View Full Version : Where in the World is...Perry Freakin' Saturn?
KingofOldSchool
10-29-2008, 10:26 PM
-- No one seems to know where former WWE/WCW wrestler Perry Saturn is. Some of his closest friends actually believe he's not alive, but no one has proof one way or the other. At the funeral of Killer Kowalski, the whereabouts of Perry Saturn was the number one topic of conversation with a number of his friends saying they didn't believe he was still alive. Every few months or so, his friends ask Dave Meltzer of the Wrestling Observer to do a missing persons search on him, but it always turns up with nothing.
Source: www.f4wonline.com, Wrestling Observer Newsletter
Kris P Lettus
10-29-2008, 10:28 PM
http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/804/dsc03176jp3.jpg
thedamndest
10-29-2008, 10:47 PM
Wow, if he is dead Dean Malenko should really watch his ass.
PorkSoda
10-29-2008, 10:54 PM
Maybe he moved to Uranus.
Loose Cannon
10-29-2008, 10:59 PM
funny (or not really I guess) you post this. I watached a new Terry Runnels shoot 2 weeks ago and she brought this up. She was calling out to him to get in touch with her if he happened to watch it.
kind of fucked up that nobody knows where he is
El Fangel
10-29-2008, 11:00 PM
Lets hope he doesnt have a Bowflex
Theo Dious
10-29-2008, 11:07 PM
This is seriously the funniest thing I have read in a very long time.
Destor
10-29-2008, 11:16 PM
This is seriously the funniest thing I have read in a very long time.
Not trying to be a dick here, but I fail to see the humor. Being serious.
Theo Dious
10-29-2008, 11:29 PM
Not trying to be a dick here, but I fail to see the humor. Being serious.
Don't get me wrong, I really hope he's okay. But a) it's not the least bit hard to imagine him wandering the desert with a mop. If this was somebody else the humor wouldn't come so easily, but just think of some of the goofy angles he found his way into. And b) the way that article comes across makes it sound like nobody is terribly concerned either way.
the whereabouts of Perry Saturn was the number one topic of conversation
I mean, has anybody even checked his fucking house? There's no mention there that anybody is actively LOOKING for him, just some remarks that a lot of people wonder where he is. There's no "house appears deserted," no "not answering phone calls." My concern will rise when we start hearing of enigmatic text messages.
Lock Jaw
10-29-2008, 11:31 PM
He's probably off saving the world. Because he's badass like that.
Don't get me wrong, I really hope he's okay. But a) it's not the least bit hard to imagine him wandering the desert with a mop. If this was somebody else the humor wouldn't come so easily, but just think of some of the goofy angles he found his way into.
You have effectively proven that you don't distinguish real life with the world of professional wrestling (I will not call it "entertainment, Vince - fuck off).
And b) the way that article comes across makes it sound like nobody is terribly concerned either way. I mean, has anybody even checked his fucking house? There's no mention there that anybody is actively LOOKING for him, just some remarks that a lot of people wonder where he is. There's no "house appears deserted," no "not answering phone calls." My concern will rise when we start hearing of enigmatic text messages.
"Some of his close friends believe he may not actually be alive, but no one has proof one way or another."
You really don't think his close friends would check his house before assuming that he might not be alive? It seems implied, with a statement like that, that they have taken all of the usual measures to locate him, including visiting his place of residence. Read between the lines, Tedious.
If he is dead somewhere and nobody fucking knows about it, that's pretty fucked up. If he's just hiding in Europe then fine. My point is you kind of come off as a dick in that post. That is all.
Saturn vs. Goldberg = Goldberg's 2nd or 3rd best match ever, btw.
Nark Order
10-30-2008, 12:25 AM
I'm with Tedious. This came off as pretty hilarious at first.
Boondock Saint
10-30-2008, 01:54 AM
Weird.
Impeccable
10-30-2008, 05:33 AM
Where's Saturn folks? Can you see him? I can.
http://img368.imageshack.us/img368/7309/wallysw4.png
Super V
10-30-2008, 06:38 AM
http://img520.imageshack.us/img520/5945/wallysw4et8.png (http://imageshack.us)
http://img520.imageshack.us/img520/wallysw4et8.png/1/w636.png (http://g.imageshack.us/img520/wallysw4et8.png/1/)
:D:D:D
Impeccable
10-30-2008, 07:10 AM
This one's slightly more difficult
http://img208.imageshack.us/img208/2723/waldo2iu5.png
Theo Dious
10-30-2008, 08:24 AM
You have effectively proven that you don't distinguish real life with the world of professional wrestling (I will not call it "entertainment, Vince - fuck off).
Yeah, I get that well enough. But when you watch someone behave in the kinds of ways he has (a MOP for God's sake man,) it makes it easier (natural, even) to envision them that way outside of the ring. No, I don't seriously think he's off somewhere behaving in some bizzarre fashion a la his wrestling character. But the image comes easily.
[QUOTE]"Some of his close friends believe he may not actually be alive, but no one has proof one way or another."
You really don't think his close friends would check his house before assuming that he might not be alive? It seems implied, with a statement like that, that they have taken all of the usual measures to locate him, including visiting his place of residence. Read between the lines, Tedious.
Good reporting doesn't make you read between the lines. If this were the third update to an intial story, it would be different, as we would have other information on it to fall back on. And whether or not anyone has done any serious checking, we can't take from the posted words here that the people reported to be wondering about his current physical status have done anything to actually look into the matter. The fact is though that I have read between the lines on it. If I actually thought that nobody had, I would be outraged rather than amused.
My point is you kind of come off as a dick in that post. That is all.
And mine is that I was amused by the offhanded and indifferent way this information was presented in what was quoted, not that a man's life or death is an unknown status.
If I actually thought it was funny that he seems to be MIA, I'd have photoshopped his face onto a milk carton.
parkmania
10-30-2008, 04:41 PM
I know where he is. He re-enlisted with the Army Rangers and is tracking down Bin Laden as we speak.:cool:
Kane Knight
10-30-2008, 05:14 PM
So...They're so concerned they only seem to discuss it when gathered at a funeral.
"Sorry about your loss...Have you seen Perry Saturn?"
The presentation of this was odd. I understand what Tedious is getting at, though I was more drawn in by the way the report says they believe he's "not alive" instead of dead, as though there was a third option or something.
And you really would think that even tabloid journalists would actually state that he hasn't been home, or that people went to the Police, or whatever. It also seems odd they're going to Meltzer.
Anyway, is this actually in the Observer? This seems dubious, even absurd. And no, I don't wish any ill of Saturn. Though I certainly am a dick, and will prove it by mocking Fox's reading between the lines. Pretty sure that's where he finds his conspiracy theories.
...OMG...Perry Saturn was behind 9-11!
NeanderCarl
10-30-2008, 06:33 PM
I was more drawn in by the way the report says they believe he's "not alive" instead of dead, as though there was a third option or something.
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e203/neandercarl/saturn.jpg
It is hallowe'en...
Jon Kano
10-30-2008, 08:56 PM
I read he got shot in the neck three times while trying to stop an attempted rape years ago, apart from that, I hope he finds peace, he was a good bloke, from what I know, which isn't much AT ALL.
Mr. Nerfect
10-31-2008, 02:12 PM
I fail to see the humour in the situation. If your best friends don't know where you are, you are either in dire trouble, or saving the world from an alien invasion. Saturn is cool enough to do the latter, and I hope that is the case.
Kane Knight
10-31-2008, 03:55 PM
I fail to see the humour in the situation. Even though it's been adequately explained.
Blue Demon
10-31-2008, 04:04 PM
This is an odd situation :-\
Kane Knight
10-31-2008, 06:07 PM
This is an odd situation :-\
And maybe fake. Has this been confirmed? I didn't see it on the WO webpage, but I'm not a premium member.
Kinda hoping it's fake, TBH. At least in this case, it's quite possible that it is.
NeanderCarl
10-31-2008, 06:50 PM
I don't think so, it's not the first time it's been reported that Saturn has been unreachable. I read a few reports around the time of Benoit's death that nobody knew where Saturn was nowadays. I assume that as an apparent friend, or at least close co-worker, of Benoit's, he was a sought-after interviewee at the time but nobody spoke to him. I remember reading at least one report saying there were concerns about him, as no one knew where he was.
He also no-showed an Eliminators reunion at Hardcore Homecoming (or some such show) back in 2005(?) and hasn't been on a wrestling card since,m to my knowledge.
NeanderCarl
10-31-2008, 06:58 PM
It was reported when his Eliminators partner John Kronus died too (which was around the same time as Benoit anyway, I believe).
KingofOldSchool
10-31-2008, 07:02 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7e0yOfyJEq8
Theo Dious
10-31-2008, 08:33 PM
This is an odd situation :-\
The odd situation is that Kane Knight and I seem to be the only ones on the same damn wavelength here.
NeanderCarl
10-31-2008, 09:09 PM
He isn't dead, though, IMO. People don't just go missing without anyone noticing. Is he married? He must have some family out there. He's got a kid, I believe. He has obviously simply cut himself off completely from the wrestling business... probably a wise move, too.
Somewhere in a Montana grocery store........
Customer: Hey! Are you-
Saturn: No.
