Post Chappelle's Show quotes here

[Triple A]

lol DLed both Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories with Rick James and Prince.
<hr>
Charlie Murphy: He started kickin it and he was mad ******ish, you know, which was right up my alley.
Rick James: I'm one of the baddest mother ****ers of all time. One of the best singers and one of the best lookin mother ****ers you've ever seen. Hold my drink, bitch.
<hr>
Rick James: Now, Darkness, the tables have turned. Do with him whatever you like.
Charlie Murphy: You mother****ers take one more step, I'm kickin this nigga out the mother ****in window.
<hr>
Rick James: Charlie! There's a new joke goin around, have you heard it? What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP. Colllld bloooooded. Bang bang, I'm Rick James, bitch.
Charlie Murphy: I'm standing there and thinking, this nigga has really lost his ****in mind. First of all, you don't slap a man. Even when slapping was fashionable...


<hr>
Prince: Hello Eddie Murphy. I'm a big fan of your comedies. Would you like to come to my house and listen to some music?
Eddie Murphy: Ooh, that's cool. Fruity, get the car.
Prince: Assemble your crew. I'll be outside.
<hr>
Prince: This bores me. Is anyone up for a game of basketball? How about you and your friends... vs. me... and The Revolution.
<hr>
Charlie Murphy: So I was like this nigga must be joking, cause I don't know where he's goin with this, but he was dead serious. He had his help or whatever go and get some shorts and sneakers and gave them to us and I'm laughin, I'm like this is gonna be some funny ass shit. So they come out, right, and I look at them and they still got on the same shit they be wearin at the club.
<hr>
Prince: (dunks) Game. ... Blouses.
<hr>
Charlie Murphy: After it was all over, he took us in the house and served us pancakes. ... Pancakes.
<hr>
Charlie Murphy: I gotta admit though, it was a good game.
Prince: I wish I could say the same for you and your crew of flunkies. Do you guys want some grapes? ... Bitches.

[Supreme Olajuwon]

Chad: Hi, I'm Chad, your new roommate.
Tyree: Well, looky here, "Chad." For the entire period you in my room, I better not catch you standing up peeing. You sit down when you pee, you got that? Now get your fat ass on outta here.
<hr>
"Actually I'd feel more comfortable if I pulled my penis through this hole"
<hr>
GZA: You need to diversify yo bonds, nigga
<hr>
R. Kelly: Gonna give you some poopoo. Gonna give you some peepee. Gonna give you some doodoo. Gonna give you some weewee
<hr>
Old Guy: Way to go Youngblood gettin paid gettin paid
<hr>
Guy 1: Yo I heard Calvin got a job
Guy 2: Man, I'm proud of him, man
Guy 3: Let's rob that nigga, son

[Mic Blaze]

Black Represenitive:The blacks choose Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods: Goodbye Fried Rice Hello Fried Chicken

Tiger Woods:Ive always wanted to say this FA SHIZZLE

[Yashamaga]

Prince: shoot the J. SHOOT IT!

[el fregadero]

<font color=teal>Chappelle: Hey ladies.
Girl: Ew, nigga you smell like french fries.</font>

[Buzzkill]

Fu</>ck yo couch niggaa

[Buzzkill]

Rick James: I wish I had more hands...so I could give them titties 4 THUMBS DOWN

[AareDub]

"Nurse come quick!! Billy is gettin his ass WHOOPED at Street Hoops"

[FakeLaser]

Black Gallagher: His name is Osama Bin Laden... but they should be callin him Osama BEEN HIDIN!

[The Chosen 1]

Iam Rick James bitch.

[The Chosen 1]

Chapelle is in the internet.

Guy 1: Tax returns
Guy 2: Gambling
(repeate it a few times)
(Chapelle hits them)
Chapelle: POP UP BLOCKER bitch.

[el fregadero]

<font color=teal>I know how you Niggars are about paying bills.</font>

[Ol Dirty Dastard]

Yeah I knew flippers, cept I didn't know him as Flipper, I knew him as James...the nigga hatin' dolphin.

[Savio]

White person voice: I would like a box of wine.

[el fregadero]

<font color=teal>Sorry I was late, I got caught with some poonanny. *smells finger*</font>

[Innovator]

I plead the fizzif

Ron Jeremy - Do you want to see me have sex?
Chappelle - No
Ron Jeremy - Do you want to see Paris Hilton have sex with her boyfriend?
Chappelle - Of course
Ron Jeremy - Follow me

Prince - Lets run the plays...computer blue

R. Kelly - I sip crys....you drink piss

[Mic Blaze]

Tron:We've called the house meeting to kick you out
Chad:But uh
Tron:Or we could just f*ck you up. If worse comes to worse we reserve the right to f*ck you up


Chad: But Tyree you had sex with KAtie
Tyree: Lysol had sex wit Katie I just filmeded it
Kaite: No Tyree I you had sex with me too
Tyree:Correction I Had sex with Katie
Tron:Hey dog I had sex with Kaite too...And she had some big tittays

[Triple A]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, you darkness... you black... midnight... evil... mother ****er. Black magic, darkness, aw, darkness... aw... shit... delirious mother ****er. Ahhh. You are cold as ice.

[Triple A]

Charlie Murphy: He had this ring on to commemorate this song he put out called "Unity." Eddie and everybody else thought that was the funniest shit, so that threw me in a weird space. Cause I'm like, yeah this is Rick James, he's a star.

Rick James: I'm Rick James, bitch, hahahaha. It's a celebration, bitch, hahahaha.

Charlie Murphy: Maybe I'm overreacting. I actually went there like, maybe I shouldn't do nothing, but my ghetto side was going, "Yo, stomp this mother ****er out right here. What the **** is wrong with <i>him</i>."

