KayfabeMan
03-29-2007, 04:03 PM
Hello All. I am bored. See below.
Some of you may remember that I did this "back in the day". This is similar to a little something Conan O'Brien used to do called, "In The Year 2000". I used to do this before reaching my whatever-thousandth posting. So here it is, again. There are new ones, with some of the old ones modified at the bottom.
They're observational, and hopefully somewhat funny.
Mainly, just to make discussion from. Enjoy. :y:
BY MY POST 5,000TH............
After receiving name changes, Burke, Lashley, Antonio "MVP" Banks, Cor Von, King Booker and Sharmell will be teamed. They will take the first letter of each persons name to form a team that they will then title - The BLACKS. When asked if this indicated racism from WWE, Vince McMahon will say that it has, "nothing to do with NASCAR or any other car company." When asked to comment, Ron Simmons will say, "Damn". :shifty:
*****
Vince McMahon will make a fortune in the marketing department by scoring a lucrative and history making contract. Replacing the famous "Wal-Mart Smiley Face", with the constant smiling face of Bobby Lashley. :)
*****
McMahon will promote a Cowboys vs. Indians feud, featuring Cade & Murdoch vs. Tatanka & Great Khali, before being told they are two different kinds of Indians. Vince will explain that he knows this by saying - "What do you think I am, stupid? Khali is obviously taller."
*****
The Game will show up to a live WWE event, and throw ice at HHH, prompting a fight. HHH will stomp the shit out of The Game, leaving him for dead. The next day, Game will tell MTV.com, "Fuck him, Compton".
*****
WWE will now start creating stables around marketing promotions for their sponsors. One such stable will see the pairing of Theodore Long with John Cena and the newly debuting Silver King. Managed by "Pirate" Paul Burchall, Team Long, John, Silver will be less successful than the XFL & WBF, combined.
*****
WWE splits MNM permanently, giving Mercury the role of enhancement talent on TNA - and Nitro his own talk show prior to RAW; ironically called "Monday Nitro". His segment will then actually beat RAW in the ratings for 84 weeks in a row. :shifty:
*****
After realizing that his trademark accessory is stale, bland, boring and lifeless, "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan will ditch his 2x4, and instead carry Randy Orton to the ring. After realizing his trade was the equivalent of The Harris Brothers pulling a switcheroo, he will become upset and retire. However, Orton, used to being carried by everyone, will like his new role and continue on as Finlay's new Shillelagh.
*****
Like Shawn Michaels or the legendary Mark Henry, Domino will realize that he can be more effective solo, rather than with a tag-team partner or stable. He will split-up the duo of Deuce & Domino, and forevermore the process of turning on your tag-partner will be referred to as, "Dropping a Deuce". :shifty:
*****
"Sheriff" Steve Austin returns, bringing with him a varied crew of old friends from WCW. Joe Gomez, The Shockmaster, Craig Pittman, Road Warrior Animal and Bill Watts. Their similarities to The Village People don't become apparent until the group releases a song called, "Yes, McMahon Called Austin" or YMCA.
*****
Chris Jericho returns to wrestling, with TNA. After winning the companies title, he goes on to lose to the entire TNA roster before leaving the company. He then refers to this as "his second stint with the WWE".
*****
TNA will have a tremendous increase in popularity, coincidentally after Hogan, Savage, Bret Hart, The Big Show and RVD sign with the company. However, the real hero, Kurt Angle will take credit for the popularity increase - declaring that he also cured cancer, invented high-speed internet service, thought up the idea of Santa Claus, jumped over the moon, killed Hitler, wrote all The Beatles songs, brought the Statue of Liberty to the US on his back, and invented lightning simply by looking at the sky.
*****
Robocop, of course being immune to this robot, will make his return to professional wrestling, revealing that John Cena is actually a boring cyborg whose Spinner Belt secretly entrances all those who see it to believe he is entertaining. No one will believe him until the belt breaks, at which point Robocop will be declared the new World Champion and feud with Cena's real identity, The Prototype.
*****
Taking time off to relax, Kane will have time to think about his life. Upon realizing that Undertaker is his half brother that mistreated him, killed his parents and buried his father in cement, his ex-girlfriend died in a car crash, he spent time in a mental asylum, Snitsky killed his child, and somewhere out there is a man who has his old ring-attire and an affinity for saying "May 19th" over a loudspeaker, Kane contemplates suicide. He then reconsiders when he realizes he was miraculously healed of his scars and voice condition, got an acting career & can summon lightning and fire on occasion.
SOME OF THE 'CLASSIC ONES' MODIFIED
*Jeff Jarrett will lose the NWA Title Belt. He will then sue American Airlines for misplacing his valuable luggage, and have a new title made. When asked about when he will drop the belt, Jarrett replies honestly, saying, "I will never drop this belt. The plates can crack easily."
*In an effort to further push HHH, WWE's marketing wizards will put the tag titles on him. He will (surprisingly) need a tag partner to do this. He will be teamed with Shannon Moore, and the printing of shirts and hats will commence for the brilliant team of "Moore HHH".
*UK fans will get a treat, as at WWE's next UK PPV - Funaki, Jimmy Wang Yang, and Tajiri will make their first official group appearance as Team E.G.G.R.O.L.L. (Every Guy Gets Randy Over Lindsay Lohan). When he was asked if putting this group together with that name was nothing more than him taking a shot at Asian wrestlers, Vince McMahon replied, "That's extremely ridiculous. I don't even own a weapon."
*TNA will have Shark Boy pick-up the X-Division Championship. They then ask him to hand it back to Christopher Daniels, who accidentally dropped it on the ground.
*Stephanie McMahon will announce that she is pregnant. In true wrestling fashion there is a swerve, and Vince is announced as the father. Unfortunately, this isn't part of a storyline.
*To solve not only his own problems, but the lack of work for the younger wrestlers, HHH sends talent to Job Corps. Upon returning, they immediately begin working with HHH - to repair the crack in the glass ceiling.
*In more bad news for TNA, many people have been leaving during the middle of their TV tapings, complaining that it is too cold inside. This usually happens during Scott Steiner matches, when there is absolutely no heat in the building
*HHH will take himself out of the WWE World Title picture. He will then brag to his friends about how good he is at using Photoshop.
*Sci-Fi will demand a new "vampire" themed character for ECW on Tuesdays. In response, Paul Heyman will make Vince McMahon an ECW character, saying, "He's perfect for this. He's been sucking the life out of WWE for years now."
There. Comment, rep and / or mock. :wave:
Some of you may remember that I did this "back in the day". This is similar to a little something Conan O'Brien used to do called, "In The Year 2000". I used to do this before reaching my whatever-thousandth posting. So here it is, again. There are new ones, with some of the old ones modified at the bottom.
They're observational, and hopefully somewhat funny.
Mainly, just to make discussion from. Enjoy. :y:
BY MY POST 5,000TH............
After receiving name changes, Burke, Lashley, Antonio "MVP" Banks, Cor Von, King Booker and Sharmell will be teamed. They will take the first letter of each persons name to form a team that they will then title - The BLACKS. When asked if this indicated racism from WWE, Vince McMahon will say that it has, "nothing to do with NASCAR or any other car company." When asked to comment, Ron Simmons will say, "Damn". :shifty:
*****
Vince McMahon will make a fortune in the marketing department by scoring a lucrative and history making contract. Replacing the famous "Wal-Mart Smiley Face", with the constant smiling face of Bobby Lashley. :)
*****
McMahon will promote a Cowboys vs. Indians feud, featuring Cade & Murdoch vs. Tatanka & Great Khali, before being told they are two different kinds of Indians. Vince will explain that he knows this by saying - "What do you think I am, stupid? Khali is obviously taller."
*****
The Game will show up to a live WWE event, and throw ice at HHH, prompting a fight. HHH will stomp the shit out of The Game, leaving him for dead. The next day, Game will tell MTV.com, "Fuck him, Compton".
*****
WWE will now start creating stables around marketing promotions for their sponsors. One such stable will see the pairing of Theodore Long with John Cena and the newly debuting Silver King. Managed by "Pirate" Paul Burchall, Team Long, John, Silver will be less successful than the XFL & WBF, combined.
*****
WWE splits MNM permanently, giving Mercury the role of enhancement talent on TNA - and Nitro his own talk show prior to RAW; ironically called "Monday Nitro". His segment will then actually beat RAW in the ratings for 84 weeks in a row. :shifty:
*****
After realizing that his trademark accessory is stale, bland, boring and lifeless, "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan will ditch his 2x4, and instead carry Randy Orton to the ring. After realizing his trade was the equivalent of The Harris Brothers pulling a switcheroo, he will become upset and retire. However, Orton, used to being carried by everyone, will like his new role and continue on as Finlay's new Shillelagh.
