View Full Version : December Edition of M-A-G's Monthly Analytical Garbage (OK, so the name needs work)

12-13-2003, 08:47 PM
Alright, I managed to get my account set back up on the new forums even though it took me by surprise that Triple A managed to get the upgrade. I wasn't aware of it until this past Monday but all is well in M-A-G land. Anyway, let's dig right into this month's column. But first, M-A-G facts:

1. M-A-G is allergic to ant bites.
2. M-A-G thinks the new forums are tight.

Shall we begin?

Ever had a time in your life when you received a bit of news and you had no other way of reacting to it than total indifference as in, "Er, what am I supposed to do with that information?" I experienced such when learning about the "retirement", if you will, of Nathan Jones earlier this week. This is big news? This is some of the best stuff that's managed to be dug up this week? Never mind getting some idea of what's in store for WrestleMania 20 or how Stone Cold will be introduced back into the stories or whether it'll be Cena or Benoit who get the big main event run. I mean, we're all extremely curious of the job satisfaction of a generic, clumsy *ahem* brawler who basically did nothing. I mean, it's sad that the poor guy's out of a job and all but I'm willing to bet SmackDown! will be alright. Unless he heads down to NWA-TNA to try to face Jeff Jarrett and prove he's a dr...wait, I'm getting my useless "brawlers" who quit mixed up. I guess the one real blow it delivers is that Team Lesnar (if it's even an actual stable) is one man short. How about replacing that spot with some talent? Like, say, Sean O'Haire or if Vince is so high on brawlers, Rhyno? Just a thought. Although I find it pretty funny that the only three guys who tried to talk Nathan out of leaving were Lesnar, Heyman, and Big Show. Make your own jokes.

Way, way, way too many wrestling related deaths this year and we're only a few weeks of closing out 2003. I'm not going to harp on this very long considering the sensitivity of the issue but I'll go ahead and offer my thoughts and prayers to the families and friends of the deceased. A morbid feeling to say the least.

Speaking of morbid feelings, I sort felt those during the whole Benoit/Cena/Lesnar saga a few weeks ago. It's bad enough they bait-and-switched (for like the 20th time this year) but they've sort of slowed down, if not halted, the progress of John Cena and Chris Benoit. John Cena is basically hands-down the future of the company and Chris Benoit is extremely overdue for a legit main event run and title reign. So both of them get destroyed by the big, useless lug express? Then they both get denied the following week? Granted they should take their time and not pull the trigger on a Cena title run anytime soon but having him feuding with the Big Show over a title that hasn't even been defended in over a month? If anything, it could give Cena another rub (a la the giant F-U at Survivor Series) and increase him as a threat to the WWE Title but it's a step back to where he was in the middle of the year. And as far as Benoit goes, I don't see why they're bothering putting him near the belt when they're not going to put it on him. By the looks of things, Benoit feuds with Lesnar's cronies, Lesnar destroys Hardcore Holly to put him out of his misery, Angle comes back to win the title from Lesnar AGAIN, and Benoit starts all over again to build himself up. I could be wrong and they might slap the gold on Benoit at the Rumble, but in that case, why bother with what was done the past two or three weeks? They could have Angle come back for the Rumble and try and fail at getting the title and have Benoit win the Rumble and thus make it a lot more meaningful than that throwaway match they had last week. All the while, Cena is out making a name for himself and slowly paving his way towards his inevitable main event run. Although it's probably just me. It usually is.

So no Steamboat/Flair match for WrestleMania, huh? All I can say is thank God. It makes zero sense and would only piss on the great matches they've already had in the past. Besides, Flair feuding with Steamboat was a primary staple of NWA not the WWE. If you want Steamboat and Flair, get the Flair DVD. I know I am...if someone would be kind enough to get it for me for Christmas.

This month's WWE programming has had us trying to purchase Armageddon this Sunday and I'll more than likely cave and pick up the thing. If only to recap it here on the boards like the good old days. I miss doing that. But anyway, let's take a look at the card, M-A-G style.

Trish Stratus and Lita vs. Chris Jericho and Christian:
This better not be the payoff for the angle as all four of these individuals could be doing better things. I was hoping that Lita would worm her way into a Women's Title rematch or Jericho and Christian throw their names into the Tag Team Turmoil match but it looks like this is what we're stuck with. And how do you book a good finish to this? Do you kill the momentum from two of your biggest heat drawers and stars or do you make the face women look like inept fools again to close out an embarassing 2 months? One outcome could see one of the men turning on the other, walking out or something and thus a fluke win for the ladies might emerge. I know alot of people are itching for a Jericho face turn, perhaps this is the match to set it in motion? Not too optimistic about this one.

Booker T vs. Mark Henry
What exactly are they fighting over? Who's blacker? Needless to say I'd love for Booker T to get the win here but I don't know, Mark Henry's been doing alright in his "brick wall" heel persona. It's almost like Kane, but fatter...and less mobility. K, no...Booker needs to go over here. And whatever happened to that note Booker received about someone still remembering? I'm still waiting for him to watch a tape and get a phone call that says "seven days", too. Can't get enough mystery in your angles. Moderate about this match.

Randy Orton vs. Rob Van Dam for the Intercontinental Title:
This one has little heat going to into it as they barely did anything to hype it up or build up Randy going into the match. The least they could've done was have Orton claim RVD is a hardcore legend making him the next big thing to topple in his quest to kill legends. It makes Van Dam seem a lot more important and the title a heavy focus of the issue. It seems like Orton might get the win here as he needs a good mid-card feud but is it worth the risk of Van Dam's already shaky status? Not sure if RVD can carry Orton into a match of the night deal but it looks good on paper so, eh, what the hell. Optimistic about this one.

Shawn Michaels vs. Batista
This is just reminiscent of Shawn vs. Random Big Guy Heel stuff from days of yore. Be it Sid, Vader, Yokozuna, Undertaker, etc. Although history has shown that Shawn can pull some miracles in those situations and if there's one Big Guy Heel that needs one it's Batista. Here's another tough booking decision: Continue to destroy Shawn's credibility or build the next big guy? I doubt Shawn would lose that much heat if he did the job and put over Dave but come on, it's freaking Batista. And Batista already did a fine job of destroying HBK at Survivor Series. Moderate about this one.

Tag Team Turmoil for the World Tag Team Titles: The Dudleys vs. Rob Conway & Rene Dupree vs. Jindrak and Cade vs. Rosey & The Hurricane vs. Test & Scott Steiner vs. The Sexy Canadians (Val Venis and Lance Storm)
OK, I just had to call Venis and Storm that cause there were far too many "Blank & Blank" team names in there. I suppose I could've just called Conway and Dupree La Resistance but what about Grenier? Anyway, this is some nice filler and a smart way of dealing with 12 guys that have nothing to do in the time being. It's tough to pick a winner but I think it would be sensible to let Steiner and Test pick up the upset. This way, they renew that feud they started with the Dudleys and get some cred as a team. Once that feud is done, they can get something going with the Sexy Canadians while the Dudleys go off to put over another team. I might be grasping at straws as basically every team feuds with each other eventually but it's wishful thinking nonetheless. Optimistic about this one.

Goldberg vs. Triple H vs. Kane for the World Heavyweight Championship
Again, WHY IS TRIPLE H INVOLVED IN THIS??? He wasn't even there the past two weeks to even bother hyping his involvment in the match and Goldberg and Kane is much more of a dream match than this triple threat. Did HHH think that destroying one monster wasn't enough, he has to get the top billing over two? You know, The Rock has found a way out of HHH's filming predicaments: HE DOESN'T INVOLVE HIMSELF IN THE STORYLINES. He stays away and comes back when he knows he can devote the proper time and commitment to what's in the works. HHH is getting it easy here as he's looking to possibly get the title back and a big PPV bonus by not doing shit. How can we miss him if he doesn't go away? This one wasn't hard to do: You build up Goldberg and Kane and big unstoppable forces, have the fans question the possible outcome by creating unpredictability, and then decide on a winner based on what you want to have happen afterwards. Meanwhile, Triple H finishes his scenes, comes back when he was time to put all he's got into an angle/rematch and let the chips fall where they lay. IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE! And never mind that it's shaping to like the worst PPV main event this year since Badd Blood. Pessimistic about this match.

Uh, anecdote time, I suppose. I really don't have anything at this hour other than I'm having some trouble adjusting to the new boards (hell, I don't even have my old font) so I guess I'll go ahead and jump to the part where I remind everyone that no animals were harmed during the typing of this column....chicken nuggets were devoured, however, although I don't think that counts.

As always feedback and suggestions are welcome here or via e-mail. It's not like my word on things are final or right or anything but thanks for reading anyway. Until next time, I'm out.

Conspiracy Victim Vito
12-14-2003, 02:20 PM
<font color=goldenrod>Great column, as always.

Keep up the great work.</font> :y:

El Santo
12-14-2003, 02:38 PM
Nice Column. :y:

Forget about the "I Still Remember" angle: how come the WWE never bothered to tell us who Mr. America REALLY was under that mask?

12-15-2003, 01:38 AM
I'm going to go look for your reactions to HHH winning the belt again.