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**loopydate** · 09-26-2005, 11:30 PM

The Opening

The opening segment is a video package, highlighting RAW's history on USA (particularly the "Attitude Era" that took place on that network).

Pyro goes off, and JR, King, and Coach hype up the biggest ni--

But they're interrupted by the sound of...bagpipes? The crowd erupts for Roddy Piper, who enters the ring, which has been set up for Piper's Pit.

Piper's Pit

Piper cuts a short promo about tonight being a homecoming. Dozens of legends in the back, but the one they all came to see was the Hot Rod. Tires squeal, and another huge pop for Mick Foley! Foley comes out and says its great to be back in...Dallas, Texas! Shill shill shill book book book joke about "skirts."

"I spit in da face of people who don't wanna be cool!" Booooooooooo. Carlito comes out and gets in Foley's face. "You got a new book out, Mick. You know, Carlito read Scooter. And let Carlito tell you, Mick...it was not cool. And coming out on Carlito's show and shilling it? Das not cool." He then turns on Piper, who has been chuckling at the diatribe. Carlito tells him off for stealing Carlito's thunder and calling the Pit a Cabana ripoff. Carlito goes back to Foley, but Piper hits him upside the head with an apple. Piper puts the boots to Carlito until Chris Masters runs in!

Masters knocks Piper aside, then turns his attention to Foley. Master Lock! Foley struggles, but Masters has it cinched in. Piper comes back to get revenge, but Carlito takes him down. Fade to a commercial as Carlito and Masters stand triumphant.

After the break, JR says that due to the events in the Pit, a tag team match has been signed for later tonight, Roddy Piper and Mick Foley vs. Carlito and Chris Masters!

Backstage Segment

Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch are in their locker room, with Cade psyching Murdoch up for their Tag Title elimination match tonight. There's a knock at the door, and someone comes in. Cade and Murdoch look at whoever it is with a look of disgust on their faces. The camera pans over to reveal...Hillbilly Jim! Insert hillbilly/redneck humor here. Hillbilly leaves and Murdoch turns to Cade. "I always hated that guy."

Bra & Panties Match - Trish & Ashley vs. Victoria, Torrie & Candice

Blah blah blah, the heels get undressed, Trish & Ashley celebrate. Etc. Commercial break.

Tag Team Title Elimination Match - Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch (c) vs. The Hurricane & Rosey vs. Val Venis & Viscera vs. The Heart Throbs

Pretty standard stuff here. Cade and Murdoch are the last team standing after beating Hurricane & Rosey.

Backstage Segment

Eugene is walking down a hallway, when he suddenly gasps. The camera pans over to reveal...Koko B. Ware! The crowd doesn't know how to react. Eugene and Koko do the Bird for a couple of laughs, then Eugene is on his way. "WHOA! Greg 'The Hammer' Valentine!" Sure enough, there's the Hammer himself. Eugene talks about Valentine's career accomplishments and whatnot. You know, typical Eugene stuff. Then, some comedy stuff with Jim Duggan. Notice a trend? He walks on a bit more, and...oh, dear God. It's Mae and Moolah. Eugene talks about Moolah holding the Women's Title "Longer than I've been alive!" Mae tries to make out with him. Ha ha ha. Sigh.

Interview Segment

Maria is with Ric Flair (for, what, the eleventh week in a row?). Flair again promises that Triple H will be here tonight and that the time has finally come to deal with Carlito and Chris Masters. He turns to leave, and there's...HARLEY FUCKING RACE! They go into a staredown. Harley then smirks. "Good luck."

Money In The Bank/Loser Leaves RAW/Ladder Match - Matt Hardy vs. Edge

The ladder is set up at ringside, and the briefcase is swinging above the ring. Edge comes to the ring with Lita. Edge eyes the briefcase. "Whoa yeaaaaaaaaaaah." Matt comes to the ring, but doesn't get in right away. He walks around to the other side of the ring and gets the mic from Lilian. He says that he may have nothing to lose, but he's not stupid. He knows why Lita is ringside: to cost him his job again. But he went out and he found out someone to even the score. Thirteen year old girls scream for Jeff. "Yeah, I found myself someone who's no stranger to putting his body on the line." More screams. "Supe--supe--superfly!" The smarks go nuts, and most of the marks follow suit. It's Jimmy Snuka! BAH GAWD SLOBBERKNOCKER! Commercial break.

