WWE RAW Captions [3-8-2004]

[Corkscrewed]

It's a bit early right now, but I saw the front pic on the Raw site and just thought it was absolutely hilarious. Definitely a set-up pic for captioneers. :lol:


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Still a rookie, Batista's attempt at forcing Foley into The Hunter Position went terribly wrong. Try as they might, neither Flair nor Orton could extricate poor Mick from his predicament.

[jessica rocks]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

perfect caption there

[Corkscrewed]

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Hunter may have gained new invisibility powers, but that didn't mean he still couldn't order Evolution to do all the prep work before he anally violated his victims.

[Paranoid Rattlesnake]

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This truly was evolution, Orton and flair had helped batista develop and extra set of legs and an ass

[Disturbed316]

My god, micks ass is huge :eek:

[Sephiroth]

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After Evolution heard that Foley had his one clothingsline, Evolution jumped Foley for his clothes.

[Lamuella]

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Mick Foley called it "Explosive Diarrhea". Evolution called it a "Weapon of Mass Destruction"

[Shaggy]

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Mick Foley called it "Explosive Diarrhea". Evolution called it a "Weapon of Mass Destruction"

lol :rofl:

[Lamuella]

or...

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The stage was set for the greatest wedgie in the history of sports entertainment

[Mr. Monday Morning]

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Just like Winnie the Pooh...

[Fryza]

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Is it legal to kill cows on TV?!

[Rock Bottom]

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Orton: Just do it Dave.
Batista: I keep telling you guys, it only works when you pull angles out of Michaels' ass.

[Lamuella]

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It's happened to everyone. You weren't paying attention in the genetics lab and you accidentally create an evil 50 foot tall clone of yourself. Typical.

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Kane was heading in for the kill before his opponent used new HypnoCan™

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Kane packed up at the end of the first ever WWE Yard Sale

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"Kane... obey HypnoCan's instructions, or I'll give you one of my... special headaches"

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Kane regaled the audience with the hits of Roxette (http://www.80smusiclyrics.com/artists/roxette.htm) on the world's largest karaoke machine

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Renee Dupree had fought for years against a terrible affliction. His left buttock was significantly larger than his right

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While nobody was looking, the referee discreetly passed the reefer to Rob and Mark...

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...which proved to be a mistake when they got into a fight over who got last toke. Van Dam was heard to scream "Puff, puff GIVE! You're screwing up the rotation!"

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"Doc? I need your help. There's a midget Christian growing on my left shoulder"

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Knowing that his contribution to the evening was over, Van Dam grabbed onto his invisible hang glider and prepared for takeoff.

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The Invisible Man's new lime green tights were a hit!

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"How many fingers am I holding up?"

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In a moment of hillarity, Michaels and Benoit both pulled the joy-buzzer gag at the same time.

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"Do I detect a hint of minty freshness?"

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Screw the consequences. That last Starbrite mint had belonged to Molly, and she was getting it back no matter what the cost!

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"Someone here order a Molly Holly RealDoll?

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halfway through the match someone shouted "Hands up if you fancy Justin Timberlake!"

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Tragedy struck when a falling Wrestlemania sign cut off Victoria's arm.

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Tragedy struck when Steve Austin got so drunk that he accidentally punched himself in the face.

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In a moment of deliberate humilliation, the referee made Jericho smell his hands.

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Jericho and the ref were about to spitroast Stevie when...

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They caught sight of the two drag queens.

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Tragedy struck when The Rock got his eyebrow caught on a fishook hanging from the ceiling

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When Clowns Have Dandruff

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The Rock was less than pleased when Mick brought out his blind date.

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The Rock loaded and readies his patented Granny Catapult

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The whole crowd shouted back "THREE!" and Mick replied "Wrong! One of them is a thumb!"

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Age had not been kind to Donnie Wahlberg

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Age had not been kind to Little Jimmy Osmond.

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It was 11PM, and The Rock did not know where his deodorant was.

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The airport had been tipped off that this man was hiding cocaine in his teeth.

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Before he could join the orgy, The Rock was struck down by a terrible bout of back pain.

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Position #4799, the Man Stirrups.

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On second thoughts, the black pants suited The Invisible Man much better

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Tragedy struck as Ric Flair was decapitated by a falling Wrestlemania sign. In other news, Vince McMahon swore he would never do business with Cut Price Signs, Inc. again.

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The Rock Realdoll was frighteningly lifelike.

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This was the last time Mick Foley was accepting brownies from Rob Van Dam

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Evolution escape on an invisible hang-glider built for three.

[Corkscrewed]

*MARKS THE F</>UCK OUT FOR LAMUELLA'S RETURN!!!!!*

[Loose Cannon]

Pay attention Cork, he returned for the Smackdown Captions.

[Corkscrewed]

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Zordon was back, and he wasn't very pleased with Kane's recent performance.

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Kane found it a little disheartening that the grand sum of all his credibility only fit into that little jar.

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The set-up crew learned its lesson: Never leave the casket of Paul Wight's father lying around when Kane is nearby.

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Kane: "Wow, Triple H, and you managed to fit my soul in there too?

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Kane's intense promo was momentarily interrupted when Triple H announced that he'd buried everyone on the RAW roster and that the cycle was restarting.

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Conway was at a loss. He's finally caught the bumblebee. Now what?

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That Rob... even has time to light up in the middle of a match.

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As RVD started to get high, Jindrak did his best to follow HHH's orders and hold him down.

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"Yeah, Vince, I don't understand. Why did you dye Scotty 2 Hotty's hair and send him over to RAW to be my new tag team partner? Ad infinitum???"
(Now that's an OLD rabbit out of the hat!)

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Someone had forgotted to nail RVD's wrists to the invisible crucifix.

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After a two month absence, Centaur Syndrome struck again.

