Speculate the Relationship: Kamala/Kimchee [Archive]

thedamndest

02-09-2009, 11:25 PM

<img src="http://ymswwc.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/db_kamala_and_kimchee5.jpg">

What do you think? What did Kimchee have to hide under that mask? Why did Kamala dump him for Slick? Did Kimchee's handling duties include applying Kamala's make-up? Could Kimchee be Destor? Only you can SPECULATE THE RELATIONSHIP!

Juan

02-09-2009, 11:28 PM

I think it's pretty obvious that Kimchee is Kamala and Kamala II's illegitimate father, then Slick showed up and took his rightful place next to his nephews.

thedamndest

02-09-2009, 11:34 PM

Do you think he ever told the Kamalas of their birthright? Would they be named "Kamala Kimchee"? He really got around Africa if he had a Kamala from Uganda and one from Botswana.

Juan

02-09-2009, 11:37 PM

Well, since Kimchee was a white man, I'm sure he got his fair share of African woman ass.

thedamndest

02-09-2009, 11:39 PM

Kimchee could be Whoopi Goldberg. Have you seen the Associate?

Juan

02-09-2009, 11:41 PM

Kimchee pulled a Robert S. Cutty

thedamndest

02-09-2009, 11:43 PM

Did Kimchee ever wrestle? Or was he one of the guys that ran down and helped Yokozuna at the '93 Rumble?

Juan

02-09-2009, 11:45 PM

He was the 1992 King of the Ring

thedamndest

02-09-2009, 11:48 PM

That changes everything.

Juan

02-09-2009, 11:50 PM

Yeah, it was an epic tournament. He faced Dangerous Danny Davis in the Finals for the win. People are STILL talking about that match.

thedamndest

02-09-2009, 11:51 PM

I believe the relationship was like Lost in Translation, with Kimchee being Bill Murray and Kamala being Scarlett Johanson, since Kamala is the hotter of the two.

Juan

02-09-2009, 11:59 PM

What do you think Kimchee whispered in Kamala's ear?

Mr. Nerfect

02-10-2009, 03:06 AM

To my understanding, Kimchee is a white explorer who was always fascinated by Ugandan culture. Accepted into their inner-most tribes and rituals, Kimchee realised that their most fierce warrior, Kamala, could make him a lot of money if his combative skills (aka, fatness) could be adapted to a more western setting.

So Kimchee basically imported Kamala to America from Uganda, after spending years earning the big man's trust, and decided to leech off all the money Kamala would earn wrestling. I mean, it's not like Kamala would have any use for it.

Juan

02-10-2009, 03:10 AM

Where does Kamala II fit into your theory Noid?

Mr. Nerfect

02-10-2009, 03:14 AM

Kamala II: Tribal Boogaloo?

Mr. Nerfect

02-10-2009, 03:17 AM

As for Kimchee's ring abilities: While he was in Africa with Kamala, Kimchee was taught how to fight, and some of the Ugandan tribes' most lethal techniques, but when he returned to the United States, he was smart enough not to enter the ring, and instead let his prize fighter do all the work.

Kimchee and Kamala's relationship is very similar to that of Umaga and Armando Estrada's. The former ECW General Manager was probably inspired by Kimchee to go to remote regions and find guys to make him a richer man. The main difference between Estrada and Kimchee is that Estrada was already rich, had himself trained and then paid for further training for Umaga, teaching the Samoan Bulldozer many Japanese styles.

Juan

02-10-2009, 03:21 AM

Kamala II: Tribal Boogaloo?

No, the Botswana Beast

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Mr. Nerfect

02-10-2009, 03:24 AM

No, the Botswana Beast

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I never actually watched during this period, so this is straight from what Kamala told me himself, but apparently when approached about wrestling himself, as a tag team partner for Kamala -- Kimchee got cold feet, and decided that he would find another giant to team up with Kamala.

Anybody Thrilla

02-10-2009, 11:44 AM

Wow, the way Noid explained it makes absolutely perfect sense.

Anybody Thrilla

02-10-2009, 11:46 AM

OK, this is absolutely ridiculous.

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Anybody Thrilla

02-10-2009, 11:51 AM

Oh wait, THIS is ridiculous.

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Anybody Thrilla

02-10-2009, 11:52 AM

And this was the greatest match ever, with a nice little promo beforehand.

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thedamndest

02-10-2009, 01:12 PM

I wonder if they re-used footage from Mr. Perfect for that Slick strike. And I can't watch the Doink/Kamala match because it really makes me sad/hate Doink.

Anybody Thrilla

02-10-2009, 01:18 PM

Doink was an evil fucking genius. The commentary on the match is awesome. Bobby Heenan always used to put Doink over like no other. Also, Randy Savage is ridiculous.

thedamndest

02-10-2009, 01:36 PM

Kamala Shoots
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Anybody Thrilla

02-10-2009, 01:53 PM

Kamala sounds like he wrote a script for that shoot.

Anybody Thrilla

02-10-2009, 01:53 PM

Also, didn't Kamala come back for a cameo in the Diva Search a few years ago? He couldn't have been that pissed at Vince.

thedamndest

02-10-2009, 01:56 PM

He came back for a match against Orton at one point. Maybe being considered a legend for Orton to kill was payment enough.

Mr. Nerfect

02-10-2009, 02:08 PM

They also did an Umaga vs. Kamala thing.

He's pretty much what Jericho is talking about for heat these days. Legends from the past who cannot let go of the spotlight, and need some attention, any attention, even if it is a shoot video filmed in the janitorial store-room of a high school.

Anybody Thrilla

02-10-2009, 02:09 PM

I thought they said that shoot was in Kamala's house.

Mr. Nerfect

02-10-2009, 02:12 PM

I thought they said that shoot was in Kamala's house.

Exactly. :shifty:

Mr. Nerfect

02-10-2009, 02:13 PM

Personally, in a kayfabe sense, I'd like to see Kimchee and Kamala brought in for a few weeks, under the wallet of Jamie Noble (how I'd love for him to get a rich trailer park trash gimmick, like the one they flirted with when he was Cruiserweight Champion) or Paul Burchill, to try and explain just what The Boogeyman is, and to help the modern heels of ECW get rid of him.

thedamndest

02-10-2009, 02:14 PM

I would be for anything that brings back Kamala.

Anybody Thrilla

02-10-2009, 02:16 PM

KAMALA! YOU....ARE....A MAN!!!

Mr. Nerfect

02-10-2009, 02:36 PM

Come on, Jamie Noble being managed by Kamala and Kimchee is absolute comedic gold. Seriously, when are the WWE going to start pushing Noble? They've flirted with it in the past, but Noble is purely one of the most entertaining performers in the WWE. He's great in the ring, and a legitimate crack-up.

Anybody Thrilla

02-10-2009, 02:41 PM

JAMIE NOBLE, BOY!

Mr. Nerfect

02-10-2009, 02:57 PM

"Knock, knock. Who's there? Kane. Kane who? Kane you move out of my way before I knock you on your big red ass?!?"

I miss Jamie Noble's old theme music. And his awesome submission finishers.