Transformers

[Kalyx triaD]

Trailer:
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Clip from Leno:
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T-minus 3 weeks until the movie of the summer opens. We've seen spider-men, pirates, and fantastic families but when was the last time we seen giant robots... sneaking in backyards..?

Discussions and eventually reviews right here, kids.

[Destor]

Fans boys excluded: this is gonna blow.

[Xero]

Wait a minute, how does a compact car turn into a 500 foot robot?

[Kalyx triaD]

None of them are compact cars, though Jazz is pretty small. According to ILM, the dimensions are as 'realistic' as transforming robots can be. Every piece is accounted for and all that.

[Shaggy]

I love the trailer...

But that clip so makes me pissed that this movie is gonna blow. I know this movie will rock because right now I have very very low expectations for it...pretty much the same expectations that I have for the DOA movie...

[Kalyx triaD]

I know I can watch DOA right now, but I'll wait for the American DVD release. Feels odd getting something like this after Europe.

[Shaggy]

Just feels kinda weird knowing that Ive seen the trailer like a year or so ago and then suddenly I see online that its just now finally hitting theaters...almost like seeing a teaser trailer a year in advance...except that trailer I saw for it was the final trailer.

[LoDownM]

I have mixed feelings about the movie now... I'm still hope it turns out good, but I doubt it.

[Shadow]

Screw you all. All the transfans that are out there will make this movie some money.

Until the third week.

[Jeritron]

I don't really have any expectations for this movie other than sitting down for 2 hrs and spacing out watching robots. In the best case scenario, it will be Independence Day good. In the worst, it will be like any other Michael Bay crap.
I could care less about Transformers and their fanboys. They were cool toys and a good cartoon, nothing more nothing less. If this movie sucks nobody should be suprised, and there is no way in hell its gonna be "great".
At best it will be tolerable and deliver a well paced brain numbing action movie with cool effects.

[Boondock Saint]

All I know is word of mouth so far is that it is a kick ass movie. My roommate works at Paramount and he says the executives, ones who are usually huge prics, that are coming out of the screenings acting like they're 12 years old, they can't believe what they saw. And that wasn't even the finished product.

I was never that into Transformers, and I'm not a big Shia fan, but since I've moved out here and from what my roommate has told me it is going to be pretty awesome. I'm getting rather excited.

[Amaroqwolf]

The Soundtrack severly blows except for like two bands.

[Fignuts]

I will enjoy it. Because I don't take movies of this nature seriously.

[Amaroqwolf]

I will enjoy it, because I'm an old school Trans fan......(That disturbs me on so many levels to admit that) LOL

[mitchables]

I saw it last night, and I actually really enjoyed it. Maybe it's because I always approach these big summer blockbusters with a degree of skepticism, or maybe the crapfactory that was Fantastic Four 2 subliminally lowered my expectations of other 'big' films this summer, but Transformers was actually a really fun, enjoyable movie. Yeah, there was some grimace-worthy dialogue (I have never once in my life heard someone refer to their own salary as "ridiculous"), but the action scenes were done very well, and even the obligatory one-liners and humour drops weren't awful.

The movie was well paced; none of this 'build the story for hours and then let everyone down with a single crap battle' stuff, Matrix Revolutions_style.

Visually, the movie was stunning. The Transformers - even the radically redesigned Decepticons - stole the movie. Duh. But they were awesome. I felt 10 years old again for pretty much every second there was a robot on screen. Optimus Prime was amazing; the fact they had the same guy do the voice from the '80's cartoon probably added to it, but god, I love Optimus Prime. All the Autobots were very endearing actually, the movie did a really good job at making you want the Autobots to win. Megatron was cool, but honestly, you could put a robotic echo on Agent Smith's speech about humans being a virus and it would've fit the Megatron voice that Weaving provided to a tee. Ah well, it was still awesome. So was Starscream, actually. He didn't speak much, but he was evil to the core. Sure, he looks nothing like the Starscream I know and love from the cartoon, but he was kickass anyway.

However (spoilers may follow, though these are mostly shallow gripes that are here because I need to gripe about stuff always):

- I could not get over the federal agent who kept talking like a valley girl. "This is *such* a federal offence", "This is *so* not good", "You are *so* in trouble right now". Come on. The man is like 40 years old working for a super-secret government sector and he's talking like he's at the mall. Ugh. And as mentioned above, one guy actually says, "I would bet my ridiculous government salary on it". Ludicrous dialogue in some parts.

- The Secretary of Defence seemed to go from knowledgeable, teched-up man in charge to instantly senile like halfway through the movie.

- Because of the sheer size of the Transformers, during cluttered battle scenes you'd only really see partials of them, which made it pretty difficult to determine who was who. The Autobots are all relatively distinct, but the Decepticons, notably Starscream and Megatron (especially since they were both jets), were pretty easy to mix up if you weren't seriously focusing.

- SO MUCH BLACK HUMOUR. Not the macabre kind, the racial kind. Every black person (with the exception of the super-serious army man) in this film is a wise-crackin', grandma-yellin', chuckle factory. It hurts a bit, to be honest, because there's only so much of that shit I can take in a given period, but to have not only Bernie Mac but that fat guy from Me, Myself and Irene shooting blackisms at the screen was a bit of an overload.

Still, these are all fairly minor gripes in what otherwise was a pretty impressive film, especially for a summer blockbuster. Sure, the plot wasn't the thickest ever (not that that hurts, after convolution-fests like Spider-Man 3), but the visuals were great, the actors were good (can't have been easy filming/acting/reacting to a number of characters who only get put in later), and at the end of the day, really, the movie is about giant robots wanting to blow the crap out of each other.

And that, my friends, is a pretty impossible thing to screw up.

Ordinary viewer's perspective: 7.5/10
Transformers fan in me: 8.5/10

Go see it. :y:

[Shaggy]

Already got my tickets to the showing on Tuesday @ 8.... Im hoping its great and all the reviews so far have been good...

Im betting this will be my second fav movie of the summer...behind Die Hard.

[mitchables]

Shaggy you will enjoy this film. Guaranteed.

[Linkbowler]

I'm in the middle of watching the first season of the cartoon now. I really hope there's a sequel to the movie, because Soundwave was the most badass of all the transformers, and yet didn't make the movie lineup.

Optimus Prime may have been the most noble and Megatron the most powerful, but Laserbeak and Ravage didn't obey either of their every command, dammit.

[mitchables]

Yeah apparently Peter Cullen (Optimus Prime) and the two human leads have signed on for at least another film, with possibly a third in the works.

What frightens me is they're talking about bringing in like the Dinobots and stuff. :-\ Might make it a bit hard to swallow for casual fans. Ah well.

