the clock. The clock says it is 10 o’clock)
*1:00 A.M.*
CM Punk crying: WHY? WHEN IS IT COMING? GAH!!!
(Ken Kennedy snorts in his sleep and turns over. This causes CM Punk to scream in anguish.)
*3:00 A.M.*
(CM Punk slowly moves more under the covers. He starts to fall asleep. After lying down for a couple of seconds he quickly shoots back up and looks over to Kennedy who is still sleeping. CM Punk goes back under the covers and finally falls asleep.)
*3:01 AM*
(Ken Kennedy is one inch away from CM Punk’s face. CM is sleeping soundly.)
Ken Kennedy: ……………….KEN NE DY!!!!!!!!!!
(CM Punk wakes up screaming. This causes Ken Kennedy to start screaming. The screaming goes on for another minute)
CM Punk: WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!
Ken Kennedy: I TOLD YOU! WHEN YOU LEAST SUSPECT IT!
(Later that day everyone is at the press conference. Vince McMahon walks out first and the people at the conference are booing him. Vince laughs and does his signature walk up to the podium.)
Vince McMahon: Thank you for that warm response. Now ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the wrestling machine! KURT ANGLE!
(Kurt comes out behind a curtain and he now looks like he is in no pain at all. He keeps saying “YEA!” in the way only Kurt Angle can. Everyone else is frozen and they keep staring at Kurt Angle’s forehead which reads “penis”. Kurt walks up to the podium where Vince is also frozen and is staring at Kurt. Kurt looks at Vince and is confused to why Vince is looking at him like that. Vince covers the microphone on the podium but their conversation can slightly be heard.
Kurt Angle: What?
Vince McMahon: What does your forehead say?
Kurt Angle: What?
Vince McMahon: Why does your forehead say penis? Please tell me I am imagining it.
(Triple H and Shawn Michaels run up to the podium out of nowhere and smack Vince’s hand off the microphone. They are both dressed in suits but Shawn still has the black light face paint on.)
Triple H and Shawn Michaels: Yep, you’re imagining Kurt Angle’s cock!
(Triple H and Shawn Michaels bust a gut laughing at this. Kurt Angle starts to frantically rub his forehead to try to get penis off of it while Vince looks like he is off in his own little world, possibly thinking of Kurt Angle’s cock. Triple H and Shawn Michaels suddenly both stop laughing and turn to each other.)
Shawn Michaels: Feel better?
Triple H: No, but I will be. Lights please!
(The lights get flicked and black lights come on. Shawn Michaels face has “HOGAN SUCKS BROTHER” written in black light face paint.)
Triple H: Now I’m alright.
END SCENE
Damn I've got to much time on my hands.
Vince McMahon: Good day ladies and gentlemen. We are off to promote the WWE for our next big pay per view. Please remember when you are out and about that you represent the best of WWE.
(Vito raises his hand and half gets out of his seat. Vito is wearing one of his black dresses with a plunging V neck to show some man boobs.)
Vito: Even me boss?
Vince McMahon chuckling: Yes, even you Vito
(Vito smiles and sits down where he and Simon Dean give each other high fives. The Boogeyman stands up with a big smile.)
The Boogeyman: Me too boss?
Vince McMahon dead serious: No. Never.
(Boogeyman sits down as all the wrestlers laugh at him. Pieces of paper get thrown at him. Suddenly a spit ball gets him on the side of the face.)
Shawn Michaels off scene: Got him Hunter!
Triple H off scene: Good job Shawn. No one suspects the slightest.
Vince McMahon: Anyways like I said all of you represent the WWE so don’t fuck it up.
(Vince turns to walk away. He stops and then turns back to all the wrestlers.)
Vince: Oh yea, and your exits are there and there. If we start to crash then someone help Viscera get out of his seat.
(Viscera is trying to get out of his seat. He is pouring sweat and is having a hard time trying to get out. Charlie Hass is sitting in a seat across from Viscera.)
Viscera whining: I have to pee.
Charlie Haas: Well then go Vis.
Viscera: I can’t get out of my seat. It’s too small.
Charlie Hass: Vis! You are sitting in two seats! That reminds me, has anyone seen Super Crazy? He was supposed to be keeping an eye on Viscera.
(A hand slowly pokes out behind Viscera.)
Super Crazy muffled under Viscera: Help me! He went to the bathroom hours ago!
Viscera: I did? Oh.
(Viscera stops trying to get out of his seat and sits down full force. Super Crazy’s death rattle is heard, but no one seems to care. Randy Orton is sitting a couple of rows up with Batista.)
Randy Orton: It’s good to catch up with you man. How’s it going?
Batista: Well not so good. I was injured and lost my world title, and then when I came back my big revenge match got switched because of an injury. I got booed at an ECW show and my match against Booker T was considered a huge failure after people thought it was going to be like our press conference brawl.
