Favorite Family Guy and Simpsons Quotes

[Triple A]

In one this time.

Peter: A job? Lois, the 70's are over.
Meg: Mom, you can't get a job. The last time you left dad alone, he turned the house into a giant puppet.
(flashback to house being a giant puppet)

Peter: Hey! Hey! Stay outta here. Nobody better come in here. I'm the Griffins' house. Bring me a tool shed, for I am hungry!

Peter: If we don't get enough airtime, I'll never get my own spin-off where I'm a retired baseball umpire who opens a bar... in the center of the earth.
[Theme song music plays]
Peter(as bartender-umpire): Say! We don't get many of you molten-rock men in here...
Rock-man: Well, at these prices, I'm not surprised.
Peter: That's it buddy, YOU.....ARE....OUTTA HERE!
[Crowd cheers]

Brian: You know what would be fun?
Chris: Ooh! Ooh! Eating a pebble!

Quagmire: So, were you, like, in an accident, or what?
Seamus: No, me father was a tree

Peter: "The new owners gave everyone raises. Even Kenneth the badass mail clerk with a heart of gold"
Peter starts flashing back
Peter: "Hi Kenneth did I get any mail?"
Kenneth: "No, and if you come any closer I'll slice you"
Peter: "Okay, okay. *Peter walks away* Man what a badass"
Worker: "Yeah well that badass just gave half his paycheck to orphans... Orphans with DISEASES."

Stewie: Oh yes, I've often fantasized about what this house would be like with more culture.
[Brian, Peter, Stewie, and Chris sitting in living room wearing tuxes with top hats, each holding a glass of port]
Stewie: The port is quite good.
Brian: Yes, quite good.
Chris: Indeed.
Peter: Most certainly!
Brian: What year is it?
Chris: 51.
Peter: Ah.
Stewie: Delectable.
Brian: Indeed.
Chris. Yes.
[Peter bursts into flames]
Peter: Oh dear.
Brian: What is it?
Peter: I've spontaneously combusted.
Stewie: Well I am sorry.
Peter: Oh it's quite alright, I've grown tired of living.
Stewie: Ah, very good then.
Chris: For the best.
Brian: Yes, indeed.
Stewie: Is it raining again?

Peter: If you could be with one chick, who would you choose?
Cleveland: Margaret Thatcher
Everyone: EW, UGH.
Cleveland: OH, SO NO ONE HERE THINKS POWER IS SEXY. NOT ONE PERSON HERE THINKS POWER IS SEXY.

Servant#1: More coffee madam?
Lois: I can get that Sebastian. To tell you the truth, we're all a little uncomfortable being waited on.
Stewie: Cut my eggs!
Servant#2: Your eggs are cut, sir.
Stewie: Cut my milk!
Servant#2: I can't, sir. It's liquid.
Stewie: Imbecile! Freeze it then cut it! If you question me again, I'll put you on diaper detail and I'll promise you I won't make it easy for you.

Daggermouth: Perhaps I can offer you a glass of port. And you, a glass of starboard. Ha ha ha! That's a little nautical humor. I'm a fish, you see.

Peter Griffin: So what happened to the guy that stole the money?
Joe Swanson: Ironically, when I fell on him I severed his spine.
Peter Griffin: Sounds like you got some more competition at next year's Special People's Games. HehHehHehHehHeh.
Joe Swanson: Nope, he's dead.

Black comedian: ... That ain't how it happened! Some brother just fell in the ocean.
Crowd: (laughs)
Peter: Oh yeah I remember that, and all those seals died... It was all over the news... The channel 2 news with Dan Rather? ... Actually, come to think of it, I think Connie Chung might have been filling in for him that night... Wellll... 'bout time for me to be hittin' the old "dusty trail"... I like your hat... Oops, can't get out that way... [alarm goes off] Found the emergency exit.
[next scene]
Black teacher: (says something about African American history)
Peter: [Arsenio Hall chant] [everyone looks at him] ... Well... I should probably be "saddlin' up" now... [alarm goes off] Whoop, found the fire door.

Brian: Remember that time you narrated your own life?
Peter: "I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I'd never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I had begun to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with the long fatigue of a weary life. [Lois knocks Peter unconscious.] I woke several hours later in a daze."

[Elements]

Brian: Remember that time you narrated your own life?
Peter: "I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I'd never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I had begun to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with the long fatigue of a weary life. [Lois knocks Peter unconscious.] I woke several hours later in a daze."

I have been looking for this quote forever. Thanks

[Tornado]

<font color=#33ffff>The whole thing with Stewies "Sexy Parties".
---
Peter: "Hey, wheres my VCR?"
Redneck One: "Dangitt Buck, it's my turn to use the sex box"
Redneck Two: "Its *MY* sex box, and her name is Sony"


Also, the bit where Stewie writes "Poppycock" on the wall...</font>

[Jonster]

<font color="#99CCFF">The one where Stewie and Brian go to Germany are on the tour bus, can't be bothered right now to look it up or remember it. But basically the tour guide says that the whole of Germany went on holiday during 1939-1945</font>

[Citizen]

Anything Stewie says is hilarious. :D

Stewie - Yes, But NO sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find... I shall KILL you.

:p

[Boondock Saint]

Niles: Frasier, you're so corpulent that when you sit around the magnificently appointed tuscan villa, you sit around the magnificently appointed tuscan villa.
Peter: Wow! This is the smartest show on TV.

[loopydate]

I know this is probably instant death, but I've never really watched "Family Guy." "Simpsons" on the other hand..."That's where I'm a Viking!"

Bart: Milhouse! You were supposed to be the night watchman!
Milhouse: I was watching. First it started falling over, then it fell over.

Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!

Lou: I went to the McDonalds over in Shelbyville the other day.
Chief Wiggum: The Mc-what?
Lou: Yeah, I never heard of it either but they say they have over 2000 locations in this state alone.
Eddie: Hmm...Must've sprung up over night.
Lou: But you know, its the little differences.
Chief Wiggum: Example?
Lou: Well at a McDonalds you can get a Krusty Burger with cheese. But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Get out! What do they call it?
Lou: A quarter pounder with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Quarter pounder with cheese...well I can see the cheese but? Hey, do they have Krusty's Partially Gelatinated Gum-Based beverages?
Lou: Yeah, they call them 'shakes.'
Eddie: *Pfft* 'Shakes.' You don't know what you're gettin'.

Amish Farmer: 'Tis a fine barn, but sure 'tis no pool, English.
Homer: D'oh-eth!

Kang: Holy fleurking schnit!

Kent Brockman: ...and the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.

Barney: I'm Barney Gumble, and I'm and alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scout meeting.
Barney: Is it? Or is it that you girls can't admit that you have a problem!

Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Uh, he sold poison milk to school children.

Chief Wiggum: What IS your fascination with my forbidden closet of mysteries?

Dr. Nick: [singing] The kneebone's connected to the... something. The something's connected to the... red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch. ...Uh oh.

Alien: I bring you love!
Larry: It's bringing love, don't let it get away!
Carl: Break its legs!

Apu: Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie!

Willy: There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman!

Apu: There it is, the world's first convenience store.
Homer: This isn't very convenient.
Apu: Must you knock on everything we do?

Homer: Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?

Damn, there's a lot of these... I could keep going for days. Basically, anything that Ralph says, most of what Homer says and...ah, hell, it'll take me dozens of these posts to get to them all!

[Kenny]

I'd like to believe I'm pretty strong with my faith in God, but this pretty much cracked me up. I thought it would be a bit controversial but if you're too stupid to know Bart isn't real then hey.

But anyway... it's from the Simpsons. Mr. Burns is running for Mayor or something and he's having dinner at the Simpsons house. The event is being televised and Homer asks Bart to say a prayer before dinner.

Bart says "Dear God, we paid for all this food so hey, thanks for nothin'."

[Mikey]

Ralph Wiggum: Why does everybody run away when they see me? *wets pants and smiles*

[DaveWadding]

hey, TX, way to steal that sig from evboard.com :y:

[Head]

And remember, guns don't kill people, dangerous minorities do.

[Ry]

stewie + rocket man = cool

[Tornado]

Ralph Wiggum: Why does everybody run away when they see me? *wets pants and smiles*

<font color=#33ffff>ROFLOL... :rofl: </font>

[Kenny]

hey, TX, way to steal that sig from evboard.com :y:

That was me that posted it on evboard.com genius. Kizzle_Smizzle. Kizzle is nigrish for Kenny.

EDIT: I just tried to log in but I'm banned again. But if you don't believe me.

Log in name: Kizzle_Smizzle
Password: Sheezie

When you try to log in it will pop up the ban message. That board would be a lot cooler if the mods weren't such jackoffs.

[Azriel]

I don't remember the exact quote, but it was the episode where Homer becomes a missionary and he's running from the people at PBS and Homer says to Lovejoy: "Help, this mob is being brought to you by the people from the Chubb Corporation", and of course, from that episode the classic "Save me Jebus"

[DaveWadding]

That was me that posted it on evboard.com genius. Kizzle_Smizzle. Kizzle is nigrish for Kenny.

EDIT: I just tried to log in but I'm banned again. But if you don't believe me.

Log in name: Kizzle_Smizzle
Password: Sheezie

When you try to log in it will pop up the ban message. That board would be a lot cooler if the mods weren't such jackoffs.
I wish the mods here would follow their example.

[Penner]

that one where he says what if he was on a sitcom as a retired umpire who becomes a bartender

good rep for anyone who can find it

[DaveWadding]

Way to read the thread.

[Tornado]

that one where he says what if he was on a sitcom as a retired umpire who becomes a bartender

good rep for anyone who can find it

<font color=#33ffff>
Peter: "And i'll have my own show as a retired baseball umpire who owns a bar.......at the center of the earth"
Peter: "Wow, we don't get many molten rock men around here"
Molten Rock Man: "At these peices i'm not surprised"
Peter: "Thats it buddy, YOU. ARE. OUTTAHERE"


Not sure on the episode, could be 15 Minutes of Shame...</font>

[Penner]

lol thanks tornado

wadding shut the fu</>ck up

[Buzzkill]

lol i agree with twiztid

stfu wadding

[Boondock Saint]

stewie + rocket man = cool


Oh man, the first time I saw that I laughed my ass off. I didn't see it coming at all.

[Head]

Peter: I got no idea how to be black... y'know, except for not smiling when I get my picture taken.


Stewie: All this time spent stopping people from having sex...I feel like the Catholic church. BA-ZING!

[Triple A]

Wadding, shut the **** up.

[Vietnamese Crippler]

Peter: Trust me Chris, you don't wanna mess with drugs. I tried them once and things got WAY too real

*flash to an actual guy in a Peter costume*

Real life Peter: Holy crap, I am freakin' out!

[Elements]

"Time for a sexy party!"

[Mikey]

Ralph Wiggum: Hi Principal Skinner, Hi Super Nintendo Chommers

Snake: (at a pee wee hockey game) That is like so touching I wish I had Pee Wee hockey when I was a lad, Oh Well (starts destroying things)

Homer: There is a Crayon in my brain? (points at his chest)

[BCWWF]

"Go on"

"Because you touch yourself at night"

[Head]

"Go on"

"Because you touch yourself at night"
Nah it was

"Why did the dinosaurs go extinct?"

"Because you touch yourself at night."

[Sin Harvest]

(Family Guy: After the Black Knight has told Peter Griffin that he'd kill him if he saw him again)

Black Knight: What is YOUR fat ass doing here?!
Guy (sitting on donkey/ass): He's my only means of transportation, but I guess I do spoil him...
Black Knight: Clearly you do..........AND WHAT ABOUT YOU GRIFFIN?!?!

[Sin Harvest]

(In that episode where they had 3 tales of the Griffin family, the tale where they gain superpowers from toxic waste, Brian's incredible speed)

Brian: Ask me how the Queen of England is.
Lois How's the Qu...
Brian: She's great.

Brian: And I'll go to China to see if theres a cure...no.

[Sin Harvest]

Can't remember the exact quote, but here goes, Stewie talking to a bully:

Stewie: I believe that your bullying of others is a result from a deep emotional inner pain, and I think we can cure this with a healthy does of OUTER PAIN!!!!! (Pulling out net-fireing bazooka as hes saying the last part).

[mitchables]

Marge: Have you noticed anything different about Bart?
Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No, I mean, he seems kind of depressed.
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.

Vampire Burns: Well! If it isn't little...uh... BOY!

Homer: Who wants to drive through that cactus patch?
Bart: ME!
Lisa: ME!
Sideshow Bob: *Under the car* NO!
Homer: Well, two against one!

Homer: ...and then Lisa cried. Then I cried. And Maggie laughed. She's such a trooper!

Luigi: Hey! Krusty! You come-a with me, you don't wanna sit-a with the rest of the scum.
*Crowd mumbles its disapproval*
Luigi: I only consider you scum compared-a to Krusty!
*Crowd approves of this reasoning*
Luigi: Yeah, you see how you scum.

[el fregadero]

<font color=teal>*Marge kisses Homer*
Homer : That's the best kiss I've gotten all night. (thinking aloud : Or was it?)</font>

[The Mask]

Vampire Burns: Well! If it isn't little...uh... BOY!

Luigi: Hey! Krusty! You come-a with me, you don't wanna sit-a with the rest of the scum.
*Crowd mumbles its disapproval*
Luigi: I only consider you scum compared-a to Krusty!
*Crowd approves of this reasoning*
Luigi: Yeah, you see how you scum.

These are classic :'( me and my friend used to crack up quoting these at high school :$

[Blue Demon]

IRS Lady: Have you ever had any medical expenses in the past year?
Peter: You can claim those? Had I known that I would'nt have used the discount surgeaon *Flashback*

Surgeon: Oh man...ok...what do I do?
Peter: Ok...take the red one and connect it to the blue one
Flatlines and surgeon un does it
Peter: Did that kill me? ok I thought so.


Anyone remember what the episode was whre peter turned the house into a gian puppet?

[Volchok]

the one simpson's episode when lisa goes to the spelling bee...( the rib wich one...)

lisa is running around to different people

Barney- " Spell Relapse"

Lisa- " R E L A P S E "

Barney- " Thats what beer has done to me... soc it to me soc it to me soc it to me"

[loopydate]

Okay, I got more...

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how!

[A rock flies through Mr. Burns' office window]
Mr. Burns: Look Smithers, a bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction.

Bart: Oh my God! The dead have risen and are voting Republican!

Kang: We must move forward... not backwards, not to the side, not forwards, but always whirling, whirling, whirling towards freedom!

Maude Flanders: They were having S-E-X in front of C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N!
Krusty the Clown: Sex Cauldron? I thought they closed that place down!

Barney: [during his acceptance speech] I've learned that I have a gift to share with the world. From now on, I'll be a new Barnard Gumbel; Clean, sober, and hardworking.
Mayor Quimby: Congratulations, Barney, and enjoy your prize - a lifetime supply of Duff Beer.
Barney: Just stick it in my veins!

Marge: C'mon, Homer, Japan will be fun. You like Rashoman.
Homer: That's not how I remember it.

Comic Book Guy: Yes, I would like to return your quote-unquote *ultimate* belt.
Clerk: I see. Do you a receipt, quote-unquote sir?
Comic Book Guy: No, I do not have a receipt. I won it as a door prize at a Star Trek convention, although I find their choice of prize highly illogical, as the average Trekker has no need of a medium-size belt.
Clerk: Wow, a fat sarcastic Star Trek fan. You must be a devil with the ladies... gee, I hate to let you down, Casanova, but no receipt, no return.
Bart: I'll give you four bucks for it.
Comic Book Guy: Very well. I must get back to my comic book store, where I dispense the insults rather than receive them.

Drill Sergeant: Look soldier, you don't like me, and I don't like you.
Homer: I like you.
Drill Sergeant: Well, I don't like you.
Homer: Maybe you'd like me if you got to know me better.

Homer: Two hours? Why'd they build this ghost town so far away?
Lisa: Because they discovered gold right over there!
Homer: It's because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything.

Ralph Wiggum: Me fail English? That's unpossible!

Newspaper editor: We're looking for a new food critic, someone who doesn't immediately pooh-pooh everything he eats.
Homer: Nah, it usually takes a few hours.

Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night! That just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: Homer!
Homer: Sorry, Moe, gotta go. My damn wiener kids are listening.

[gunshot, Flanders is knocked down]
Ned Flanders: Whew, good thing I always keep a Bible next to my...
[second gunshot, Flanders is knocked down again]
Ned Flanders: Whew, luckily I was wearing an extra large piece of the True Cross today. Uh, I'm going home now.
[as he runs off, a third gunshot spins the head of Homer's pickaxe]
Homer: What keeps doing that?
Fat Tony: I told you we should have bought more than three bullets.

[In the car on the way to Florida]
Lisa: Mom, Bart's sitting next to me!
Bart: Mom, Lisa's growing!
Marge: Quiet, you two! You know your father's just had a breakdown.
Homer: My pockets hurt.

[Homer and his band are performing a 4th of July concert in New York City]
Homer: This next song is dedicated to a very special lady. She's 100 years old and weighs over 200... tons.
Fan: This enormous lady will devour us all.
[Screams and jumps into the ocean]

Marge: You awful, awful man! Stay away from my son!
Sideshow Bob: [menacing] I'll stay away. Stay away... FOREVER!
Homer: Oh, no!
Sideshow Bob: Wait. That's no good.
[walks away, then runs back]
Sideshow Bob: I've got a good one now. Marge, say "stay away from my son" again!
Marge: No!

Lionel Hutz: And as for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state. Often as a lawyer.

Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there.
[Marge scrapes it off the ceiling into Homer's hands]
Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but...
[bites]
Homer: Mmm, sacrilicious.

[Triple A]

that one where he says what if he was on a sitcom as a retired umpire who becomes a bartender

good rep for anyone who can find it
You dickhead, that was the second quote on my list.

[Tornado]

<font color=#33ffff>Lionel Hutz: Uh Oh, we've drawn Judge Snieder..
Marge: Is that bad?
Lionel: Well hes had it in for me ever since I kinda run over his dog....
Marge: Oh Dear!
Lionel: Well, replace the word kinda with repeatedly, and the word dog, with son...</font>

[Jesus Shuttlesworth]

I wish the mods here would follow their example.
LOL you geek

[XCRS]

Peter: So whats heaven like?
Apparition of Peter's Black Ancestor: Well, Theres a shortage of chairs
(Awkward Silence)

[DXJerky-Version 2.5]

IRS Lady: Have you ever had any medical expenses in the past year?
Peter: You can claim those? Had I known that I would'nt have used the discount surgeaon *Flashback*

Surgeon: Oh man...ok...what do I do?
Peter: Ok...take the red one and connect it to the blue one
Flatlines and surgeon un does it
Peter: Did that kill me? ok I thought so.


Anyone remember what the episode was whre peter turned the house into a gian puppet?

You dickhead, that was the first one on my list.

[SukkaChump]

Peter:awh man now that the show is cancled i wont have anything to watch on wensdays... *brief pause* except for the Quality programming on fox

Homer:yeah just throw the raccoon in the arbys dumpster, they'll do something with it

[Apocolyptik1]

Cant remember which actual simpson child said it but I will do it then someone can correct me.

Lisa: "Them Derringer bullets are weak"
Bart: "Powerful weak"

[Supreme Olajuwon]

Cant remember which actual simpson child said it but I will do it then someone can correct me.

Lisa: "Them Derringer bullets are weak"
Bart: "Powerful weak"

It was Nelson and Bart doing a Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn story :y:

[Apocolyptik1]

Yeah, I figured I would get the people wrong, but damn if that wasnt just the most rememorable line....

[Triple A]

Lois: Why don't you go over there and talk to Joe?
Peter: He's probably being interviewed by Barbara Walters or that DRRREAAADFUL Gene Shalit. :roll:

[RGWhat316]

I love the Family Guy episode when Brian goes to visit his mom at the farm. I don't remember every word but here goes
Brian: I came here to see my mom
Farmer: Alright then who are you
Brian: I'm Brian
Farmer: Still don't remember
Brian: I'm the one that can talk
Farmer: Brian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Hired Hitman]

Skinner: [talking to hamster that 'helped' get skinner and the kids out of the snowed in school] you did it! now, Chew through my ball sack!

Grounds keeper Willie:Okay, Skinner, that's the last time you'll slap your Willie around

:-\

[$ideburns]

Dennis Miller: I don't want to go on a rant here, but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowulf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first battle of Antietam. I mean when a neo-conservative defenestrates it's like Raskolnikov filibuster deoxymonohydroxinate...

Peter Griffin: What the hell does rant mean?

[AareDub]

Homer: Lisa, you and your stories. Bart is a vampire, beer kills brain cells, now let's go back to that building thingy... where our beds and tv... is.

(on a related note I'm throwing in a Futurama quote)
Q-Bert: Alchohol destroys brain cells
Fry: No I'm... doesn't!

Homer: If we wanted to see Japanese people we could've gone to the zoo
Marge: Homer!
Homer: What? The guy who washes the elephants is Japanese, his name is Tikashi, he's in my book club.

[mitchables]

Marge: How could you vote for Burns' film?
Krusty: Let's just say it moved me... TO A BIGGER HOUSE! Uh oh, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.

[Wengerland]

Marge: How could you vote for Burns' film?
Krusty: Let's just say it moved me... TO A BIGGER HOUSE! Uh oh, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.

LMAO :love:

Anyways..

Mother Simpson & Lisa: (singing) How many roads must a man walk down,before he becomes a man?

Homer: 7!

Lisa: No dad it's a rhetorical question.

Homer: Rhetorical eh.....8

Also good rep to anyone who can find the quote from the Bi-mon sci fi con from the episode where Homer becomes a bodyguard aswell,btw from that episode...

Bodyguard trainer: BANG

Homer(as he's diving to stop pretend bullet): NO

Trainer:Your dive was good but i didn't believe your NNOOO,remember your NNOOO is what gets you your next job.Now drop and give me 20.

Homer(hands on head): NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO

Trainer: Better.

[PoisonIvy]

Cult Leader: What do you want?
Stewie: Freedom! What do you want?
Cult Leader: I want to get the hell out of here!
Stewie: Oh I'm sorry, we're fresh out of that. All we have left is untimely death.

[AareDub]

Also good rep to anyone who can find the quote from the Bi-mon sci fi con from the episode where Homer becomes a bodyguard aswell,btw from that episode...

Not sure if this is the one you were talking about, but it's one of my favs from that episode..

Quimby: You call yourselves bodyguards? You're fired!
Guard: Fired huh? Who else are you going to find to take a bullet for you?
Guard 2: ...or have his genitals hooked up to a car batter?
Quimby: I'll tell you who! Him! (points at Homer)
Homer: Woo Hoo!
Marge: I don't think you were listening to what he just..
Homer: (crosses arms) I said woo hoo.

[Wengerland]

Not sure if this is the one you were talking about, but it's one of my favs from that episode..

Quimby: You call yourselves bodyguards? You're fired!
Guard: Fired huh? Who else are you going to find to take a bullet for you?
Guard 2: ...or have his genitals hooked up to a car batter?
Quimby: I'll tell you who! Him! (points at Homer)
Homer: Woo Hoo!
Marge: I don't think you were listening to what he just..
Homer: (crosses arms) I said woo hoo.

Sorry thats not the one i meant,i guess i could be more specific.I meant the actual advert where it has the two people dressed as aliens and one puts on a sort of alien voice and the other speaks normally like "Thats right Phil",but thinking about it that would be funnier as an audio.

Anyway that quote is pritty funny so good rep for you. :D

[AareDub]

Sorry thats not the one i meant,i guess i could be more specific.I meant the actual advert where it has the two people dressed as aliens and one puts on a sort of alien voice and the other speaks normally like "Thats right Phil",but thinking about it that would be funnier as an audio.

Anyway that quote is pritty funny so good rep for you. :D

Phil: People of Earth we have traveled all the way from space to attend the most astrotastic event in the entire universe.

Marty: You said it Phil. It's the bi-monthly Springfield sci-fi convention

Phil: That's right, it's Bi-Mon Sci-Fi Con. Come meet all your favorite stars. Mark Hammil, Alf, and many more!

Marty: Plus tag team robot wrestling. It's the mighty robots of Battlestar Galactica versus the gay robots from Star Wars.

Phil: It's Bi-Mon Sci-Fi Con, be there and be square.

[The Miz]

*peter drops chris off at soccer game, sees quagmire in the stands*
peter: quagmire! what're you doing here!
quagmire: oh you know... soccer moms.
*shows soccer moms sitting in the stands*
quagmire: aha aha... alllllllright. :cool:

[Wengerland]

Phil: People of Earth we have traveled all the way from space to attend the most astrotastic event in the entire universe.

Marty: You said it Phil. It's the bi-monthly Springfield sci-fi convention

Phil: That's right, it's Bi-Mon Sci-Fi Con. Come meet all your favorite stars. Mark Hammil, Alf, and many more!

Marty: Plus tag team robot wrestling. It's the mighty robots of Battlestar Galactica versus the gay robots from Star Wars.

Phil: It's Bi-Mon Sci-Fi Con, be there and be square.

haha thats the one,i guess an audio would be better so you can hear the accents but still good none the less.Already repped you recently though.

[CosaNostra]

Homer: "You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and
then I can continue killing you with beer".

Homer's Brain: "It's a deal!"

or


Homer: "Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or
the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when
they bark, they shoot bees at you"?

[samichna]

Peter: "Listen Lois, I know you're a feminist and I think thats adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man."

[Jason Cage]

Peter: (to the Godfather/mafia father/boss): Oh please, I'll do whatever you want. Whack a guy? Off a guy? Whack Off a guy?

the scene where hes drawing nude people, and he goes every time

"do i..have to draw the penis?"

(Peter and mafia guy are walking out and there is a drive-by shooting, the mafia guy gets shot in every possible way. Bullets everywhere, the camera sticks on him as he is being shot for over 30 seconds on camera. Finally the mobsters stop and leave. Peter runs up to the dead mafia guy..)

Peter: Holy crap! Hey, are you okay?

[ColdwaVer]

Stewie (being carried off by an airport security guard while trying to fly to South America to raise an army)
"I knew it, you're one of them! What are they paying you? I'll double it! I'll give you anything you want! Money! Women! <i>...Men?</>

Thug 1 in next motel room: Show me the stuff.
Thug 2: Show me the money.
Thug 1: You don't get the stuff till I see the money!
Thug 2: You don't get the money till I see the stuff!
Stewie: Oh there's only one way to put an end to this <b>HE'S WEARING A WIRE!</b>
<i>(Gunshots)</i>

Stewie and his miniature anti-sperm ship:
Stewie: Engine status?
Ship: Nominal.
Stewie: Fuel supply?
Ship: Full.
Stewie: Air Supply?
Air Suppy song kicks in

Stewie to Lois after being left in day care:
You soulless witch! This is a biogenetical experimentation facility! Admit it! Look, if this is about the whole 'me killing you' thing, it was a bit! I was doing schtick I tell you! (Is carried out the door by the day care worker then sticks his head back out) Homina homina homina!

[Mikey]

Willy: Yeah I bought your little mutt.... And I 'ate him. I 'ate his little face, I 'ate his guts, and I 'ate the way he's always barking. So I geeeve him to the church

Bart: Oh, you hate him so you gave him to the church?

Willy: Aye.. I also 'ate the mess he left on the rug. You heard me!

[Tidus]

lol seinfeld in family guy is hilarious

[PoisonIvy]

Lois: Stewie I told you, you can't leave the table till you've finished your brocolli.
Stewie: Then we'll just have to sit til one of us expires, and you've got a good 40 years on me, woman.

[Triple A]

Peter: I don't know about this, Lois. What if something happens to you? I'm too old to start dating again.

*Dating Game*

Girl: Okay, Bachelor #1, I'm an ice cream cone. How are you gonna eat me?

Bachelor #1: I'd invite my friend Rudy over and the two of us would give you a double dip.

Girl: Ooooh. Okay, Bachelor #2?

Bachelor #2: I'd lick off all the cream and give you my special whipped topping.

Girl: Ha, sounds good. Bachelor #3?

Peter: Ah, well, I would try to eat you really fast before I got flaccid.

[WeAdZ]

Homer : Kids, let me tell you about another so-called 'wicked' guy. He had long hair and some wild ideas and he didn't always do what other people thought was right. And that man's name was ... I forgot .. . but the point is ... I forgot ... Marge, you know who I'm talking about. He used to drive that blue car.


Homer: Don't go easy on each other just because you're brother and sister. I want to see you both fighting for your parents' love.


Homer: [leaves a video tape for Marge] Marge, if you are watching this, that means I've got this camera working.

[MVP]

Lois: Peter did you take care of it?
Peter: What, oh you mean that growth? Yeah I took care of it.
~At the doctor's office
Doctor: Mr. Griffin, that's not a growth, that's your penis.
Peter: Oh, but what about the...
Doctor: Testicles.
Peter: Hmmmm.

[The Miz]

YOU'RE A GREAT BIG PHONY

[Blue Demon]

Lois: peter, can you please do the laundry?
Peter: I dunno...I always lose stuff
*flash back*
Peter: ok...shirt...pants...socks...oh wait...crap...where's the other one
*starts looking in dryer and falls through a hole in the back*
Mr. Tumnus: Welcome to Narnia I'm Mr. Tumnus
Peter: Hey...gimme back my sock you goat bastard

[Shaggy]

For me to post my favorite Family Guy quotes on here I would have to take up like 4 or 5 pages. My cousins and I always watch family guy and everytime I go over there we watch my Family Guy DVD's We almost have every word to every episode memerized. All the greatest quotes come out of E-Mission Impossible. Thats one of the funniest episodes out there.

[MVP]

YOU'RE A GREAT BIG PHONYLOL

[Shylox]

*Peter and a few business men are staring at a dead stripper*
Peter: Ok stay calm. She may have died when you stuffed allt hose dollar bils down her throat I don't know. She may have died when you hit her with the chair. I'm not a doctor. But I'll tell you what didn't kill her,...smoking.

I don't know if thats exactly how he says it but I'm pretty sure it's close.

[Shaggy]

Say David Banner I Just Slashed Your Tires

RAHHHHHHHH....he he he he im priceless

[Tornado]

<font color=#33ffff>"Hey You. Porker. Yes, thats right, i'm calling you a porker and theres nothing you can do about because i'm protected by my impentratable cereal box fort.
Hey You. Drunkie. Yes, thats right, i'm calling you a drunkie and theres nothing you can do about because i'm protected by my impentratable cer*Brian breaks the fort*</font>

[Silent]

*Social Worker laying in bed*
Social Worker: Glen honey, I have a question for you. What do you do for a living?
*Quagmire walks in*
Quagmire: I've got a question for you too. What are you still doing here?

*In Joe's Police Van, everyone is listening to Lois' conversation through the headphones, and Peter turns up the power when he starts to lose reception*
Quagmire: <i>Damn this itches...I bet that skank gave it to me when I gave her a ride to the gas station. That's the last time I do someone a favor... Oh god, I think they heard me! OH GOD, I can hear me!!! BUM MUNUH MUNUH MUNUH!!!!!!!!</i>

Quagmire: Is it possible that she is a whore, but you know, only on weekends...to pay for her mother's kidney dialisis...like in my fantasy... You know what, let's start over. Hi, I'm Quagmire!

Quagmire: *standing naked in front of Peter* Does this look like a Q?
Peter: No.
Quagmire: *shifts slightly* How about now?

[Pegasus Crawford]

YOU'RE A GREAT BIG PHONY

http://darksavior.servegame.com/htdocs/images/familyguyomg.jpg

[Sin Harvest]

Dunno if these have been said already, but...

Peter: I don't wanna embarrass her (Lois) again. You gotta help me Brian, teach me how to be a gentleman.
Brian: Well, Peter its not really that hard. Lets start with polite conversation, for example: "Its a pleasure to see you again. Lovely weather we're having," now you try.
Peter: Its a pleasure to see you again. After "Hogan's Heroes," Bob Crane got his skull smashed by a friend who videotaped him having rough sex...how was that?
Brian: Wow, perfect, my work is done! But just for the heck of it, lets try again.
[Later]
Brian: Okay Peter, I was hoping we wouldn't have to resort to shock therapy, but your progress has been...well who are we kidding? You haven't made any progress.

Brian: Face it Peter, you're addicted to television. And you're not exactly "Mr. Cold Turkey" either, remember that time you tried to quit candy?
[Flashback]
Willy Wonka: Okay, I'll ask you again. Are you sure you didn't eat any candy from my factory?
Peter (Purple and rotund, shaped liked a ball): No.
Wonka: Are you sure, cuz...
Peter: What are you calling me a liar?!
Wonka: No! I was...
Peter: Hey shut up Wonka!

[The Miz]

http://darksavior.servegame.com/htdocs/images/familyguyomg.jpg

:|

ok?

[The Miz]

*english people have invaded the drunken clam*
Peter: Holy crap! It's a gay bar!

[Boomer]

"Don't worry about that, we'll ignore it, just like we ignore the giant squid."

*smash*

Uh, earthquake....
Truck going by....

[laydownlow]

Barney: I'm with you, Homer!
McAllister: I be with ya too, matey.
Skinner: I'm with you, Homer.
Moe: You're the man, Homer.
Apu: You should do it.
Otto: You're the man, man.
Abe: I'll join! I'm filled with piss and vinegar. At first I
was just filled with vinegar.
Homer: Hmm...sorry, Dad. You're too old.
Abe: [stammers] Too old? Why, that just means I have experience.
Who chased the Irish out of Springfield village in aught
four? Me, that's who!
Irish man: And a fine job you did, too.
Homer: Aw, Dad. You've done a lot of great things, but you're a
very old man now, and old people are useless. [tickles Abe]
Aren't they? Aren't they? Huh? Yes they are! Yes they
are! Tee hee --
Abe: Stop it! That's a form of abuse.

[Shylox]

(Peter and family go to the nudist's house for the first time)
(Lady nudist comes up to them, her hair is covering her breasts)
Peter: (whispers to Lois) Oh my god Lois! That woman has hair growing from her boobs to her head!

[Hired Hitman]

Bart: "I met a really nice exotic dancer the other night at Hugh's bacherlor party."
Lisa: "Hugh didn't have a bachelor party."
Bart: "We had one in his honor."
Lisa: ... :|
Bart: "I had one in his honor."
Lisa: ... :|
Bart: "I went to a strip club." :(

[KillerWolf]

peter griffin: "hehehe, i'm Gene Shallet now"

[KillerWolf]

homer simpson: "i dont care about B.C. i care about M.E., MY ENJOYMENT"

[Triple A]

Peter: So, what the hell Brian, you cured yet? Cause I don't want to live in a house with plastic on the furniture like some <i>Italian</i> family.
Brian: My therapist thinks he's figured out what my problem is.
Peter: Ehh. Well what does Sigmund <i>FRAUD</i> think it is? (LOL @ this part)
Brian: He thinks I'm in love.
Peter: Oh my God. You can talk.

[Azriel]

Bart: Can't sleep, clown will eat me.

[mitchables]

Just bought Season 5 of the Simpsons yesterday, it made me remember tons of brilliant quotes that I'd forgotten about. :love:

Mr. Burns:Smithers, I've designed a new airplane. I call it the "Spruce Moose", and it will carry two hundred passengers from New York's Idyllwild Airport to the Belgian Congo in seventeen minutes!
Smithers: That's quite a nice model, sir.
Burns: Model?
*Later*
Burns: To the plant. And the Spruce Moose will take us there. Hop in, Smithers.
Smithers: But sir, that's just...
Burns: *pulls out a gun* I said, "hop in".

Jasper: *gets zapped by house-laser* Oh... my cataracts are gone. I can see again! All the beauty of natu- *gets zapped again* Ugh. I'm blind... Oh well, easy come, easy go.

Flanders: Who should lead the [vigilante] group?
Man in crowd: YOU!
Crowd: YAY! FLANDERS! FLANDERS! FLANDERS!
Flanders: I don't really have very much experience, but I'll be-
Moe: SOMEONE ELSE!
Crowd: YAY! SOMEONE ELSE! SOMEONE ELSE! SOMEONE ELSE!

Lionel Hutz: Well, I didn't win. Here's your pizza.
Marge: But we did win.
Lionel Hutz: That's okay, the box is empty!

Lisa: Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your papers?
Lionel Hutz: Heh, you see kids, from now on, Lionel Hutz doesn't exist. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!

Lawyer: Well, what about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say, "Die, Bart, Die"?
Sideshow Bob: Haha, oh no, that's German for, "The Bart, The".
Parole Judge: No one who speaks German can be an evil man! Parole Granted!

Skinner: Any sign of the burglar yet?
Homer: He'll show.
Skinner: How's that?
Homer: It's his job.
Skinner: How's that?
Homer: He's a professional burglar.
*Dragnet theme and much nodding*

Dr. Hibbert: Well, only one in two million people has what we call the "evil gene". Hitler had it, Walt Disney had it, and... Freddy Quimby has it.
Lionel Hutz: Thank you, Dr. Hibbert. I rest my case.
Judge: You rest your case?
Lionel Hutz: What? Oh no, I thought that was just a figure of speech. Case closed.

Homer:What does "sequestered" mean?
Skinner: If the jury is deadlocked they're put up in a hotel together so they can't communicate with the outside world.
Homer: What does "deadlocked" mean?
Skinner: It's when the jury can't agree on a verdict.
Homer: Uh huh. And "if"?
Skinner: A conjunction meaning "in the event that" or "on condition that".
Homer: So if we don't all vote the same way, we'll be deadlocked and have to be sequestered in the Springfield Palace Hotel--
Patty: That's not going to happen.
Jasper: Let's vote. My liver is failing.
Homer: --where we'll get a free room, free food, free swimming pool, free HBO... ooh! Free Willy!
Skinner: Simpson, justice has little, if anything, to do with a disobedient whale.

[Mike the Metal Ed]

Just bought Season 5 of the Simpsons yesterday, it made me remember tons of brilliant quotes that I'd forgotten about. :love:

Mr. Burns:Smithers, I've designed a new airplane. I call it the "Spruce Moose", and it will carry two hundred passengers from New York's Idyllwild Airport to the Belgian Congo in seventeen minutes!
Smithers: That's quite a nice model, sir.
Burns: Model?
*Later*
Burns: To the plant. And the Spruce Moose will take us there. Hop in, Smithers.
Smithers: But sir, that's just...
Burns: *pulls out a gun* I said, "hop in".

Jasper: *gets zapped by house-laser* Oh... my cataracts are gone. I can see again! All the beauty of natu- *gets zapped again* Ugh. I'm blind... Oh well, easy come, easy go.

Flanders: Who should lead the [vigilante] group?
Man in crowd: YOU!
Crowd: YAY! FLANDERS! FLANDERS! FLANDERS!
Flanders: I don't really have very much experience, but I'll be-
Moe: SOMEONE ELSE!
Crowd: YAY! SOMEONE ELSE! SOMEONE ELSE! SOMEONE ELSE!

Lionel Hutz: Well, I didn't win. Here's your pizza.
Marge: But we did win.
Lionel Hutz: That's okay, the box is empty!

Lisa: Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your papers?
Lionel Hutz: Heh, you see kids, from now on, Lionel Hutz doesn't exist. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!

Lawyer: Well, what about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say, "Die, Bart, Die"?
Sideshow Bob: Haha, oh no, that's German for, "The Bart, The".
Parole Judge: No one who speaks German can be an evil man! Parole Granted!

Skinner: Any sign of the burglar yet?
Homer: He'll show.
Skinner: How's that?
Homer: It's his job.
Skinner: How's that?
Homer: He's a professional burglar.
*Dragnet theme and much nodding*

Dr. Hibbert: Well, only one in two million people has what we call the "evil gene". Hitler had it, Walt Disney had it, and... Freddy Quimby has it.
Lionel Hutz: Thank you, Dr. Hibbert. I rest my case.
Judge: You rest your case?
Lionel Hutz: What? Oh no, I thought that was just a figure of speech. Case closed.

Homer:What does "sequestered" mean?
Skinner: If the jury is deadlocked they're put up in a hotel together so they can't communicate with the outside world.
Homer: What does "deadlocked" mean?
Skinner: It's when the jury can't agree on a verdict.
Homer: Uh huh. And "if"?
Skinner: A conjunction meaning "in the event that" or "on condition that".
Homer: So if we don't all vote the same way, we'll be deadlocked and have to be sequestered in the Springfield Palace Hotel--
Patty: That's not going to happen.
Jasper: Let's vote. My liver is failing.
Homer: --where we'll get a free room, free food, free swimming pool, free HBO... ooh! Free Willy!
Skinner: Simpson, justice has little, if anything, to do with a disobedient whale.

I NEED that DVD. :(

[mitchables]

Season 5 is the single greatest season of the Simpsons EVER. Yes, you do need it.

[DaveWadding]

I need Season 6...I don't wanna wait until June :(

[Eunos]

Peter:You Know what my Problem is?.. I love to much!!. Can't you feel it Lois We're ALIVE!!

