Ryan Clark: The Game

[Xero]

Let's pretend we are Ryan Clark and make up news about the industry.

There's only one rule: All posts must include a Clark Link in addition to the news item(s).

OKGO!

[Waylander]

Ryan Clark found dead. It seems he choked on his own ego.

like that?

[Ermaximus]

Needs more filler dude. I'll post one when I get home cuz if I do it here, I won't be able to stop laughing.

[Swiss Ultimate]

Sources inside the WWE locker-room are reporting that Hulk Hogan has been making appearances at various company related events such as the Father-and-son sack races and the Annual Dwarf Tossing Competition. There is conjecture that Hogan is after the prestigious Human Resources position currently occupied by former wrestler Gerney "Higglesby" Wanton (the infamous dog catching wrestler from the Southern territories during the 70s).

Also rumored to be interested in the HR position MMA star Randy Couture who apparently has been a long-time fan of corporate picnics since the beginning of his illustrious career. One insider close to the situation, so close in fact that though I am hiding his identity it will be obvious to all WWE upper management whom he is, says that Vince has some considerable heat with Hogan ever since an unfortunate logging accident four months ago but, if Hogan is able to continue to feed and dress himself during his tour in Australia perhaps he'll be able to hold the one title that now seems to elude him, "corporate bitch".

CLICK HERE TO SEE PICTURES OF JEFF HARDY'S INTESTINES (http://www.ryan-clark-is-inside-your-h0use.net)

[Ermaximus]

That's more like it!!!

[DarKCentaur]

My sources tell me that CM Punk has heat on him yet again. It seems that Bradshaw, while visiting friends backstage, demanded Punk to suck his dick. CM Punk obliged, which made everybody backstage a little uncomfortable. This got back to management and needless to say, they weren't pleased about Punk's carefree attitude and free spirit. This would explain why the Undertaker beat him for the title and why Punk got almost no offense in. Please note that this is JUST A RUMOR AND MAY NOT BE FACT, TO COVER MY OWN ASS.

GOLDUST AND CODY SPOTTED HOLDING HANDS?!?! THE PICTURES ARE SHOCKING!!!!!!!111!!@#!@#!!111 (http://www.mylifeisalie.com)

[Ermaximus]

Sources, who shall not be named, have told me recently that WWE officials are extremely sour on CM Punk. This would all make sense with him not only losing the World Heavyweight Title, but having his match with the Undertaker open the Hell in a Cell PPV rather than having it later in the show as originally planned. Speculation says that Punk was asked to dress more becoming of a classy superstar as opposed to some common street rat, a la John Cena. Undertaker was noted as asking Punk politely and I quote from a valid source, "Hey Punk, you are representing the WWE and this business. It'd be nice if you could dress the part and not look like a total tool. That's what John Cena works here for." Punk was said to be somewhat care free about the situation and replied vehemently to this by saying and I quote, "Fuck you Taker, you old son of a bitch. Why don't you just retire already and do the world a favor?" Taker was then said to have pulled Punk behind closed doors where he anally rapped punk with an inanimate carbon rod. Taker was said to be glad to teach Punk a lesson and hopes that Punk has learned not to piss in the Undertaker's cheerios ever again.

On that note, what would posess a fairly young talent like Punk to even fathom talking crap to the Undertaker? Yet again, why would he ever want to be compared to John Cena? My thoughts on this are that Punk, feeling inadequate for whatever reason, thought that by claiming he was bigger than both Cena and Taker, that Taker saw this as a justifiable reason to teach him a lesson thus resulting in what happened last night. Thanks for reading folks.

LIVE STREAMING VIDEO OF HORNSWOGGLE GOING UP ON THE BELLA TWINS!! NO JOKE! HE'S FUCKING THEM BOTH RAW! (WWW.YOUHUGETOOLYOU.COM)

[Gerard]

Sources in wwe have confirmed tonight the ultimate warrior returns to face Vince Mcmahon in a midget on a pole match, the objective being whoever gets to the midget first has to anally violate said midget in the most humilating way possible. Most thought that being put into a match with the warrio would be humiliating enough but apparently not.

One candidate to have a rod inserted up his ass (the pole) is Rey Mysterio who after his drugs suspension has been eyed up for some public humiliation for quite some time. He has been quoted as saying that he would rather lose his mask then be violated on tv, to which McMahon responded "fuck you cunt, you're getting porked tonight like it or not", McMahon then planted his balls on mysterios chin, laughed twice before stopping and suddenly waddling away in his trademark manner. This left those present to speculate wether McMahons walk was indeed because he had shit himself.




CLICK HERE FOR PICS OF MCMAHONS BALLS ON MYSTERIOS CHIN (http://thevinylvillage.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/midget.jpg)

[Fox]

A friend of a source who shall not be named (henceforth referred to as He Who Shall Not Be Named) who works for the WWE's advertising representative's lawyer is reporting that John Cena is leaving the WWE once his contract is up.

The 6-time World Champion was reported as being very unhappy in his current position with the WWE. He Who Shall Not Be Named overheard a conversation between Cena and someone on his cell phone about the subject, in which Cena reportedly stated, "Why can't I just be another dude like R-Truth who doesn't have to do all this extra BS just to be a wrestler?"

It is rumored by He Who Must Not Be Named that Cena has been in talks with Dixie Carter about coming to TNA to work a lighter, more mid-card based program with Petey Williams, but these are only rumors at this point in time. What is known is that Cena was seen walking his dog on Monday morning INSTEAD of going to the gym as per usual custom. This is being seen by WWE officials as a slap in the face and a way of saying that he doesn't "care" anymore. He Who Must Not Be Named has also stated that WWE has no plans of de-pushing Cena, as he is the most popular superstar on RAW by far.





CLICK HERE FOR HOT PICS AND VIDEO OF JOANIE "CHYNA" LAURER RAPING A MIDGET! (http://thevinylvillage.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/midget.jpg)

[Tazz Dan]

":lol:" at this thread.

[loopydate]

Sources tell me that the reason Kofi Kingston dropped the United States Title to The Miz on RAW tonight instead of on pay-per-view as originally planned was because Vince McMahon sneezed in Kofi's presence and Kofi failed to say "God bless you."

Kofi defended is actions later when confronted by my source saying "I said 'bless you, Mister McMahon.' But he flipped his shit when I didn't say 'God bless you' and then went off on this rant about how he was going to move my hometown to someplace in Africa nobody's ever heard of and put the belt on a TV star. I was worried he meant Maria Menounos was going to unseat me next week, but apparently he still thinks Miz is on MTV and relevant to 'the young people.' I swear to God, he called them 'the young people.'"

As my source furiously scribbled down this diatribe, he accidentally let out a little fart. Unfortunately, McMahon happened to be walking by at this exact moment to overhear the pooty and witness Kofi grimace. McMahon, applying the "He who smelt it dealt it" theory, further punished Kofi by making him clean up the catering table after the Steelers' offensive line was done with it.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/strangelookfilms">CLICK HERE FOR 73 NIP SLIP PHOTOS FROM TONIGHT'S DIVA BOWL - ALL FROM JERRY LAWLER!</a>

[Emperor Smeat]

Sources tell me that the reason Kofi Kingston dropped the United States Title to The Miz on RAW tonight instead of on pay-per-view as originally planned was because Vince McMahon sneezed in Kofi's presence and Kofi failed to say "God bless you."

Kofi defended is actions later when confronted by my source saying "I said 'bless you, Mister McMahon.' But he flipped his shit when I didn't say 'God bless you' and then went off on this rant about how he was going to move my hometown to someplace in Africa nobody's ever heard of and put the belt on a TV star. I was worried he meant Maria Menounos was going to unseat me next week, but apparently he still thinks Miz is on MTV and relevant to 'the young people.' I swear to God, he called them 'the young people.'"