Randy Orton: Yea? I lost to a 53 year old wrestler that has a match like once a year.
Batista: Aren’t you the legend killer though?
Randy Orton very frustrated: WELL I’M NOT ANYMORE AM I!?
(Everyone on the plane stops talking and looks at Randy Orton.)
Triple H off scene in sing song voice off scene: Awkward!
Shawn Michaels off scene: Ha! Got him Hunter!
Batista looking around: Where is that coming from?
Randy Orton: Anyways, now I got to build back up. Man I’d like to give Hogan a piece of my mind.
Batista: You don’t have to wait long. Here he comes.
(Batista and Randy look up to see…
***WARNING***
Hulk Hogan pulled out of appearing in my parody. He did not approve of the storyline that I had prepared for him. We collaborated and tried to come up with a proper storyline for him, but once we had he injured his knee by farting. It was the saddest thing I had ever seen. And I‘ve seen Max Moon matches. Yea, that’s right, I said Max Moon.
Anyways I’ve decided to bring in another wrestler to play the part of Hulk Hogan. So now, playing the part of Hulk Hogan is Jeff Hardy.
***END OF WARNING***
(Batista and Randy Orton look up to see...
***WARNING***
Jeff Hardy did not appear for my parody. I scheduled him and he no showed. When I approached him he said his heart wasn’t in parodies anymore and that he didn’t want to be actively participating in parodies of any nature. If I see Jeff Hardy in any parodies he will be hearing from me. Oh he’ll be hearing from me.
Ok so now I have to bring in another wrestler to play Jeff Hardy who is portraying Hulk Hogan. So now, playing the part of Jeff Hardy who is playing the part of Hulk Hogan is Shawn Michaels and Triple H. Shawn Michaels will be playing the part of Jeff Hardy as Hulk Hogan and Triple H will be playing Hulk Hogan’s ego.
***END OF WARNING***
(Batista and Randy Orton look up to see Shawn Michaels dressed up as Hulk Hogan with black light face paint on. Triple H is dressed the way he always does but his t-shirt says “Hulk Hogan’s Ego”.)
Shawn Michaels as Hogan: How’s it going brother? Brother brother brother…
Triple H: Hi….I don’t really know what to do or say besides LIE DOWN FOR ME BITCH!
Shawn Michaels as himself whispering: Trips, I think you meant to say brother.
Triple H: No, I don’t think so.
Randy Orton: Anyway “Hulk”, where you get off killing my legend killer gimmick?
Batista: Yea!
Randy Orton: …..Thanks for the backup Batista.
Batista: No problem.
(Randy sighs.)
Shawn Michaels as Hogan: What you don’t understand brother, is that I’ve done that with many great wrestlers brother. I’ve done that to many main event wrestler as well brother.
Triple H: Yea! I beat Shawn Michaels at last year’s summer slam!
Shawn Michaels as himself: Dude, not cool.
Triple H: Sorry. It’s hard having my ego and Hogan’s ego in the same place. I’m scared Shawn. Hold me.
Shawn Michaels as himself: We probably should have seen this coming. Let’s go Trips.
(Triple H leans on Shawn as the two walk away. Randy Orton and Batista just look at each other confused. Further up the plane still are CM Punk, Ken Kennedy and Kurt Angle. Kurt is sweating profusely and looks to be in extreme pain. Kennedy and CM both look over and see this.)
CM Punk: Are you okay Kurt?
Kurt Angle in pain: Ohh I’m fine. There is nothing wrong here.
(Kurt coughs and blood comes out of his mouth.)
Ken Kennedy: Kurt, you just coughed up some blood.
Kurt Angle in pain with blood in mouth: No I didn’t.
CM Punk: I don’t know Kurt, it is kind of everywhere.
Kurt Angle in pain with blood in mouth: Nope. It’s mostly puke anyway. Happens every once and a while. I took some pills though so I should be fine for the press conference.
CM Punk: That’s tomorrow Kurt. I know that we all live in constant pain from wrestling, but isn’t this a little much?
Kurt Angle in pain with blood and puke in mouth: Nope, it’s all good.
Ken Kennedy: How long has this been going on for Kurt?
Kurt Angle in pain with blood and puke in mouth: I don’t know. Maybe three…
CM Punk: Three days, well maybe you might be sick or something.
Kurt Angle in pain with blood and puke in mouth: Months.
(Kennedy shakes his head.)
CM Punk: Maybe you should see a doctor Kurt.
Kurt Angle in pain with blood and puke in mouth: No, I’m fine. Besides if I’m going to see a doctor for anything, it’s going to be for when I have my temporary blindness and blackouts.
Ken Kennedy: How long has THAT been going on Kurt?
Kurt Angle in pain with etc.: Well….
(Kurt Angle falls out of his seat. CM Punk and Ken Kennedy lean in and look at Kurt Angle. Kennedy pulls out a pen and pokes Angle’s body with it.)
CM Punk: What should we do?