Customer: Yeah you are! You're the guy who had the-
Saturn: No.
Customer: -mop! C'mon! Do it!
Saturn: .....no....
Customer: C'MON man! Give me a-
Saturn: ...Here are your groceries. Have a nice day.
Customer: ....thanks....
Saturn: You're welco-.... DAMMIT!
Customer: HAH!
Blue Demon
10-31-2008, 10:15 PM
And maybe fake. Has this been confirmed? I didn't see it on the WO webpage, but I'm not a premium member.
Kinda hoping it's fake, TBH. At least in this case, it's quite possible that it is.
I was kindof thinking that. No reports on some major sites...and I haven't seen it on the news or anything...I mean you'd think there's be a report SOMEWHERE.
AKin3D
11-01-2008, 02:10 AM
He isn't dead, though, IMO. People don't just go missing without anyone noticing. Is he married? He must have some family out there. He's got a kid, I believe. He has obviously simply cut himself off completely from the wrestling business... probably a wise move, too.
But you have to remember he like lives out in a cabin out in the woods last I read. So him not talking to people or not being noticed missing isn't that out there. I'm sure he'll pop up (I hope). Maybe he went hunting or something.
He's divorce, I believe.
Kane Knight
11-01-2008, 09:11 AM
I was kindof thinking that. No reports on some major sites...and I haven't seen it on the news or anything...I mean you'd think there's be a report SOMEWHERE.
The prior "reports" were also sketchy and seemed largely based on rumour than any real, tangible concerned. It was more a Noid assumption than hard-hitting journalism.
U-Warrior
11-01-2008, 10:49 AM
I like to think, that given his background, he was called back into service for a top secret mission to save te world!
NeanderCarl
11-01-2008, 12:19 PM
Unless Saturn has saved every penny he's made, or now has a high paying job, chances are he will still be readily accepting WWE's royalty checks. And if WWE are still sending money his way, they must be in contact with him of some description.
If sources within WWE were concerned, then I'd be more inclined to believe that he could be missing. But as the only people worried are a bunch of independant/retired guys who haven't heard from him, in a business often (or always) depicted by the wrestlers themselves as a profession in which best friends can often go decades without seeing or talking to each other, then I'm inclined to believe he's out there somewhere, his back turned to the business, atrempting a normal life.
Kane Knight
11-01-2008, 01:28 PM
Unless Saturn has saved every penny he's made, or now has a high paying job, chances are he will still be readily accepting WWE's royalty checks. And if WWE are still sending money his way, they must be in contact with him of some description.
If sources within WWE were concerned, then I'd be more inclined to believe that he could be missing. But as the only people worried are a bunch of independant/retired guys who haven't heard from him, in a business often (or always) depicted by the wrestlers themselves as a profession in which best friends can often go decades without seeing or talking to each other, then I'm inclined to believe he's out there somewhere, his back turned to the business, atrempting a normal life.
Plus, in a business full of douchebags, is it surprising someone would turn his back on everyone?
Anyway, they might not notice anything if Saturn stopped taking their money. Something like that can actually go unnoticed for years in a business, let alone a corporation the size and scope of WWE. That is, unless the Police or other body were notified and checked in with WWE. That's assuming the cops cared enough to do that, and assuming Saturns friends are doing more than water cooler gossip. While neither is particularly impossible, I sure wouldn't assume that it went down like that.
Though I'm not sure I can imagine a missing persons search involving Meltzer or anyone with any ties to the business wouldn't try and shake some official trees.
Super V
11-01-2008, 06:16 PM
A lot of people have disappeared in the wrestling biz. Anyone know where Shawn Stasiak is? I say we get KayfabeMan & The Gang on this case.
NeanderCarl
11-01-2008, 09:03 PM
Shawn Stasiak works as a chiropractor or some shit and still takes occasional indy bookings.
I guess you could say that Carl cracked the case.
Savio
11-01-2008, 09:30 PM
Where is K-fed?
parkmania
11-01-2008, 10:15 PM
Where is K-fed?
Dead, if we're lucky.
FourFifty
11-01-2008, 10:20 PM
We already talked about Stasiak a while ago. I looked it up because I forgot Stan Stasiak held the WWF championship.
I also made a similar joke.
Anyway, where's Buff Bagwell?
And more importantly, where's Buff Bagwell's mom?
FourFifty
11-01-2008, 10:52 PM
On a pole.
FourFifty
11-01-2008, 10:53 PM
In Cleveland.
FourFifty
11-01-2008, 10:54 PM
CLEVELAND ROCKS! CLEVELAND ROCKS!
Nark Order
11-01-2008, 10:54 PM
If she truly is on a pole somewhere I'm going to make the assumption that she's in Orlando, Florida.