The match is underway after the break, and the two put on a heck of a show. Since he's trying to entice more viewers back, Vince loosens the leash a bit and lets these two go nuts. All kinds of brutal ladder spots, with some chair and table stuff thrown in for good measure. When it all comes down to it, though, Matt is about to reach for the case, when Lita gets in the ring and tips over the ladder. Snuka goes to confront her, but gets Speared. Edge sets up the ladder and, while Lita holds Matt's ankle, grabs the briefcase. Matt Hardy has lost his job...again! Edge is still Mister Money In The Bank. Commercial break.

Backstage Segment

Matt Hardy is dejected. He's smashing up everything in his path. Finally, he's calmed down by...Teddy Long? "Listen, playa, you had a lot of bad luck lately, but things are lookin' up. You lost yo job with RAW, true, but there's always a place for you on Friday Night SmackDown. Ya feel me?"

SmackDown Match - Batista/The Undertaker/Chris Benoit/Eddie Guerrero vs. JBL/Randy Orton/Orlando Jordan/Christian

Just a hunch, but I bet Teddy will announce something along these lines on FNS this week. The match is basically one big clusterfuck. All the current feuds get played out to hype No Mercy, and in the end everybody gets disqualified. After the match, the heels (with help from "Cowby" Bob Orton) take advantage, and all that's left in the ring is the heels vs. Undertaker. Taker is taking a beating until the ramp erupts with pyro. Kane stalks to the ring, and the heels scatter. Kane and UT stare each other down. "This is spooky." No shit, JR.

Backstage Segment

Jimmy Hart is talking to someone on the phone when he's approached by...the Con Man! Conway talks himself up, saying that the Mouth of the South has nothing on the Con Man. "I mean, just look at me!" I'm lookin' atcha, daddy, etc. etc. Basically, Conway tells Hart that he can beat anybody that Hart can come up with. And he'll be waiting in the ring. Commercial break.

Rob Conway's Open Challenge

Conway is in the ring, when Jimmy Hart comes out. He talks for a bit about tonight being Homecoming and tonight, daddy, he's gonna take on one of the biggest stars in the world. "Real American" hits, and the crowd goes ape-poopy. Conway tries to get out of it, but he doesn't stand a chance against Hulk Hogan! Conway tries to ambush him before the bell, but Hogan hulks up, hits the boot, and the legdrop. Easy win for the Hulkster. BAH GAWD IT'S A HOMECOMING! Indeed.

30-Minute Iron Man Match - Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle

What more can be said about these two guys? They're going to put on a phenomenal match. Angle wins it to keep his contender momentum alive. Let's say, oh, 3-2 with the bell sounding as HBK pins Angle after a superkick, but before the ref's hand hits a third time. Commercial break (to go with the two that happen during the match).

More legends!

Panning the crowd, the camera spots Superstar Billy Graham, Chief Jay Strongbow, and Nikolai Volkoff. Yep. That's all they get. Sorry, fellas, but there's still an Austin and HHH segment to come.

Mick Foley & Roddy Piper vs. Carlito & Chris Masters

Pretty standard stuff, with the heels cutting off the ring from Foley and Piper. Finally, Foley goes to make a tag, but Piper...steps down! Piper walks out on his partner, yelling something about Foley's joke from earlier. BAH GAWD BETRAYAL! Commercial break.

