And now for something completely different....sort of...

[M-A-G]

OK, so you browse around the wrestling forum and notice a lot of topics and posts on how someone believes their ideas are better than what's on Raw/SmackDown! or how things suck and can be so much better with effort and good booking and blah blah blah. Well, anyone can armchair quarterback from a safe spot behind their keyboard and imagine the crowd willing to shell out money to see their own ideas on how things should be. Well, I'm not going to ask for that for this thread. I want to know how YOU can make things WORSE. That's right. Let's just say, for the sake of argument, that the WWE is in an OK state at this point in time. Your task is book something completely out there that you believe will make people flock away from the product and demand refunds. I'm not looking for anything cute or sarcastic. Let's see some real crappy booking. The forum is your canvas. Go for it.

[Nowhere Man]

-Continue booking live events, but instead of having matches and live segments and whatnot, the audience would be subjected to reruns of Thunder circa 2000 played on the Titantron, the sound being played obnoxiously loud and maybe with occasional microphone feedback. Before cutting away to commercials, backstage vignettes are played of Vince McMahon and Triple H rolling around in the money that the audience had paid for tickets, and laugh about how at Wrestlemania, they're going to book Chris Benoit to put over the Great Khali...in every single match of the night. Finally, in the evening's main event, John Cena wipes his ass with a Bible and then starts telling jokes about 9/11 before Bobby Lashley makes the save, going down to the Finger Poke of Doom and giving Cena the ECW World Title. And then, the very split second the show is about to go off the air, they flash a subliminal picture of Stephanie spewing Hunter's spoo onto the camera.

-----

Seriously, though? The easiest way to turn people off is to continue the "offensive= EDGY!" line of thinking that WWE has adopted since the days of Stone Cold. The Billy/Chuck gay wedding, the Triple H/Kane necrophilia angle, the Muhammad Hassan fiasco, Randy Orton blowing up Eddie's low-rider...all of these were done in the idea that they would shock people into watching. However, the days of "Crash TV" are no more, and more than anything just disgusted people and turned them away. So if you really want to make things worse, just try to continue 'pushing the envelope.' After all, look how well it worked for Vince Russo.

[Vastardikai]

The Winner of this match... and NEW... WWE Champion... Micheal Cole!!!

[Impeccable]

The Winner of this match... and NEW... WWE Champion... Micheal Cole!!!

I thought the aim of this thread was to turn people away?

Damn, I'd tune in to see Cole as WWE champion, out of curiosity if nothing else!!!

[St. Jimmy]

*Cheap Post*

[Corkscrewed]

If you insist on turning people away...


THIS MONDAY ON RAW!!!

MELINA VS ROSIE O'DONNEL IN A BRA AND PANTIES MATCH!!!

[The MAC]

katie vick zombie comes to wwe for revenge. Miz wins the heavyweight title.droz vs zach gowen 60 iron man main event at mania. masterlock marathon.Linda as womens champion.Hogan wins all championships, unifies them then jumps to TNA

[Theo Dious]

JR turns heel again and claims he can bring back Eddie Gurrerro, Owen Hart, Davey Boy Smith and Mr Perfect, and that they will be managed by Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. Next week he comes out with impostors, a la Fake Razor and Fake Deisel, only these guys are wearing each other's clothes, Owen is a black guy and Eddie is Chinese. Despite the fact that the real Bobby Heenan appears backstage insisting that he isn't even dead, the stable crushes the entire roster, and soon Fake Eddie is WWE, World, and ECW champion, Fake Owen and Fake Bulldog own every tag title, and Fake Perfect is US and IC champion, as well as, for some obscure reason, Cruiserweight and Women's champion. Nobody else in the roster even wants to wrestle them, so the entirety of Raw is them in the ring reading their grocery lists. Meanwhile matches from the rest of the roster are held in a ring in an abandoned parking lot with no crowd or production values.

[The MAC]

i might actually watch the first 5 minutes of that..just to watch the riot and lynching of JR.