Ken Kennedy: Same thing guys always do when their friends pass out.
(Val Venis pokes his head up from one seat behind.)
Val Venis: Have gay sex with them?
Ken Kennedy: For the last time Val, NO!
(Val slowly lowers his head back down behind the seat.)
Ken Kennedy: That’s disgusting… No CM, we as men have a duty to write “penis” on his forehead.
CM Punk: Awesome!
Ken Kennedy: You bet. That and I said “duty”….he he “doody”.
CM Punk: I don’t get it.
Ken Kennedy: That’s what is wrong with your generation. You don’t appreciate a good fart jokes.
CM Punk: I’m 3 years younger then you.
Ken Kennedy while staring at CM Punk very seriously: Don’t get smart.
(Kennedy leans over and writes “penis” on Kurt’s forehead.)
Ken Kennedy: He’s been pranked! Courtesy of MISTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
(CM Punk looks around, startled by Ken Kennedy’s screaming.)
Ken Kennedy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
(CM Punk stares at Kennedy.)
Ken Kennedy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
(CM Punk continues to stare.)
Ken Kennedy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
(CM Punk checks his watch.)
Ken Kennedy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
CM Punk: Umm Ken?
Ken Kennedy: AAAAAA one moment, I’m not done….AAAAAAAA
(CM Punk folds his hands on his stomach and sits back in his chair.)
Ken Kennedy: AAAAAAAA KENNEDY!
CM Punk: Wow, glad that’s done.
Ken Kennedy: No, it’s not done, but it will be when you least suspect it.
CM Punk: Suspect what?
Ken Kennedy puts his finger on CM Punk’s lips and whispers: When you least suspect it.
(The plane lands and all the wrestlers get off the plane. While de-boarding CM Punk looks back to Kennedy. Kennedy shakes his head.)
Ken Kennedy: Not yet.
(Kennedy and Punk share a cab. They pull up to the hotel room and as they are giving their bags to the bellhop, Punk looks at Kennedy again. Ken shakes his head.)
Ken Kennedy: Nope. Not yet.
(Ken gets in bed and turns off the light. CM Punk is looking over to Kennedy with his eyes wide open, still waiting for whatever Kennedy told him was coming. He looks at the clock. The clock says it is 10 o’clock)
*1:00 A.M.*
CM Punk crying: WHY? WHEN IS IT COMING? GAH!!!
(Ken Kennedy snorts in his sleep and turns over. This causes CM Punk to scream in anguish.)
*3:00 A.M.*
(CM Punk slowly moves more under the covers. He starts to fall asleep. After lying down for a couple of seconds he quickly shoots back up and looks over to Kennedy who is still sleeping. CM Punk goes back under the covers and finally falls asleep.)
*3:01 AM*
(Ken Kennedy is one inch away from CM Punk’s face. CM is sleeping soundly.)
Ken Kennedy: ……………….KEN NE DY!!!!!!!!!!
(CM Punk wakes up screaming. This causes Ken Kennedy to start screaming. The screaming goes on for another minute)
CM Punk: WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!
Ken Kennedy: I TOLD YOU! WHEN YOU LEAST SUSPECT IT!
(Later that day everyone is at the press conference. Vince McMahon walks out first and the people at the conference are booing him. Vince laughs and does his signature walk up to the podium.)
Vince McMahon: Thank you for that warm response. Now ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the wrestling machine! KURT ANGLE!
(Kurt comes out behind a curtain and he now looks like he is in no pain at all. He keeps saying “YEA!” in the way only Kurt Angle can. Everyone else is frozen and they keep staring at Kurt Angle’s forehead which reads “penis”. Kurt walks up to the podium where Vince is also frozen and is staring at Kurt. Kurt looks at Vince and is confused to why Vince is looking at him like that. Vince covers the microphone on the podium but their conversation can slightly be heard.
Kurt Angle: What?
Vince McMahon: What does your forehead say?
Kurt Angle: What?
Vince McMahon: Why does your forehead say penis? Please tell me I am imagining it.
(Triple H and Shawn Michaels run up to the podium out of nowhere and smack Vince’s hand off the microphone. They are both dressed in suits but Shawn still has the black light face paint on.)
Triple H and Shawn Michaels: Yep, you’re imagining Kurt Angle’s cock!
(Triple H and Shawn Michaels bust a gut laughing at this. Kurt Angle starts to frantically rub his forehead to try to get penis off of it while Vince looks like he is off in his own little world, possibly thinking of Kurt Angle’s cock. Triple H and Shawn Michaels suddenly both stop laughing and turn to each other.)
Shawn Michaels: Feel better?
Triple H: No, but I will be. Lights please!
(The lights get flicked and black lights come on. Shawn Michaels face has “HOGAN SUCKS BROTHER” written in black light face paint.)
Triple H: Now I’m alright.
END SCENE
Damn I've got to much time on my hands.