When we come back, Carlito and Masters have taken firm control of the match, double-teaming the hell out of Mick. Mick manages to clear out Carlito, but winds up in the Masterlock again! "IF YA SMEEEEEEEEEEEELL!" The crowd just goes nuts. It's the Rock & Sock Connection! ROCK WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TA BE HERE, KING! Rock enters the ring and lays out Masters, freeing Foley. Rock goes to the apron and gets the hot tag. Punch punch spit punch. Rock Bottom on Masters! Rock Bottom on Carlito! People's Elbow! One! Two! Three! BAH GAWD HOM-- Yeah, we get it.

Rock & Sock celebrate, but are suddenly blindsided by Carlito and Masters, each wielding chairs. They pound the living crap out of Rocky and Mick until Motorhead hits the speakers and, for the first time since...well, since his last flip-flop face turn, the crowd goes nuts for Triple H! He and Flair come to the ring, wielding sledgehammers. Carlito and Masters duck and cover, and HHH and Flair help Rock and Mick to their feet. BAH GAWD! FOUR OF THE GREATEST--NO! DAMMIT, WHY? Triple H and Flair suddenly turn on Rock & Sock, obliterating them with the sledgehammers. Carlito and Masters re-enter the ring, and the foursome continue the beating.

Flair grabs a microphone. "WOOOOOOO!" He talks about being the dirtiest player in the game and, once again, everybody fell for it. Carlito wasn't kidding when he said there was a youth movement going on. Carlito and Masters are the future of this business, and he and Hunter wanted to get in on the ground floor. They did this once before, and molded two World Champions out of two up-and-comers. This time around, the sky's the limit.

Hunter grabs the mic and...well, we know what he's going to talk about. Commercial.

WWE Title Match - John Cena (c) vs. Eric Bischoff

Cena gets in a bunch of early offense until a remarkably convenient ref bump. Cena continues to pound on Bischoff until...Knockout Boot by Tyson Tomko! Tomko beats Cena up for a bit, then drags Bischoff on top of him. The referee rolls over to make the count. One! Two! BAH GAWD CENA KICKS OUT! Cena gets in some more offense. Tomko again tries to get involved, but gets an F-U for his trouble. Cena again tries to get the win, but the referee is dragged out of the ring by Snitsky! Snitsky hits the big kick on Cena, and we re-do the earlier bit, but this time..."WEEEEEEEELL!" Big Show runs out and chokeslams Snitsky! The ref has come to once again, and sees Show in the ring. He forces him out, which distracts Cena (and the referee). Bischoff grabs a steel chair. He swings it at Cena, and nails him right between the eyes, just as the referee turns around! He calls for the bell, disqualifying Bischoff.

Bischoff looks appalled, but then gets a sick look in his eye. By this point, Tomko and Snitsky have sufficiently double-teamed Big Show, giving Bischoff the opportunity to repeatedly blast Cena with the chair. Over and over again. And he's a bloody mess! Bischoff makes a motion to the locker room.

IT'S EDGE! IT'S EDGE! He comes running down to the ring and hands Bischoff the Money In The Bank briefcase. Cena staggers to his feet just as Bischoff signals the timekeeper to ring the bell. Cena turns right into...A SPEAR! NO, DAMMIT! ONE! TWO! THREE! NEW CHAMPION! MAY GOD SAVE US ALL!

Edge and Bischoff celebrate with the belt, and the crowd is absolutely hating this. Suddenly...GLASS SHATTERS! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! BAH GAWD! IT'S STONE COLD! MAH LIFE IS COMPLETE! AH CAN DIE HAPPY NOW!

Austin hits the ring. Doles out a couple of Stunners. Drinks beer. Etc. BAH GAWD, IT'S A NEW ERA! Fade to black.

Unfortunately, there are a bunch of guys that I just couldn't fit into the show (even if it is three hours long). So, my virtual apologies to Danny Basham, Johnny Parisi, Kerwin White, Matt Striker, Rene Dupree, Rob Van Dam (get healthy NOW!), Shelton Benjamin (the one I feel really bad about), and Tajiri. Heck, even Todd Grisham got snubbed!

===============

Okay, so that's my show. I know it's probably a bitch to read, but I have a lot of time on my hands. Thoughts would be appreciated.

09-26-2005, 11:30 PM	#16
loopydate FIT Challenge Slag People Posts: 13,816	The Opening The opening segment is a video package, highlighting RAW's history on USA (particularly the "Attitude Era" that took place on that network). Pyro goes off, and JR, King, and Coach hype up the biggest ni-- But they're interrupted by the sound of...bagpipes? The crowd erupts for Roddy Piper, who enters the ring, which has been set up for Piper's Pit. Piper's Pit Piper cuts a short promo about tonight being a homecoming. Dozens of legends in the back, but the one they all came to see was the Hot Rod. Tires squeal, and another huge pop for Mick Foley! Foley comes out and says its great to be back in...Dallas, Texas! Shill shill shill book book book joke about "skirts." "I spit in da face of people who don't wanna be cool!" Booooooooooo. Carlito comes out and gets in Foley's face. "You got a new book out, Mick. You know, Carlito read Scooter. And let Carlito tell you, Mick...it was not cool. And coming out on Carlito's show and shilling it? Das not cool." He then turns on Piper, who has been chuckling at the diatribe. Carlito tells him off for stealing Carlito's thunder and calling the Pit a Cabana ripoff. Carlito goes back to Foley, but Piper hits him upside the head with an apple. Piper puts the boots to Carlito until Chris Masters runs in! Masters knocks Piper aside, then turns his attention to Foley. Master Lock! Foley struggles, but Masters has it cinched in. Piper comes back to get revenge, but Carlito takes him down. Fade to a commercial as Carlito and Masters stand triumphant. After the break, JR says that due to the events in the Pit, a tag team match has been signed for later tonight, Roddy Piper and Mick Foley vs. Carlito and Chris Masters! Backstage Segment Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch are in their locker room, with Cade psyching Murdoch up for their Tag Title elimination match tonight. There's a knock at the door, and someone comes in. Cade and Murdoch look at whoever it is with a look of disgust on their faces. The camera pans over to reveal...Hillbilly Jim! Insert hillbilly/redneck humor here. Hillbilly leaves and Murdoch turns to Cade. "I always hated that guy." Bra & Panties Match - Trish & Ashley vs. Victoria, Torrie & Candice Blah blah blah, the heels get undressed, Trish & Ashley celebrate. Etc. Commercial break. Tag Team Title Elimination Match - Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch (c) vs. The Hurricane & Rosey vs. Val Venis & Viscera vs. The Heart Throbs Pretty standard stuff here. Cade and Murdoch are the last team standing after beating Hurricane & Rosey. Backstage Segment Eugene is walking down a hallway, when he suddenly gasps. The camera pans over to reveal...Koko B. Ware! The crowd doesn't know how to react. Eugene and Koko do the Bird for a couple of laughs, then Eugene is on his way. "WHOA! Greg 'The Hammer' Valentine!" Sure enough, there's the Hammer himself. Eugene talks about Valentine's career accomplishments and whatnot. You know, typical Eugene stuff. Then, some comedy stuff with Jim Duggan. Notice a trend? He walks on a bit more, and...oh, dear God. It's Mae and Moolah. Eugene talks about Moolah holding the Women's Title "Longer than I've been alive!" Mae tries to make out with him. Ha ha ha. Sigh. Interview Segment Maria is with Ric Flair (for, what, the eleventh week in a row?). Flair again promises that Triple H will be here tonight and that the time has finally come to deal with Carlito and Chris Masters. He turns to leave, and there's...HARLEY FUCKING RACE! They go into a staredown. Harley then smirks. "Good luck." Money In The Bank/Loser Leaves RAW/Ladder Match - Matt Hardy vs. Edge The ladder is set up at ringside, and the briefcase is swinging above the ring. Edge comes to the ring with Lita. Edge eyes the briefcase. "Whoa yeaaaaaaaaaaah." Matt comes to the ring, but doesn't get in right away. He walks around to the other side of the ring and gets the mic from Lilian. He says that he may have nothing to lose, but he's not stupid. He knows why Lita is ringside: to cost him his job again. But he went out and he found out someone to even the score. Thirteen year old girls scream for Jeff. "Yeah, I found myself someone who's no stranger to putting his body on the line." More screams. "Supe--supe--superfly!" The smarks go nuts, and most of the marks follow suit. It's Jimmy Snuka! BAH GAWD SLOBBERKNOCKER! Commercial break. The match is underway after the break, and the two put on a heck of a show. Since he's trying to entice more viewers back, Vince loosens the leash a bit and lets these two go nuts. All kinds of brutal ladder spots, with some chair and table stuff thrown in for good measure. When it all comes down to it, though, Matt is about to reach for the case, when Lita gets in the ring and tips over the ladder. Snuka goes to confront her, but gets Speared. Edge sets up the ladder and, while Lita holds Matt's ankle, grabs the briefcase. Matt Hardy has lost his job...again! Edge is still Mister Money In The Bank. Commercial break. Backstage Segment Matt Hardy is dejected. He's smashing up everything in his path. Finally, he's calmed down by...Teddy Long? "Listen, playa, you had a lot of bad luck lately, but things are lookin' up. You lost yo job with RAW, true, but there's always a place for you on Friday Night SmackDown. Ya feel me?" SmackDown Match - Batista/The Undertaker/Chris Benoit/Eddie Guerrero vs. JBL/Randy Orton/Orlando Jordan/Christian Just a hunch, but I bet Teddy will announce something along these lines on FNS this week. The match is basically one big clusterfuck. All the current feuds get played out to hype No Mercy, and in the end everybody gets disqualified. After the match, the heels (with help from "Cowby" Bob Orton) take advantage, and all that's left in the ring is the heels vs. Undertaker. Taker is taking a beating until the ramp erupts with pyro. Kane stalks to the ring, and the heels scatter. Kane and UT stare each other down. "This is spooky." No shit, JR. Backstage Segment Jimmy Hart is talking to someone on the phone when he's approached by...the Con Man! Conway talks himself up, saying that the Mouth of the South has nothing on the Con Man. "I mean, just look at me!" I'm lookin' atcha, daddy, etc. etc. Basically, Conway tells Hart that he can beat anybody that Hart can come up with. And he'll be waiting in the ring. Commercial break. Rob Conway's Open Challenge Conway is in the ring, when Jimmy Hart comes out. He talks for a bit about tonight being Homecoming and tonight, daddy, he's gonna take on one of the biggest stars in the world. "Real American" hits, and the crowd goes ape-poopy. Conway tries to get out of it, but he doesn't stand a chance against Hulk Hogan! Conway tries to ambush him before the bell, but Hogan hulks up, hits the boot, and the legdrop. Easy win for the Hulkster. BAH GAWD IT'S A HOMECOMING! Indeed. 30-Minute Iron Man Match - Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle What more can be said about these two guys? They're going to put on a phenomenal match. Angle wins it to keep his contender momentum alive. Let's say, oh, 3-2 with the bell sounding as HBK pins Angle after a superkick, but before the ref's hand hits a third time. Commercial break (to go with the two that happen during the match). More legends! Panning the crowd, the camera spots Superstar Billy Graham, Chief Jay Strongbow, and Nikolai Volkoff. Yep. That's all they get. Sorry, fellas, but there's still an Austin and HHH segment to come. Mick Foley & Roddy Piper vs. Carlito & Chris Masters Pretty standard stuff, with the heels cutting off the ring from Foley and Piper. Finally, Foley goes to make a tag, but Piper...steps down! Piper walks out on his partner, yelling something about Foley's joke from earlier. BAH GAWD BETRAYAL! Commercial break. When we come back, Carlito and Masters have taken firm control of the match, double-teaming the hell out of Mick. Mick manages to clear out Carlito, but winds up in the Masterlock again! "IF YA SMEEEEEEEEEEEELL!" The crowd just goes nuts. It's the Rock & Sock Connection! ROCK WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TA BE HERE, KING! Rock enters the ring and lays out Masters, freeing Foley. Rock goes to the apron and gets the hot tag. Punch punch spit punch. Rock Bottom on Masters! Rock Bottom on Carlito! People's Elbow! One! Two! Three! BAH GAWD HOM-- Yeah, we get it. Rock & Sock celebrate, but are suddenly blindsided by Carlito and Masters, each wielding chairs. They pound the living crap out of Rocky and Mick until Motorhead hits the speakers and, for the first time since...well, since his last flip-flop face turn, the crowd goes nuts for Triple H! He and Flair come to the ring, wielding sledgehammers. Carlito and Masters duck and cover, and HHH and Flair help Rock and Mick to their feet. BAH GAWD! FOUR OF THE GREATEST--NO! DAMMIT, WHY? Triple H and Flair suddenly turn on Rock & Sock, obliterating them with the sledgehammers. Carlito and Masters re-enter the ring, and the foursome continue the beating. Flair grabs a microphone. "WOOOOOOO!" He talks about being the dirtiest player in the game and, once again, everybody fell for it. Carlito wasn't kidding when he said there was a youth movement going on. Carlito and Masters are the future of this business, and he and Hunter wanted to get in on the ground floor. They did this once before, and molded two World Champions out of two up-and-comers. This time around, the sky's the limit. Hunter grabs the mic and...well, we know what he's going to talk about. Commercial. WWE Title Match - John Cena (c) vs. Eric Bischoff Cena gets in a bunch of early offense until a remarkably convenient ref bump. Cena continues to pound on Bischoff until...Knockout Boot by Tyson Tomko! Tomko beats Cena up for a bit, then drags Bischoff on top of him. The referee rolls over to make the count. One! Two! BAH GAWD CENA KICKS OUT! Cena gets in some more offense. Tomko again tries to get involved, but gets an F-U for his trouble. Cena again tries to get the win, but the referee is dragged out of the ring by Snitsky! Snitsky hits the big kick on Cena, and we re-do the earlier bit, but this time..."WEEEEEEEELL!" Big Show runs out and chokeslams Snitsky! The ref has come to once again, and sees Show in the ring. He forces him out, which distracts Cena (and the referee). Bischoff grabs a steel chair. He swings it at Cena, and nails him right between the eyes, just as the referee turns around! He calls for the bell, disqualifying Bischoff. Bischoff looks appalled, but then gets a sick look in his eye. By this point, Tomko and Snitsky have sufficiently double-teamed Big Show, giving Bischoff the opportunity to repeatedly blast Cena with the chair. Over and over again. And he's a bloody mess! Bischoff makes a motion to the locker room. IT'S EDGE! IT'S EDGE! He comes running down to the ring and hands Bischoff the Money In The Bank briefcase. Cena staggers to his feet just as Bischoff signals the timekeeper to ring the bell. Cena turns right into...A SPEAR! NO, DAMMIT! ONE! TWO! THREE! NEW CHAMPION! MAY GOD SAVE US ALL! Edge and Bischoff celebrate with the belt, and the crowd is absolutely hating this. Suddenly...GLASS SHATTERS! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! BAH GAWD! IT'S STONE COLD! MAH LIFE IS COMPLETE! AH CAN DIE HAPPY NOW! Austin hits the ring. Doles out a couple of Stunners. Drinks beer. Etc. BAH GAWD, IT'S A NEW ERA! Fade to black. Unfortunately, there are a bunch of guys that I just couldn't fit into the show (even if it is three hours long). So, my virtual apologies to Danny Basham, Johnny Parisi, Kerwin White, Matt Striker, Rene Dupree, Rob Van Dam (get healthy NOW!), Shelton Benjamin (the one I feel really bad about), and Tajiri. Heck, even Todd Grisham got snubbed! =============== Okay, so that's my show. I know it's probably a bitch to read, but I have a lot of time on my hands. Thoughts would be appreciated.