Is Too Cold Scorpio in Orlando?
Nark Order
11-01-2008, 10:57 PM
Prolly in Russo's basement.
NeanderCarl
11-02-2008, 01:52 AM
Buff Bagwell's been on the convention circuit. Saw a picture of him looking pretty flabby.
Vastardikai
11-02-2008, 05:26 AM
He's also wrestling indy's, and is quite a draw.
Though, I'm gonna make him my own personal Jerry Lawler one of these days.
thedamndest
11-02-2008, 11:06 AM
And more importantly, where's Buff Bagwell's mom?
On a pole.
:naughty:
NeanderCarl
11-02-2008, 11:29 AM
Bagwell's a sad case really. If WCW had capitalised on the sympathy vote when he returned from his broken neck in 1998 and feuded him with Steiner, he could have been wildly popular as a babyface. They were teasing it, and he was getting over huge. Then he just turned on Rick Steiner and the status quo was returned to normal.
His attitude, and the fact he was never quite the same wrestler after the broken neck, were obviously factors too, but that has never stopped a top guy from finding work before. Bagwell could have been up there as one of WCW's top soldiers in the battle against the nWo and the office blew it.
When in doubt, ask wikipedia
He has a son named Perry Jr.
Oh wow. Me and Perry Saturn were born on the same date.
Nark Order
11-02-2008, 12:55 PM
Oh wow. Me and Perry Saturn were born on the same date.
Guess who's next to disappear into obscurity?
If I were Dean Malenko I'd be nervous as shit. Someone's taking out the Radicalz one by one.
NeanderCarl
11-02-2008, 03:53 PM
I wonder if anybody has spoken to Kevin Sullivan about this...
Nark Order
11-02-2008, 03:56 PM
We know for a fact that Benoit is a murderer. He should be #1 suspect.
NeanderCarl
11-02-2008, 04:20 PM
Maybe he murdered Perry Saturn in June 2007 and, being the religious type, decided to end his own life and that of his family as a sacrifice to God to be forgiven.
You can't just say "no" because you don't know!
NeanderCarl
11-02-2008, 04:20 PM
Maybe Perry Saturn murdered the lot of them, his military background assisting him in covering his steps and framing Benoit, before going on the run.
NeanderCarl
11-02-2008, 04:21 PM
Maybe none of the above.
Maybe Perry Saturn has posted in this thread to throw us off the trail of what he's truly doing - making a transformation to Terry Saturn.
Nark Order
11-02-2008, 04:49 PM
Also, could the infamous Moppy be a suspect in this case?
Kane Knight
11-02-2008, 05:02 PM
Maybe Perry Saturn has posted in this thread to throw us off the trail of what he's truly doing - making a transformation to Terry Saturn.
Those gunshots to the neck awakened something within him.
Theo Dious
11-02-2008, 07:57 PM
Maybe Perry Saturn murdered the lot of them, his military background assisting him in covering his steps and framing Benoit, before going on the run.
It was so obvious. Benoit and family, plus Eddie Gurrerro, were spearheading the Canadian/Mexican pincer invasion of the United States... Saturn took them all out, and now the government is hiding him to protect him from the legions of angry smarks. He is obviously the greatest hero of our age.
I hear there was a new Prototype being developed years ago to take Saturn out in case he started planning something.
They say he's in plain sight, but you can't see him.
Theo Dious
11-02-2008, 08:13 PM
I hear there was a new Prototype being developed years ago to take Saturn out in case he started planning something.
They say he's in plain sight, but you can't see him.
My God. I'm scared to even go outside now. :shifty:
thedamndest
11-02-2008, 08:21 PM
Saturn is Einhorn...EINHORN IS SATURN!
<img src="http://www.moviebadgirls.com/capimage/Ace_Ventura_Pet_Detective_06.jpg">
<img src="http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c179/stephslips/EWR%20Pics/Perry_Saturn2.jpg">
<img src="http://content.ytmnd.com/content/e/c/6/ec6b84091c2a77685ac63ca9e4166a75.jpg">
Theo Dious
11-02-2008, 08:50 PM
Saturn would be a more attractive woman than that.
I'm pretty sure Saturn has been sent forward in time to stop Skynet from taking over.
Saturn would be a more attractive woman than that.
http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/804/dsc03176jp3.jpg
I think KPL was onto something.
NeanderCarl
11-02-2008, 09:00 PM
Found him. He's working for South Wales police, undercover.
http://static-p4.fotolia.com/jpg/00/06/55/91/400_F_6559102_4DVnw3Ki6Pf4Xhw21a3wjPikCF8XZ8HU.jpg
This pic was taken less than an hour ago....
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