[mitchables]

Oh yeah, and what I meant to actually say was that Soundwave is supposed to be lined up to be in the next film. :y:

[Shaggy]

Yeah apparently Peter Cullen (Optimus Prime) and the two human leads have signed on for at least another film, with possibly a third in the works.

What frightens me is they're talking about bringing in like the Dinobots and stuff. :-\ Might make it a bit hard to swallow for casual fans. Ah well.

I believe the 2 human leads are Shia and Megan Fox....atleast thats what I read...I believe

[Boondock Saint]

(Posted this in the "Transformers is pissing me off or something thread...)

I saw an advanced screening.

HOLY SHIT, fucking awesome movie. Thin story but who gives a shit? It's giant fucking robots beating the shit out of each other and destroying L.A. in the process.

Such a wild ride. The transformations are done really well and their voices work quite well. Some funny parts too, throughout.

Megan Fox is SMOKING HOT.

So yeah, definitely worth checking out.

P.S. Never was that big of a fan of the cartoon. I knew who Optimus Prime was (who doesn't?) but that's pretty much it.

[Champion of Europa]

The movie showed up at our theater today. One can was regular and easy to get into. The other was locked with a combination lock and we will be sent the code on Monday, the day of it's first showing. Which means we can't advance screen it to employees to make sure there are no problems with the print.

That sucks.

So, we're trying to crack the code by trying every possible combination on one of the cans. Well, it's mostly me with a $120 reward if I manage to get it. There are 10,000 possible solutions, and I've tried 3,000 them. I'll have it cracked by Saturday, in all likelihood.

[Boondock Saint]

LOL

[Linkbowler]

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Reavant]

lol what is that shit?

[ClockShot]

Scored my tickets to the first showing on tuesday morning. Judging by what I'm hearing here, I should be pretty happy. :yes:

[Pinnacle Charisma]

Yeah i saw the movie last thursday and I really enjoy it. Some random thoughts.

It was much funnier than i thought as well and the main actor that played sam was really good and i was preety surpised by his performance seeing as i have never heard of him before.

The effects where awesome and the whole movie had a preety cool feel. Like Mitch said it was hard to distinguish between megatron and starscream at times.

Megan Fox was immense and Rachel Taylor was hot as well.

I thought there was too much focus on the guys from sector 7 and the senator of defense at times. Less human characters more transformer screen time. I mean most of the desceptcons where hardily in it. I would have loved to have seen some more starscream.


But the best part was the start of the movie with AGENT AARON FUCKING PEICE FROM 24 at the start.

[Downunder]

LOL @ the yanks having to wait until the 4th of july

[Confucius]

Never seen the cartoon, had a few of the toys but was never a massive Transformers fans. Everything i've seen so far makes we want to see the movie though.

ABC Warriors v Transformers for the sequel! Some chance...

[ClockShot]

LOL @ the yanks having to wait until the 4th of july

Actually, it got bumped up a day to the 3rd.

[Shaggy]

and also they are showing early showings on the 2nd starting at 8pm....

[Jon Kano]

I watched Transformers as a kid, but not enough to remember hardly any characters or storylines. So I wouldn't class myself as a fanboy, but I reckon it will be good.

As soon as I saw the trailer, with the kid as the key story-progressing protagonist, I kinda knew the story/acting/idea would suck, but fuck man, can't people just be positive and excited about the fact the effects look pretty sweet.

Some films I like with the fact you'll just be able to watch it for something that definately looks good, rather than wanting it all to match expectations of either simular films in the genre or being true to the primary material.

Is that a bunch of crap or does at least one person understand?:n: :y:

[Kane Knight]

I didn't realise that the guy who did Optimus Prime was Ramrod in Saber Rider.

[Downunder]

and also they are showing early showings on the 2nd starting at 8pm....

It's been out here a week already :p

[Amaroqwolf]

Got my tickets for Tuesday at 3:30 PM....No one could go earlier then that that is going with me...blah But I AM SO SEEING IT (rocks)

[Shaggy]

It's been out here a week already :p

Which is why ive spent the last week crying.... :'( ..... :shifty:

[Shaggy]

Just saw it...

I wasnt disapointed...but I wasnt fulfilled in the end...It just felt like it missing something to me.

Michael Bay needs to learn to shoot some scenes from a few feet away. There was way too many damn shots where the camera was focuses on one small parts (specifically in the fights between the bots....couldnt tell what the hell was going on most notable during the first scene.

Didnt really live up to the high expectations I had for it but then again I wasnt disapointed.

[Shadow]

lol what is that shit?

That would be the original Transformers cartoon.

Typical 80s cartoon so it's a little weak. It gets better though.

GODS I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THIS MOVIE!

[Shaggy]

Just saw it for a second time....

I liked it alot better the second time around...and I actually noticed a few things that I didnt notice the first time around.

[Skippord]

Just got back

pretty awesome

[Fignuts]

Saw it yesterday.

I want to have sex with this movie. So freaking awesome.

However, if you are the overly cynical type, or a hardcore transformers nerd, I'm sure you will find some way to ruin it for yourself.

[Kalyx triaD]

I'm a hardcore TF nerd, and the movie just replaced Jesus.

Being that I'm still in that elated "Best Movie Ever" phase, I'm gonna wait a few before posting my review on the movie.

Blackout and Barricade's transformations got applauded at my theater, as well as the Autobot introductions. Great laughs, great action; go see this movie.

[Fignuts]

If I could lay any kind of criticism on it, it's that the dialogue of the transformers themselves was overly campy, although I think that was done a bit on purpose to capture the old feel of the cartoons. And it actually works, and gives those who watched said cartoons a nostalgic feeling. However, it creates a noticeable contrast with the way the rest of the movie is presented.

This is of course an EXTREMELY minor gripe, and I still want to rape the movie.

Also Shia Lebouf is pretty funny in this.

[Fignuts]

Also, I was thinking about it, and I do believe that Starscream is quite possibly the most badass villain name ever, of any medium.

[Shaggy]

While I was watching it again the other day...when you first see Frenzy in the film people all round me were going "Oh my god...Soundwave!!!"

Did anyone else hear this or was it just me?

[Fignuts]

I thought it was supposed to be soundwave too.

[Skippord]

Also, I was thinking about it, and I do believe that Starscream is quite possibly the most badass villain name ever, of any medium.
:love:

[Kane Knight]

I agree with whoever said "Too much black comedy."

I also think there was too much comedy, in general. The scene where they're going for the glasses was funny, but way too long. And the little TF who turned into a CD player had too many pointless scenes, but that's only about 2 minutes of the movie.

Otherwise, GReatness. One of the best action flicks of the last few years. I don't know what they've changed, and I don't really care. Watching robots kick the shit out of one another was worth the 5.50.