Lois:Peter your starting to scare me.

Peter: GOOD!. Embrace the fear.. Dance with Lois Dance the Dance of life

*Crash*

Peter: Yeah your right maybe we should call a marrage Counceller.
---

Lois:Oh No!
Meg:Oh No!
Chris:Oh No!
Brian:Oh No!
*Big jug thing crashes through wall*
Big Jug:OH YEAH!
------

Prisonor: YOUR ALL DEAD!! ALL YOU YOUR DEAD!!

Peter: *Phew* Thank god he thinks we're Zombies. He wont hurt us.
----------
(I forget the Black guys name)
The Episode where the Ku Klux Klan are chasing them.

:That Truck is getting awfully close to us.

Peter:My God! Do you see what i see

:I sure do

Peter: We're Being chased by Ghosts!!

*Gives Peter an odd look*

[Disturbed316]

Season 5 is the single greatest season of the Simpsons EVER. Yes, you do need it.

Got mine today :D

[mitchables]

Gonna throw in some Futurama quotes since Ninti posted a thread about it and it's made me all sad and missing it. :(

Fry: You could just bend the hatch off this steam pipe!
*Bender opens valve, steam sprays out*
Fry: No good, it's full of steam!

Bender: You look greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?
Fry: Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine; it was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. Oh man, I need a nap. *snore* COFFEE TIME!
*Bender pulls out Le Grande Cigar*
Bender: Ahh, mighty fine smokable.
Fry: Fancy cigar. Why don't you smoke it already? Puff puff! Gogogogogo!!!

Zoidberg: I can never repay Fry his 10 dollars, so I must take the only honourable option, what with the killing myself!
*Zoidberg steals Chairman Koji's sword*
Zoidberg: Here I go, already!
*Zoidberg tries to stab himself and the sword crumples on his shell*
Chairman Koji: ARGH! THAT SWORD... COST FIVE THOUSAND DORU!!!!
Zoidberg:... Fry did it! *Woop woopwoopwoopwoopwoop*

Professor Farnsworth: Bah. Let's just steal the damned microwave dish!
Fry: But... won't that change history?
Farnsworth: OH, a lesson in not changing history from Mr. I'm-my-own-grandpa!

Farnsworth: Oh, if only he'd chosen a mainstream religion, like Oprahism or Voodoo!

Fry: I heard one time you single handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system.
Zapp: The Killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them.
Fry: Wow, I never would've thought of that.
Zapp: You see, the killbots have a preset kill limit; knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down.
Bender: It was a dark day for robotkind. Ahhhh, we can always build more killbots.

Zapp: Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love: hard and fast.

Fry: We didn't need your electric can openers to get to our food. All you needed was a trusty swiss army knife!
*Fry pulls out a knife and tries to open a can of leek. He breaks the blade*
Fry: OW!
*Fry drops the knife and starts to bash the can against the bench. He quickly gives up and breaks down crying*
Fry: :'(... I'm hungry.

Mom: Jam a bastard in it, you crap!

Zoidberg: *dressed as Jesus* I help those that help themselves!

Fry: It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. Then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?

Bender:You may need to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. By 'devil' I mean robot devil and by 'metaphorically' I mean get your coat.

Fry: Oh wow. This is like that drug trip in that movie I saw when I was on that drug trip.

Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! There's a news report on TV showing some incredibly bad news!

Morbo: ...and that's why the third grade class at PS 118 is Morbo's... Vermin of the week!

Bubblegum Tate: This food looks funky... but it tastes funk-aaaaay.
Morbo: The challenger's ugly food has shown us even the most hideous of things can be beautiful on the inside. *Breaks down crying*

Zapp:Teenagers all smoke, and they seem pretty on the ball.

Morbo: And now, a man who has been showing the world how to cook for 20 years, but uh, apparently, my wife wasn't listening.
*Crowd laughs*
Morbo: I WILL DESTROY HER!

Lurr: This concept of 'wuv' confuses and infuriates us!

God, thousands more too. Gotta rewatch all the episodes and stuff.

Once I'm finished with Simpsons season 5. :$

[Gouda]

Judge: Peter Griffin, I sentence you to five (or however many it was) years in jail.
Lois:Oh No!
Meg:Oh No!
Chris:Oh No!
Brian:Oh No!
*<s>Big jug thing</s> The Kool-Aid Man crashes through wall*
<s>Big Jug</s> Kool-Aid Man:OH YEAH!

See: Avatar.
--------

Cat in the Hat: Now you're SURE you don't want me to clean up this mess before your parents get home?
Peter: Nah, nah... Go. It'll be fun.

[mitchables]

Monkey 1: Let's see... a "something" by any other name?
Monkey 2: Carnation?
Monkey 3: Daisy?
Monkey 4: Rose?
Monkey 1: Rose? Did you say rose? Yeah, I like that. Moving on.
Monkey 5: Hey, what about tulip?
Monkey 1: Rose is fine. Moving on.

Hitler:If you are going to be in the Los Angeles area and would like to be on the Hitler show, call 213-DU-WERDEST-EINE-KRANKENSCHWESTER-BRAUCHEN!

[Disturbed316]

lol, that translates to 213-YOU-WILL-A-NURSE-NEED!

I'm guessing I would need a nurse if I went :o

[LK]

Burns' lawyer: So Mrs Simpson, what do you think about doctor Nick Riviera?
Marge: Well, my mother always said if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
Homer to Lionel Hutz: Will that hold up in court?
Hutz: No, I've tried it before.

[JJ Moore]

Lionel Hutz: I rest my case
Judge Schnieder: You rest your case!?
Lionel Hutz: Oh im sorry i thought that was just a figure of speech..........case closed :cool:

[mitchables]

Death: Well, I'll be seeing you folks... real soon.
*Awkward silence*
Death: Hahahaha, is he kidding? Ahahahaha, ahhhh. I'll see you later.

:love:

[RemyRed]

Homer- Thanks Jesus..
(up in heaven)
Jesus- Actually it wasn't me. It-
Ganesha-:( It's ok. I am used to it.