* Baltimora hits and…Christian Cage is out. Christian shits on the city. Tony Khan paid for that terrible music, so someone might as well use it. He says that he’s classing this joint up because a lot of your AEW favorites are getting hurt and not making the cut. Whatever he wants to say. Frankie Kazarian of all people interrupts him. Kazarian says they go back to TNA and he thought Christian was a creepy little bastard then. The reason Kaz hunted The Elite was because he doesn’t like bullies. He wants a match with Luchasaurus now because he’s a former Tag Champ, Lucha is a former tag champ. Christian acts like he doesn’t want Luchasaurus to take the match, but Luchasaurus blindsides Kazarian and Christian is happy about it.
* Luchasaurus defeats Frankie Kazarian without too much struggle. Christian can be on commentary describing what he is bringing out of Luchasaurus. Afterwards, Christian hits The Unprettier on Kazarian for extra measure.
* Thunderstorm are actually defeated by Nyla Rose & Marina Shafir. Toni and Rosa have too much going on between them and the belt. Athena is also out at ringside keeping an eye on things. Toni “accidentally” knocks Rosa which allows Nyla to get the pin. There’s speculation abroad that Storm is trying to disrupt the women’s division here.
* Dan Lambert is with Scorpio Sky cutting a promo about how tonight Sky becomes the man to beat Wardlow twice. Someone interrupts the interview, but this is live. Ethan Page is getting his ass kicked by Wardlow. They see him getting powerbombed in the distance and freak out. Sky wants Lambert to make some calls.
* FTR defeat Max Caster & Austin Gunn. Billy Gunn has forced Austin to team with Max so all his sons can get along. There isn’t that much in-ring chemistry there and Austin eats the pin after Bowens tosses the crutch to Max, who tosses it to Austin, with the intention of Austin using it, but he isn’t ready, so it hits him in the face. Austin stumbles into the Big Rig. Colton pulls Caster down upset at the whole thing so he can’t break up the pin.
* The heels all get into it verbally after the match. Max Caster standing up to both Gunns. Billy gets on the mic and yells at them to stop. They do. He struggles to think what to say. He says “I have…a condition…” Austin looks concerned. Colton and Max look confused. Billy says “That condition…is disappointment. You’re all disappointing Ass Boys to me. Next week we’re all going to get on the same page…or else. Billy leaves and everyone seems baffled at what “or else” means.
* Chris Jericho opens to top of the hour, because of course he does. Jericho says that Sammy can’t be here tonight because of his fall. Matt Parker or whoever the funny one in 2.0 is holding RIP Sammy signs. But at least Sammy has Tay Conti at home taking really good care of him. But they are disappointed that they lost last week, especially to a team led by a WWE reject. Claudio Castagnoli has glommed on to something great in the Jericho Appreciation Society, and slimed his way into a main event before the kid’s ready. And the truth is that Claudio is just not sports entertaining enough to be a main event player on national television. He needs to leave the BBC and join Jericho and learn how to be truly charismatic, because right now he is a C+ Player. Get it? C+ because he has two C’s in his name. Thank you, thank you.
* Claudio comes out. It seems stupid to get in the ring with all the JAS. He’s out there alone for this, so I guess the rest of The BCC are preparing with Moxley. You can show Mox at various points of the night with his camp training. Anyway, Claudio sizes up the situation, waves his finger and goes to the back. He comes back with a steel chair. The JAS are ready for him. Claudio tosses in the steel chair. It is there to help them…not him. Claudio walks into the ring and they all bail. Claudio sits in the ring and mimes at them to come at him. Jericho: “Is that a yes?!” Claudio gets up, glares at Jericho. Hager gets in there and gets taken down by Claudio pretty efficiently. Jericho and his other goons get the hell out of there.
* Commotion in the back: Wardlow and Junior Dos Santos are caught fighting in the parking lot. Lambert and Sky must have called him in to help out. Wardlow has headed him off and powerbombs him on the car. Because Wardlow respects him, he only gives him one as a warning shot to stay out of his business.
* Keith Lee decides he doesn’t want to team up with Swerve Strickland anymore. He’s supposed to be a big deal in AEW. He’s signed to a giant contract. He’s not supposed to be teaming with a geek like Strickland. Strickland looks like he’s ready to face The Butcher & The Blade on his own. FTR, good guy defenders of all that is holy step in. They want FTR & Strickland vs. Butcher, Blade & Bitch right now. More of an angle match where Lee gets mad and tries to hurt a member of FTR. Possibly a DQ. Fucked if I know. Stupid match. Swerve & Lee should not be a team, I just know that much.
* Wardlow squashes Scorpio Sky in seconds to win the TNT Title. He got ahead of Men of the Year/American Top Team and eliminated the factors that would predictably get in his way. Make him smarter than the heels.
* The Young Bucks cut a promo about how they saw good guys FTR earlier, helping out everyone. In this business you’ve got to help yourselves. So when Tony Khan asked us whether we’d agree to having a match with FTR at the ROH PPV on July 23rd, we said…no. We’ve got the tag belts we want. We’ve got the money we want. We’ve got the spot we want. We don’t have anything to prove. Matt Hardy’s music hits and he says that The Bucks have the belts, they’ve got the money, but do they have the reputation of being the best tag team right now? Matt Hardy says his fellow North Carolinians deserve a shot. The Bucks say they need to talk to their lawyers and run off.
* Jon Moxley defeats Brody King to retain the AEW Title. Yuck, I can’t even put this one into context. Just try and make it painless.
* Advertised for Rampage: Malakai Black vs. Wheeler Yuta; Miro throws PAC an All-Atlantic Championship celebration, American-style; Jade Cargill vs. Athena for the TBS Championship; Andrade El Idolo & Isiah Kassidy vs. The Lucha Bros; Billy Gunn puts his family back together.
I used guys I don’t like to make it feel more like AEW.