[Theo Dious]

See the real problem is that most of the truly awful ideas would be such fascinating train wrecks that they would actually create ratings spikes. The real way to kill the product would be to push big beefy guys with no real talent like Masters and Khali, overpush guys before they're ready like Lashley and Umaga, and screw up the pushes of main event guys like Cena and...

Hey, wait a minute...

[addy2hotty]

BAHGAWD, CENA JUST BEAT UMAGA - HE'S GOT EVERY TITLE NOW! HE'S THE FIRST EVER GRANDSLAM CHAMPION!

[Kane Knight]

To be fair, it would take very little to e better than WWE right now. I do honestly think about 70% of the forum could match or beat WWE's "success" at this moment.

That being said, I wold make the Women's Championshio mor eprestigious than the WWE and WHC combined.

...Then fire all the women.

[Kane Knight]

Hire Ted Turner as head booker and Paul Heyman as Financial director.

[The MAC]

Hire RVD to do drug testing on the "superstars"

Give Khali a 1/2 hour slot on the top of everyshow. Just him on the mic.
Commentary wil be cut off at this time too.

Ban any move from the top rope.

No more pyro or music for wrestlers. They walk out like normal people.


Introduce the Hogan "No Sell" Segment: Where Hogan invites a wrestler into the ring. Alows the wrestler to do his finisher on him and go to pin him. However Hogan will always kick out at one, drop a leg drop on the wrestler, and then pin him.

Aurora's diaper segment: HHH and stef will give tutorials on diaper changing evey week.

[Kane Knight]

Ban any move from the top rope.

WWE is way ahead of you on that.

[The MAC]

WWE is way ahead of you on that.

..including ring entrance and winning poses of standing on the top rope.

[Kane Knight]

Hey, they're getting there.

[Volare]

Pretty soon the standard finisher will either be Kahli's Chop or a drop toe hold... the standard submission move would be a wrist lock.

[Kane Knight]

Fights will be decided by arm wrestling. and not one of the usual "I pretend I'm gonna arm wrestle you, then stomp a mudhole in you" arm wrestling, but the kind which is only enjoyable if you're drunk.

[NoJabbaNoBogRoll]

This is the kind of thread that WWE writers might actually take ideas from.

[Jura]

Everything is alright! I've got my Anti-WWE jamming software enabled.

[Kane Knight]

Yeah, but I work for WWE.com

[BigDaddyCool]

Um, bring in the writers from TNA and continue to have restricted move sets on WWE. In fact only make it so there is no acctaully grappling, just lots more brawling.

[Mr. Nerfect]

Alright, let me take a (not really) serious stab at this:

At WrestleMania, we open with Paul London & Brian Kendrick defending the WWE Tag Team Championship against MNM. London & Kendrick lose in about four minutes when Mark Henry comes out and re-aligns himself with MNM. He doesn't actually get involved, though, MNM win cleanly with the Snapshot. Henry then proceeds to toss London and Kendrick around like ragdolls, shitting away the last year or so spent making them look something other than a joke.

Theodore Long throws Mark Henry out of the building so he can't get involved in Melina's Women's Title defence against Ashley. As payment for "helping" MNM, Johnny Nitro gives Mark Henry his place as WWE Tag Team Champion with Joey Mercury on SmackDown!.

The ECW New Breed vs. ECW Originals Match never takes place, as Vince McMahon comes out and says that ECW is a tainted place, and he's brought in Snitsky to prove it. Snitsky comes out as Joey Styles reminds us he spent most of his time with the RAW brand stuck on Heat, and he makes everyone in the match bump for him. Sabu gets some offence in, because his uncle went into the Hall of Fame and all, but that is that.

The United States Championship Match is won by MVP after a mini-MVP helps Porter secure the victory with The Playmaker. MVP then cuts a promo where he says that he refuses to be the United States Champion. He's getting in touch with his African-American side, and he is still upset about the way his people were treated by white folks, and he refuses to wear a belt that represents them. MVP doesn't even change the belt to the African Championship. He names it the "Power Player Championship", jazzes it out like Cena did the US Title, and starts referring to himself as "The PPC" MVP.

