Where in the World is...Perry Freakin' Saturn?
 

Wow, if he is dead Dean Malenko should really watch his ass.

Maybe he moved to Uranus.

funny (or not really I guess) you post this. I watached a new Terry Runnels shoot 2 weeks ago and she brought this up. She was calling out to him to get in touch with her if he happened to watch it.

kind of fucked up that nobody knows where he is

This is seriously the funniest thing I have read in a very long time.

Not trying to be a dick here, but I fail to see the humor. Being serious.

Don't get me wrong, I really hope he's okay. But a) it's not the least bit hard to imagine him wandering the desert with a mop. If this was somebody else the humor wouldn't come so easily, but just think of some of the goofy angles he found his way into. And b) the way that article comes across makes it sound like nobody is terribly concerned either way.

I mean, has anybody even checked his fucking house? There's no mention there that anybody is actively LOOKING for him, just some remarks that a lot of people wonder where he is. There's no "house appears deserted," no "not answering phone calls." My concern will rise when we start hearing of enigmatic text messages.

He's probably off saving the world. Because he's badass like that.

You have effectively proven that you don't distinguish real life with the world of professional wrestling (I will not call it "entertainment, Vince - fuck off).

"Some of his close friends believe he may not actually be alive, but no one has proof one way or another."

You really don't think his close friends would check his house before assuming that he might not be alive? It seems implied, with a statement like that, that they have taken all of the usual measures to locate him, including visiting his place of residence. Read between the lines, Tedious.

If he is dead somewhere and nobody fucking knows about it, that's pretty fucked up. If he's just hiding in Europe then fine. My point is you kind of come off as a dick in that post. That is all.

Saturn vs. Goldberg = Goldberg's 2nd or 3rd best match ever, btw.

I'm with Tedious. This came off as pretty hilarious at first.

Weird.

Where's Saturn folks? Can you see him? I can.

http://img368.imageshack.us/img368/7309/wallysw4.png

http://img520.imageshack.us/img520/5945/wallysw4et8.png
http://img520.imageshack.us/img520/w...png/1/w636.png
:D:D:D

This one's slightly more difficult

http://img208.imageshack.us/img208/2723/waldo2iu5.png

[QUOTE]Yeah, I get that well enough. But when you watch someone behave in the kinds of ways he has (a MOP for God's sake man,) it makes it easier (natural, even) to envision them that way outside of the ring. No, I don't seriously think he's off somewhere behaving in some bizzarre fashion a la his wrestling character. But the image comes easily.


Good reporting doesn't make you read between the lines. If this were the third update to an intial story, it would be different, as we would have other information on it to fall back on. And whether or not anyone has done any serious checking, we can't take from the posted words here that the people reported to be wondering about his current physical status have done anything to actually look into the matter. The fact is though that I have read between the lines on it. If I actually thought that nobody had, I would be outraged rather than amused.

And mine is that I was amused by the offhanded and indifferent way this information was presented in what was quoted, not that a man's life or death is an unknown status.

If I actually thought it was funny that he seems to be MIA, I'd have photoshopped his face onto a milk carton.

I know where he is. He re-enlisted with the Army Rangers and is tracking down Bin Laden as we speak.:cool:

So...They're so concerned they only seem to discuss it when gathered at a funeral.

"Sorry about your loss...Have you seen Perry Saturn?"

The presentation of this was odd. I understand what Tedious is getting at, though I was more drawn in by the way the report says they believe he's "not alive" instead of dead, as though there was a third option or something.

And you really would think that even tabloid journalists would actually state that he hasn't been home, or that people went to the Police, or whatever. It also seems odd they're going to Meltzer.

Anyway, is this actually in the Observer? This seems dubious, even absurd. And no, I don't wish any ill of Saturn. Though I certainly am a dick, and will prove it by mocking Fox's reading between the lines. Pretty sure that's where he finds his conspiracy theories.

...OMG...Perry Saturn was behind 9-11!

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e2...arl/saturn.jpg

It is hallowe'en...

I read he got shot in the neck three times while trying to stop an attempted rape years ago, apart from that, I hope he finds peace, he was a good bloke, from what I know, which isn't much AT ALL.

I fail to see the humour in the situation. If your best friends don't know where you are, you are either in dire trouble, or saving the world from an alien invasion. Saturn is cool enough to do the latter, and I hope that is the case.

This is an odd situation :-\

And maybe fake. Has this been confirmed? I didn't see it on the WO webpage, but I'm not a premium member.

Kinda hoping it's fake, TBH. At least in this case, it's quite possible that it is.

I don't think so, it's not the first time it's been reported that Saturn has been unreachable. I read a few reports around the time of Benoit's death that nobody knew where Saturn was nowadays. I assume that as an apparent friend, or at least close co-worker, of Benoit's, he was a sought-after interviewee at the time but nobody spoke to him. I remember reading at least one report saying there were concerns about him, as no one knew where he was.

He also no-showed an Eliminators reunion at Hardcore Homecoming (or some such show) back in 2005(?) and hasn't been on a wrestling card since,m to my knowledge.

It was reported when his Eliminators partner John Kronus died too (which was around the same time as Benoit anyway, I believe).

The odd situation is that Kane Knight and I seem to be the only ones on the same damn wavelength here.

He isn't dead, though, IMO. People don't just go missing without anyone noticing. Is he married? He must have some family out there. He's got a kid, I believe. He has obviously simply cut himself off completely from the wrestling business... probably a wise move, too.

Somewhere in a Montana grocery store........

Customer: Hey! Are you-

Saturn: No.

Customer: Yeah you are! You're the guy who had the-

Saturn: No.

Customer: -mop! C'mon! Do it!

Saturn: .....no....

Customer: C'MON man! Give me a-

Saturn: ...Here are your groceries. Have a nice day.

Customer: ....thanks....

Saturn: You're welco-.... DAMMIT!

Customer: HAH!

I was kindof thinking that. No reports on some major sites...and I haven't seen it on the news or anything...I mean you'd think there's be a report SOMEWHERE.

But you have to remember he like lives out in a cabin out in the woods last I read. So him not talking to people or not being noticed missing isn't that out there. I'm sure he'll pop up (I hope). Maybe he went hunting or something.

He's divorce, I believe.

The prior "reports" were also sketchy and seemed largely based on rumour than any real, tangible concerned. It was more a Noid assumption than hard-hitting journalism.

I like to think, that given his background, he was called back into service for a top secret mission to save te world!

Unless Saturn has saved every penny he's made, or now has a high paying job, chances are he will still be readily accepting WWE's royalty checks. And if WWE are still sending money his way, they must be in contact with him of some description.

If sources within WWE were concerned, then I'd be more inclined to believe that he could be missing. But as the only people worried are a bunch of independant/retired guys who haven't heard from him, in a business often (or always) depicted by the wrestlers themselves as a profession in which best friends can often go decades without seeing or talking to each other, then I'm inclined to believe he's out there somewhere, his back turned to the business, atrempting a normal life.

Plus, in a business full of douchebags, is it surprising someone would turn his back on everyone?

Anyway, they might not notice anything if Saturn stopped taking their money. Something like that can actually go unnoticed for years in a business, let alone a corporation the size and scope of WWE. That is, unless the Police or other body were notified and checked in with WWE. That's assuming the cops cared enough to do that, and assuming Saturns friends are doing more than water cooler gossip. While neither is particularly impossible, I sure wouldn't assume that it went down like that.

Though I'm not sure I can imagine a missing persons search involving Meltzer or anyone with any ties to the business wouldn't try and shake some official trees.

A lot of people have disappeared in the wrestling biz. Anyone know where Shawn Stasiak is? I say we get KayfabeMan & The Gang on this case.

Shawn Stasiak works as a chiropractor or some shit and still takes occasional indy bookings.

I guess you could say that Carl cracked the case.