[Shaggy]

I also think there was too much comedy, in general. The scene where they're going for the glasses was funny, but way too long. And the little TF who turned into a CD player had too many pointless scenes, but that's only about 2 minutes of the movie.


That would be Frenzy...many people hated him but if you think about it he was a very crucial character to the film (spoilers) Frenzy was the one that finally hacked in and discovered Sam and his glasses...and about the Iceman..with out him the Decepticons would of never found Sam and the Autobots would of won with no hassel. Plus he was also the one that helped take down the computers and helped Defrost Megatron from the inside

As far as comedy goes in the film...the only scene that I laughed at but didnt care for much was the "Bumblebee Lubricating" scene....the whole theater laughed and I laughed at first but it was just one of those scenes that I didnt really care much for.

[ClockShot]

Well after a day of viewing, here's my take on it. Highlight for spoilers.

That was Frenzy? All this time when I first saw that boombox I figured that would either be Blaster or Soundwave. But instead it was this thing. So where were the piledrivers?

Did anybody else shed a tear or two or call for the head of the writer who had Jazz killed off? I walked out of that theatre pissed and sad at the same time knowing that a staple was killed off. :'(

Anybody know any rumors or mention of Devastator being in the next film? Because Bonecrusher got fucking owned quick by Prime. Wonder if he might come back.

"To punish and enslave" Best. Slogan. Ever.

Megan Fox is hot.

I think they could have cut out the Defense Department rookies. In the end, they really wern't necessary.
That's all for now.

[Kane Knight]

That would be Frenzy...many people hated him but if you think about it he was a very crucial character to the film (spoilers) Frenzy was the one that finally hacked in and discovered Sam and his glasses...and about the Iceman..with out him the Decepticons would of never found Sam and the Autobots would of won with no hassel. Plus he was also the one that helped take down the computers and helped Defrost Megatron from the inside

As far as comedy goes in the film...the only scene that I laughed at but didnt care for much was the "Bumblebee Lubricating" scene....the whole theater laughed and I laughed at first but it was just one of those scenes that I didnt really care much for.

I'm not saying the character shouldn't have been there, but most of the scenes were pointless.

The "Lubricating" btit was pointless, but I'd take that over "are you masturbating?"

[Kane Knight]

"To punish and enslave" Best. Slogan. Ever.

I loved that.

As far as Jazz dying, I didn't know he was a staple.

[Shaggy]

I'm not saying the character shouldn't have been there, but most of the scenes were pointless.

The "Lubricating" btit was pointless, but I'd take that over "are you masturbating?"

God aint that True....


"To punish and enslave" Best. Slogan. Ever.

I loved that.


Also a true statement....loved it

[Blitz]

Loved it. What a big summer blockbuster should be. There was a lot more humour than I would've expected, but it worked very well. I found pretty much all the major characters likable (Sidenote-It's been said before, but Megan Fox=:drool: ). Action scenes were well done. Transformations were badass. My only gripe is that it felt a little overlong. Other than that, as good as I could expect a movie of this type to be.

[Shadow]

THIS IS KILLING ME THAT I HAVE TO FUCKING WAIT TILL FUCKING SATURDAY TO SEE THIS MOVIE! FUCKING WORK!

[Downunder]

I agree with whoever said "Too much black comedy."

I also think there was too much comedy, in general. The scene where they're going for the glasses was funny, but way too long. And the little TF who turned into a CD player had too many pointless scenes, but that's only about 2 minutes of the movie.

Otherwise, GReatness. One of the best action flicks of the last few years. I don't know what they've changed, and I don't really care. Watching robots kick the shit out of one another was worth the 5.50.

$5.50????

Fucking hell, unless I go on Tightarse Tuesday it will cost me $15.

[road doggy dogg]

Crazy sick movie.

[Jeritron]

<TABLE id=HB_Mail_Container height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0 UNSELECTABLE="on"><TBODY><TR height="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on" width="100%"><TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNSELECTABLE="off">I eat my words. It was way better than I expected, and was actually pretty damn good. I didn't think a good Transformers live action movie was possible, but somehow they did it and did it damn well</TD></TR><TR UNSELECTABLE="on" hb_tag="1"><TD style="FONT-SIZE: 1pt" height=1 UNSELECTABLE="on">
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[Funky Fly]

Lot better than I was expecting.

Jazz going "sup litlle bitches?" had me dying. Was not expecting that at all.

[Kane Knight]

$5.50????

Fucking hell, unless I go on Tightarse Tuesday it will cost me $15.

Matinee showing at the Latchis is 5.50. Only problem is it's usually got a shit selection, it's kinda run down, and so on. But they're a historical theater, and so changing from the projecxctors they were using in 1885 would be like letting the terrorists win.

[BigDaddyCool]

I am the biggest Transformers fan here bar none. I will buy a round trip ticket (or simply drive) to where you live and kick you square in the head then the balls then the head again if you try to argue with me.

Anyhow, with that being established. I like parts of the movie, and didn't like others.

First parts I didn't like:

1. Bubblebee is a fucking VW Beetle, not a Corvette. And Megatron is a gun, not a jet. Also, Barricade? There are no Decipticons that are cars. Only Autobots and be cars.

2. The robots were kinda ugly...but I can get past that.

3. Why did they have cybertron blown up?

4. Why couldn't they just get Frank Weller?

5. The hell is this All-Spark crap?

6. Sam Witwicky? Is it that hard to call him Sam "Spike" Witwicky?

7. Why did the robots swing around like fuckin' monkeys?

Things I like:

1. I'll admit I got all chocked up when Prime said, "One shall stand, and one shall fall."

Actaully, come to think of it, that is the only part I actaully really liked. It conjured up so much of my childhood.

Just side notes and nit-picking:

1. Why did they name the boom box Frenzy? Freny was a tape cassette, Soundwave is the boom box. But since the boom box character was nothing like Soundwave, I guess I'll let it past. They should have had it's robot form be a bird type creater and named it Lazerbeak on account that was Lazerbeaks role in the old cartoons.

2. Why did they kill jazz? It we barely got to know him in the movie.

3. I wonder if there is going to be a sequal, and if the main villian will be Galvetron or Unicron.

Side note:

Unicron > Galactus.

[BigDaddyCool]

BTW, Did they kill starscream in the movie. I don't remember if they shot him down or not. And when they were throwing them into the ocean, I didn't really reconize the robots.

[Shaggy]

A few answers to the two posts above me....

They had him come in and do some voice work but in the end his voice did not match the new image they were trying to create...thus he didnt get the part..however he does do the voice in the video game.

Yes there will be a sequel...Soundwave has been confirmed

Starscream Question: (spoilers) Starscream is not dead...if you stick around during the credits, after they show the two scenes of Sam's mom and dad being interviewed you can catch a scene of Starscream leaving Earths atmostphere...along with Starscream there are also two more Decepticons that are alive...

Barricade was beaten up in the beginning but can be seen again later on in the movie during a chase scene...that is the last you see of him so either that scene was put in as a mistake or he was just never killed off...I would expect him in the next film.

Also....Scorponok...he was shot but burrowed in the dirt....There was never any confirmation that he was dead so best guess is that he is still around also.

[Jeritron]

<TABLE id=HB_Mail_Container height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0 UNSELECTABLE="on"><TBODY><TR height="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on" width="100%"><TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNSELECTABLE="off">All of the decepticons were "killed". I realize you love the franchise more than me, and of course know more. But regardless of that you have to get past some of that shit and realize that in order for anything to ever be adapted into a movie changes must be made. Why was bumblebee not a beetle? And why were decepticons cars?
I can answer those questions for you without knowing everything about transformers. It makes for better chase scenes and cooler looking shit on screen.
I loved when Optimus would say "autobots, roll out"
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[BigDaddyCool]

<TABLE id=HB_Mail_Container height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0 UNSELECTABLE="on"><TBODY><TR height="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on" width="100%"><TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNSELECTABLE="off">All of the decepticons were "killed". I realize you love the franchise more than me, and of course know more. But regardless of that you have to get past some of that shit and realize that in order for anything to ever be adapted into a movie changes must be made. Why was bumblebee not a beetle? And why were decepticons cars?
I can answer those questions for you without knowing everything about transformers. It makes for better chase scenes and cooler looking shit on screen.
I loved when Optimus would say "autobots, roll out"
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To bad the real quote is "Autobots, transform and roll out."

[Jeritron]

<TABLE id=HB_Mail_Container height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0 UNSELECTABLE="on"><TBODY><TR height="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on" width="100%"><TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNSELECTABLE="off">yea but lets not get ridiculous, roll out does just fine. It's a movie, not the cartoon. Tbh, get over it. You're lucky it was as good as it was I suppose.</TD></TR><TR UNSELECTABLE="on" hb_tag="1"><TD style="FONT-SIZE: 1pt" height=1 UNSELECTABLE="on">
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[road doggy dogg]

Why do you have these big fuck-off spaces after your posts. I hate you.

[Kane Knight]

Starscream was the F-22, right? Despite the end scene dealy, there was wreckage of an F-22 in the shit they were trashing. Probably one of the legit planes he downed, then.

[BigDaddyCool]

yea but lets not get ridiculous, roll out does just fine. It's a movie, not the cartoon. Tbh, get over it. You're lucky it was as good as it was I suppose

It isn't just a cartoon, it is a life style. :mad:

Also, I'm going to have to second RDD in the spaces you have. They are gay.

As for KK, I didn't notice the wreckage. The screen at the theather we were at was crap and short and kinda blurred every so often.

[Kane Knight]

It isn't just a cartoon, it is a life style. :mad:

Also, I'm going to have to second RDD in the spaces you have. They are gay.

As for KK, I didn't notice the wreckage. The screen at the theather we were at was crap and short and kinda blurred every so often.

I'm pretty sure I saw F22 wreckage in with the rest of the Decepticons. I could be wrong, but perhaps it was intentionally done to "mislead."

I didn't bother watching after the Witwickys. The people at the theater turned the lights on, which they normally don't do if there is anything at the end.

[BigDaddyCool]

I'm pretty sure I saw F22 wreckage in with the rest of the Decepticons. I could be wrong, but perhaps it was intentionally done to "mislead."

I didn't bother watching after the Witwickys. The people at the theater turned the lights on, which they normally don't do if there is anything at the end.

Well, I for one and tired of Starscream dying.

[Requiem]

LOVED this movie, and I never watched the show when I was a kid. I knew about the Transformers, and I knew a few names like Optimus Prime and Megatron, as well as a few that I'd heard on the internet.

Yet, they still managed to make you really want the Autobots to win, and they made you realize that they really were alive and not just machines.

Also....


"1. Bubblebee is a fucking VW Beetle, not a Corvette. And Megatron is a gun, not a jet. Also, Barricade? There are no Decipticons that are cars. Only Autobots and be cars."

He was a Camaro in the movie, not a Corvette. Also, in the movie in case you didn't notice, they can take -any- shape. That is why Bumblebee changed from the old car to the newer one, and of course how Frenzy took the shape of the phone as well as the stereo.

[Fignuts]

They did at least pay tribute to him being a VW in the cartoon by having a yellow bug in the car sales scene.

[Requiem]

Also..

"Bumblebee's classic alternate mode was a Volkswagen Beetle, but this was changed to a Camaro. This is because the makers of Volkswagen do not want their vehicles associated with "war toys." Jazz can no longer be a Porche for the same reason."

"Megatron's classic alternate mode was a Walther P38 pistol, but Hasbro the owners, and official distributors of the toyline stated that they would not produce a gun of any kind for their characters (it's also illegal to make replica toy guns in several jurisdictions). Also the writers thought it was like "having Darth Vader transform into his own lightsaber and someone else swinging him around," so it was changed to an "interstellar jet." Megatron was also given a less humanoid face to make him more menacing."

[Skippord]

I'm pretty sure I saw F22 wreckage in with the rest of the Decepticons. I could be wrong, but perhaps it was intentionally done to "mislead."

I didn't bother watching after the Witwickys. The people at the theater turned the lights on, which they normally don't do if there is anything at the end.
Nah he flys out after the Witwickys

[ClockShot]

"1. Bubblebee is a fucking VW Beetle, not a Corvette. And Megatron is a gun, not a jet. Also, Barricade? There are no Decipticons that are cars. Only Autobots and be cars."

Well......There are the Stunticons. But that's a whole different story.

[Shaggy]

"Megatron's classic alternate mode was a Walther P38 pistol, but Hasbro the owners, and official distributors of the toyline stated that they would not produce a gun of any kind for their characters (it's also illegal to make replica toy guns in several jurisdictions). Also the writers thought it was like "having Darth Vader transform into his own lightsaber and someone else swinging him around," so it was changed to an "interstellar jet." Megatron was also given a less humanoid face to make him more menacing."

I like to think he was an X-Wing

[Kalyx triaD]

I am the biggest Transformers fan here bar none. I will buy a round trip ticket (or simply drive) to where you live and kick you square in the head then the balls then the head again if you try to argue with me.

First parts I didn't like:

1. Bubblebee is a fucking VW Beetle, not a Corvette. And Megatron is a gun, not a jet. Also, Barricade? There are no Decipticons that are cars. Only Autobots and be cars.