*****
Like Shawn Michaels or the legendary Mark Henry, Domino will realize that he can be more effective solo, rather than with a tag-team partner or stable. He will split-up the duo of Deuce & Domino, and forevermore the process of turning on your tag-partner will be referred to as, "Dropping a Deuce". :shifty:
*****
"Sheriff" Steve Austin returns, bringing with him a varied crew of old friends from WCW. Joe Gomez, The Shockmaster, Craig Pittman, Road Warrior Animal and Bill Watts. Their similarities to The Village People don't become apparent until the group releases a song called, "Yes, McMahon Called Austin" or YMCA.
*****
Chris Jericho returns to wrestling, with TNA. After winning the companies title, he goes on to lose to the entire TNA roster before leaving the company. He then refers to this as "his second stint with the WWE".
*****
TNA will have a tremendous increase in popularity, coincidentally after Hogan, Savage, Bret Hart, The Big Show and RVD sign with the company. However, the real hero, Kurt Angle will take credit for the popularity increase - declaring that he also cured cancer, invented high-speed internet service, thought up the idea of Santa Claus, jumped over the moon, killed Hitler, wrote all The Beatles songs, brought the Statue of Liberty to the US on his back, and invented lightning simply by looking at the sky.
*****
Robocop, of course being immune to this robot, will make his return to professional wrestling, revealing that John Cena is actually a boring cyborg whose Spinner Belt secretly entrances all those who see it to believe he is entertaining. No one will believe him until the belt breaks, at which point Robocop will be declared the new World Champion and feud with Cena's real identity, The Prototype.
*****
Taking time off to relax, Kane will have time to think about his life. Upon realizing that Undertaker is his half brother that mistreated him, killed his parents and buried his father in cement, his ex-girlfriend died in a car crash, he spent time in a mental asylum, Snitsky killed his child, and somewhere out there is a man who has his old ring-attire and an affinity for saying "May 19th" over a loudspeaker, Kane contemplates suicide. He then reconsiders when he realizes he was miraculously healed of his scars and voice condition, got an acting career & can summon lightning and fire on occasion.
SOME OF THE 'CLASSIC ONES' MODIFIED
*Jeff Jarrett will lose the NWA Title Belt. He will then sue American Airlines for misplacing his valuable luggage, and have a new title made. When asked about when he will drop the belt, Jarrett replies honestly, saying, "I will never drop this belt. The plates can crack easily."
*In an effort to further push HHH, WWE's marketing wizards will put the tag titles on him. He will (surprisingly) need a tag partner to do this. He will be teamed with Shannon Moore, and the printing of shirts and hats will commence for the brilliant team of "Moore HHH".
*UK fans will get a treat, as at WWE's next UK PPV - Funaki, Jimmy Wang Yang, and Tajiri will make their first official group appearance as Team E.G.G.R.O.L.L. (Every Guy Gets Randy Over Lindsay Lohan). When he was asked if putting this group together with that name was nothing more than him taking a shot at Asian wrestlers, Vince McMahon replied, "That's extremely ridiculous. I don't even own a weapon."
*TNA will have Shark Boy pick-up the X-Division Championship. They then ask him to hand it back to Christopher Daniels, who accidentally dropped it on the ground.
*Stephanie McMahon will announce that she is pregnant. In true wrestling fashion there is a swerve, and Vince is announced as the father. Unfortunately, this isn't part of a storyline.
*To solve not only his own problems, but the lack of work for the younger wrestlers, HHH sends talent to Job Corps. Upon returning, they immediately begin working with HHH - to repair the crack in the glass ceiling.
*In more bad news for TNA, many people have been leaving during the middle of their TV tapings, complaining that it is too cold inside. This usually happens during Scott Steiner matches, when there is absolutely no heat in the building
*HHH will take himself out of the WWE World Title picture. He will then brag to his friends about how good he is at using Photoshop.
*Sci-Fi will demand a new "vampire" themed character for ECW on Tuesdays. In response, Paul Heyman will make Vince McMahon an ECW character, saying, "He's perfect for this. He's been sucking the life out of WWE for years now."
There. Comment, rep and / or mock. :wave: