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A Ruse Report special edition

In the field of mechandise, the WWE sure knows how to shovel it on. Here's some of the treasures (And trash) to be expected this year:

WWE Smackdown vs Raw 07: A playable demo was mailed out to business insiders, but yours truly was unimpressed. It appears there was a glitch in the demo where neither of the playable wrestlers (Triple H and the Undertaker) would take any damage.

The Eddie Guerrero Commemorative Lowrider has already been recalled, after its release under a week ago. It appears the vehicle had a defect, causing it to burst into flames when someone was locked in the trunk.

Rey MystErio--The Rated E superstar: Playing up a more child friendly image, Rey will be sporting a new line of masks featuring cartooncharacters such as Pikachu, Spongebob, and Hello Kitty.

The Mark Henry Grill: Patented hypodermic needles inject fat from other grills into even the healthiest dish. Not recommended for Dick Cheney.

Ultimate Warrior daily wisdom: This daily calendar contains musings of the legendary Ultimate Warrior. Two-Ply and squeezably soft, in case you have other intentions.

Steve Austin DUI test: This has promise, but a glitch in the mock-up makes it say "what?" If it doesn't get enough of a sample. It may serve to be problematic on another ground, as few states consider a 10% BAC to be the limit. Expect it to be popular in college dorms and Celtic countries though.

The Simon Dean Penis Pump: Never buy anything with the word "penis" in it and Simon's face on it.

Lifelike JR punching bag: Run out of ideas? Now you can handle it like Vince McMahon and World Wrestling entertainment. This plumb inflatable bag of wind has 15 different phrases (Twice as many as Ross himself) and the batteries will last through thousands of knockdowns. Thaat's all the "Bah Gawds" even the most aggressivee McMahon could ever want.

Lita Disposable Douche: With two prongs, in case you hit the wrong hole.

Edge's cul-de-sack: A replica of the burlap sack used to cover Lita's face during the "live sex" segment.

Renee Dupree's personal grooming kit: Being an empty box, this reporter does not feel it will sell.

The Big Show's personal grooming kit: Having smelled him, this reporter doesn't feel it will sell.

Daivari translation guide: The first phrase in this book is "Bury me with a pig," so expect someone to cry foul. It also appears that the first line in Hassan/Daivari's theme music is "Where's the hookers?"

The Shelton Benjamin blackface kit: Now you can be as racially sensitive as Shelton and his "mama."

Bret "The Hitman" Hart Strap-On: Now you decide who screws Bret.

Randy Orton personal Hygeine kit: Considering...Oh, never mind.

The Mark Henry Survival Kit: Contains an emegency Medical Kit and a Last Will and Testament.

Randy Orton Exorcism Kit: Guaranteed to rid you of your personal demons, or your money back and your feud extended for another 6 months.

That's all for this special edition of the Ruse Report.

The Ruse Report: Nobody reads this part of the message anyway. www.rusereport.com