2. The robots were kinda ugly...but I can get past that.

3. Why did they have cybertron blown up?

4. Why couldn't they just get Frank Weller?

5. The hell is this All-Spark crap?

6. Sam Witwicky? Is it that hard to call him Sam "Spike" Witwicky?

7. Why did the robots swing around like fuckin' monkeys?

1. Vdub wants nothing to do with TF. I'm surprised it appeared in the car dealer scene.

2. I loved the designs; very alien, some cases very scary. The Autobot faces seem overly cuddly.

3. I figure Cybertron dead, not blown up. I could be wrong or missed a line.

4. His voice didn't fit Meg's current look. He lends his voice to the game counter-part if that's any relief. Hugo Weeving did great.

5. The film universe version of energon, compressed into a single relic. I conclude that it created Cybertron and all the TFs in a violent state ("We weren't so different once" - Prime). They eventually got all peaceful until Megs got all jiggy wit it.

6. Either or.

7. I won't begin to debate the natural movements of Non-Biological beings.

[Kalyx triaD]

Also:

The F22 attack on Megatron included all the jets. All of them...

Interesting, eh?

[Jeritron]

I don't know where the spaces come from, sometimes they are there, sometimes they aren't

[BigDaddyCool]

1. Vdub wants nothing to do with TF. I'm surprised it appeared in the car dealer scene.

2. I loved the designs; very alien, some cases very scary. The Autobot faces seem overly cuddly.

3. I figure Cybertron dead, not blown up. I could be wrong or missed a line.

4. His voice didn't fit Meg's current look. He lends his voice to the game counter-part if that's any relief. Hugo Weeving did great.

5. The film universe version of energon, compressed into a single relic. I conclude that it created Cybertron and all the TFs in a violent state ("We weren't so different once" - Prime). They eventually got all peaceful until Megs got all jiggy wit it.

6. Either or.

7. I won't begin to debate the natural movements of Non-Biological beings.

No, you are wrong. I am right.

[Kane Knight]

Nah he flys out after the WitwickysYes. That's. What. I. Was. Referencing.

[Kane Knight]

1. Vdub wants nothing to do with TF. I'm surprised it appeared in the car dealer scene.

2. I loved the designs; very alien, some cases very scary. The Autobot faces seem overly cuddly.

3. I figure Cybertron dead, not blown up. I could be wrong or missed a line.

4. His voice didn't fit Meg's current look. He lends his voice to the game counter-part if that's any relief. Hugo Weeving did great.

5. The film universe version of energon, compressed into a single relic. I conclude that it created Cybertron and all the TFs in a violent state ("We weren't so different once" - Prime). They eventually got all peaceful until Megs got all jiggy wit it.

6. Either or.

7. I won't begin to debate the natural movements of Non-Biological beings.

All I can say is "And people thought I was nerdy for being able to read a Wikipedia article and understand TV spots."

[Supreme Olajuwon]

I liked the cute little George Bush impersonation they threw in there. That made me chuckle.

[Shaggy]

I liked the cute little George Bush impersonation they threw in there. That made me chuckle.

It reminded me of the George Bush impression from Robot Chicken

[Skippord]

Yes. That's. What. I. Was. Referencing.
I DONT LIKE YOUR CONDESENDING ATTITUDE

[94 SVT Cobra]

I just got back from seeing it tonight and actually i thought it was pretty good. didnt even notice how long it was really, but then again, i didnt mind either. Nice to see them not fuck it up as bad as we thought they would.

Megatron looked fuckin BADASS IMO

[Shadow]

I agree with the Corba guy. Megs was more then Badass. And the thing is...I didn't even notice it was Hugo doing the voice. If I didn't know about it previouslly, I would've guessed Welker did Megatron.

I soooooooooo enjoyed this movie. Everything about it was rocking. I especially loved the eye candy we had in Megan Fox. She can steal my car any time.

[UmbrellaCorporation]

Yeah, I think the only reason I noticed it was Hugo Weaving doing the voice, was because I was actively LISTENING for Weaving, since I knew about it beforehand.

Regardless, he did an awesome job, and this movie destroyed.

I was trying to tell my friends that the whole reason I was hyped up for Spider Man 3 was because of Venom. And Venom was the MAIN reason I saw Spider Man 3. But as an entirety, Transformers blew Spider Man 3 out of the water, no questions asked.


And *SPOILERS - Highlight* Starscream lived? Also, did anyone notice the fact that he kinda blended in with the jets that were shooting at Megatron near the end? That doesn't necessarily MEAN he was being traitorous, but considering the nature of the character...it isn't much of a stretch. Food for thought. Regardless, Starscream = Win.

All I know is if we get Soundwave in the next one, I am so happy. :heart:

[UmbrellaCorporation]

Also:

The F22 attack on Megatron included all the jets. All of them...

Interesting, eh?

Above my post above. Looks like Kalyx beat me to that theory. :y:

[Splaya]

So here's the deal, I was up north during this weekend and was like Damn I'll miss this movie.

It rained one night so we went to watch it at a danky run down movie theater with no surround sound.

I have tickets to go see it in Surround sound Tuesday. That should tell you how much I enjoyed this movie.

First of all: It blew Spider Man 3 out of the water. Anyone who says SM3 was better is just a diehard Spidey fan. Compare the 2 and you'll realize that even though it was the first Transformers movie, and had fresher characters, think back when the cartoon was on. If someone told you that they would make a movie in the future, where it was not animated, had a lot of CGI in it, wouldn't you just drool from the thought?

[Boomer]

Just finishing seeing it twenty minutes ago.

Didn't enjoy it very much, but I have no nostalgia for it because I never watched it as a child.

I enjoyed (most of) the humor. But IMO, there was not one solidified long action sequence. Like they would gain some momentum and then just cut it completely just to show off how hot Megan Fox was. I guess I just expected some fucking long ass fight sequences rather than a 25 second scene with slow motion mixed in showing Prime kicking somebodies ass instantly.

Near the beginning of the movie the huge rock riff started and everyone in the audience started going apeshit expecting some huge shit to go down and then all of a sudden the battle comes to a screeching halt. We were all anticipating, but never got 100%. A lot of people still applauded at the end though.

Product placement started getting a little ridiculous, though I'll let all car product placement pass because all the cars were fucking beautiful.

Oh and the special effects were amazing of course...though I frequently lost the Transformers a lot in the backdrops of the city. But that wasn't a huge deal.

[Pinnacle Charisma]

And with the all spark did anyone watch the awesome beast wars series.

The thing was that every transformer had a spark and when a spark would come down from space or whatever the spart would turn into a transformer and from thier heart.

So maybe they got thier idea from that.