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This time, it took the Type II form: color changing legs.

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Matt: "RICK JAMES, BITCH!"
Benoit: "Um..... no."

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Benoit knew he shouldn't have trusted Michaels after he saw him hanging out with Rhyno.

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Benoit: "We're stuck! What the heck are we going to do???"
Michaels: "Sorry, but orders are orders. Triple H has to pin both of us at Wrestlemania at the same time."

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Molly was kind enough to help Lita regurgitate her career.

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Geez, Molly. I know Lita's horny, but is now really the time to be fingering her?

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The ref frantically signalled the impending arrival of the HHH Anvil, but to no avail.

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There it is right now...

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Dammit, Austin's gotten so drunk he's talking to his fist again.

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Ref: "Feeeee... FEEEEEE!!!"
Jericho: "Ugh, SHADDUP!"

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The ref (along with Jericho) was too surprised by the sudden return of the Mikey the Midget that he failed to notice Richards trying to break the hold by grabbing his nuts.

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Yes, the girls were very excited about the return on N'Sync.

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The Rock finally sees himself in the mirror and is bewildered at the goatee.

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Rock: "Dammit, that Sean O'Haire is ripping up the midercarders' contracts again!"

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You thought Mae Young sexual deviancy was bad... wait till you see her mother's!

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When you're as popular as The Rock, even calling a little old lady a homo won't get you heel heat.

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Foley strained to unleash a web slinger until he realized he was in fact NOT Spiderman.

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It's a bit sad that Superfly had to try some of RVD's stash before this promo.

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The Rock had been in Hollywood too long, and thus he gained the ability to manipulate the butterfly effect as well.

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The Rock amazes and dazzles the fans by patting his head and rubbing his tummy at the same time.

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Critic: "Hey! Vinsh shed I onwy hav tho doo dish tho Twiple H!!!"

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Starsky definitely had Hutch's back, but he thought Hutch might just be having a bit too much fun...

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Triple H: "Men! Ready the ion cannon!"

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Flair: (to the fans) "What? ...... It's the hat, isn't it?"

OR

Even The Rock was not spared from the consequences of drinking Evolution Kool-Aid.

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Back problems caused The Rock to lose his smile.

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How Jim Duggan had managed to sneak into the arena wearing Foley's clothes I'll never know...

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Guys... football season is way over.

[Corkscrewed]

Pay attention Cork, he returned for the Smackdown Captions.

Really? I didn't see that. Oh well. Still marking out.


EDIT: Dang... just a special appearance up to Wrestlemania. So I guess that Makes Lammy The Rock then.

[Lamuella]

actually, now I have the taste for it again, I may be back fulltime

[Corkscrewed]

w00t!!!!

*celebration*

[Corkscrewed]

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Five of these things are not like the other...

[Fryza]

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Kane's evil conscience also had to make itself known. F'n Egomaniac.

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Kane: Ric told me it was a pineapple...but...I don't see any red...
JR: BAW GAWD STUNNER

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Kane: Since you all don't wanna job nicely, I'm taking my casket and going home.

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Kane just couldn't get the hang of this magic trick, he saw it on a movie...

Kane: I'M A GREAT MAGICIAN! YOUR COLOR IS RED!

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Wait, so we're going to have a second genesis? Is this another one of them Y2K deals?

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Bubba: You're working too stiff...
Rob: Wha-What?!
Bubba: Now you're going to pay backstage!
Rob: What?!
Rene: Believe him Rob, he'll do it!

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RVD: Dude, ref, get Matt Morgan off of me!
Jindrak: I'M NOT MORGAN!
RVD: Yeah, and I'm not stoned right now. :roll:

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Worst. Headbutt. Ever.

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When Jericho became the new Verizon Wireless Guy, it was up to Christian to end those annoying "Can you hear me now?" commercials once and for all.

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To introduce RVD's heel Homophobic Saint angle, the WWE gave Rob a straight halo, complete with batteries to keep it charged!

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When Triple H's gene splicing experiments go wrong.

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Benoit was just not convinced Hardy was metal.

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Benoit: Wanna see a cool trick?
Shawn: Sure!
Benoit: Look over there.
Shawn: *looks behind him* What?
Benoit: *steal Shawn's watch and makes like a bat out of hell.*

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Needless to say, the boys in the back chose Benoit to represent, and call down why all of them had to cut their hair, and Shawn didn't.

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Lita insulted the wrong Mexican.

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Goldberg's spears are better than this...

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Here's a prime example of two white supremicists.

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Victoria: That doesn't look like the FFX2 logo....

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The crowd was more than disturbed to learn that Austin calls his right hand "Fisty."

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Ref: Do you, or Do you NOT, Like these Hand Puppets!
Jericho: No. I. Don't.

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All Stevie wanted was for Jericho to sell the dropkick...

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Stacy: It was this big!
Jackie: Twelve inches?!
Stacy: Yup.
Jackie: Odd that it's as long as you are old!
Stacy: I know! Teehee.

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Will Smith?! What the hell? I bet he'll be inducted into the hall of fame too...

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Foley: It's SNOWING!
Rock: But this isn't white...
Foley: Racist. :|

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Foley is hitting on Barbara Bush, ladies and gentlemen.

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Rock: Stay...Stay.....I SAID STAY!

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The crowd didn't really think they'd see a naked Mr. Socko.

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When Parkinson victims attack, now on FOX!

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Linda looks soooo different....

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Worst. Setup. For the. 3D. Ever.

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Well, we know what this guy's doing for a Klondike bar...

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No Rock, don't shoot yourself in the ass! You aren't Teddy Long! NO!

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Evolution learned one of the many flaws in adaptation. That falls was trying to hold up Foley. He wasn't going to about to let it happen.

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Dave: I wonder if I did the Pedigree...would Steph go crazy for me...

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Dave: OH MY GOD! ROCKY! Richards, he just...OH MY GOD! I must have still been mad from Jericho not selling his dropkick...Randy! Ric! It's Rocky!
Randy: Richards?
Dave: Yes...
Ric: Damn.

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Rock does his best fetus impression, and fails.

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After sitting like a veggie with his new gimmick, he wondered if this was like the same thing they did with Linda...

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Evolution: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!

[Champion of Europa]

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Hunter officially creamated Kane's career. Kane is somewhat dismayed.

[Rock Bottom]

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The debut of "Honey I shrunk the Kane" was met with skepticism.

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Kane: Christ, even Triple H's kidney stones are made of gold.

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Introducing the new HOSSEY's bar. All the flavor of the original Hershey's, with the size big enough to satisfy the big man.

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Kane: Hey, it's Pandora's Box!
Urn: I'm not tel-
Kane: ! *Throws that sh</>it far, far away*

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Triple H was feeling lazy that night, so he just typed out the gyst of his promos on the TitanTron.

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In their THIRD attempt to prove to everyone that Zach Gowen was not discriminated against, the WWE had another special match.

One guy missing arms. One guy missing half his body. One guy missing a leg. And Buhbuh missing his tag-team career.

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It was stoners like RVD who would write their blood type on their wrestling boots after watching a Hardcore Holly match.

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Jindrack: One, two, three, four... I declare a thumb war.
RVD: Five, six, seven, eight... Never meant a weed I hate.
Ref: Nine, ten, eleven twelve, release his thumb or you'll get hell.
Cade: Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen... Rather be on Sunday Heat.

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Jericho: What do you mean I won't get the World Title? I thought we had a deal.
Vince: But you're Canadian.
Jericho: Just because I'm Canadian, I'll only get a couple runs and that's it?
Vince: What the hell are you talking about? Haven't you had like thirty?
Jericho: Um, no?
Vince: (Thinking) Did you used to have a goatee?
Jericho: ...Yes?
Vince: Long hair?
Jericho Yeah.
Vince: And you're Canadian.
Jericho: Yes, what the hell is the point!?
Vince: Hmm. I know how to get to the bottom of this. Have you banged my daughter?

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Leave it up to RVD to make a bong out of the entire boiler room.

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Helms: FOR THE LAST FUC</>KING TIME. THERE ARE NO ANGLES. IN MY ASS.

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Hardy: I can kick your ass any day of the week.
Benoit: Yeah right. Shut the fuc</>k up "Matt Hardy."
Hardy: I HAVE TWO PUSHES LEFT.
Benoit: ... *Steps down from balancing himself on his penis* You were saying?

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Michaels proposed that Benoit lay down for him at 'Mania, as long as he got a rematch in Edmonton at Backlash. Benoit almost fell for it, until a bunch of hairs and warts and skin diseases and sh</>it erupted all over Michaels's face.

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Michaels: ALRIGHT. Jesus. You've guilted me into it. I do feel bad for what happened to Bret. Is there anything else I can do to make up for it?
Benoit: Yeah, for fuc</>k's sake, wear a turtle-neck.

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Molly: Alright Lita, time for your monthly bath.
Lita: RUFF RUFF RUFF!
Ref: Yes?
Lita: Ruff!
Ref: What?
Lita: RUFF RUFF!
Ref: ?

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Lita was doing okay. She used to be a hot draw for teenage girls. She used to get pushed. She used to have gold every few weeks, and she used to fly around and impress the crowd. But now, Lita was doing jobs. Lita was lying down for women. There was only one thing to do to complete the circle...

Execute the Twist of Fate.

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Lita got the sh</>it end of the stick when the ring was tipped over for Triple H's weekly "Canvas Comfort" inspection. He wanted all his clients to be comfortable.

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Victoria: Let's play guess what's in Victoria's ear!
WMXX Logo: Uh... A spoon!
Victoria: Nope!
WWE Logo: A Q-Tip!
Victoria: Nope!

(WMXX and WWE Logo debate and deliberate over their guess.)

WMXX: As proud spokesmen of the Logo Team, I convey that we have come to a conclusion. Given the evidence: You have pinned the champ multiples times, and now have the gold... The object in your ear can be nothing other than TRIPLE H'S SPERM.

Victoria: Correct... And I'm... Kinda proud of it!

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Austin: That stupid bitch Debra. Only cost me about 20k to get my ring back. What a dumb bitch, hahaha.

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Jericho asked the ref how many pushes he had left, and the ref just fuc</>king puked all over the ring.

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Jericho and the ref were ASTOUNDED. One second Jericho had Stevie in the Walls, and the next, Steven was all the way down the ramp...

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Stacy: Okay Dawn... Now we're going to teach you how to hold your arms outward...
Dawn: *Giggle* Got it!

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The Rock posed for his WWE Main Event Identification Card as well. During the interview, this was The Rock's response when asked, "Are you willing to put people over?"

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Rock: And let's show him the next item up for bid.
Announcer: A newwwwwwwwww contract clause! This contract is beautiful, made of quality loose leaf printing paper. Its ink is fresh off the Canon Jets, and the pen is made of quality Taiwan plastic. This contract will allow you to retire and return unlimited times! And it could be yours, if the price is right.
Rock: So what would you like to bid?
Mick: My soul!

HHH: (Darth Vader breathing) All too easy.

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Mick: Yo Rock, check out this fine chick I picked up at this club...
Rock: ...Are you okay?
Mick: What are you talking about!? This is like the most beautiful chick in the world...
Rock: !!!!!!!! Shallow Mick will save his dick! Shallow Mick will save his dick!

(Mick sees the old lady)

Mick: ...WHAT THE FU</>CK?

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Rock: And for my next trick, I will job to an old lady...
Random Guy in Crowd: It's a hoax! He has a rub and the biggest draw of all time in his palm!