Kane gets in the ring with The Great Khali after an expensive entrance, and he goes down after one chop, and Khali pins him with one foot. Khali then chops a "pregnant woman" (played by OVW's ODB). Khali then yells "There's no more competition!" as he climbs the entrance way. He is standing on top and Daivari comes out, and begs Khali not to do it. Model planes attached to strings then fly around Khali's head and Khali tries to swat them away. Then falls onto A LOT of padding. Kane then sits up in the ring, and Pete Rose comes through the crowd and attacks Kane with a baseball bat. Daivari and Pete Rose hug on the stage. We get videos of their "honeymoon" together on RAW for the next few weeks, with Kane trying to hunt them down, but always being one step behind.

Ashley defeats Melina with a Flying Elbow to win her first Women's Championship. He threatens to get naked, but Torrie Wilson comes out and says that she was the first woman in WWE history to pose for Playboy (not true, but the WWE can just say it is), and we then get a feud between Ashley and Torrie over the Women's Championship.

Chris Masters comes out and says that the Masterlock still hasn't been broken. Masters brings out an "expert", who claims that you can see Masters' grip being released by him before Lashley actually powered out. He gives out a Masterlock Challenge and Eugene (The haircut was designed to get him out of the gimmick? You wish!) and Eugene is about to break The Masterlock, but Chris Masters breaks it and then clotheslines Eugene to end the challenge. His program with Eugene is forgotten, and instead we get Tim White making his triumphant returning, beginning Masters to kill him by putting him in The Masterlock. Josh Mathews and the expert watch, and Tim White actually breaks The Masterlock. That is also ignored the following week.

Charlie Haas approaches Ron Simmons in the back and asks him why he doesn't change his catchphrase from "Damn" to "Fo' shizz"? We then get an internet feud between the two, with Simmons trying to get Charlie Haas fired for inappropriate conduct. It doesn't actually go anywhere, though.

Chavo Guerrero pins Jimmy Wang Yang cleanly, and then Vickie Guerrero comes out and says that her goal has been achieved. She will get to pose in Playboy under Kristal Marshall's name! We then get a face turn for the Cruiserweight Champion, Chavo, who begs Vickie not to do that, and to think of Eddie. Vickie says this is something she's always wanted to do, and Eddie and his Christian morals wouldn't let her, but now he's gone and no one can stop her. Chavo asks Kristal to withdraw her agreement with Playboy (the WWE assumes that no one would watch and realise Kristal isn't going to be the one posing, and that if Vickie turned up for the shoot they wouldn't turn her down). This leads to Chavo Guerrero vs. Kristal Marshall in a Cruiserweight Title Match where Kristal withdraws her offer if she loses. Chavo of course wins in a hard fought battle.

The Great Khali reveals via satellite interview that he hasn't been on WWE TV for a while because he's now afraid of planes and cannot catch them to WWE events. He then tries to work out ways to get to the arenas in various skits, where Jerry Lawler makes jokes about Khali being the World's Fastest Indian.

In a rematch for the Cruiserweight Title, without the Playboy rights on the line, Kristal Marshall defeats Chavo Guerrero with help from Vickie Guerrero, and a now heel Jimmy Wang Yang. Of course, it is revealed that Yang is half-Korean pretending to be a redneck, and he starts dating Vickie whilst trying to juggle dictator responsibilities. He basically becomes the WWE's attempt at a Kim Jong Il parody.

Ric Flair pins Carlito with a knife-edge chop. Flair then puts together a new version of the Four Horsemen: Ric Flair, Roddy Piper and The Highlanders.

The Money in the Bank Ladder Match goes to a No Contest when no one can answer the count. What count? Who cares? Edge is apparently undefeated at WrestleMania still, and the title shot will go to whoever the fans vote for. CM Punk presumingly wins, and he cashes it in against Shawn Michaels the next night.

Speaking of Shawn Michaels, he beats John Cena to win the WWE Championship when he turns heel by announcing that he was the one who injured Triple H. Yeah, Triple H hurt himself walking, but who cares. The WWE will still do this. Triple H then promises he will get revenge on Shawn.

Umaga and Bobby Lashley wrestle to a double countout, and it is declared a draw, and neither man has to shave their head. Stone Cold Steve Austin shakes Donald Trump's hand before he leaves.

In the main event, The Undertaker defeats Batista via disqualification when Dave uses a steel chair. Batista keeps the title, Taker keeps the streak.

[Kane Knight]

Khali/Umaga in a 60 minute Iron Man Match.

[BigDaddyCool]

Alright, let me take a (not really) serious stab at this:

At WrestleMania, we open with Paul London & Brian Kendrick defending the WWE Tag Team Championship against MNM. London & Kendrick lose in about four minutes when Mark Henry comes out and re-aligns himself with MNM. He doesn't actually get involved, though, MNM win cleanly with the Snapshot. Henry then proceeds to toss London and Kendrick around like ragdolls, shitting away the last year or so spent making them look something other than a joke.

Theodore Long throws Mark Henry out of the building so he can't get involved in Melina's Women's Title defence against Ashley. As payment for "helping" MNM, Johnny Nitro gives Mark Henry his place as WWE Tag Team Champion with Joey Mercury on SmackDown!.

The ECW New Breed vs. ECW Originals Match never takes place, as Vince McMahon comes out and says that ECW is a tainted place, and he's brought in Snitsky to prove it. Snitsky comes out as Joey Styles reminds us he spent most of his time with the RAW brand stuck on Heat, and he makes everyone in the match bump for him. Sabu gets some offence in, because his uncle went into the Hall of Fame and all, but that is that.

The United States Championship Match is won by MVP after a mini-MVP helps Porter secure the victory with The Playmaker. MVP then cuts a promo where he says that he refuses to be the United States Champion. He's getting in touch with his African-American side, and he is still upset about the way his people were treated by white folks, and he refuses to wear a belt that represents them. MVP doesn't even change the belt to the African Championship. He names it the "Power Player Championship", jazzes it out like Cena did the US Title, and starts referring to himself as "The PPC" MVP.

Kane gets in the ring with The Great Khali after an expensive entrance, and he goes down after one chop, and Khali pins him with one foot. Khali then chops a "pregnant woman" (played by OVW's ODB). Khali then yells "There's no more competition!" as he climbs the entrance way. He is standing on top and Daivari comes out, and begs Khali not to do it. Model planes attached to strings then fly around Khali's head and Khali tries to swat them away. Then falls onto A LOT of padding. Kane then sits up in the ring, and Pete Rose comes through the crowd and attacks Kane with a baseball bat. Daivari and Pete Rose hug on the stage. We get videos of their "honeymoon" together on RAW for the next few weeks, with Kane trying to hunt them down, but always being one step behind.

Ashley defeats Melina with a Flying Elbow to win her first Women's Championship. He threatens to get naked, but Torrie Wilson comes out and says that she was the first woman in WWE history to pose for Playboy (not true, but the WWE can just say it is), and we then get a feud between Ashley and Torrie over the Women's Championship.

Chris Masters comes out and says that the Masterlock still hasn't been broken. Masters brings out an "expert", who claims that you can see Masters' grip being released by him before Lashley actually powered out. He gives out a Masterlock Challenge and Eugene (The haircut was designed to get him out of the gimmick? You wish!) and Eugene is about to break The Masterlock, but Chris Masters breaks it and then clotheslines Eugene to end the challenge. His program with Eugene is forgotten, and instead we get Tim White making his triumphant returning, beginning Masters to kill him by putting him in The Masterlock. Josh Mathews and the expert watch, and Tim White actually breaks The Masterlock. That is also ignored the following week.

Charlie Haas approaches Ron Simmons in the back and asks him why he doesn't change his catchphrase from "Damn" to "Fo' shizz"? We then get an internet feud between the two, with Simmons trying to get Charlie Haas fired for inappropriate conduct. It doesn't actually go anywhere, though.

Chavo Guerrero pins Jimmy Wang Yang cleanly, and then Vickie Guerrero comes out and says that her goal has been achieved. She will get to pose in Playboy under Kristal Marshall's name! We then get a face turn for the Cruiserweight Champion, Chavo, who begs Vickie not to do that, and to think of Eddie. Vickie says this is something she's always wanted to do, and Eddie and his Christian morals wouldn't let her, but now he's gone and no one can stop her. Chavo asks Kristal to withdraw her agreement with Playboy (the WWE assumes that no one would watch and realise Kristal isn't going to be the one posing, and that if Vickie turned up for the shoot they wouldn't turn her down). This leads to Chavo Guerrero vs. Kristal Marshall in a Cruiserweight Title Match where Kristal withdraws her offer if she loses. Chavo of course wins in a hard fought battle.

The Great Khali reveals via satellite interview that he hasn't been on WWE TV for a while because he's now afraid of planes and cannot catch them to WWE events. He then tries to work out ways to get to the arenas in various skits, where Jerry Lawler makes jokes about Khali being the World's Fastest Indian.

In a rematch for the Cruiserweight Title, without the Playboy rights on the line, Kristal Marshall defeats Chavo Guerrero with help from Vickie Guerrero, and a now heel Jimmy Wang Yang. Of course, it is revealed that Yang is half-Korean pretending to be a redneck, and he starts dating Vickie whilst trying to juggle dictator responsibilities. He basically becomes the WWE's attempt at a Kim Jong Il parody.

Ric Flair pins Carlito with a knife-edge chop. Flair then puts together a new version of the Four Horsemen: Ric Flair, Roddy Piper and The Highlanders.

The Money in the Bank Ladder Match goes to a No Contest when no one can answer the count. What count? Who cares? Edge is apparently undefeated at WrestleMania still, and the title shot will go to whoever the fans vote for. CM Punk presumingly wins, and he cashes it in against Shawn Michaels the next night.

Speaking of Shawn Michaels, he beats John Cena to win the WWE Championship when he turns heel by announcing that he was the one who injured Triple H. Yeah, Triple H hurt himself walking, but who cares. The WWE will still do this. Triple H then promises he will get revenge on Shawn.

Umaga and Bobby Lashley wrestle to a double countout, and it is declared a draw, and neither man has to shave their head. Stone Cold Steve Austin shakes Donald Trump's hand before he leaves.

In the main event, The Undertaker defeats Batista via disqualification when Dave uses a steel chair. Batista keeps the title, Taker keeps the streak.

Um, that acctaully sounds watchable. You failed.

[Chuck Jones]

2 hour spoken word monologue from Vince McMahon next monday on RAW.

How about a totally "artsy" Raw? Something that some kid from Toronto who watches German arthouse films and directs Raw...the fanbase would turnoff quickly because they'd be too confused.

[Chuck Jones]

Is it wrong that I would want to watch WWE parody Kim Jong Il?

[Kane Knight]

2 hour spoken word monologue from Vince McMahon next monday on RAW.

How about a totally "artsy" Raw? Something that some kid from Toronto who watches German arthouse films and directs Raw...the fanbase would turnoff quickly because they'd be too confused.

That would be awesome.

Flair: I am the sands of time.

Shawn Michaels: I waste away.

John Cena: Wazzup Dawg? Dang, you one stank ass bitch!

(silence)

Cena: Errr...I mean, "Autum's leaves tremble with the oncoming winter."

[Chuck Jones]

A fingerpoke of Doom would be appropriate in the arthouse Raw. Shows that the big tough wrestler does not want to fight, but instead pursue his true passion...painting.

[Theo Dious]

Um, that acctaully sounds watchable. You failed.

Watchable? No.* More likely to happen than anything Alienoid has ever suggested? Yes.

*The best possible use of the mad entertaining quality that is Khali is to never, ever put him in a match.