[Vastardikai]

It was decent. It wasn't anywhere near Transformers the Movie (The animated movie that was more intense, had a better soundtrack, and told a better story), but it was decent in its own right.

I liked how Starscream seriously owned. However, I wonder if there will be some dumbasses to protest this, like they protested 300. Spoiler in Black: Since Megatron seemed to be the only Decepticon that could speak English. That just screams anti-Immigrant, doesn't it? :shifty:

[Kalyx triaD]

Starscream and Barricade spoke english. And anyone this far into the thread without having seen the movie will just have to deal with spoilers. When it's an official movie thread sort of thing, expect spoilers.

Okay... Let's start the sequel discussion, shall we?

Starscream leads the 'Cons now I guess. And what part do you think they have planned for Soundwave?

[Vastardikai]

^

It seemed like it to me.

Anyway, I'd pay to see Starscream lead the 'Cons. Even get him a kick ass crown for the job. Then, at the peak of his celebration, we find out that Megatron isn't dead, and has been ressurected... as Galvatron. Galvatron then shoots and kills Starscream, and takes over his throne. In the process, he crushes the Kick Ass Crown underfoot.

Oh yeah, that was Transformers the Movie. :shifty:

btw, Transformers the Movie > Transformers.

[ClockShot]

And with the all spark did anyone watch the awesome beast wars series.

The thing was that every transformer had a spark and when a spark would come down from space or whatever the spart would turn into a transformer and from thier heart.

So maybe they got thier idea from that.

I watched it and enjoyed it.

But I thought those were just stasis pods or whatever they called them. The Maximals were carrying them with them on their mission to a new planet or something, but then the Predacons caught up to them and Primal had to dump them in orbit before they crashed on what would be eEarth. Every few episodes one would crash land and it would be a race to activate it, then it would scan the nearest item, in this case an animal. And it would a big surprise at the end of the episode and which side it would take.

[Shadow]

We had a total of 6 become new characters on Beast Wars.

4 of which ended up dead.

[Avenger]

Just saw this movie. Never watched the cartoon as a kid but most of this film absolutely sucked. Terrible script, acting and plotlines.

[Nervous Ferret]

Hate this movie because like 12 people say Shia Labeouff reminds them of me

[YOUR Hero]

I never watched this stuff before the movie and I found it to be ok. The characters were tough to differentiate a little. Glad I saw it, they had some nice visuals, but pound for pound, Die Hard kicked it's ass.

[Lara Emily]

Good lord, the action sequences were pretty darn good, suprisingly given that I usually can't stand Bay's style (He still went to shaky close up for me during the Tron vs Prime fight, especially Starscream's but my god there wasn't enough of them, out of a 2 and a half hour movie there was what 20-30 minutes of action tops. The Decepticons basically had no depth to them which blew, the Autobots only had marginally more. The humour was awful, god awful and out of place, Fox is attractive sure but she's such a terrible actress it was laughable plus what was with the orange tan yikes, at it's best it was fantastic at its worst it was one of the worst movies of the year, it's unfortunate that it was at its worst for 70% of the film. Honestly at times it felt like it was a GI JOE and Their Teen Allies film with cameos by the Transformers.

[The Naitch]

shut up you tranny

[yianni]

Saw this yesterday, I enjoyed it thought the transformers were fucking badass as all hell. Megan Fox (if that's her name) is fucking hot like others have said. The only thing I didn't like was the shitty little romance thing that went on throughout the movie, and the line "whatever happens, I'm glad I got into the car with you" was so fucking cheezy and shat me up the wall. Otherwise really enjoyed it, good stuff :cool:

[Gonzo]

Some of you guys are nitpicky bastards.

I enjoyed the movie, never watched the cartoon as a kid, so for standalone entertainment it did its job.

[bigdaddysuperfreak]

I saw the movie yesterday with my 5yo son and it brought back so many memories.

[Fignuts]

I'm sick of hearing that the final battle was too long. Yeah, I want fewer minutes of giant robots kicking ass in crowded streets. Retards.

[Fignuts]

Also, the logical villain for the sequel is Unicron, since they've already done Scorponk as a minion.

[YOUR Hero]

I'm sick of hearing that the final battle was too long. Yeah, I want fewer minutes of giant robots kicking ass in crowded streets. Retards.

People are dumb.

[Skippord]

Loved it both times

[Johnny Vegas]

Dude, their going to come out with a Thunder Cats, i know it

[Dave Youell]

I haven't read any of this thread, i just want to say that was one of the best action films i've seen in years, I normally hate Micheal Bay flicks, but this was top notch.

Very happy with how all the robots came over, I only wish there was more starscream, they only touched on the issues between megatron and him, I loved Starscream in the cartoon.

Looks like he could be the new leader though as he escaped into space at the end of the film.

Now I want Grimlock!

[94 SVT Cobra]

All i know is that THIS motherfucker (Unicron) better be in ONE of the sequels if they make one....

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[Kalyx triaD]

Unicron would be crazy in live action. Animating him would max out the entire budget. I'd make him smaller, like the Moon or something (which is still huge).

[94 SVT Cobra]

wtf, how big is he supposed to be? looks like the size of the moon there.

[94 SVT Cobra]

wtf, how big is he supposed to be? looks like the size of the moon there.

[Jeritron]

how would the size of an animated character have any bearing on the budget?
It's about the number of shots, the quality of animation, and what said animation has to do within the movie.
It's not like it's more costly to animate a huge spaceship than it is to animate Yoda.

With that being said, what does Unicron have to do?, float through space as an inanimate orb with a dubbed in voice? Prob pretty fuckin simple. He'll probably transform like once. And I doubt his inclusion would call for a lot of shots. How many times during the movie are you gonna show him floating through space?

[Downunder]

I found the humour to be very forced, it was almost like "we need to put a joke in here" and most of the jokes weren't funny.

But over all for a big dumb action movie it delivered.

[Shadow]

wtf, how big is he supposed to be? looks like the size of the moon there.

A planet. That's how big he's supposed to be.

[Jon Kano]

Saw this last night and I gotta say I fucking loved it. Wasn't expecting a deep plot really since I knew this was just going to be an awesome action flick and I loved it.

Acting from that Shia or whatever the fuck guy, was ok. The humor was fucking shit though.

But well worth the money spent! I loved it. Bring on the sequel.

[Mr Regal]

I watched this tonight!

Fucking awesome film. Acting and script....cheesy as fuck...action...out of this world.

Blockbuster film at it's best. i am still smiling after watching this:) Every single scene with a transformer in was GOLD.

Oh and the two chicks in it were so hot it made my eyes bleed a little.

[Pinnacle Charisma]

I watched it and enjoyed it.