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Triple H: ...so remember, your soul is mine.
Mick: Yes sir.
Triple H: Pinky swear?
Mick: Pinky swear.
Triple H: All right now, you run along and have fun.

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Superfly: And we didn't have to suck dick to get gold.
Mick: (Laughing) Bullsh</>it.
Superfly: We also held the titles for like months or even years.
Mick: Lies. All lies.

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Rock: Trick or treat.
Old Lady: Ohhhh... What are you this year?
Rock: I'm The Rock, bitch.
Old Lady: Aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating sonny?
Rock: Aren't you a little old to be breathing? Just shut the fuc</>k up and put the candy in the bag, there's a shortage of food in Somoa. (Jeez, the nerve of this old slut.)

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Rock: IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLALALALALOWWWWWWW, WHAT THE OLD SPICE, IS, COOKIN'.

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Mick: See, selling Mr. Socko isn't as bad as it looks!
Guy: Yeah, not too bad.
Mick: Good ol' socky. Had him since I was 12.
Guy: ...Is that a hint of salt?
Mick: Oh yeah.
Guy: ...

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Mick was distracted, the timing was perfect for The Rock to remove his head from Foley's ass.

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Orton: Just do it, Dave.
Batista: I'm telling you, you can only find new angles up Shawn's ass...

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Orton: Hm. Better check The Rock's ass just to be safe.
Batista: Alright, alright. What's this...
*Pulls out a million PPV buys*
Batista: Holy fuc</>k! What else is in here!?

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Rock: Orton... Please set the microphone down, and leave the ring...
Batista: *Starts doing push-ups*
Rock: The hell are you doing?
Batista: Oh, sorry. Whenever Trips lies down and spreads his legs, he likes me to do push-ups while looking him in the eye.
Rock: ...

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JR: BAH GAWD! THE ROCK KICKED OUT! THE ROCK KICKED OUT OF THE PEDIGREE! *Gasping and clutching his chest* BAHGAWDBBQSAUCE. THE ROCK KICKED OUT OF THE PEDIGREE. THE ROCK. THE ROCK K-K... K...

(JR suddenly dies of a heart attack.)

King: Woohoo! *Confetti falls from the ceiling*

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Mick: Wow... I can't remember a thing that happened last night...
Rock: You don't?
Mick: No...
Rock: I thought we had something, Mick.
Mick: ?
Rock: *Sigh* It's best if I just let it go, I guess.
Mick: No Rock... What is it?
Rock: The Rock gave you the biggest anal beasting of your life.
Mick: ...Really!?
Rock: No, but dude, where's your car?

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The WWE held a poll on the favorite object of sexual attraction.

Ric Flair represented the breast.
Batista's belly-button represented the anus.

...And Randy Orton represented the pussy.

[clintster]

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It was too late for Kane. Seconds later he was devoured by KANE KONG!!!

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In desperation, Kane tried to beg off his Wrestlemania match by showing off the suppository he had to take for his "condition".

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Kane: See, it says right here: "Do not wrestle your 'dead' older brother while taking this medication."

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The crowd groaned in unison as they realized that their lack of positive response meant they'd have to sit through Kane's promo ONE...MORE...TIME!

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Next on "Sneak Previews": RVD gives his review of Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. Needless to say, Rosie will not be pleased.

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BENOIT: Stop saying what I'm saying.
HBK: Stop saying what I'm saying.
BENOIT: Stop it!
HBK: Stop it!
BENOIT: I mean it; cut it out!
HBK: I mean it; cut it out!
BENOIT: I'm telling Vince.
HBK: I'm telling Vince.
BENOIT: MR. McMAAAAAHONNN!!!!
HBK: MR. McMAAAAAHONNN!!!!
VINCE: If you don't cut it out, I'm jobbing you BOTH out to Stevie Richards.

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Victoria: And now, please stand for the Pledge of Allegience to the WMXX logo.

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Lesson one for the kiddies out there: If you're gonna do your Mr. Garrison impressions out in public, don't forget to bring the freakin' puppet!

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Next on ESPN2: Extreme Charades.

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Alarmed, Jericho looked around. He had broken his Big Stevie Cool doll.

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Mick had to agree with the audience; The Rock's new "confetti makin'" powers just weren't cutting it.

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OLD LADY: Come on, Dwaynie, give Gramma some kissies.
ROCK: NOOOOoooOooOOoOooOooo!!!!!

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Gramma had an "oopsie", so now she had to go to the time-out corner.

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Mick decides to piss of JR by flashing the "Hook 'Em Horns" sign. Unfortunately, he threw in the thumb for free.

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SNUKA: Whanunowa brudda, eekazobihamminagforgaarazzlin...

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GUY: No Novocaine, it dulls the senses.

[Loose Cannon]

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Kane demonstrates to the audience the kinds of facial expressions needed to become a legit WWE monster.



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Kane reads: To Kane, Please report to the front office and pick up your weekly payment of oreo cookies.


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Kane: Hey, this says Regular or Mint, do I choose one or can I combine?


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Because Ed Leslie's buried gimmicks were just to many to fit inside the "Golden Box," Kane helps the WWE unveil the Special "BrutusBeefcakeBarberButcherZodiacDiscipleBootymanFurfaceManWithNoName" Casket, to honor Leslie's various personas


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Few people knew that "It all Begins Again," was just the politcaly correct way of saying, "Benoit Will be Buried."



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The ref got a little distracted by Sean's new Balloon Animals segment.


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Y2J: What do you mean Steph's car stalled out on the highway and I got to go pick her up?


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So when did X-Pac make his WWE return?


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Matt: Odds and Evens says shoot.
Chris: NO
Matt: Rock, Paper, Scissors says shoot:
Chris: NO
Matt: Come on Chris, I need to win at something.



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Shawn: I just got word from the back that their making you Champion at Mania, Congratulations.

Benoit: Thankss Shawn.


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Shawn: NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
Benoit: Heyyyy



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Molly: Come on...Swallow..Swallow.. Don't fight it... There you go hunny.
REF: Okay, Let's see if the koolaid really works


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Ref: Whoa, I guess it really does work, she's on a roll.



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Ref: Well that didn't last long, I guess she took the cheap kind.



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Austin: ...See and Rock smashes Scissors. Okay, Next Question.


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Brainwashed Ref: Drink..Drink...Drink..Drink
Jericho: Please, I didn't mean to make Steph listen to Fozzy when I picked her up.


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Somebody should of warned Austin not to fly kites in the arena when drunk.


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Jackie: Let me guess, Bret Hart right?



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The Rock does an impression of Goldberg solving an algebra equation.


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Rock: What the... These tickets say "The Rundown" on them.
Foley: Oh Yeah, sorry...Hey, "Walking Tall" looks good though.




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Foley really needed to work on his "Version 1" sign.



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Snuka: I can't wait to get my hands on The Undertaker this Sunday at Wrestlemania Seven

Foley: OK.....UM.....Superfly Jimmy Snuka everyone.



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The Rock wanted to try a double closeline, but the old lady refused to do so until her demands to appear on Leno were met.



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The Rock, using the mic as a syringe, does an impresson of Scott Steiner.



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Now the Rock shows off his Booker T impression.


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Straight behind this mess, you can see the cage of Sean O'Haire dangling in the backround.


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Dave: Hey man, are you ok? I was just goofing around.
Randy: Uh Dave, I think he's unconcious
Dave: Ah shit, I'm never trying that standing hurricanrana ever again.



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Dave: Wait, Mickey's a Mouse, Pluto's a Dog, Donald's a Duck, but what the hell is Goofy?



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Mick had finally awoken from his sleep of 2 months and explained to everyone about this great dream that he had. He had explained that in his dream: Eddie Guerrero was a World Champion, The Deadman was returning at Wrestlemania, Chris Benoit was going to win the Title, Steph and Shane were off TV, Paul Heyman was running Smackdown, Brock Lesnar had F5'ed both Austin and Goldberg, Chavo Guerrero got a push, and The Rock had returned to the WWE.

HHH: Wow Mick, thats quite a dream, but while you were asleep I managed to unify all the titles, reform DX with Kev, Scott, Shawn, and Pac, win the Rumble with two hands tied behind my back, pin Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, Eddie Guerrero, Brock Lesnar, and John Cena in a 5 on 1 hadicapped match, beat Kurt Angle in an "Iron Man Submission" match and pin RVD in a "Rights to the Five Star Frog Splash" match. How's that for a two months huh?

[Blue Demon]

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Ref & Jericho: What do you mean Steven wins?

[Innovator]

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Sauron's power was getting stronger, his face has come back!

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Kane: Here lies Kane's career, urn provided by the Triple H corpor......HEY!

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Glenn "Big Kane Dudley" Jacobs didn't go over too well

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Kane: In the future...I see a World Title run for HHH...a feud with Hurricane for Benoit...me jobbing to Jindrak!...god dammit Hunter

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Great...the return of the nWo...

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Rene: Can I dance yet?
Rob: Is this how you do a headlock?
Bubba: ... I was over in ECW

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RVD: I am the Whole F'n Show
Jindrak: You know what happens when you mention a popular gimmick...
two weeks later
Finkel: The Whole F'n Show...Triple H

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RVD was no match for the OVW tittie twister

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Christian: **** her...**** her brains out

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God's light burns through the glass ceiling

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Batista: Lets see....Styles Clash...Razor's Edge, Powerbomb into a Facebuster...ah **** It! *powersbombs Helms*

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Matt: Meet me in the parking lot...
Benoit: Huh?
Matt: The HHH-haters meet regularly there...we're planning a surprise for Wrestlemania......

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HBK: Good luck at Wrestlemania Bret
Benoit: Thanks....hey I'm CHRIS
HBK: Just make sure you get the sharpshooter on at WM

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Even a game of table hockey got heated between these two

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Shang Tsung goes for yet another soul

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This is moments before Lita nails an AwesomeBomb and is taken out immediately by the SHHHarpsHHHooter above the TitanTron.

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Molly: Hey Sean put some pants on!

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The guardian WM XX logo's gravitational pull balanced out HHH's

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Austin: Wait this isn't the David Lee Roth concert.....

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Ref: oh thats it Stevie....right there

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Stacy: Is Jazz around?
Jackie: No I don't think so...
Stacy: JAZZ HANDS

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Rock: I'm not only a spokesperson, but I'm also a client. Rogaine, helping men's lives anyway possible

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Foley: It's so purdy...
Rock: Ladies and gentleman, Foley is retarded

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Foley: Are you sure you don't have a hardcore legend in ya?
Woman: No
Foley:...Want one?

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Rock: C'mon Rocky....use the force

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Foley: So this isn't David Lee Roth?

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Snuka: Word Life

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Snuka: Hey there foxy lady, wanna go for a ride on the superfly

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Moments before Total Elimination....

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Guy: Can I stop doing this? DOES ANYONE LIKE ME YET?

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Rock: It is getting a little hot in here
Foley: NO DON'T DO IT ESE ITS TOO SEXY
Rock:....But I must

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"Ok Dave, this is called a piledriver"
"POWERBOMB!"
"Ugh....fine"

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Dave: Ok here we go..
*nails a Styles Clash*
Dave: I DID IT! 4 MOVES!!!!!!

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Dave: Rocky! No! You've been shot!
Randy: Oh God he struck again! Rock who did it?!
Rock: ...
Ric: Sweet Sassy Molassy! Come back Rock!

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Just because Rock is back for a couple shows doesn't stop Rhyno from another victim

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Mic: Oh man...my head...that Hurricane sure can drink

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Stevie sets up for the pantsing of a lifetime!

[El Santo]

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Kane unveils his bold new gimmick after the end of the Undertaker feud: Citizen Kane.

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Kane regretted buying the milk before first checking out the freshness date.

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Kane-fact: Glenn Jacobs is also a door-to-door Filler Brush salesman.

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"My God, it's the Undert-... Um... MY GOD, IT'S THE UNDERT-... er, sorry about this folks... just, uh, give me a second here... hey, JR, how did we replace the batteries in this thing the last time? Do I have to unscrew the top or what?"

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"... at your local Lincoln-Mercury dealer! $3000 rebate OR 0% interest for 60 months on your favorite Lincoln-Mercury luxury cars and SUVs!"

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Never again would Dupree mix his colored laundry with his white undies.

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Thanks to new contract negotiations, Rob could now take five minute coffee breaks in the middle of every match.

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Ref: "Dammit, if you boys don't stop behaving like two starving dogs, that NEITHER of you is gettin' that Snickers bar!"

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HHH (on the phone): "Hey, I'm in a good mood right now. What's up?"
Chris: "Trips! I've been wondering... I've been stuck in the midcard for a while now, and I think it's about time that..."
HHH: "Just kidding! This is a voice recording. Leave a message after the beep."
Chris: "DAMMIT! WHY DO I ALWAYS FALL FOR THAT?"

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Rob "Roman Emperor" Van Dam gives his assessment of the Lions vs. Christian Prisoners match.

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Batista: "Oh my God... my only weakness... the color GREEN!"

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Matt Hardy, ever an anti-smoking advocate, tries desperately to snip off Benoit's cigarette before his lungs are destroyed FOREVER.

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Though he thought Mister Benoit to be the most incorrigible and boastful man that he had ever met, Shawn would still favor him a dance. But only one dance! The afterwards, he should hope never to see that prideful, arrogant man ever again!

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Benoit shows the awful price he paid to get a main event push.
HBK: "Sweet Jesus... ALL your teeth?"

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Molly: "C'mon, do it."
Lita: "No, I don't feel like it..."
Molly: "...........................I love the subs... The subs are good to us..."
Lita: "Nggg... nggggggg.... EAT QUIZNO SUBS!!!"

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After Lita's shorts ripped down the middle, she had to do anything in her power to cover up.

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Tensions in the arena rose as Molly, the ref, and the fans started flicking each other off.

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Everybody loved Victoria's Senor Wences routine.

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Oh, c'mon, Steve. It's bad enough you've got a nasty tumor growing out of your hand. Don't poke at it.

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Steven knew he had the match won after he'd bribed Hebner with an invisible newspaper and an invisible Japanese toilet.

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Jericho was thrilled to bring home the Heisman, but he grumbled that the trophies were needlessly large this year.

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Stacy: "Screw wrestling! From now on, babe, it's BROADWAY!"

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"The Rock is happy to be back in the WWE, but... when the Champ's using the People's Urinal, The Rock would like a little privacy, if you smell what the Rock's cookin'."

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The Rock introduces Mick to a rainbow of fruit flavors!

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Mick was impressed by JR's sex change. Rock, a little less so.

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As Estelle Getty called for the aid of Rue McClanahan and Betty White, Rock knew that this was going to be one weird-ass 3-on-2 match.

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Mick one-ups Victoria with his bitchin' "Senor Satan" routine.

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Snuka: "French toast and eggs, please."
Mick: "Uh, Jimmy..... We're in the middle of a promo."

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Rock: "I told you ma'am.... He's SAMOAN."
Lady: "That's nice. So is he Chinese or Japanese?"

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Man: "You've both been wonderful ballet dancers, but I'm afraid there's only room for one Swan Princess."

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Mick was usually a mellow guy, but when the WWE books Gilbert Gottfried, it was more than he could take.

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Rock: "Hmmmm... when WAS the last time I've had this ass wiped?"

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Vince always dreamed of an angle where he could moon the audience, but, until now, he hadn't figured out how moon everyone at the same time. Witness ... the quadruple moon.

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Batista: "Oh my God, my only weakness... the color BLACK!"
JR: "Let's face it, King. Batista's weakness is everything."

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"This is E! Entertainment with The Rock, whom many industry pundits believe is the next Arnold Shwartzenegger... the next Arnold Shwartzenegger... the next Arnold Shwartzeneggerrrr..."

Rock: "... Oh my God! It was all a dream!" *sobs*

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"... and I starred opposite Brendan Fraser, and Christopher Walken, and Kelly Hu... damn she was fine..."

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It was a glorious, magical day when Foley developed the power of flight.

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"We're meeeeeen.... we're men in tiiiiights.... We rob from the rich, and give to the poor, THAT'S RIGHT!"

[asphyXy]

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Ref: Do you, or Do you NOT, Like these Hand Puppets!
Jericho: No. I. Don't.

:lol:

[M-A-G]

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In a psychedelic drug-induced episode, Kane is verbally abused by a giant-sized version of his head.

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Kane stared intently at the container of orange juice in his hand due to the word "CONCENTRATE" on the label.

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Little did everyone know that Kane was actually the fabled wrestler who carried a proton blaster in a casket.

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"Can anyone tell me what's supposed to happen after I concentrate on this damn thing?"

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Hey, the Rock is always more than welcome to help the business along but Jesus, there's a time and a place to advertise his movies.

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Conway is wary as he eyes the WWE logo in pouncing position.

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Referee: Do I have something crawling on my hand? I can't look.
RVD: Dude, my ARM is being twisted here.

