OK, I'm probably going to get heaps of shit for this...
 

...but I really think they should let Val Venis host the 2006 Diva Search. At least he knows the name of the WWE website. Plus, it gives him time off wrestling, which allows him to rest up a bit better, and it is a PERFECT FUCKING FIT FOR HIS GIMMICK!!!!!

"Hey, we have useless sluts on the show, who should basically go out there and try to sell their useless sluttiness?"

"How about that guy that's been under contract for years, but hasn't really done much of anything. He's a former porn star and used to treating women like objects, isn't he?"

"Yeah, but we need to get his guy who already has a speaking role on TV over. He could wrestle, or he could be the obnoxious voice for some big guy, or a supporting player in King Booker's stable, but I think we need him to do this to get more people to switch off their TVs, because he is so obnoxious it isn't funny."

I mean, this will probably be mistaken for my "Val Venis is a God" complex (Venus was a Goddess, hence Venis can be a God), but really, who else on WWE TV is better suited for the role. I can see maybe Jerry Lawler, and they can give colour commentary duties to someone else, which would be great.

Val Venis is also one of the veterans of the lockerroom. Sure, you don't hear much about him backstage, but he never has any reported complains to his name, and he's been there for years, and is the go-to guy when they need a solid match for an up-and-coming guy. Putting him with this bunch of whores, who apparently know next to nothing about the business, sort of adds a "well, at least Sean is involved" kind of thing, whereas, sticking a new guy in there, no matter how charismatic he/she is, could lead to the girls being called a "cunt" and getting shit in their bag. Venis sort of makes thing gentler with the guys in the back.

I just can't get over how Val Venis' gimmick is that he bones the ladies frequently, yet he isn't even involved with any of the endless quantity of whores being brought into the WWE at a daily rate (slight hyperbole). Even Viscera would make sense, well I suppose now it wouldn't, because he's gone misogynist with Charlie Haas. Just have Val Venis and Ashley Massaro appear on RAW and SmackDown! together, and have Venis take over the Al Snow role in Tough Enough. Their his girls, and he uses them to get himself a bit more exposure before it's back to regular wrestling for the guy. Maybe it can even get him to mid-card level.

Why would you get heaps of shit for this?

It's a shitty segment to start with. With Miz, it gets worse by about 100 times. With Val, it would be better by about 3 times. Makes sense too.

I agree but for the record...

"And then the Bashems win the Tag Titles."

HOO RAH!!!!!!!!

2 of my Favorite Val Venis Intros.

"Hellooooooooo Ladies. I've got the meat for your buns."

"Hellooooooooo Ladies. The big Valbowski's alot like Chynas thong... (Then chyna attacks him.)

HELLO LADIES! YOU KNOW SOMETHING LADIES? THE BIG VALBOWSKI IS A LOT LIKE ... MICK FOLEY.

HE KEEPS GETTING KNOCKED ON DOWN, BUT HE KEEPS RISING BACK UP! HA! HA! HA!

You know what The Big Valbowski and Big Ben have in common?

Put two hands and a face on it, and it'll let you know EXACTLY what time it is!

"Hellooooooooo Ladies. You know the Big Valbowski's alot like a rubix cube...the more you play with it...the harder it gets! *val venis laugh*"

No shit given from me, because for one he is better then the miz, secondly he is cool.

Good Idea.

You know, THe Big Valbowski is alot like Concrete Mix..

You know you get it a little bit wet, take a step back and watch it get, ROCK HARD!!

"The Big Valbowski is a lot like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Due to a building error, it leans crooked."

Oh wait I don't think he ever said that. :shifty:

:rofl:

"And they call you the Big Show?"

You know something, the Big Valboski and the Diva Search contestants have a lot in common. We have no pride, we'll do what it takes to get the job done, and we know what Vince McMahon's semen tastes like.

Yeah, anyone would be better than Poochy.

I'd rather all the Diva Search contestants get a lethal dose of DOUG BASHAM.

But this works too.

*opens Tricorder*

She's dead, Jim.

By the way, what the hell is "HOO RAH" supposed to mean?

What the hell does anything Poochy says supposed to mean?

There are a lot of arguments in the wrestling forum, but when it all comes down to it, we can put pur differences aside and all hate Poochy together. I hope he screws up tonight and gets his ass bood.

Military speak.

Anyone read on OWW the article on a writers view that Val Venis should be World Champ?

His finishing moves were the Meat Curtain, Ball & Gag and Last Impresstion... :shifty: