FADE IN
INT. ARENA
Tazz and Michael Cole at the announce table. They don't realize the camera is on.
TAZZ: And then I said, "Yeah, Steph. It was Sean O'Haire who kept calling your Honeymoon Suite!"
He busts up laughing, and Cole joins in, until he notices the camera.
COLE: Oh, shit. Um...Josh?
CUT TO
INT. BACKSTAGE
Josh Mathews stands outside of a locker room with the Caption Crew logo on the door.
JOSH: Michael, I'm here outside the Caption Crew locker room.
TAZZ: No shit...
COLE: Tazz!
JOSH: After the brutal attack on Loose Cannon by the Crew, and Cannon's subsequent challenge to loopydate, Nowhere Man, and their apparent leader, Corkscrewed, what must the Crew be thinking? I'm hoping to catch loopydate before he hits the ring for tonight's round of captions.
The door opens. Loopydate exits the locker room, chuckling about something.
JOSH: Loopydate, could I talk to you for a minute?
LOOPY: Josh, I have captions to take care of, and I think people are getting tired of this part of the story. I mean, sure, the Sean O'Haire thing was funny, but...
JOSH: What?
LOOPY: Never mind. What's on your mind, Josh?
JOSH: I just wanted to know the Crew's reaction to Loose Cannon's challenge.
LOOPY: You know what? I didn't join the Crew to pick fights with Loose Cannon. I'm here because I like what Cork and NM represent. If Cannon wants to start throwing around insults like...um...
JOSH: Baseballs?
LOOPY: Shut up. Yeah, he'll get his, but I really hope the STUPID NOOBs are watching.
JOSH: Why's that?
LOOPY: Oh, you'll see...
He leaves to go do captions.
BROCK: Okay, cameraman. We all thought it was funny when you wore the "Baby Brock" t-shirt to the run-down meeting, but it's not funny anymore. Take it off.
(Adding to Cork's caption from earlier: Rey certainly
looks up to Brock.)
Brock could only chuckle. Putting a Rey Mysterio mask on the Big Show, then leading him to the quicksand pit was the best prank EVER!
RHYNO: Udnudnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
COLE: What the hell is he doing, Tazz?
TAZZ: He's riding his imaginary motorcycle, Cole!
RHYNO: Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt! Pksh!
TAZZ: Oh, no! He crashed!
Worst. Clothesline From Hell. Ever.
IDIOT CROWD: CKN! CKN! CKN!
Orlando knew he could make money by selling copies of his new book
How I Killed the McMahon Family but he didn't expect THIS kind of demand!
This was the last time WWE allowed cows to run the TitanTron.
The Bradshaw tragedy from a few weeks ago still on his mind, A-Train still managed to botch the Giant Swing, adding Shannon Moore to his list of victims.
REF: One...singular sensation...
Nathan Jones was such a dick. Can you believe he hotfooted Matt Morgan before he left?
CAT (reading): Somebody better call my mama...this angle sucks?"
The Cat always got a kick out of Sable's Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel impression.
SABLE: Hey, looka that pointy-hairded little girl!
It all started as a harmless Thumb War until Chavo accidentally worked Eddie's thumb too stiff...
EDDIE: Chavito, "riding someone's coattails" is an expression. You don't have to really do it,
ese.
After the face-first gorilla press slam and vertical splash, Charlie Haas revealed himself to be...Ultimate Warrior V2.0!
HAAS/WARRIOR: I must partake of your pedal coverings to maintain the necessary ration of destrucity, Little Warrior.
CHAVO:
HAAS/WARRIOR: Come back, Hogan! We're not finished yet!
EDDIE:
EDDIE: I'll catch you,
ese!
CHAVO: With one hand?
Eddie found the giant chocolate donut, which belonged to...
...and he wasn't happy.
Big Show winced. Sure, he may be wearing black sox, but his tights were about to be a totally different color.
SHOW: What does Big Slow mean? I don't get it!
Cena grew tired of making up his own raps, so he let the crowd do it. Over the unintelligible din, the only line that was understandable was "Big Show's a big dumb loser."
SHOW: Hey, no fair! How come Brock gets a microphone and the other fans don't?
BROCK: I...want...your...Christmas tights!
The referee was nervous, but he was ready. He'd show 'em. Referees can limbo just as well as anyone!
BROCK: Mister Ref? Rey's head got in my mouth and I ate it, can I have another one?
REF: No, Brock. Just sit quietly and sleep.
BROCK: Oh, boy! Sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!
That bastard Benoit! The doctors never were able to get Brock's jaw hinged just right.
Brock wondered if Shaniqua needed a left arm, too...
BROCK: Fa ha meh mah!
(Translation: ****ing Benoit!)