So as not to bump old threads...
 

...I'm creating this thread to post captions from the week I missed when I was on Spring Break. I'm working in reverse chronological order.

SmackDown! (3/11/04)

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CENA: Yo yo yoyoYOYO! If y'all ca--
FAN: Hey, John! Your wristband looks like poo! :rofl:
CENA: Sir, that's entirely uncalled for. I would appreciate an apology.

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John makes a mental note ("Buy Selsun Blue").

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In the background, Matt Morgan stifles a chuckle. He couldn't believe Noble still hadn't figured out that he'd shaved "Sheep ****er" in the back of his hair.

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Rey picked an inopportune time to perform a cartwheel.

...funeral arrangements are being made.

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Worst. DDT. Ever.

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The ref was puzzled. It sure LOOKED like Tajiri had given Richards a lowblow, but...he couldn't be sure.

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AKIO (thinking): Hmm... Who knew my bicep was so delicious?

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Rey and Jamie's "Well-Endowed-Man-Celebrating" costume would have been more convincing if Rey was facing the right way.

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EDDIE: Arriba la ra--
FAN: Hey, Eddie! Where's your mullet? :rofl:
EDDIE: :roll:

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KURT: Come, Brock. Come to the Plane-arium. The Plane-arium will give you all the knowledge you need to be a professional football player.
BROCK: Don't you mean Planetarium?
KURT: Yes. I said Plane-arium.

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EDDIE: Hey, Shelton! Let's do the Poetry in Motion!
SHELTON: Okay...
BELTY: No, Shelton, it's a trap!
EDDIE: Hee hee hee...

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Oh, I get it! Charlie Haas is giving us a rebus to describe Rock's upcoming Wrestlemania performance. Okay. "Russ." "T." "Russ T." "Rusty!"

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SHOW: I! HATE! SEVENS!

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WWE's experiment with running filters over their TV feeds to make them look more grainy, and therefore "classier" was a resounding failure.

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MUSIC: Wwwwwwwwwehhhhhll... It's the Big Sh--
FAN: Hey, Big Show! Hulk Hogan called! He wants his mustache back! :rofl:
SHOW: :mad:

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RIKISHI: Hehe... My left tit is bigger than your head.
SCOTTY: That's gross, dude...

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DOUG: Okay, be honest. I look cooler when I'm slouching and wearing my Russian WWE hat, right?

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DOUG: How does Kurt do this and make it look so cool...?

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When Paul fell asleep mid-promo, the SmackDown superstars held an informal meeting to try to decide on a course of action.

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BROCK: Show! You bought me a Power Wheels! You're my bestest friend in the whole wide world!

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GUIDE: And, if you'll look to the top of the ramp, we should see the arrival of an idiotic, washed-up, asshole who has held on to his WWE career for five years too long.
RIKISHI: Hey, Billy, why are you looking down?
BILLY: 'Kish, if I wanted to see that, I'd just turn my head slightly to the right.

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Steve "Mayor of San Francisco" Austin's new gimmick was met by resistance from the Bush administration.

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STEVE: I now pronounce you homo and homo.
JR: BAH GAWD STUNNE--
TAZZ: What the hell are you doing on our show?

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AUSTIN: Where's your wife...er...groom...?
SHOW: I ate him. What of it?

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AUSTIN: You have an enormous kid head hanging from the right side of your goatee. Lemme get that for you...

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PAUL: Oh, hey, when did you get a tattoo...?

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BROCK: NOOOOOOOO! MY POWER WHEELS!

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BROCK: YOU BIG MEANIE! BRING IT BACK!
PAUL: Let it go, Brock. It's done. Take a breath. You're going to pop that vein in your forehead.

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PAUL: ...and I thought that was just an expression.

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AUSTIN: So watch Wrestlemania XX, this Sunday night on PPV. This is Steve Austin saying "You're a homo!"

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Once again...he's full.

RAW (3/8/04)

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The Three Faces of Jacobs DVD didn't sell quite as well.

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Fortunately for the fans in the arena, Kane managed to catch the RPG shell before it destroyed the arena.

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This wasn't the ideal place to set up his new massage business, but no one had the heart to tell him.

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KANE (reading): "Property of the U.S. Government. Die, you multiracial liberal pantywaists!"

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The text itself isn't what frightened Kane. It was the sound of a dentist's drill in the background.

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Worst. Bulldog. Ever.

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MARK: For the last time, I am NOT The Host from "Angel!"
RVD: I'm so stoned...

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RVD: Dude, I just wanna feel your horns...
MARK: I'm not--

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CHRIS: Sure, grandma. Of course I appreciate the present. Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm glad you remembered I'm a wrestler now. Oh...yeah...absolutely. Hulk Hogan is still the biggest star in wrestling. Yeah, no, this Hulkamania t-shirt is going to make me really popular...

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RVD: Hey, Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat!

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HURRICANE: So...did you see the rabbit?
ROCK: No. That dude's so stoned...
ROSEY: He wasn't even wearing a hat.

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Moments later, the crowd got to see the first-ever Hurribamaslam.

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MATT: Ha ha! I had my fingers crossed!
CHRIS: Then...*sniff*...you won't be my best friend?

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CHRIS: So, yeah, there's a pressure point right here below the wrist.
SHAWN: I don't belie--GACK!

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Well, that vase is far too skinny. You won't be able to put more than a single flower in it.

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Lita was such an idiot. She tried to get out of the chokehold until Molly convinced her that her left forearm was a pull-up bar. Now, she thinks she's getting a good workout.

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MOLLY: Wait, Lita! I'm not Molly! I'm...a purse!
LITA: Oh, wow! I have a new purse!

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MOLLY: You don't need to raise a shoulder. That's not the referee counting you down. It's...the neighbors upstairs having sex!
LITA: Wow! Sounds like they're having fun.

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VICTORIA: Hi. I'm Victoria, here to tell you about Q-Tip brand Gigantic Invisible Ear Swabs...

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AUSTIN: Why do they call it a "pinky?" It's kinda...peachish.

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Reptile wins. Fatality.

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Y2J: There's something seriously wrong with this wheelbarrow...

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STACY: I once caught a fish that was this big!
JACKIE: I smell like fish!
*Long, awkward pause.*

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ROCK: What the--? Oh, right. You guys follow us around to tape what we do backstage. I forgot about that stuff...

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Much to the delight of wrestling purists everywhere, Miss Jackie walked into the giant fan blades.

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MICK: Okay, Rock, I know how much you like Ray Bradbury short stories, so I pulled some strings and got you--
ROCK: Don't tell me! My own Electric Grandmother?

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ROCK: Okay, you can shoot orange juice out of your fingers and produce kite string from your wrists...I want some pancakes, but I'm afraid to ask you for them.

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MICK: Yeah, and when I guest-starred on "He-Man"...I poked Tri-Klops right in the eye!

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Snuka was interrupted mid-promo by the Bengal tiger leaping through his chest.

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ROCK: Come on, Grandma! Get the tiger out of his chest!
GRANDMA: Hold on, dear. I'm re-charging...

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ROCK: Willie Garson?!? The Rock LOVED you on "Celebrity Poker Challenge!"

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Yet another guest of the WWE locker room fell for the old "I bet I can eat more marshmallows than you" gag.

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ROCK: Hey what's that sme--? MICK!

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When Mick Foley got a wedgie, the whole locker room would come out to help.

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Worst. Bearhug. Ever.

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VENDOR: Metamucil!
FLAIR: Over here!

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Rock, as is to be expected, missed his diving headbutt on Richards.

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MICK: Oh, yeah. This is why I retired...

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Team Cartwheel celebrates another victory.

:lol: :lol:

LMAO! Started off slow, but the RAW set got pretty hot.