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Well, this quite the pickle; Jindrak and RVD somehow managed to get their heads fused together in some bizarre paranormal event.

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Jericho: Can you hear me now?
Christian: Dude, I'm right behind you.

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RVD was oblivious to the glowing vortex behind him prepped to suck him in.

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"Oh, that's some hot, superhero man ass...."

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Matt Hardy shows off the finger technique used to pleasure Lita as Benoit merely waits for the right moment to brag about HIS technique to steal another man's wife.

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Benoit: "K, now once you got the proper hand grip, look deep into her eyes and massage the lower palm area...."

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Benoit: "...then slowly bring her towards you and smucker those lips...."

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Molly's headhunter gimmick was, shall we say, far too graphic to last beyond this match.

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Molly utilizes some hand-techniques of her own on Lita to escape the predicament.

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Sure there was a match going on but damned if Molly was going to be denied some of that sweet Twizzler stick.

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Victoria unwittingly knocks the WM logo down with her victory pose.

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"Hey, if I ball my fist like this it kind of looks like a shaved sheep."

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Jericho: I've got to have more power!!!
Referee: Dammit, Chris, I'm a referee not a miracle worker!

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Steven Richards: No, dammit, the hot chick is over THERE!

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Stacy: Just think of it, we get on the card with no talent or experience, have the worse match of the night, and we'll still have jobs in end!!! We've made it! *evil laughter*

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Evil Mirror Universe Rock demonstrated his diabolical cleverness with his countenance confident in his plan to take over Normal Universe Rock's life.

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Evil Mirror Universe Rock showed off a demonstration of his plan to entrap the world leaders in giant snow globes as Foley shows his approval.

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Mick had another element in store to add to Rock's evil plan: androids disguised as sweet grandmothers.

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Rock was eager to see what these androids could do so he orders the prototype to destroy the ring.

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Mick just couldn't get enough of the coolness that was the invisible globe walls.

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Foley introduces his second wave of prototypes, android grandfathers.

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Rock, eager to get the hell out of there and in desparation of entertainment, orders a fight to the death between the two robots.

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Rock and Mick: Wonder Twin powers activate!!!

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Mr. Socko was apparently now endowed the ability to perform painful dental surgery.

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Manly as the Rock was, even he couldn't stomach the horridness of the surgery.

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Orton: Make a wish, Flair.

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Batista: Nah, it's just no tight, superhero man ass.

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Flair and Orton stood guard while Batista questioned where the real Rock was hidden.

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The stiffness and open panel in the back revealed that Evil Mirror Universe Rock was also a robot used to throw off his adversaries....

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...Foley was understandably jealous as he wished he had something as cool as that.

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Evolution celebrated the small victory in postponing the evil plan but they vowed to put an end to Rock's ring of terror if it was the last thing they do.

[Nowhere Man]

You guys actually expect me to try and do captions after the Great and Powerful Lammy has been here? That's like getting Oasis to be the following act for the freakin' Beatles; it just don't compare.

[El Santo]

Yes, we do. The Wrestlemania Classic one left me in stitches.... we expect you to work your magic here, bah GAWD!

And if Lammy's the Beatles, and you're Oasis, then I'm Herman's Hermits. :)

[Innovator]

If Nowhere Man is Oasis, I'm Whitesnake

[Nowhere Man]

Well, at least I'm following the usual pattern I have (say I'm not going to do any, wait a couple of days, and then come up with a bunch of awesome ones that nobody reads because the SD captions are already up)

[The Iron Yuppie]

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In an attempt to boost ratings by crossing over with more popular cable programs, Vince brings in "Sex And The City"'s Kim Cattrall and "Newleyweds"'s Jessica Simpson for a HLA skit. In next week's main event, Ozzy Osbourne will face James Gandolfini in a steel cage. The winner of the match will be Triple H's next victim since he's running out of wrestlers to job to him, you know.

[Corkscrewed]

Nowhere Man, I already did you a favor by going RIGHT after Lammy. I took the heat. Now post some before I lose my smile!

;)

[Savio]

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Rock: Paul heyman how'd ya do it?
Paul: Trim-Spa baby!
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Flair: Ready, Aim, FIRE!!!

[Fryza]

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Flair: Are you sure he didn't say "Mass?"
Orton: No, I'm positive he said "Ass." I'm so positive that President Bush is looking for "Weapons of Ass Destruction." And since they haven't found any in Iran, delivering Mic to him will ensure his election victory!
Flair: I guess that makes sense...
Batista: I thought it was Iraq...
Orton: No, it was Iran. Stupid liberal...

[Blue Demon]

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haHA...I'm 3-D Kane

[The Forgotten One]

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"I can't get jiggy with this shit!"

[Azriel]

I've got to say, you guys rocked with the captions. And *bows the **** down to Lammy* The master has returned.

[Iceman90]

Here are my captions:

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Kane: Oh great powerful Oz, I would like you to give me a world title shot.

Oz (Kane's face): Sorry. Not even I can get Triple H to lay on his back for anyone except Stephanie and Vince.

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Kane: How nice. Hunter passed out this new CAREER SAVER potion. The directions say take 1 cup daily and you will be buried in no time.

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After Kane read what the Internet fans were saying about him, he destorys his computer and its desk.

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Vince McMahon tries to cash in on a new trend. XAI (Xtreme American Idol). All the real contestants are pantywaists. Who Here we see Stone Cold singing his song "Drunk Again", and the words are on the TitanTron so the fans can join in.

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Shawn: So we have a deal?
Benoit: Yep. 3 some with Hunter tonight.
Shawn: See you at 10 pm.

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The 4th face of Foley...Surfer Bob!

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It seems Gary Coleman got his skin bleached and his hair died white. Now he is running for governor of WWE.

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Kane: Triple H said my whole career fit into this jar.

OR

Even HHH's shit is made of gold.

