RAW Captions [1-23-2006]
 

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Edge:You're the Homo

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Cena:No, You're the Catfish...erm Homo :shifty:


:nono: rubbish

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Kane: Seig Heil!

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EDGE: Are those... headlights?


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CENA: I hate to break it to ya, homie, but that belt...it's a homo. Get it...? 'Cause I been sayin' "ho" a buncha times in this pr-- Fuck it.

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Lita botches pickpocketing.

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Failed Glen Jacobs gimmick #8,548,176,320: The Bald Eagle

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KANE: I want to see myself in those!

CARLITO THE COCKNEY BOOTBLACK: You gaw i', gov'na! Eh, izzat an airplane? Whatsallissen? Oy'd betta kiss it!

LOOPYDATE: Well, this caption took an odd turn.

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Why Carlito decided to hit Kane with the World's Smallest Ladder is anyone's guess.

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That was one bold referee. Not only outing Kane, but God Himself?!?

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Wow. Kane's so scary, he made Carlito's hair stand on end.

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In a nice gesture, WWE saluted Hulk Hogan just days after his first chemo session.

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VINCE: I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT, DAMMIT!

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The first ever Ice-Coated Mat Match wasn't such a good idea.

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MOMMA: Shawn Michaels? Why, I remember when yo' ego was yea high!

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H.I.A. - Hot Incestual Action

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Shawn hoped that making a silly face would cover up the fact that he'd just killed Shelton Benjamin in the worst botched Tombstone ever.

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EDGE: Wow, it's... Really lifelike. But, Amy? I asked for a female Love Doll.

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NEMETH: I still can't figure, is this a step forward or backward from my caddy gimmick?

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As Ken Doane worked on his teapot, he vowed that one day, he would be atop the pyramid. Or else.

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Coach held him in place, and the referee finished The King off with his deadly Shin Chop.

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Wow. Those guys really need to work on the Y.M.C.A.

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Hey Coach, who's taking a Rumble spot away from an actual wrestler?

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Coach shows 'em how it's done.

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Best. Liu Kang dropkick. Ever.

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The kiss was one thing, but did we really need to see Victoria, the sewer chewer? Yeah, we get it. They're lesbians who are into weird shit. But... come on!

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After taking out Ashley, Mickie turned her attention to dispatching Stevie Richards with a knee drop.

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TRISH [thinking]: Hey, that bitch is taking my cleavage shot!

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CADE/CONWAY/HELMS: STUUUUUUUUUCK!

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Gregory Helms forgets that he's not a superhero anymore.

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HHH: Mr. Wight, you're trying to seduce me.

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LONG: Hey man, nice shot!

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Sure, it was unorthodox, but Flair's Bicep Friction Burn submission was a sight to behold.

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Chris Masters attempts a Canadian Destroyer. Funeral arrangements for John Cena are to be made at five o'clizzock tomorrow.

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In a shocking heel turn, John Cena slaps the STFU on Corky.

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Poor Lita. She never saw the Hadoken coming.

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CENA: Okay, who stole my torso?

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These guys are big fans of Cock.

Ladies and Gentlemen...caption of the year.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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Impeccable logs onto WWE.com, and this annoying little John Cena pop up comes on.

Cena: Hi, I'm John Cena. Buy my stuff. Buy my stuff. Buy my stuff. Buy my stuff. Buy my...are you trying to kill me with that little white arrow?

I dunno how you pull these subtly hilarious captions out, but :rofl: Paul.

:lol: :rofl: :lol: You must spread some reputation around yada yada yada

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After the fifth hour passed, it became apparent that Edge and Lita weren't merely bad promo'ers with robotic personalities, they were actually robots!

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Cena further cements his "with me or against me" persona by calling all smarks homos.

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Edge couldn't concentrate. He'd just remembered that Lita had left the oven on.

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Kane's new Silver Surfer gimmick was certainly the most awesome thing ever.

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KANE: Dammit, these Carlito Sandals are the absolute worst.

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Kane's attempt to look into the future with the Magic 8-Chair was a bit senseless.

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REF: Who will never rise above the glass ceiling? That's right... YOU!!!

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It wasn't that Kane had sat up that was freaking Carlito out, it was the fact that he had somehow become convinced that he was a five-time five-time five-time five-time five-time world champion.

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In a shocking twist, JBL reveals the leader of his Aryan Nation.

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Richards clocked HBK with a drop kick. Benjamin hit him from behind. It was the perfect plan of attack.

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MOMMA: "Oooooooh, boy, you didn't eat enough Chunky Soup!"

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As a final nail to the career coffin, Shelton was subjected to having his momma rub his boo boo and kiss it, live on TV.

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In a sudden swerve, HBK turns Catholic and pretends Shelton is a choir boy...

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Try as they did, neither Lita nor Edge could get Bilbo to wake up and go on another journey.

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If rumors of Fit Finlay's homosexuality weren't effective enough, having his own yell leaders put the icing on the cake.

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The cheerer's efforts were all for naught, as they learned after a fan mentioned that the Notre Dame / USC game had transpired three months ago--and Notre Dame had lost.

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The most incredulous thing wasn't that a non-wrestler was going to the Rumble, it was that Jerome Bettis had lost that much weight!


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Coach always took time at the end of the day for a nice long session of pleasurable self-groping.

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KING: I don't get it... there's no 'Y' in 'Coach.' None at all!!

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Ashley shows tremendous talent riding her invisible skateboard up the Victoria quarterpipe.

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HLA, as brought to you through....

INTERPRETIVE DANCE!!!

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Mickie was a mantisssssss, and there was no way anyone was stopping her from destroying Assssshley!!!!!

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TRISH: So if John leaves Point A going east at 25 miles per hour, and Larry leaves Point B going west at 40 miles per hour, and A & B are 100 miles apart, when will they meet together??? ...hmph. :-\

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Big Show was so large that this was the only effective way to apply the Heimlich Maneuver on him once he started choking.

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Greg Helms hated it when the other guys played Slap Ping Pong with him.

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There was something different about Show, HHH noted. He seemed a lot... bigger.

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John Cena fails at using the Force.

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John Cena botches being Spiderman.

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Little known fact: chopping a hoss is a less messy way of causing yourself to orgasm.

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The Masters field goal kick is up... and it's GOOD!!!!!

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The pain from the STFU Masters could endure, but when Cena broke out into a solo from one of Kevin Federline's songs, Chris had no choice but to tap out.

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It was not a pretty sight when Edge suffered a massive hernia live on TV.

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<!--IBF.ATTACHMENT_247355-->CENA: "PopoZao PopoZao PopoZao PopoZao PopoZao!!"

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As hard as he tried, Cena just couldn't get his chin outta Flair's super sticky super glue that was on the rope.

or

Flair's plan had worked perfectly, with Cena stuck to the ropes, the borg would assimilate Cena first, while Flair get's away.

Yeah, not to good...

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Cena (off screen): Guess what I did to Lita Edge...

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Cena: I Stuck it in her pooper

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Edge: Oh, fair enough
Lita: Told you it wasnt anything big baby

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Carlito's "apples" were never the same after Kane's invisible jousting stick joke

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Kane: NOW WHO'S THE KING OF LIMBO

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Who would have known hiding behind the chair would actually work

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Even though Kane had beat him in the qualifying round, Carlito still knew that he wouldn't last much longer as the ref announced his opponent...the "Almight" GOD

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Kane: My hand is like talking to me

This was when Carlito knew RVD was near by

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WWE's IRS (Inter-Racial Sex) was not as big a hit as originally hoped

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This new breed of SS was certainly..."interesting"

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IRS still didnt apeal to the crowd

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Only two of them reall new how to pull off a dbz fusion dance.

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I'm a homo

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Give me your love (muscle)

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Everyone realised there was no hope for the woman's division when Victoria was demoted to Ashley's personal skateboard

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A kick out....WITH AUTHORITY

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The WWE's decision to make WWE on Ice was not as succesful as originally hoped

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Big Show: Jobbers..Oh god..they're everywhere

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Poor Shane Helms, nobody wanted him.

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HHH: aah Big show, your "hanging out"

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Cena cops a feel of stevie

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NO COMMENT

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I don't know what move Masters is going for, but I do know it isnt gonna end good.

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Enzyte, The once-daily tablet for staying black.

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Momma: Here Hon, let Momma get that... *Snorts up snot, spits*

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Hunter: No Vince, they're NOT taking my "YMCA" from me!

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Squad: C... O... C.... K... COCK COCK COCK!

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Joey: OH MY GAAWWWD! WHAT IS KEN SHAMROCK DOING HERE!?

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New Kids on the Block must REALLY be desparate to get back on TV. :nono: :shifty:

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Thanks to new computer technology, we are able to see what Hitler would have looked like at the grand old age of 76.

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Incest....the final Taboo.

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REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH! Sorry, I ment Flair.

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Victoria's "Candice penis extention" was giving her some troubles.

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What? I'm going to the Superbowl? Hot damn!

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Hoppy Macgee: S-P-I-R-I-T *gasps* S-Q-U-A-D!

Sir Standaround: Wow, I have new found respect for Scotty.

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This is what happens when you watch too much Hypno-Toad.

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Edge was never the same after being forced to watch "A Night in China"

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Cena: Did someone call for a Really Hairy Plumber? Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow!

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Lita: What's Wrong, Baby?

Adam: I just.... Swallowed... a Bug.

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Kane: This is the Clothesline Shelton did at Wrestlemania 21....

Carlito: How did he do that without a Ladder? :eek:

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A few seconds later, Kane would learn the Carlito MASTERED Heichi's Right Kick counter.

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Carlito is devastated by Kane's Tomahawk Chop to the chair.

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Ref: I'll do it one more time... FOR JESUS! *Shoots Kane with the Orgasmo Ray*

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Carlito is impressed by Kane's spot on John Cena impression.

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Scott Steiner really looks like Shit, now...

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Vince: I'm gonna do something for the good of this company for a change. Chris Masters....You're F....

*"Shriviled Grapefruits" Chant breaks out.*

Vince: I don't have any pants on, do I? I knew I shouldn't have went Commando...

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Shelton is such a big Mama's Boy, he waves to her everytime he does an offensive move...

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Mama: Good Morning, Lover!

Shawn: OH GOD, What Have I done?!?

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Mama: Shelton, You look Constipated!

Shelton: Now is NOT the time for a Phillip's Milk of Magnesia commercial...

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In a shoking turn of events, Shawn turns his back on Christianity so he and Shelton can engage in double Ass-Fisting...

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Edge: You will stare into the titties.... You will be Mesmerized by the Titties.

Show: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WAIT A MINUTE... TIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!! :drool:

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Zach Gowen makes his WWE Return with Kerwin White's Caddy.

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The Guy in the middle is so agile, he can balance himself on the penises of two fully erect men.

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The Ref Channels Wahoo McDaniel, destroying the King with his Diving Tomahawk Chop.

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The Spirit Squad shows what Savior Sucks. Why? because he topped Vastardikai's "Slim Jim" Caption...

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Coach: You mean I get to take part in a three way Hardcore Shower Match with Candice Michelle and Ashley Massaro?!?

Ref: Go Right Ahead, but don't be surprised if you read something on the Internet about it...

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King: So THAT'S what happened to Hassan!

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Trish Launches off of Victoria's Boob to take out the Cameraman with a Pescado.

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Stevie Richards, Victoria, and Candice engage in a kinky Three-Some upon the invisible table over Ashley, who is masturbating.

Ref: Best. Porn. Ever.! :naughty:

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Ref: Mickie, can I PLEASE feel you up?

Mickie: NO!

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Trish is mad; What is Edge doing on the Entrance Ramp? And why is he asking Ashley to join him and Lita in a three-some? And why is Matt Hanging himself from the Titan-Tron?

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Big Show chooses an odd time to do the Time Warp.

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The Gregory Helms Volleyball sold even worse than the Gregory Helms Slot Machine...

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Hunter: Why do I only get ONE Caption this week?

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Cena Finally turns heel by giving Flair a Force Choke.

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Masters cringes as Flair caresses his muscles.

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He may be a Hoss, but Masters has the Best Moonsault into a DDT in the Business...

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Masters: You call this an STF? :rofl:

Cena: :rant:

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Try as they might, Edge and Lita just can't hail a cab in this town...

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Cena: I came here to lay some Pipe! Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow!

:D You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to loopydate again.

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Edge froze. Although he and Lita had talked about strap ons last night, it was still a shock to the system to feel a real one.

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The crowd was confused when weird techno music started playing, and Kane began flying around on wires, until they realized a scene from the next Mortal Kombat movie was being filmed.

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Not content with extreme physical strength, Kane decides to stop washing his feet and always wear the same pair of socks. After his opponent smelled that, he didn't need to use a chokeslam.

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"Glen, don't freak out or anything, but there is a giant spider on your back"
"GET IT, GET IT, GET IT!!!!"

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Shawn and Shelton learn a hard lesson. When Mama Benjamin has gas, get the hell out of the way.

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WWE Films suprises everyone by revealing they're new gay porn division.

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Lita botches Phrenology

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It was all going swimmingly, until Jeter tripped over a loose floor panel, and suddenly the Spirit Squad had the worst debut since the Shockmaster.

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Although it loooked like the Spirit Squad was simply forming a pyramid, in reality they were performing an ancient ritual to summon the God of Wrestling to get them out of this stupid gimmick.

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The final step of the ritual? Dye Chloe green and offer her up as a sacrifice.

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In a total swerve, Coach reveals himself as the God of Wrestling the Spirit Squad were trying to summon.

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"I AM APPEASED!! MAIN EVENT PUSHES FOR ALL!"

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Realizing that no one cared about their match, Candace and Victoria give up and just started playing Charades.

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Big Show learns a hard lesson: Never get in the way of three wrestlers doing the Hokey Pokey.

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Lita knew she had to do something to help Edge win the match. Suddenly, she realized she still had the strap on, and made a beeline for Cena...

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Masters suprises everyone by pulling out the Blockbuster as his new finisher. Predictably, he botches it.

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Lita: Edge whats wrong
Edge: Well i just found out that more people care about Christians match against Jarrett for the NWA title than they do about my match vs Cena for this title and to top it all off they think the NWA title means more than this spinning piece of crap
Lita: I'm sorry that you finally realized Christian is the one everybody thought carried your team

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Kane: You broke the titan tron you furry headed bastard
Carlito: Uh oh das not cool

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Ref: This guy right here lost now put him up there with O'Haire

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As Sean O'Haire threw HBK back down Shelton decided to put him back up there again

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Momma: Hey Shawn you remember Charleston in 1994
HBK: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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Random Fan: Hey who could possibly be more gay than those guys
Other Fan: Thats who

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The Helms toss went on for a couple hours and a microphone was finally took to the ring and this was heard
Show: Look for the last time i dont want him
Cade & Conway: And we dont either
Helms: Dammit at least people cared when i was the green freak

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Masters: LASHLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lashley(Backstage): Got me another one

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Cena: Hello friends. Do you wish to sound as happy as me? Well then send $1 to ... me.

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Lita: Hey... hey.... the title's not spinning!
Edge: :| .... It's on the other shoulder......

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Kane's new gimmick, the seven foot tall Big Red Can-Can Dancer. Just don't get in his way.

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IT'S STILL REAL TO ME DAMMIT!

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WWE was puzzled when their sequel to the Live Sex Celebration didn't draw in ratings.

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Shawn: Mmm...tastes like chick'n.

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Coach: I'm so pretty!!

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*tumbleweed*

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Cena: SQUEEZE ME.

*random tinkly music*


Introducing....

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TEEN SPIRIT SQUAD!!!!!!

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C-man!! Signature Move Guy!!

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Yell Leader! What's his face!

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THEEEEE UGLY ONE!!!!!!

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IT'S OVER!!!!!

:lol: Nice Strong Bad referance :)

:love: FRYZA!