[Smitty]

Guy 1: Ill have a Samuel Adams
Guy 2: Ill have a Sam Adams too
Guy 3: Ill have a Samuel Jackson (shifts to Sam L. (dave chappelle) dressed as samuel adams :rofl: )

[samichna]

Fu</>ck yo couch niggaa

[Smitty]

real Rick James: Cocaine's a hell of a drug *chuckles*

[samichna]

**** YO COUCH NIGGAAAAAAAAAA

[Yashamaga]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, you darkness... you black... midnight... evil... mother ****er. Black magic, darkness, aw, darkness... aw... shit... delirious mother ****er. Ahhh. You are cold as ice.

you forgot Raw.

ass.

[Innovator]

Fu</>ck Nick Cannon

[Smitty]

Pop Copy Video Guy: mmmm...now that's poopy!

[Smitty]

Lil Jon: OK, YEAH, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, OK!!!

[Supreme Olajuwon]

Son: Daddy Nick Cannon is hilarious
Dave: Well guess what, Nick Cannon just took your school clothes money. I'm broke nigga I"M BROKE

Son: He's hilarious daddy
Dave: You know you're acting like a little bitch

[BloodRiotZero]

As the good book says, "He who hath no sin shall throweth the first stone... and I shall smoketh it"

I dunno what they make the keys out of, but whatever it is it's nonstick

I should've just got on the internet and matsurbated like I planned

[Triple A]

Son: Daddy Nick Cannon is hilarious
Dave: Well guess what, Nick Cannon just took your school clothes money. I'm broke nigga I"M BROKE

Son: He's hilarious daddy
Dave: You know you're acting like a little bitch
LOL

[el fregadero]

<font color=teal>Hey look, it's a boat with some white people on it. Y'all stay here, I'ma go see what they want.</font>

[jessica rocks]

To women in car: Buckle up bitch.
*hits cop
*drives off

[Triple A]

Why don't I stretch out? Hahahaha. **** yo couch, nigga. Buy another one you rich mother ****er. **** yo couch, nigga! **** yo couch! Darknesses! Darknesses!

Charlie Murphy: Because of my complexion, he used to call me Darkness. He calls me and my brother Darkness. He calls us "Darkness Brothers". See, this is long before Wesley Snipes. Back then, we was the blackest niggas on the planet, according to Rick James.

[Triple A]

lol listening to Rick James - Cold Blooded

[StrongMad]

Friend #1: Where is he?
Friend #2: Oh, he'll be here. In 3, 2, 1...
Tyrone Biggums: [Races inside room] Is this the 5:00 Free Crack Giveaway?

Tron: Hey, it's white boy, ok who ordered the pizza. Hey white boy find the square root of this room.

Phaze 2: Yo, go in there and get me a Philly blunt son.
Tron: And a banana Cognac, beeotch.

[Clayton Bigsby's truck pulls up next to a group of white kids listening to rap]
Bigsby: Turn that music down, you god damn ******s. Turn it down. White power.
White Kid: Dude, did he just call us ******s? AWESOME.

Tyrone Biggums: You wanna know what dog food tastes like? Do you? It tastes just like it smells... delicious.

Tyrone Biggums: ...and that, kids, was the first time I sucked a (bleep) for crack.

[The Chosen 1]

They should of never gave you niggas money.

[Mic Blaze]

FROM CHAPPELLES SHOW FIRST SEASON DVD

Boss Hog: Your hoes look like a box of skittles
Silky Johnson: I would say somethin bout yo hoes but it looks like you ate em

Tron from Mad Real World: Katie is someethin boy. Everybody gotta draw a number. Chad drew number 8. Theres only 6 people in the house->holds up 2 fingers<- Katies fingers get more p*ssy than Chad

[Funky Fly]

This isn't a Chappelle's Show quote, but it's from Killin' Em Softly, one of his stand up specials.
--------------------------------------------------

They use the TV to program us from a yound age. You ever watch a cartoon that you used to watch when you were little as an adult? It's wild shit, it's wild shit. I was with my nephew and we were sitting there, and we were watching Pepe LaPew and I said to my nephew, I said "now pay attentionto this guy cuz he's funny. I used watch him when I was little".

I'm watching Peppe LaPew when I'm old now, and I'm like "what kinda fu</>cking rapist is this guy? TAKE EASY, PEPE!"

My newphew was sittin there crackin up like "hehehehe, see? Sometimes you gotta take the pussy like Pepe."

Like "WHOA WHOA, nooooo".

I had to turn the channel real quick. I turned on Seasame Street and I said " oh, whew, Seasame Street. This is much better, because he'll be able to learn how to count and spell."

Now I'm watchin it as an adult and I realize it teaches kids other things. It teaches kids how to judge people and [/i]label[/i] people. That's right. They got a character on there named Oscar. They treat this guy like SHIT the entire show. They judge him right in his face.

Guy: Oscar, you are so mean, isn't he kids?

Kid: Yeah, Oscar. You're a grouch.

Oscar: BITCH, I LIVE IN A FU</>CKIN TRASH CAN! I'm the poorest muthafu</>cka on Seasame Street. Nobody's helpin me.

Then you wonder why your kids grow up and step over homeless people.

White guy voice: Get it together, grouch. Get a job, grouch.

[Yashamaga]

I'm white, what does skeet mean? :?:

[Buzzkill]

If anyones gonna have sex with my sister its gonna be ME

[Innovator]

skeet skeet skeet

[Triple A]

I'm white, what does skeet mean? :?:
Ejaccccculate