As my source furiously scribbled down this diatribe, he accidentally let out a little fart. Unfortunately, McMahon happened to be walking by at this exact moment to overhear the pooty and witness Kofi grimace. McMahon, applying the "He who smelt it dealt it" theory, further punished Kofi by making him clean up the catering table after the Steelers' offensive line was done with it.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/strangelookfilms">CLICK HERE FOR 73 NIP SLIP PHOTOS FROM TONIGHT'S DIVA BOWL - ALL FROM JERRY LAWLER!</a>

:rofl:

[Theo Dious]

Sources close to WWE are claiming that the reason the DX vs Legacy match was given the main event slot at Hell in a Cell was due to an incident over the past week involving Hunter and Stephanie's two children, Aurora Rose and Murphy Claire Levesque.

According to our neither drunk nor homeless source, Vince McMahon was scheduled to babysit the children, however he decided at the last minute to fly to Copenhagen, Denmark to sabotage Barack Obama's support bid to bring the Olympics to Chicago. McMahon reportedly desired to hold the Olympics in Madison Square Garden, and to include "Sports Entertainment" as an event for the first time in history. Upon being denied access to the proceedings, and informed that it took more than a single venue to house the Olympics, the former WWE and ECW champion proceeded to use his Blackberry to spread rumors that President Obama had called members of the Olympic committee "smelly," "gay," and "tards."

When McMahon returned home to the USA, he discovered his irate daughter and son-in-law claiming that their children had been left at home alone for the duration of his trip. McMahon has steadfastly claimed that he hired a professional babysitter to handle the job, however when his claims were investigated by our unimpeachable and seriously hung source, it was discovered that the man he had contacted, one "Jeff Harvey," had spent the money he was payed on six crates of Oreo cookies and two hundred gallons of energy drink. Backstage sources are claiming that McMahon has announced the end of guaranteed contracts as a result.

The compromise eventually reached was that DX would be given the main event slot at Hell in a Cell and be allowed to close the show. McMahon had apparently offered Triple H consecutive title wins in matches against CM Punk and John Cena, however Stephanie McMahon-Levesque was heard to say "if anyone is going to bribe my husband with favorable creative decisions, it will be me, and possibly Michael Hayes."

The Levesque children are said to be fine after the incident, apparently having passed the time comfortably in a box of spare turnbuckle pads, and surviving on Slim Jims that their mother apparently has an almost indenct taste for.

STEPHANIE MCMAHON TO DIVORCE HUNTER, MARRY MATT HARDY? - PLUS ALICIA FOX'S LEFT NIPPLE IN TELL-ALL INTERVIEW! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpNRqG4d8TE)

[loopydate]

Word is that the WWE brass is considering creating a third Divas title for the ECW brand. Vince McMahon is said to be high on this idea, since replicas of the Divas Title have sold like hotcakes since being moved next to the Lisa Frank binders and pencils in most Wal*Mart stores.

The original idea was to call it the WWE Playboy Bunny Title and to award it to whichever Diva is next to pose in Playboy. The Diva who unseated the champion would then be next to pose, and so on. However, with the recent swing toward TV-PG, the idea has been tweaked to the WWE Bunny Title.

Backstage, this is creating some confusion, as no one is entirely sure whether the Divas will be dressed like bunnies when competing for the belt or whether actual bunnies will be introduced to the ECW roster (much like the Minis were brought in to SmackDown! a few years back).

<a href="http://www.wrestlecrap.com">TRACI BROOKS' PLAYBOY ISSUE GIVES TNA HIGH HOPES FOR UPCOMING AWESOME KONG SHOOT - SNEAK PREVIEW HERE!!!</a>

[Savio]

If I may DTTS this thread.....It is quite humorous.

[Heisenberg]

Source: Guy at the laundromat

-Guy that does his own laundry at the laundromat and is pretty tight said that Alex Riley and Cody Rhodes were caught buying Pizza and farting on random chicks at a restaurant in Los Angeles. This could explain the reason why Riley was written out of T.V. 15 or so weeks ago and Cody Rhodes has yet to comment on Twitter where I steal the rest of my news from and jerk off to ODB pictures while my sister looks at me.

-Also, rumors are swirling about Yokozuna and Owen Hart having an innovative return Casket match at WMXXX, but my sources were unable to clarify if this were able to happen, I mean 2Pac came back from hiatus, why can't some other 90s stars re-emerge. My sister put her hair in ponytails today.

***TNA'S DIXIE CARTER IN A MUST-SEE BIKINI SHOOT, PLUS HULK HOGAN FINDS HIS SON DOING HIS DAUGHTER, WHOA BROTHER*** (http://WWW.impactwrestling.com)

[MikeyMike]

Source: My hopes and dreams

-Dave Bautista spotted arriving at Staples Center earlier today. He is rumored to interfere in the Cena vs Bryan match and lay both men out whilst Triple H, the guest referee for the bout, allows this to happen and waves Orton down to the ring and pin Cena.
This means Batista returns as a heel and at the same time Orton and Triple H both turn heel and thus reforming Evolution.

*****IT'S DANCIN' DAVE EVERYBODY LOOK*****

[Curd]

Source: PWInsider

Sources close to WWE creative say Zack Ryder will do a run-in during the Sandow vs. Rhodes match at SummerSlam, thereby aligning himself with Sandow and forming the tag team "Woo Woo We Know It All" - more details as we have them!

JOHN CENA'S EX-WIFE CAUGHT SMOOCHING WITH NICK HOGAN! *100% EXCLUSIVE* (http://lololololololololol.com)

[XL]

Source: Wild Specualtion Daily

Much has been made of the greying of Randy Orton's facial hair as of late, I can exclusively reveal that Orton actually DYES parts of his beard grey in an attempt to appear more "mature" and improve his standing with the office.

With a reputation for "childish" and "immature" behavior dating back to his early days in the company and with two Wellness strikes against his name, Orton believes the office are hesitant to put either of the top belts on him having not held the WWE or World Heavyweight Championship for nearly two years.

At present the plan is for Orton to lose when he cashes in his Money In The Bank briefcase - perhaps as early as this Sunday's SummerSlam PPV. Orton is hoping to swing the office in his favour with this move to a more "distinguished" look.

However, the move may have already backfired as WWE sponsers Just For Men are said to be livid that Orton is appearing on TV with grey patches in his beard. A spokesperson for Just For Men is rumoured to have said "We're livid".

**EXCLUSIVE PICS OF ORTON'S BEARD BEFORE THE DYE TREATMENT - MUST SEE**

[Shadrick]

^^You forgot "More as we get it."

[Savio]

Maybe he was using:

http://www.justformen.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/TOG_USA_Light_Brown_Gray_265x396.png

[BigCrippyZ]

More as we... make stuff up and/or unnecessarily speculate and dramatize things which we actually know nothing about from our "sources inside the WWE / close to the situation."

Remember back around Mania when Rock was injured and didn't work the next night's Raw and how for weeks Clark was going on about how there was some big scoop coming and that Rock was "pissed" at Vince, WWE, etc.

:lol:

[The Rogerer]

This thread should be called TRIPLE A'S BRAND

[Wake Up Call]

Most amusing thread I've seen in a long time.

But I have to stress, that is only a rumour and is by no means confirmed.

[loopydate]

I'm being told that Darren Young's TMZ outing has led to increased scrutiny of the tag team division. Original plans for Summerslam seemed to be for Big Show and Mark Henry to team up to challenge Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns for the Tag Team Titles. That still seems to be the case, though there are rumors that Young and Titus O'Neil will be cashing in their Millions Of Dollars In The Bank briefcase to take the belts instead.

After being informed that no such briefcase exists, Vince McMahon reportedly flew into a rage. "WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SPEND ALL THAT MONEY ON A CHOCOLATE-BROWN BRIEFCASE FOR, THEN?!?" he was overheard screaming at what he thought was Pat Patterson but was, in fact, a pile of dirty rags.

To try to fix the situation, Triple H and Stephanie McMahon are reportedly working with the creative team to re-tool PTP for a run leading into Night of Champions. Among the gimmick changes being proposed are:



The PTP partnership becoming an actual "partnership"
The Bed-Time Players
"Mr. Gets Gays Off" Darren Young



After being stopped by TMZ cameras for a reaction, Titus O'Neil began barking like a seal and blowing a whistle.

Linda McMahon thoroughly confused by TMZ report at Connecticut RNC meeting. "Motherf**ker! Guess I'll try again in four years." (http://www.tpwwforums.com/tablesladderspodcast.podbean.com)