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By the look on his face, it seems RVD had one too many joints before his match.

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Rock: Will someone please call "cut"? Where is the director around here?

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Jericho: Wow Christian, the reception on this phone is so clear. I just bought it because Catherine Zeta-Jones was on the commercial, but it works well. Can you hear me OK?

Christian: Dude, I am right behind you!

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Batista gets Hurrican ready for HHH.

[Nowhere Man]

Anyways, here's my usual "day late and a dollar short" offering.

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Kane hated these moral dilemmas. Not because of the emotional strain, but because instead of a little angel and devil, he had a gigantic floating disembodied head, and an even bigger, transparent version of the same head.

In a related story, he and John Cena are currently seeing the same psychiatrist, who is making a fortune off of them.

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Not content with burying careers anymore, Hunter dug up the Hurricane and had him cremated instead.

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After realizing his career as a single wrestler was over, Jacobs decided he'd be better off in a stable and tried to pass himself off as one of the Dudley Boyz. Unfortunately, "Big Burnt-up Psycho Dudley" was met with little enthusiasm.

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"Hey, Hurricane! Good news! You're actually gonna wrestle on Raw again tonight!....Hurricane?......'cane? Hellooooo?"

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Kane wasn't surprised that they were going to completely change his character's back-story again, but did they really have to announce it on the Titan-Tron while they're at it?

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Renee simply let Conway do all the work in the match, while he himself stood as still as humanly possible, praying that the audience didn't notice the giant load he'd just dumped in his pants.

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Rob was caught off guard when his magic motor-scooter started fighting back.

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With everyone's attention focused on the action in the ring, the giant buzzsaw was able to lower from the ceiling and decapitate Dupree without any suspicion.

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Y2J:....so, yeah, that'll be 400 anchovy pizzas delivered to the Helmsley-McMahon house at 4 in the morning. Oh, and tell 'em Christian sends his regards. *snickers evilly*
Christian: ......

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Van Dam gives his opinion on the current World Title picture on Raw.

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Okay, so Hunter got lazy and only cremated half of the Hurricane. But hey, you can't say this match wasn't interesting!

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Matt pimp-slaps the hell out of Benoit, knowing there's nothing Benoit could do before the giant buzzsaw got him.

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Benoit:...and let me just say it'll be an honor to face the Heart Break Kid at Wrestlemania.
HBK: Yeah. It'll be just like old times, Bret.

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Benoit: For the last time, I'm not Bret! I'm CHRIS!
HBK: Okay, sorry, sorry. You just look different without the goatee and the long hair.
Benoit: WRONG CHRIS!!!!

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Sleeper holds are painful enough, but Molly had to raise the bar by plunging her knee into Lita's back at the same time.

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Lita unveils her newest finisher, the Pit-Stank of Death.

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As Molly and the ref both struggled to get free, Vince could only wonder how the hell Rhyno slipped past Raw security.

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Victoria shocks the world by shoving a pencil straight into her ear.

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Austin was just as shocked as everyone else when his right hand made a surprise heel turn and leveled him.

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Jericho writhed in the painful submission hold, but he'd already won half the battle, making Richards visible again by transferring the invisibility field directly into the referee's saxophone. You'd be surprised by all the things you could learn in the old Dungeon.

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Jericho held Stevie in place as the buzzsaw came down for its next victim.

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Stacy thrills Jackie with stories of her fling with Lance Storm.

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I really wanted to do the Evil Mirror Universe thing here, but someone already beat me to it. Damn!

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The Rock and Foley, only seconds after a crazed Doink set off his suicide bomb at ringside.

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Mick was proud to be the one who announced Sable was switching rosters.

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The Rock prepared to let loose the verbal assault, remembered the Torrie/Sable angle from last year, and decided that since she really WAS a homo, there wasn't much of a point to it.

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Spider-Mick unleashes his web-shooters on an unsuspecting crowd and swings away.

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Snuka:....so they really just flew me out here to put that stupid Orton kid over?
Mick: Well, that's pretty much the long and short of it.
Snuka:....shit.

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Neither Rocky or Snuka was all that happy about having to plug the next Playboy shoot, but hey, a paycheck's a paycheck.

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The Rock 'n' Sock Connection: now with Karate Chop Action!!!

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*Kung-Fu Grip Foley sold separately*

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Sure, the Rock was an exciting wrestler, a master of promos, and a pretty damn decent actor, but he couldn't air-guitar for shit.

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Foley wasn't quite sure if he could break Bob Backlund's record of "Mostly Frequently Humiliated Wrestling Legend." but damn if he wasn't going to try!

I mean, why else would he agree to put over Randy Orton?

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Rocky: Dammit, Dave, I'm already over! *mmmmph!*
Batista: Not according to Hunter, you're not.

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Tragedy struck when the Rock died from shock in the middle of the ring. In a related story, WWE had placed a permanent ban on all surprise birthday parties.

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And the saddest part was, they paid all that money for the pony, and nobody got to ride it.

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Here we see a rare glimpse of a North American Foley coming out of hibernation. In this time of year, a Foley will usually make its annual appearance on WWE TV, get publicly humiliated in a vain attempt in putting Evolution over, and then disappear again into the wild.

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I'm all for new and exciting gimmick matches, but the "Red Rover, Red Rover" match ain't exactly on par with TLC.

[Corkscrewed]

LMAO! Wow, he's right. He comes in a day late AND posts gold. And no one notices... except me and everyone else who reads this after me. :y:

[Azriel]

Nowhere Man delivers again. You guys rock. Definitely give me a good laugh in the morning.

[Evolution]

Awesome. I was gonna do a "Wizard of Oz2 one with Kane, but couldn't think of any requests.

[clintster]

Nowhere Man, you rock. In fact, everybody here has posted some great captions this week!