But I thought those were just stasis pods or whatever they called them. The Maximals were carrying them with them on their mission to a new planet or something, but then the Predacons caught up to them and Primal had to dump them in orbit before they crashed on what would be eEarth. Every few episodes one would crash land and it would be a race to activate it, then it would scan the nearest item, in this case an animal. And it would a big surprise at the end of the episode and which side it would take.

yeah maybe u are right but some reason i thought they refered to the actual thing inside the pod sparks

whatever it has been like 10 years since i have last seen them

[Dave Youell]

LOFL!!

For those of you that love plot holes, read this:

http://www.the-editing-room.com/transformers.html

FADE IN:

EXT. MIDDLE EAST

Some TOTALLY AWESOME AND BAD ASS MILITARY SHIT flies around ready to fucking kick some fucking ass! JOSH DUHAMEL, TYRESE GIBSON, AMAURY NOLASCO, and ZACK WARD act masculine and spit their lines through clenched teeth.

TYRESE GIBSON

Man, all of this military shit is starting to give me the creeps.

JOSH DUHAMEL

Because you know that one of these vehicles is going to turn into a murderous gigantic robot?

TYRESE GIBSON

No, because Michael Bay shoots military scenes the way other people shoot pornos. Is there even a name for a fetish where people get off on army gear?




ZACK WARD

I can’t wait to get out of this generic middle eastern war zone.

(wistful)

Getting back home, enjoying a baseball game and a beer…

JOSH DUHAMEL

…holding my newborn daughter for the first time…

TYRESE GIBSON

…wasting eight bucks on a Michael Bay noisefest…

Eventually, MICHAEL BAY feels satisfied that he has given these characters enough personality that people will care about them, so it’s time for something LOUD!

A HELICOPTER turns into a FUCKING GIANT FUCKING ROBOT and SHOOTS THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF EVERYTHING! Nobody important dies, but the robot, BLACKOUT, steals some files.

BLACKOUT

Roflcopter! I’m in ur networx, haxx0ring ur filez!

INT. HIGH SCHOOL

SHIA LABEOUF gives an oral report on his grandfather to a class of ADULTS pretending to be TEENAGERS.

SHIA LABEOUF

Yeah, so my great, great grandfather used to be a famous explorer. I’m selling his glasses on eBay. He went crazy, saying he discovered a giant robot buried in the ice.

TEACHER

Excellent expository report, Shia. You crammed in about as much plot-relevant information as possible so that the writers wouldn’t have to do anything clever with it. A-.

SHIA LABEOUF

Great, now I can go buy a car that’s actually a robotic alien sent to earth to protect me. It’s a good thing the evil robots waited to attack the planet until after I’m old enough to drive.

SHIA finds a yellow ‘74 Camaro named BUMBLEBEE that he likes solely because there’s a black stripe on the car, indicating that SHIA is a moron.

BERNIE MAC

You should buy this car from me, because I’m slimy and fast-talking. Five thousand dollars.

SHIA LABEOUF

Four thousand - I figure you owe me a thousand from the time I accidentally watched an episode of The Bernie Mac show.

BERNIE refuses to negotiate, but then BUMBLEBEE uses his stereo to completely destroy the windows of BERNIE’S other cars.

SHIA LABEOUF

Ha, now that’s a Camaro with attitude! I assume four thousand is enough now!

BERNIE MAC

My God. My entire inventory. Ruined. I’ll never be able to pay for the repairs to all of these vehicles. My business is ruined. You single-handedly just completely destroyed my life. All because I wanted another thousand dollars for the coolest car on the fucking planet.

BERNIE probably goes home and kills himself, but we don’t care because we want to see more GIANT FUCKING ROBOTS.

INT. GOVERNMENT AGENCY

JON VOIGHT talks to a group of high school students.

JON VOIGHT

Someone hacked a bunch of our files. We need you high school computer whizzes to help us.

RACHAEL TAYLOR

Why high school students?

JON VOIGHT

They’re our target demographic. Look, we’re not even going to pretend the premise of this movie makes sense. Let it go, we’re just trying to sell toys and cars.

A SMALL, TOTALLY OBNOXIOUS ROBOT hacks into the government again, this time from a moving airplane, because COMPUTER NETWORKS are MAGICAL.

RACHAEL TAYLOR

I think the obnoxious robot has somehow uploaded a computer virus to the network.

JON VOIGHT

It uploaded a destructive virus to a completely foreign network that is somehow compatible with the virus code? Only Michael Bay would think it was worth ripping off the stupidest part of Independence Day for his own movie.

A GEORGE W. BUSH impersonator asks for some ding-dongs.

DIRECTOR MICHAEL BAY

LOOK I’M TRYING POLITICAL HUMOR NOW HA HA OKAY LET’S BLOW SOMETHING UP!

EXT. MIDDLE EAST

The SOLDIERS are walking around in the DESERT when suddenly they are attacked by a GIANT FUCKING ROBOTIC SCORPION.

JOSH DUHAMEL

Oh no, a robotic scorpion! I wonder what kind of vehicle it turns into.

ROBOTIC SCORPION

Huh? No, this is all I am. I’m a robotic scorpion. I don’t transform.

ZACK WARD

We’re three robots into the movie and we’re already inconsistent with the title?

ROBOTIC SCORPION

Hey, didn’t you get cast as the star of the next Uwe Boll movie? I’ll just spare us all and kill you now.

The SCORPION kills ZACK. The remaining soldiers blow up all kinds of stuff and call in planes to blow up more stuff. Eventually one of the things blown up is the ROBOTIC SCORPION. Also a MIDDLE EASTERN guy is unhelpful and picks his nose, because MICHAEL BAY doesn’t know the difference between COMEDY and RACISM.

EXT. CALIFORNIA

SHIA tries to get into MEGAN FOX’S PANTS.

MEGAN FOX

I’m hot, but I also know about car engines because Michael Bay thinks that the best way to give a character a personality is to have them know something technical.

SHIA LABEOUF

Guh, you’re soft. I’m so glad we have so many classes together.

MEGAN FOX

Classes? I’m supposed to be in high school? I could barely pass for a college student. Is Michael Bay blind?

SHIA LABEOUF

No, just unbelievably stupid.

DIRECTOR MICHAEL BAY

MEGAN HAS NICE TITS LOOK AT THEM! ALRIGHT IT’S TIME FOR SOME FIGHTING NOW!

SHIA discovers that his car turns into a GIANT FUCKING ROBOT. He is chased by a different GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, BARRICADE.

BARRICADE

ARE YOU EBAY USER LADIESMAN217?

SHIA LABEOUF

Holy shit, yes!

BARRICADE

I BOUGHT THIS LINKIN PARK CD FROM YOU AND IT’S SCRATCHED. I CAN’T PLAY MY FAVORITE SONG AND IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME A REFUND I’M LEAVING YOU NEGATIVE FEEDBACK!

Suddenly, BUMBLEBEE rescues SHIA. There is a mess of incomprehensible, blurry metal on the screen. We assume robots are FIGHTING and that it KICKS ASS. Shitty buttrock blares as the GIANT FUCKING ROBOTS fight each other.

SHIA LABEOUF

God, the movie is so cheesy it almost seems like Michael Bay is satirizing his own style.

Eventually, BARRICADE is destroyed, though not enough to prevent it from showing up later in the movie. Also, BUMBLEBEE converts itself into a modern CAMARO.

SHIA LABEOUF

Wait, transformers can just turn into a completely different machines whenever they want? That completely invalidates the premise. Why does Bumblebee retain aspects of the Camaro when in robot mode if he could just shapeshift into any kind of robot he wants at will?

CHEVROLET

So that we can sell cars, moron. What do you think the point of the movie is, to explore the human condition? Chevrolet: An American Revolution.

INT. GOVERNMENT AGENCY

RACHAEL TAYLOR visits ANTHONY ANDERSON.

ANTHONY ANDERSON

I’m fat! And black! That’s fucking comedy gold right there!

RACHAEL TAYLOR

Anthony, I need your help.

ANTHONY ANDERSON

With figuring out what’s hacking into the government computers?

RACHAEL TAYLOR

No, I just need character that’s even more worthless than me so that I seem relevant to the story.

They fail to figure out what is hacking the computers, then they are locked up in an interrogation room, thereby ensuring that they can’t accomplish anything in the movie at all.

EXT. CALIFORNIA

More TRANSFORMERS present themselves to SHIA.

PETER CULLEN

I am Peter Cullen, leader of the Autobots. We learned English using the internet.

SHIA LABEOUF

Didn’t you guys just arrive in comets? How did you have internet access?

PETER CULLEN

Umm…

SHIA LABEOUF

It’s a crime someone as breathtakingly stupid as Michael Bay gets to be so rich.

The TRANSFORMERS and SHIA go to SHIA’S HOUSE.

PETER CULLEN

When your great, great grandfather found evil robot Hugo Weaving in the arctic, he accidentally activated him, which resulted in his location being imprinted on the glasses you tried to sell on eBay. And when I say location, I am referring to the location that Hugo would later be transported to by your government.

SHIA LABEOUF

…

MEGAN FOX

I can’t believe someone made a movie where the scenes in which gigantic toy robots fight each other are the LEAST ridiculous scenes in it.

The GIANT FUCKING ROBOTS ruin the flower garden and try to avoid being seen by SHIA’S PARENTS.

SHIA LABEOUF

When did this movie turn into an episode of ALF? Can we get to the part of the movie where robots fight and Michael Bay bukkakes my childhood?

All of the human characters met so far are transported to HOOVER DAM, secret location of HUGO WEAVING.

INT. HOOVER DAM

JOHN TURTURRO introduces himself to everyone.

JOHN TUTURRO

Hello one-dimensional human characters. I am the leader of an overused film cliche: a secret agency that knew about the giant robots all along. We’ve been hiding this huge cube, the MacGuffinSpark. It contains energy that turns ordinary electronic and mechanical devices into homicidal robots.

RACHAEL TAYLOR

But didn’t the MacGuffinSpark also make the autobots? How come they aren’t evil?

DIRECTOR MICHAEL BAY

STOP ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS IT’S TIME TO BLOW SOMETHING UP!

All of the DECEPTICONS and AUTOBOTS converge for a massive battle. HUGO WEAVING awakens from his robocoma.

HUGO WEAVING

Raowwwr! I’m going to kill you, Peter Cullen!

PETER CULLEN

You speak English, too?

HUGO WEAVING

Um… 19th century internet?

All of the GIANT FUCKING ROBOTS fight each other as MICHAEL BAY spends his entire special effects budget.

MICHAEL BAY

NOTICE HOW ALL OF THE BAD ROBOTS ARE AUTHORITARIAN SYMBOLS LIKE MILITARY AND POLICE VEHICLES WHILE THE GOOD ROBOTS ARE SPORTS CARS AND AMBULANCES? I’M A SUBTLE POLITICAL COMMENTATOR NOW OKAY SO LET’S CRASH THROUGH SOME BUILDINGS!

HUGO WEAVING

Why do you protect these humans, Peter? Humans are too violent to live.

PETER CULLEN

This from a guy that used to transform into a pistol?

HUGO WEAVING

Look, the 80’s were a long time ago. I experimented, okay? I was in college and I thought maybe I could be a gun for a while. It’s cool, I’m 100% Alien Jet now.

BUMBLEBEE makes the MacGuffinSpark small enough for SHIA to carry around.

JOSH DUHAMEL

Shia, you have to get to the roof of some building. A helicopter will pick you up and take you to safety.

SHIA LABEOUF

How? Two of the bad guys are jets and another is a military chopper. Can this helicopter teleport or something?

JOSH DUHAMEL

Michael Bay doesn’t know how to direct an action sequence without someone needing to get to run toward something, so you better get moving before the movie gets boring again.

SHIA LABEOUF

On my way. I don’t think I could endure another 20 minutes of robots breaking my lawn furniture.

HUGO WEAVING chases SHIA toward a helicopter that he could easily shoot down once SHIA is on board.

HUGO WEAVING

Give me that MacGuffinSpark, boy! With it, I can turn thousands of household items into robots, all of which I could sell as toys! Mwa-ha-ha!

SHIA turns around and points the MacGuffinSpark at HUGO, which kills him.

MEGAN FOX

What the hell? Did you just kill him using the very item he was trying to acquire? How did you know that would work?

SHIA LABEOUF

I tried to think of the most nonsensical ending the movie could have, and I knew that’s what Michael Bay would do.

Everyone decides to sink HUGO rather than DESTROY him for some reason.

PETER CULLEN (V.O.)

We’ve now made Earth our home. We stay in lame-o vehicle mode all of the time now, watching over humanity, and waiting for the sequel.

BUMBLEBEE

Stay through the credits if you want to endure more godawful whiny rock music.

[Kalyx triaD]

Kick-ass marketing gimmick. (http://optimus.transformersmovie.com/)

[Splaya]

Holy shit this is amazing

[Johnny Vegas]

I've seen the movie about 12 times. Still get goosebumps everytime _________ (can't think of his name, on the autobots) shoots his cannons onto the street to get more elevation so the missles miss him and he jumps over that screaming girl. :y: :y: :y:

[Kalyx triaD]

Ironhide.

[Johnny Vegas]

OH yea :y: